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I was thinking about how rich the 40k lore is and how much potential it has to break into so many genres when I got to thinking; what would it be like to go out of my way to make a bad movie?


Title: Adeptus Administratum a love story
Genre: Romantic comedy
Plot: While looking for the long lost "Emperor's Chicken Tandoori" a lonely clerk falls for a defective servitor.
Written by M. Night Shyamalan

GW already did this.

The "the Ultramarines Movie"

Any movie with Creed. The audience would have no idea what was going on until the very end, when what little idea they had would be turned on its head.

An odd couple buddy movie starring Khorne and Slaanesh.
They hate each other at first but throughout an unplanned road trip and a series of unexpected twists and turns and some chance encounters with the other two chaos gods they finally learn to put aside their differences.

Here is the worst idea I could come up with:

A movie called "The Greater Goods". It will be about the sexual escapades of a virile Tau commander. Watch as he travels the galaxy to kill the enemies of the Tau Empire and romances hot females from every major race. Yes, even the Necrons.

 TheCustomLime wrote:
Here is the worst idea I could come up with:

A movie called "The Greater Goods". It will be about the sexual escapades of a virile Tau commander. Watch as he travels the galaxy to kill the enemies of the Tau Empire and romances hot females from every major race. Yes, even the Necrons.

You win, I think a full-length "erotic feature" would be about the worst possible 40K movie.

Title: Dude, where's my arrogance?
Genre: Teen comedy
Plot: Yarrick and thraka wake up with no memory of the night before, a lifetimes supply of emperors best pudding and an angry vox com from their twin girlfriends. Can Sebastian and Ghazghkull put aside their differences long enough to find the missing tank and save their relationships?
Written and directed by: The Zucker brothers

Title: Star warps.
Genre: space opera
Plot: see farm boy Horus grow up to be a famous warlord like his father before him, kiss a hot princess only to get ret coned in to incest, and will be worshipped as a great film hero even though he is pretty much a terrorist. The films will start at part 4 and after 3 really good films we will go back to part one to see how his father became the emperor only we already know all of it, so they will add in some awful twists to try to make us shocked, like it turning out the the emperor built the orks, but it will leave a sour taste for years to come and many people will burn their 40k toys because of it. Games workshop don't care though because Disney buys them out for billions and we still carry on buying every little piece of plastic they sell to us.
Written and rewritten and then rewritten again by G. Lucas.

Title: Lost in STC translation
Genre: Rom Com Drama
Plot: A lonely, aging servitor named Bob and a conflicted servitor, Charlotte , meet on mars. Bob is there to crunch those warp numbers; Charlotte is a marines diary. Strangers on mars, the two find escape, distraction and understanding amidst the bright mars lights after a chance meeting in the quiet lull of NEVER ENDING WAR! They form a bond that is as unlikely as it is heartfelt and meaningful. The whole film is shot in full Binary code.


Title: Iron Magnolias
Genre: weepy
Plot: a squad of Iron warriors are having a great time murdering, and decide to pass on their gene seed, only to find that their clones suffer from warp diabetes and they all die. There is some more to it than that, but lucky I fall asleep every time its shown on channel 5, and thankfully dont have to stomach the rest.

*insert the South Park episode with Micheal Bay here*.

A GIANT TITAN GO BRAAAGH!! AND ALL THESE ELDAR GRAV TANKS TO BLOOSH! AND ALL THESE GUARDSMEN ARE GOING PEW PEW PEW WHILE A BANEBLADE CARTWHEELS THERE THE AIR AND ITS ALL BRAAAGH!! BRAASH! BOOM!!!
THEN THE ORKS ARE ALL WAAAGH AND DAKKAA AND BOOM! AND STUFF!!!

A Salamanders Blaxploitation film?

The life of a Servitor on mars (a documentary).


Automatically Appended Next Post:
No intro, no explanation, no narration of any kind just raw images of the servitor day in day out.

Really anything featuring the Space Marines talking in pompous, self-righteous tones while spouting hackneyed one-liners. Basically 300 but without the historical context.

Tehre is noh time to beh lohst!


Batul Brothas!


Spehss Mahrens, todeh the enemeh is at oua doar! We know oua duteh and we will do eet. We fight for our honor as Blod Rehvens,
as SPESS MAHRENS, and we fight in the nehme of the Empra!


And if we die this deh we die in gloareh, we die heroes' deffs, but we shall not die, no! It is the enemeh who will tehste
deff and defeat!


As you know! Moast of oua battle brothars are shtehtioned in SPEHSS, Pruhpeared to deep strike! Oua perimeter has been
pruhpeared in the even dat oua enehmies should be so bald and so foolish. We have plehced numerous beacons, allowing for
muhltiple, simuln-tehneous and devashtehting defensive deep strikes


The Codecks astartees nehmes this maneuvah Steel Rehn. We will descend upon the foe, we will ovawhelm them - we will leave none
alive! Meanwhile oua ground fawses will ensue the full defense of oua headkwaters


We are the spehss mahrens! WE ARE THE EMPRA'S FUREH!

Brutha, our cause is ahl but hopeless! Shirley there is no way we could possiblah survive! Except, by firing our bolters moar times we will bah victorious, because we are the main characters and cannot bah killed!

Rhinos? RHINNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEESSS??? TAH COWURDS, TAH FUUUULZ!

 RexHavoc wrote:
Title: Lost in STC translation
Genre: Rom Com Drama
Plot: A lonely, aging servitor named Bob and a conflicted servitor, Charlotte , meet on mars. Bob is there to crunch those warp numbers; Charlotte is a marines diary. Strangers on mars, the two find escape, distraction and understanding amidst the bright mars lights after a chance meeting in the quiet lull of NEVER ENDING WAR! They form a bond that is as unlikely as it is heartfelt and meaningful. The whole film is shot in full Binary code.

You have tickled my jimmies, sir.

 Lord Corellia wrote:
A Salamanders Blaxploitation film?

This is a thread for awful 40k movie ideas, not excellent ones.

From Selym on another thread:

Wolf Sergeant Wolfenstein is the marine all Space Wolves aspire to be. Wielding the Wolftalons of Wolfblood (which confer the Wolfrend ability), he cuts down all foes before him. He has never been bested in single combat, and is a tactical genius, using his wolfish cunning.
It is said that every enemy of the wolves fears his wolfish grin, as it signals that he is about to wolf-pounce on every wolf-foe to attack them wolfishly with his wolftalons of wolfblood to wolfrip and wolftear so that wolves can wolfy wolfy wolf.

Clearly this would be the hero, he would run around with a squad of equally wolfy Space wolves, killing Chaos Space Marines by the thousands and yelling a lot about wolf-honor. The Chaos Space Marines would yell a lot about how evil they are. Also, Wolf Sergeant Wolfenstein has a love affair with an Eldar Howling Banshee which at first his wolf brothers are mad about, until she proves she can fight gud, and then they decide she's cool.

Filmed in shaky cam.

Slayer-Fan123 wrote:

 Lord Corellia wrote:
A Salamanders Blaxploitation film?

This is a thread for awful 40k movie ideas, not excellent ones.

Salamander Black Dynamite would be amazing.

A grots life.
It will last about 10 seconds

A day in the warp.
All it is is a blank screen. You are provided with LSD, Peote and Meth at your seat. Take all 3 at once.

Make it about the Emperor. Just sitting there, doing nothing.

Just remake ghostbusters with sisters of battle.

 General Kroll wrote:
Just remake ghostbusters with sisters of battle.

Actually, this sounds about 5000 times better than the actual all female Ghostbusters reboot will probably be.

 fallinq wrote:

 General Kroll wrote:
Just remake ghostbusters with sisters of battle.

Actually, this sounds about 5000 times better than the actual all female Ghostbusters reboot will probably be.

To be fair anything sounds better than that. But just a disclaimer. It's not awful because it's female cast, it's awful because its a remake and it just looks terrible.

But sorry off topic lol.

Sisters of battle hunting daemons sounds kind of awesome come to think of it....

Who ya gonna vox?

Squigs: An Imperial Geographic Nature Documentary

Diary of a Mad Black templar

Written, directed and produced by Uwe Boll

A BBC nature documentary on squigs would be amazing.
An American nature documentary on squigs would not be.
A nature documentary where they humanise the squigs give them names and an awful storyline over weeks of terrible footage with a whimsical soundtrack would free up some painting time for me.

 Alex Kolodotschko wrote:
A BBC nature documentary on squigs would be amazing.

Somebody get on the phone to David Attenborough!

 A Town Called Malus wrote:

 Alex Kolodotschko wrote:
A BBC nature documentary on squigs would be amazing.

Somebody get on the phone to David Attenborough!

He's locked in a vault until 2017.

Boreale 2: The Baldening

Genre: Chick-flick

Plot: Somehow an origin story of Boreale, and follows him as a scout marine falling in love with a female scout marine. During this relationship, he goes bawld and makes some fewlish maneuvahs, and pushes the female scout away.
Many hijinks and sexcapades later, they get married and become battul-brothas.

Because the scriptwriter only ever played the DoW games, and never looked into anything else.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 Alex Kolodotschko wrote:
A BBC nature documentary on squigs would be amazing.
An American nature documentary on squigs would not be.
A nature documentary where they humanise the squigs give them names and an awful storyline over weeks of terrible footage with a whimsical soundtrack would free up some painting time for me.

"And here we see the Squigs in their natural habitat, being herded by a Nob. I think. It's getting hard to tell, really.
Over here, we can see Sally, the purple-spotted face-eater, eating a snack of three grots and half of yesterday's runtherd. This is, as you can imagine, rather disconcerting for our camera crew, as that runtherd was providing our living quarters."

Toof Stars, at the Green and Ivory Pawnshop.

"A Kustom Snazzgun wif three shooty bitz, lotza dakka an' sum gubbinz? Oi c'n giv yah free teef fur dat."