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That would be spectacular aim. I have many talents, however acurately crapping into a 20mm hole isn't one of them.

 Buttery Commissar wrote:
That would be spectacular aim. I have many talents, however acurately crapping into a 20mm hole isn't one of them.

I would have used a funnel.

No this is BC. If he tried something would have happened, like lightning would have struck, shot through the can and launched him out the roof!

 Shadow Captain Edithae wrote:

 Buttery Commissar wrote:
That would be spectacular aim. I have many talents, however acurately crapping into a 20mm hole isn't one of them.

I would have used a funnel.

I couldn't afford soda, I certainly couldn't afford to buy tools to elaborately gak in it.

One of my friends did worse to his own spaghetti once he found out it was being stolen.

Oh, do elaborate. I want all the gory details.

 Shadow Captain Edithae wrote:
Oh, do elaborate. I want all the gory details.

Oh yes, there will be blood.

I really wish I hadn't brought it up, because I don't want to type this.
He got drunk, put the dried spaghetti one at a time into his... firehose... then placed them all back in the packet.

I'm not sure who was really being punished there.

 Buttery Commissar wrote:
I really wish I hadn't brought it up, because I don't want to type this.
He got drunk, put the dried spaghetti one at a time into his... firehose... then placed them all back in the packet.

I'm not sure who was really being punished there.

Didn't see this coming a mile away.

Heh. I'm unaware if there's a precedent for people doing that, it's not something I was previously introduced to.

I wasn't there, the entire thing scares me.

You must have kicked a puppy in your past life, Buttery. I mean seriously, you seem to experience the strangest phenomenon very frequently.

Buttery, it's a wonder you aren't rocking in a corner somewhere hugging yourself in a white jacket! Damn. Glad we can be a sounding board here for you-sounds like it's useful!!

 Buttery Commissar wrote:
Heh. I'm unaware if there's a precedent for people doing that, it's not something I was previously introduced to.

I wasn't there, the entire thing scares me.

 Tactical_Spam wrote:
You must have kicked a puppy in your past life, Buttery. I mean seriously, you seem to experience the strangest phenomenon very frequently.

Until a few short years ago, I honestly didn't realise that this wasn't how life just is for everyone. I'm still not wholy convinced.


I'm not unhappy.

 Tactical_Spam wrote:
You must have kicked a puppy in your past life, Buttery. I mean seriously, you seem to experience the strangest phenomenon very frequently.

Pretty sure that's me. He goes through odd occurrences. I go through really bad ones. I don't have as many interesting stories to tell. Just the two or so with roommates.

@buttery commissar: I honestly feel like we should be IRL friends living together just so I could see some of the weird **** you go through firsthand. Who knows? Maybe our odd luck streak will combine into something truly horrifying but make great stories. On the positive side I also was an imperial guard player from about 2007-2009 or so and have all the stuff (3k points or so). I don't play them anymore so I'd totally let you borrow them whenever you wished. Dunno how legit most of the stuff is in 7th edition 40k with the way the current game is.

I generally lend some of my used stuff I never use anymore. You should've seen how much my cousin played on my xbox 360 when I let him use it. I'm guessing he had it at least 6-9 months. His 360 red-ringed so I let him use mine. Oddly mine was an old version and it never red-ringed even once to this day.

Also Buttery I have to ask if your food was getting stolen in the cabinet was there no way to get a lock for it? Seriously it shouldn't have been that hard or expensive to do so.

 Buttery Commissar wrote:
Heh. I'm unaware if there's a precedent for people doing that, it's not something I was previously introduced to.

I wasn't there, the entire thing scares me.

From a discussion I had with a nurse once, people put things up there more often than you'd think.

There was a medical story once about a guy watching porn. The guys in the movies were putting Q-tip in themselves, then when they climaxed they'd shoot them out.

The guy watching wanted to try it, but had no Q-tips. He substituted a glass swizzle stick from his hotel mini-bar. After insertion and playing with himself the glass broke. As he lost his erection the jagged end still inside him pierced out the side of his penis. They had to surgically remove more than a dozen pieces of broken glass from inside him.

 cuda1179 wrote:
There was a medical story once about a guy watching porn. The guys in the movies were putting Q-tip in themselves, then when they climaxed they'd shoot them out.

The guy watching wanted to try it, but had no Q-tips. He substituted a glass swizzle stick from his hotel mini-bar. After insertion and playing with himself the glass broke. As he lost his erection the jagged end still inside him pierced out the side of his penis. They had to surgically remove more than a dozen pieces of broken glass from inside him.

Some people are so stupid they kind of should be dead. I find Darwin Awards rather disgusting and insulting but I mean come on. Seriously sometimes you just want to let nature run it's course.

Despite instigating it, I think that's roughly enough stories about things going where they shouldn't.

I'm done with roomies and flat mates. I now live on my own in the countryside in a house that shares one wall with next door and very little else. My previous neighbour would take some writing out.

 A Town Called Malus wrote:

 Buttery Commissar wrote:
Heh. I'm unaware if there's a precedent for people doing that, it's not something I was previously introduced to.

I wasn't there, the entire thing scares me.

From a discussion I had with a nurse once, people put things up there more often than you'd think.

My mate's wife is a nurse, I can confirm she says the frequency of that and the other hole are "astounding". The funniest one she's had is having a guy with a Ken doll stuck up his bum.

 A Town Called Malus wrote:
From a discussion I had with a nurse once, people put things up there more often than you'd think.

My roommate is an ER physician and they had a lady come in with a pickle jar inserted in her lady parts, once inside it created a vacuum and it wouldn't come out, they had to use a special drill to open a small hole in the bottom of the jar to let the air pressure equalize so they could pull it out. They had to be super careful and were afraid it'd shatter and lead to all sorts horrific injury.

There was also a guy who came in with 2nd degree burns on his taint because he tried to use a stun gun to stimulate his prostate while self pleasuring.

 Buttery Commissar wrote:
My previous neighbour would take some writing out.

Would you mind? For posterity?

Haven't had any stories this bad...the worst I've been through was my sophomore year in college. Ten guys in a suite. It was an experience, glad I did it, would never go through it again. One morning I woke up with a lamppost in my hallway.

I don't know if the campus police were more exasperated or impressed when they showed up that afternoon. Frankly, I don't know which I was, either - we were on the third floor, the stairs were narrow switchbacks, and the culprits couldn't possibly have been in any shape to coordinate carrying the damn thing.

Only moved out with my fiance to a place with roomates once and we're never going to do it again.

List of fun stuff with them involved:
-going through trash, like week old trash to try to disprove an allergy. Which wasn't even an allergy in the end anyway.
-being confronted with said trash over it
-stealing mail/going through mail
-watching us have sex without us noticing, caught them once
-trying to turn the other passive roommate against us, as in just even making stuff up to try to get them into the fun times too
-emptying cans of crappy cheap deodorant purely to annoy, like closing up the bathroom and making a nice haze of the crap inside other rooms as well
-trying to drive us out so they can get their drop kick relative/dealer into the place with them
-lying to the landlord about us to try to get us evicted
-outright disrespecting the landlord's property and causing damage
-going through the washing machine for some reason, as in stopping it and putting the stuff from it mid wash next to it and then doing nothing with it anyway

List could go on but needless to say we didn't stay long and in the end after bringing the stuff to the landlord's attention neither did they after us.

Ooh, where do I begin?

First year of uni, I'm in a house with 11 other people. The guy directly above me is a typical jock, except in the UK. He's cocky, does drugs and physically intimidates others. He was actually rather pleasant to talk to at times but others he was just unbearable. He would play heavy drum+bass until 4am most nights, keeping me up, threaten me when I asked him to turn it down, and the weed. Oh god the smell of weed was sickening, it was like walking into a pane of glass, it hit you that badly.

One afternoon I return from the library and him and a mate have left broken glass outside my door for me to tread on. This was the last straw and I reported him to the landlord. I got my peace of mind and security, but I became a pariah in the house as he had turned 9/11 of the other housemates against me. One of them was so annoyed that I had "grassed" that she threatened to get me evicted, in the conversation below.

Her: "I can't believe you grassed, you little ****, you utter *******."
Valk: "So you expect me to put up with crap like broken glass left outside my room?"
H: "First thing tomorrow I'm going to the landlord, getting you kicked out."
V: "For what?"
H: "Anything. I'll say you're being racist and sexually harassing me."
V: "You're a law student, you of all people know you'd need evidence if I ever actually did anything like that."
H: "Doesn't matter. I'm a girl, they'll believe me."
V: "Whatever you say."

What she didn't know was that I was secretly recording the whole conversation on my phone, just in case she followed through with her threat and I needed evidence that she was talking out her arse. She never did in the end, but I was pretty bloody pleased to get out of there.


I have an even more convoluted story of my second and third years at uni if anyone wishes to hear it, it's probably even worse than this one.

 n0t_u wrote:
Only moved out with my fiance to a place with roomates once and we're never going to do it again.

List of fun stuff with them involved:
-going through trash, like week old trash to try to disprove an allergy. Which wasn't even an allergy in the end anyway.
-being confronted with said trash over it
-stealing mail/going through mail
-watching us have sex without us noticing, caught them once
-trying to turn the other passive roommate against us, as in just even making stuff up to try to get them into the fun times too
-emptying cans of crappy cheap deodorant purely to annoy, like closing up the bathroom and making a nice haze of the crap inside other rooms as well
-trying to drive us out so they can get their drop kick relative/dealer into the place with them
-lying to the landlord about us to try to get us evicted
-outright disrespecting the landlord's property and causing damage
-going through the washing machine for some reason, as in stopping it and putting the stuff from it mid wash next to it and then doing nothing with it anyway

List could go on but needless to say we didn't stay long and in the end after bringing the stuff to the landlord's attention neither did they after us.

Fiancee? Congratulations! Is this the same girl as earlier? Have you decided on whose last name to take?

If they were watching you have sex I'm almost curious how attractive you guys are. Just for the record I've never understood the attraction of lesbian sex as a hetero man (it just does nothing for me) but that's just me I guess. That's much better than the one time neighbors upstairs had sex for what must have been a couple hours when I needed sleep for work. Apparently she was very fat and I think he was balding (so very unattractive ideas in your head). I think it was so bad that night I had to sleep on the couch in the living room.

 flamingkillamajig wrote:
If they were watching you have sex I'm almost curious how attractive you guys are.

This is a "terrible roommates" thread. The answer is of course "ancient horrors that mortal minds were not meant to know". IOW, so attractive that you can not look away, even as your mind liquefies and begins to leak out of your eyes, and the icy despair of an eternity of suffering in the afterlife consumes you. Your last scream will echo forever within the walls of the house, bound to it even in death by the sheer attractiveness of the beings you witnessed.

 Peregrine wrote:

 flamingkillamajig wrote:
If they were watching you have sex I'm almost curious how attractive you guys are.

This is a "terrible roommates" thread. The answer is of course "ancient horrors that mortal minds were not meant to know". IOW, so attractive that you can not look away, even as your mind liquefies and begins to leak out of your eyes, and the icy despair of an eternity of suffering in the afterlife consumes you. Your last scream will echo forever within the walls of the house, bound to it even in death by the sheer attractiveness of the beings you witnessed.

The answer is a very modest fairly. I got hit on yet again at work yesterday and it's not that uncommon at least; although it is uncomfortable.

 n0t_u wrote:

 Peregrine wrote:

 flamingkillamajig wrote:
If they were watching you have sex I'm almost curious how attractive you guys are.

This is a "terrible roommates" thread. The answer is of course "ancient horrors that mortal minds were not meant to know". IOW, so attractive that you can not look away, even as your mind liquefies and begins to leak out of your eyes, and the icy despair of an eternity of suffering in the afterlife consumes you. Your last scream will echo forever within the walls of the house, bound to it even in death by the sheer attractiveness of the beings you witnessed.

The answer is a very modest fairly. I got hit on yet again at work yesterday and it's not that uncommon at least; although it is uncomfortable.

Now you're making me curious. It's not like I haven't seen attractive wargamer girls online but I'm very curious what you look like. To my knowledge of the GW's I've been to (only 2) there's been a total of maybe 2 attractive wargamer girls that hobbied. Before your response my idea was above average to average so I truly don't know. You're getting married so obviously it's hands off but I feel a need to sate my curiosity.

Btw is it me or are Australian girls really attractive for some reason? What few Australian girls I've seen online have been at least above average as far as looks go.

I suppose I should get back on topic though. Oddly the downstairs neo-Nazi roommate offered me a disc of Civ 5 and various computer components today (keyboard, mouse and headset) to which I refused as I mostly have all those things. I may take the headset to gift it to a Canadian girl I know online so we can finally chat on Skype. I swear her knowledge of computers is about as backwards as somebody in their 70's or 80's. This is coming from somebody with computer knowledge that mostly doesn't go beyond copy and paste and how to load games up on my computer.

 flamingkillamajig wrote:
Now you're making me curious. It's not like I haven't seen attractive wargamer girls online but I'm very curious what you look like. To my knowledge of the GW's I've been to (only 2) there's been a total of maybe 2 attractive wargamer girls that hobbied. Before your response my idea was above average to average so I truly don't know. You're getting married so obviously it's hands off but I feel a need to sate my curiosity.

My reaction here is 'why the hell does it matter?'

I've been on the receiving end of the "why are you watching me" accusation.

I'm 6'5" tall, and over 300 pounds. I'm a huge guy, but I tend to be a little light on my toes. I accidentally sneak up on people accidentally and scare them. I'm not sure how, but I am almost the world's more unlikely ninja.

I also have this weird ability that if I'm not actively trying to be noticed, you probably don't know I'm there.

While I was in college my roommate and his friends were unbearable. So, to study I found a nice little nook in a room in the upper floor of the commons building, which was in the center of three dorm buildings that surrounded it. The windows of this room were literally 15 feet away from the dorm-room windows of building next to it. Although I didn't plan it, I saw more naked girls changing in front of their open windows than I really cared to. As unlikely as it sounds, it just got annoying. More than once one saw me seeing them. This lead to a couple confrontations because I was "spying" on them.

This little nook also, on occasion became a hanky-panky zone in the early morning hours. People would stumble in around 1 in the morning, feeling each other up, and take offence when they finally noticed me in the room several minutes later.

Bit of a different story when they're pretty much against our bedroom window peeking through gaps in the blinds.

 Ashiraya wrote:

 flamingkillamajig wrote:
Now you're making me curious. It's not like I haven't seen attractive wargamer girls online but I'm very curious what you look like. To my knowledge of the GW's I've been to (only 2) there's been a total of maybe 2 attractive wargamer girls that hobbied. Before your response my idea was above average to average so I truly don't know. You're getting married so obviously it's hands off but I feel a need to sate my curiosity.

My reaction here is 'why the hell does it matter?'

I'll admit it was getting uncomfortable.