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Greetings,

This thread is intended to provide very short reviews of movies you have been watching lately. Nothing in depth, and a quick thought about if others should watch it.

I have some crappy public-domain disc of old horror movies I have been slowly watching. Here are some mini-reviews:

1. House on Haunted Hill- This movie has some cracking dialogue, especially between the Husband and Wife characters. The plot... ludicrous..... but so delicious. Classic, and should probably be seen.

2. The Ghost!- A Gothic horror that is one of the loose horror movie series featuring Dr. Hichcock. Has Barbara Steele, so that is good. Otherwise, a typical gaslighting type of scenario full of scandalous behavior. Pass.

3. Dominique is Dead- A 70's take on gaslighting. Scooby-Doo level of whodunnit. Not good.

4. Bloody Pit of Horror- This one is amaze-balls lit.... really it craves nothing more than riffing. This perfect film lives only to torture the corruption of impurity from its production. None will survive. Must watch with a group and drinks.

5. Nightmare Castle- A black and white gothic horror with Barbara Steele. This was made before the Ghost, but is much more entertaining. The baddie is indeed very, very bad. I enjoyed this one. Worth a watch.

6. The Undertaker and His Pals- What.... The.... Hell..... Did.... I .... Just ..... Watch! This movie cries out for weed, LSD, or something much stronger. Must be seen to be believed, but make no mistake that this movie is terrible. It is of the same level of movies my friends and I made as teenagers, except this one was released to Drive-in movie theaters and people actual spent money to watch...... I just can't even.


Not part of the anthology....

Cloverfield- I had started watching this a while ago but the shaky-cam forced my wife to tap out. A decade later I finally finished it. Clearly it is an allegory for the terror of 9/11, and the director (Matthew Reeves NOT J.J. Abrams) even mentions United 93 in the commentary. Anyway, 20 somethings from upper middle class and higher backgrounds from an episode of Felicity or Dawson's Creek have their meaningless lives interrupted when bad things happen in New York. Beware of shaky-cam. Love the scene with the B-2 bomber. Watch it.

Your turn.....

Saw Venom the other day. Was it necessary? No. Do I like what it signifies re Sony/Marvel/Spiderman rights? No. Was it good? Eh, it was pretty alright actually. Big, dumb, with a villain who you keep asking "how the feth does everyone around this guy not realise he's a total loon?!", but it actually ended up being quite funny in parts and the action is decent. Worth a watch if you're in the mood to switch off a little and just snigger at the Venom/Brock internal banter.

Still Game.

Scottish. Funny.

Taste the Blood of Dracula (1970) - Respectable gentlemen by day, reckless hedonists by night - a trio of bored bourgeois contract with a depraved cultist to sample some real debauchery but choke at the last minute. The horror they unwittingly unleash tears their families to shreds, as their teenage children become thralls of Dracula! In a compelling twist, the infamous Count is more a perverse spirit of malice working through the young people against their elders rather than an active force in his own right. The story really captures the anger of kids about their parents’ hypocrisy, something that may resonate with young people again today. Just remember, your parents felt the same way in their day. I give this film extra points for its colorful cathouse scenes and the put-upon, camp major domo who runs the place.

Dracula A.D. 1972 (1972) - A Dracula film set in its own present times and it’s wall-to-wall 1970s funkiness, at least as imagined by its possibly quite square and definitely middle-aged writer. The cool young people may like to “get down, man” but they are really just good kids at heart. Except, that is, for “Johnny Alucard,” an occult-obsessed punk who serves his friends up to the fanged one in exchange vampiric power. Fortunately, concerned grandfather Peter Cushing steps in to save modern youth from the ancient evil of Count Dracula! This picture watches like an anti drug after-school special, a big step backwards from Taste The Blood, despite of (or perhaps because of?) its contemporary setting. On the plus side, we get a generous helping of Mr. Cushing.

The Satanic Rites of Dracula (1973) - The director/writer team who brought us A.D. ‘72 follow up with a direct sequel that has nearly nothing to do with the previous film ... which is a good thing! Whereas its predecessor was merely modern, Satanic Rites is truly ultramodern: a conspiracy within the government, aided and abetted by corporate greed, to destroy the world with an engineered plague! And of course Dracula is somehow behind it all, despite being a medieval Romanian nobleman. This would be the final confrontation between Lee’s Dracula and Cushing’s Van Helsing and it goes out on a fiery bang, literally. Although occasionally long-winded, the sheer weirdness of this movie, combined with how many trends it either inspired or anticipated in later storytelling, make this a must watch for vintage horror fans.

 Manchu wrote:
Taste the Blood of Dracula (1970) - Respectable gentlemen by day, reckless hedonists by night - a trio of bored bourgeois contract with a depraved cultist to sample some real debauchery but choke at the last minute. The horror they unwittingly unleash tears their families to shreds, as their teenage children become thralls of Dracula! In a compelling twist, the infamous Count is more a perverse spirit of malice working through the young people against their elders rather than an active force in his own right. The story really captures the anger of kids about their parents’ hypocrisy, something that may resonate with young people again today. Just remember, your parents felt the same way in their day. I give this film extra points for its colorful cathouse scenes and the put-upon, camp major domo who runs the place..

Taste the Blood of Dracula sounds amazing and full of subtext.

It’s certainly not what I’d call a subtle picture but at least it has a point of view.

Beowulf- This was the Mocap one from Robert Zemeckis. There are times where it looks amazing, and other times..... not so much. Female faces and eyes are a particular issue. However, the writing and story are pretty cracking.

The commentary Robert Zemeckis comes off a bit as an idiot who hated the source material. Thankfully, he wasn't he writer as they loved it (Neil Gaiman and some other bloke).

Really cool seeing a bit about how they did it. Shooting barely took any time, but the savings were eaten up by the cost of the technology behind the MoCap. Fascinating.

I just watched Superman vs. Batman.

The movie works much better if you assume it's a wannabe dressing up like Batman rather than actually being Batman.

Batman is the best part of that movie even though he kills a lot.

Which is why the movie is better if you pretend it's not Bruce Wayne in the Batsuit.

 Yodhrin wrote:
Saw Venom the other day. Was it necessary? No. Do I like what it signifies re Sony/Marvel/Spiderman rights? No. Was it good? Eh, it was pretty alright actually. Big, dumb, with a villain who you keep asking "how the feth does everyone around this guy not realise he's a total loon?!", but it actually ended up being quite funny in parts and the action is decent. Worth a watch if you're in the mood to switch off a little and just snigger at the Venom/Brock internal banter.

In a nutshell - it would be much better if it was just about a man who catches an alien parasite and made no reference to anything Marvel.

Ralph Breaks the Internet

Sort of lazy follow up, few funny bits and silly sight gags, Bee Minus

Bad Santa.

Greatest Christmas movie ever made.

 Turnip Jedi wrote:
Ralph Breaks the Internet

Sort of lazy follow up, few funny bits and silly sight gags, Bee Minus

Saw this yesterday. It's like a better version of the Emoji movie that seems to vaguely understand how computers work. Worth watching for the Princess bits.

Count Dracula and His Vampire Brides- I am not sure what purpose the Vampire Brides have in the movie, but it does make a more interesting title than Count Dracula: Blofeld Wannabe. This movie is a fun mash-up of the occult, espionage, and the Doctor and his Companions. This movie really wanted to be as cool as a Roger Moore Bond mixed with a Tom Baker Dr. Who episode. Sadly, not as good as it should be, but still good B-shlock.

Fangs of the Walking Dead- What an awesome title. Too bad the movie isn't awesome. It is all sizzle an dno steak, meaning it tries to make you think smutty thinks are happening but wimps out and nothing really happens. Plus, it wimps out at the last moment and tries to say, "No, not REAL Vampire.... it is all a gaslighting" but then they have an elaborate Vampire death scene for the guy that isn't a vampire. I am thinking the translation lost the rails on this one. What a waste of an awesome title.... but it is very riffable.

2001: A Space Odyssey

Stanley Kubrick shows model spaceships while making “whoo-oooo-oooo” sounds at ear splitting volume (compared to speech). Random nonsense is interrupted by wooden planks (actors) describing space-mumbo-jumbo to each other. An infallible computer makes a mistake, and tries to kill the crew to cover it up. (?) Captain 2-by-6 sneaks back in through a door not controlled by the infallible computer. He kills the computer by pulling out the memory, resulting in a derpy rendition of a classic folk tune. Rather than abbandoning the mission, 2-by-6 arrives, finds the source of space magic, is teleported through space/time and is shown growing old and dying.

But wait! Space baby was behind it the whole time!

Review: If I wasn’t stuck in an airplane seat, I never would have finished without fast-forwarding through the boring parts, which should condense a future viewing to 25 mins, tops. If Kubrick is still alive, and you have the opportunity, please slap his face as hard as you can. While a cultural touch-stone, watching the film is a genuine pilgrimage filled with high expectations, long waits, much boredom, and no seeming purpose for the journey upon its completion.

Dementia 13

I forgot about this one. It was one of Coppola's first films by legendary producer Roger Corman who everyone knows from his cameo on Beverly Hills: 90210! Right! Everyone!

Anyway, the movie is like a mix of a standard gothic gaslighter and an Axe Murder film..... yes it goes together about that smoothly. Again, Scooby Doo level Whodunnit occurs, and then the sleazy, creepy, vaguely effete Doctor is our hero!?!

The best part is when a gold-digger is unravelling her nefarious plan, but runs into an unexpected complication while swimming......

Watchable.

Jazzed on Boylan's series for Helsreach.

 greatbigtree wrote:
2001: A Space Odyssey

Stanley Kubrick shows model spaceships while making “whoo-oooo-oooo” sounds at ear splitting volume (compared to speech). Random nonsense is interrupted by wooden planks (actors) describing space-mumbo-jumbo to each other. An infallible computer makes a mistake, and tries to kill the crew to cover it up. (?) Captain 2-by-6 sneaks back in through a door not controlled by the infallible computer. He kills the computer by pulling out the memory, resulting in a derpy rendition of a classic folk tune. Rather than abbandoning the mission, 2-by-6 arrives, finds the source of space magic, is teleported through space/time and is shown growing old and dying.

But wait! Space baby was behind it the whole time!

Review: If I wasn’t stuck in an airplane seat, I never would have finished without fast-forwarding through the boring parts, which should condense a future viewing to 25 mins, tops. If Kubrick is still alive, and you have the opportunity, please slap his face as hard as you can. While a cultural touch-stone, watching the film is a genuine pilgrimage filled with high expectations, long waits, much boredom, and no seeming purpose for the journey upon its completion.

I guess you had to be there....

I had not realized it's a 50 year old film now! I was born 13 years after it was made, and just saw it this past week.

It's in desperate need of a recut. There is so much filler in there. For anyone interested, the IMDB has a few trailers, both old and new, and it really is one of those movies where all the best parts are in the trailer. Perhaps in it's time, but today it just feels like a director that couldn't cut what needed to be cut.

@ the OP: This was fun, I'm going to have to try and remember what the last movie I saw before 2001 was.

 greatbigtree wrote:
I had not realized it's a 50 year old film now! I was born 13 years after it was made, and just saw it this past week.

It's in desperate need of a recut. There is so much filler in there. For anyone interested, the IMDB has a few trailers, both old and new, and it really is one of those movies where all the best parts are in the trailer. Perhaps in it's time, but today it just feels like a director that couldn't cut what needed to be cut.

@ the OP: This was fun, I'm going to have to try and remember what the last movie I saw before 2001 was.

Pacing 50 years ago was very different than pacing today......

This was violently driven home to me when I was watching the commentary on From Russia With Love and Goldfinger. They were talking about how the editor at the time was so revolutionary because he used more quick cuts and other editorial techniques to ramp up the pacing. I love both those movies, but compared to modern movies..... the pacing is slow, slow, slow.

Audiences had very different expectations back then.

Easy E, you must be surfing the Amazon Prime Horror channel as well.

I mostly enjoyed Dementia 13 keeping in mind it was a rip off of Psycho. Must wholeheartedly agree that the gold digger character was my favorite and I had hoped she would be the main protagonist.

Onward! This time, two adaptations of Le Fanu’s Carmilla:

Crypt of the Vampire (1963) - I consider this picture a diamond in the rough, leaving aside Jose Campos’s wooden performance as the young scholar. Christopher Lee is suitably ominous as the lord of a sinister castle but the real danger lies among a trio of beautiful women, one of whom is the vampiric reincarnation of a vengeful witch! But which one? Charming performances from all the ladies and the gypsy rag and bone man.

The Vampire Lovers (1970) - Titillation turns to frustration in this picture, alternately saved and spoiled by Ingrid Pitt’s overwhelming performance. Beautiful sets, lush costumes, and of course sexy ladies ... but a plot that just won’t really get going, despite mostly happening between just a couple of people within the confines of a smallish mansion. Bookending the story with Peter Cushing cameos just made me realize how disappointing the main action really was. All the same, a must watch for anyone interested in Hammer Horror.

Today I watched something called Assassination Nation ... And I'm honestly not sure what I'm supposed to take from it ... I "think" I get it, but it's kind of tenuous ... and tbh ... I couldn't relate to a single person in the movie ... perhaps 1x ... tentatively ... (but I had that same thing with Phantom Thread ... it was just so far outside my personal frame of reference ...).

I think that might be a good thing in this case ... but it's also possible I'm trying too hard to like it because it's edgy?

Anyway ... I subsequently started watching Logan (billionth time?) and I'm now happy (so WTF AM I CRYING !?!?!?

As of a couple of weeks ago, my brother and I decided to watch the movie Street Fighter (made in 1994 I believe). It's one of the first attempts at a movie adaptation of a video game, and it is just as terrible, if not worse, than you are already probably thinking it is. That said, it is, at least for my brother and me, firmly in the "so bad it's good" category. It's fun to watch and laugh about how stupid it is, and just enjoy catching the many references to the source material (Street Fighter II video game).

Is that the one with JCVD and Raul Julia.

Best line is paraphrased as, "For you, that was the day I killed your father. It defined who you were and the rest of your life. From then on you dedicated your life to defeating me. For me, it was a Tuesday."

 Easy E wrote:
Is that the one with JCVD and Raul Julia.

Best line is paraphrased as, "For you, that was the day I killed your father. It defined who you were and the rest of your life. From then on you dedicated your life to defeating me. For me, it was a Tuesday."

I liked the fact he appeared to be the only cast member aware of the turkey he'd signed onto and up'd the not giving two forks and hamming to levels previously unseen

 ZergSmasher wrote:
As of a couple of weeks ago, my brother and I decided to watch the movie Street Fighter (made in 1994 I believe). It's one of the first attempts at a movie adaptation of a video game, and it is just as terrible, if not worse, than you are already probably thinking it is. That said, it is, at least for my brother and me, firmly in the "so bad it's good" category. It's fun to watch and laugh about how stupid it is, and just enjoy catching the many references to the source material (Street Fighter II video game).

It was worth it for Raul Julia's Tuesday line. All worth it.

I wonder if Mortal Kombat still holds up as the best movie adaptation of a video game. And if you want a so bad it's good video game movie, it's hard to top Super Mario Brothers. "Trust the fungus."


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 Easy E wrote:
Is that the one with JCVD and Raul Julia.

Best line is paraphrased as, "For you, that was the day I killed your father. It defined who you were and the rest of your life. From then on you dedicated your life to defeating me. For me, it was a Tuesday."

For clarity's sake:





Automatically Appended Next Post:
Here are some mini reviews from me:

Krull: Who needs the most awesome weapon in fantasy when love is a flamethrower?

Clue: This board game based comedy will have you laughing so hard you'll feel

Upgrade: It's the kind of low budget, dark, buddy action comedy they don't make any more...except that they did.

Mandy- a recent Nic Cage movie. Cool visuals and promising opening. Lack of any story or cohesiveness ruined it. Why did they throw in a character to explain everything mid movie when nothing made sense anyway? It's very similiar to "Hobo with a shotgun" so much it's almost a ripoff, but without the humor.

 Turnip Jedi wrote:

 Easy E wrote:
Is that the one with JCVD and Raul Julia.

Best line is paraphrased as, "For you, that was the day I killed your father. It defined who you were and the rest of your life. From then on you dedicated your life to defeating me. For me, it was a Tuesday."

I liked the fact he appeared to be the only cast member aware of the turkey he'd signed onto and up'd the not giving two forks and hamming to levels previously unseen

Given he was dying and mostly did the movie for his kids.... probably?

There's a few decent videogame adaptations. Silent Hill wasn't awful. At least as not awful as Mortal Kombat. I hear Rampage is probably the legitimate heir to the crown currently, but we also live in an age where the novelty of a videogame movie is gone and people are less accepting of Mortal Kombat's level of "good".

SMB is true terrible though. It's actually hard to comprehend the decisions that lead to the film, though its not too far removed from comic adaptations of the era.

I think what elevated Mortal Kombat above Street Fighter was that everyone involved knew what kind of movie they were making. Everything lined up from the sets to the choreography to the acting. As good as Raul Julia was at hamming it up, he was no Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa. Don't even get me started on Christopher Lambert vs Jean-Claude Van Damme. MK leaned into its game's goofy lore while SF tried to distance itself (just as SMB did) and ended up in a worse place.