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 Pyroalchi wrote:
I'm sure it will. Also I think the Orky way is "the winner is the guy having the most fun and the treasure are the friends we made along the way"

that was beautiful

Ok on with the roll for the round. It’s 3!

Pedestrian precinct- stupid orks and grots are littering up the racetrack with their markets and their general pedestrian obstructions. Don't they know there's a race on?

“Oi!” SkagNet groaned, “Dat git jumped da gun !” He aimed his slugga squarely into the dust cloud already kicked up by Busta’s hasty advance. That was it, the starting pistol had fired. SkagNet felt a bit unsatisfied at his somewhat unceremonious methods but the other racers were already taring off the starting line.

It was only then that SkagNet really thought about what was up ahead in that direction. The bar strip, all the rival ork watering holes, Da Rusty Barrel, 'Ard Rokk Kaffe, Da Mekboyz Mess… Come to fink if it… GrodMek’s mekworx would be bunking off for a pint soon. The assembled lootaz and spannerz of one of the biggest mekworx in town would all pour out the gate and onto the strip right about…

A great steam whistle blew in the distance. SkagNet grinned a little evilly as his one good eye caught the glint of the orange sun flickering over the great gates of the mekworx as they swung open disgorging their thirsty load onto the street. The racers were heading right for them.

“Oi, Smirking! Bring up da wagon!” He barked. I gotta see dis.”

[My recommendation would be that the race ends before a winner is declared when some unforeseen enemy attacks us all.]

Racer is Busta, of the Evil Sunz. He is driving an old school Wartrakk (Picture the 3rd edition model or Gorkamorka).

Amazingly the slugga shell impacts right into the tread of the Wartrakk just as Busta started to hit the thrustas. This caused the vehicle to swerve into the dust and spin out. While Busta was spinning of course he was also careening into a host of grots and yoofs that had gotten in the way

Busta raised a fist as several of the other racers sped out ahead of him. "OI THAT'S CHEATING. YAH CAN'T JUST DAKKA AN ORK FROM BEHIND!"

Busta then peeled out and hit the thrustas to try and get back in the race. A few seconds later he forgot what he said about cheating and started firing his slugga with one hand at whatever vehicle happened to be ahead of him.

"Uhmm... Boss... Da seems to be som'at of a crowd up front...?" Balthasar shouted down the speaker tube connecting his high seat on top of the Trike with Toothgrapplers driving seat. A first bumby jump as the vehicle drove over something elastic underlined his warning nicely. Yet the Weirdboy, sitting so deep in his seat with the big long gooseneck handlebars in front of him, he could barely make out what was in front of him, and it didn't really matter anyway, as long as it went forwards. "How unfortunate for Dem. Do us da honour and sound da horn, to make way for us." "We don't have a horn yet, Boss!" "Well... then make some noise, tally ho" The Grot rolled his eyes, shrugged and got a grip on the big burna that was hanging on a pintle near his seat, swinging it around towards what counted as forward on the construct. With a loud roar, the burna sputtled to live, sending a bellowing cloud of burning ... stuff high into the air and to both sides of the speeding vehicle. The green flames definitly announced their presence loudly and all the Grots and Boyz in front of them tried their best to get out of the way - with more or less success.

Not the fastest vehicle, Toothgrappler starts to lack behind a bit and should be overtaken by the others soon, but he definitly has fun so far.

For more orky fun check out my new game on these forums! https://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts/list/812653.page

The other racers blew off the line leaving Fungis and his new racing crew sitting revving the engine in a cloud of dust.
"Fasta, Fasta, GO GO GO!" shouted the eager burna sitting shotgun while pounding Fungis on the arm.
Fungis dropped it into gear and the Snazzwagon's tires spun up their own cloud of dust before gaining traction and rocketing the vehicle forwards. "Yeah, dat's da stuff!" shouted the burna boy as their heads were flung back against the headrests.
Grimgob was holding onto the handles of the Mek's Speshul kannon up top with all he had to keep from being tossed off the back.
Unfortunately, they didn't make it far for as soon as the dust cloud ahead of them broke, Fungis had to slam on the brakes behind the other racers. It was a bloody traffic jam. Who were all these gitz milling about on the course? Didn't they know there was a race on?
Fungis banged on the roof to signal Grimgob to make himself useful. Grimgob fired a salvo of shots into the air which had the disappointing effect of making the assembled mob intrigued rather than disbursing.
The burna started mumbling something to himself while rummaging about in the bin of bottles at his feet. He popped back up with a bottle bearing a strange smelling rag out the top, and pulling a striker from his belt, lit the rag while grinning and chuckling to himself like an idiot. He watched it burn for a hot second, then stuck his torso out the window and tossed it across the hood directly into the crowd to the front and left of the vehicle.
Two or three orks burst into flames and Fungis wondered how he managed to end up with the most deranged ork on Armageddon in his ride. However, this finally had the desired effect, as Grimgob was pounding back on the roof hollering about how there was a pathway now opening up ahead just a little to the left.

Nice one GG.

I’m not ignoring you I was just trying to write up the next bit. But nothing yet.

D20 Roll for this next round is 15 - Drag race! Time for some flat out speed!

Smirking squeegeed the blood from the windscreen and clambered back up on top as SkagNet’s wagon weaved through the crowded street. A great dust cloud had risen and more than one unfortunate ork had fallen victim to the combination of the poor visibility and SkagNet’s woeful driving skills.

Something noisy was blazing a bright green beacon of flame ahead of him in the dust and SkagNet instinctively followed it through the melee. When all of a sudden with a great whoosh something burst into flame right beside him. There came yells and the screeching of tyres as a boomdakka snazzwagon pulled out in front of him and tore off through the crowd.

SkagNet followed behind eying the tail gunner warily.

Soon the dust and the angry injured orkish yells fell away behind them and the racers emerged out onto the main strip that once had been a runway of one of Armageddon’s major space ports. The other racers were already pulling away and taring up the road leaving SkagNets lumbering brew wagon in their dust.

He was going to have to really floor-it to keep up with the action.

*******


Fellow racers, I've come up with an idea to try to reignite interest in Da Great Race. What would you think about in addition to the roll concerning the race conditions, each round, the racers pick from one of six general actions and there's a dice roll to see which actions went well, had a neutral/no effect, or were catastrophic, similar to the drink choices in the beginning of the thread? The idea here being that it might be less intimidating to have some basic options rather than having to write something from scratch, and like the drink rolls, even catastrophe isn't necessarily that you're out of the race, but maybe you have to use some of the ol' orky cunning to get back on track. Ideas that theCrowe came up with were:

1 Pedul to da Metul - this calls for some flat out speed.
2 Zog deese gits! - No more mister nice ork. It’s time to start shootin’ (dakkadakkadakka)
3 Hold onta yer Gak! - Driving skills on display as you weave and swerve through the course like a boss.
4 Quick Thinking - it’s unconventional thinking like this gives you the edge. Nobody will see this coming.
5 Ram Ram Ram - sometimes you just gotta throw your weight around.
6 4 Check dis out- you see an opportunity for an insane stunt bonus.

So, whaddya think?

So by the looks of it we’ve hit a wide open strip, no obstacles around just a nice big stretch of open road ahead. SkagNet has elected to floor it, option number one, Pedal to da Metul.

So when I come to do the rolls for bonus/catastrophe if I roll a 1 that will affect Skagnet for better or worse along with anyone else who picked option one.

I’ll do it like last time with the drinks, 2 rolls for bonus and 1 for catastrophe.

Thanks Gulgog for another kick in the rear.

Fungis is going for Pedal to da Metul too, gotta find out what dis baby can do!

Zogall's feelin' rammy.

Busta keeps on going, hitting the red button for thrustas and gunning down the straight away. If anything gets remotely close he will ram ram ram!

I'll take quick thinking and a Moonshiner

Edit: just realized I already had Moonshiner and want to drink me through the menue. So Bloodweiser it is then

Sorry for the long wait guys. I’ve been too preoccupied building skeletons.

Let’s go for this round. Here’s the roll.

So the bonus high fives go to ram ram ram and insane stunt bonus. Looks like Zogall and Busta are the lucky ones there.

Meanwhile, anyone just flooring the accelerator is in for a nasty surprise. That’ll be SkagNet, Fungis and Busta (again). Bit of a mixed bag for Busta but I’m sure Deks can get creative on that front. Happy writing folks, I look forward to the race developments.

@Pyroalchi: sorry if I didn't make it clear, but the new choices replace the drink rolls. Since we're onto the racing part, stopping for drinks might be a little challenging. Well, except for you perhaps, I would hope that a proppa weirdboy could manifest a mug of ale at will.

Don’t worry GgTt I got the drinks onboard for this round.

Lol, I forgot that one of us was piloting a brew wagon. Maybe if Skagnet gets out in front he could pull over and hand out mugs like cups of water at a marathon. Now that’d be some quick thinking!

As the hurl of ragtag vehicles and moving contraptions that barely qualify for being called that way speed on, Shinyhat does his best to hang on to them. Hugged deep behind the gooseneck handlebars of the trike he was using, it was kind of hard to tell what was in front, forcing him to addept a more... intuitive driving style. The vast organ like collection of pipes and exhausts roared in a deafening volume, at least half of them not even having anything to do with the engine and just spewing out colorful smoke and sparks.

Neither able to see where he was going exactly nor having the juice behind him to just pull ahead of everything he decides to just aim for where he feels the most WHAAAAAG! building up and get right in the thick of it. There must be fun in channeling the energy of dozens fighting, screaming, dying and celebrating orks while going at neckbreaking speeds! Meanwhile he tries to concentrate on his "zippiness", channeling the strange energies of "da tellyporta", pointing his shiny walking cane at every bike or buggy he sees and hoping to cause some funny havoc with it.

"Time ta see what dis baby can do," Fungis shouted, giving a toothless grin to the burna boy at his side and stomping on the accelerator. The snazzwagon had far more get up and go than even he had anticipated. The engine obliged with a monstrous roar and the whole front end of the buggy popped up under the torque. They lurched forward on two wheels and once again Grimgob was left hanging on for dear life. As the buggy came down, it high-sided neatly on a rock leaving the wheels spinning uselessly in the air. Exasperated, all three orks hopped out to see what could be done.


Zogall meanwhile was goading Gnasha to get as much speed out of him as he could and spotted a bit of unfortunate prey up ahead. Three orks were milling about a vehicle that appeared to be stalled out somehow. Clapping the reigns once more and shouting a promise of a nice big tasty squig to Gnasha, he headed straight for them.

All three orks heard the thundering rhythm of the great squig's feet and scrambled to get out of the way. Only Grimgob had his wits about him enough to draw his slugga and lick off a couple shots as the chariot bore down upon them. One glanced off of Gnasha's seemingly impenetrable hide and the others lodged themselves harmlessly in the thick wooden panels of the chariot. Gnasha smashed the offending ork in the chestplate with his great head, sending Grimgob tumbling head over heels. Zogall deftly swerved the chariot around such that a spinning spike on one of the wheels caught the front right tire of the disabled buggy and shredded it in passing. "Looks like you gitz is out of da race!" he shouted as he sped off into the distance.


"Nooooo!" wailed an exasperated Fungis surveying the damage.
"'s allright" said Grimgob, dusting himself off, "I's been standin' on a spare dis whole time."
Sure enough, there was a spare tire on the back of the buggy, and with the whole vehicle up in the air, it was short work getting it changed out.
"I owes Rokka a pint; dat cleva ol' weirdboy thought of everything. How's we gonna get it off dis rock tho?" mused Fungis aloud.
"Like dis," mumbled the burna by his side, and before Fungis could even give him a reproachful look, he had pulled the pin from a stick bomm and tossed it under the rear. "Betta duck," he said as he turned, sprinted the other direction, and hit the deck.
The other two orks barely had time to follow suit before the explosion. The buggy was tossed up into the air and landed upside-down on its roll cage.
Fungis was of a mind to pummel that git senseless, but the undercarriage didn't look too much the worse for wear, and just maybe now they could get back on track.
All three orks gave it the ol' heave ho and the buggy was rolled back upright.
They clambered back aboard, and Fungis fired up the engine; everything seemed to be in working order still.
"A little less frottle dis time, maybe" he thought, easing back onto the raceway.