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I've never had it. And I played D&D in the bar that I frequented and working in, and now I play 40K in the pool hall I work in...

VoidAngel wrote:Get a job.

No, really - once you have a stake in your reputation, you'll understand why folks that work in offices don't wear Inquisition tie tacks.

It's not about shame, it's about not being able to manage other people's impressions.

Listen to me now and believe me later: all games are Dungeons and Dragons. And Dungeons and Dragons is, at best, for weirdos who live in their parent's basements and have never touched boobies - or, at worst, ticking time-bombs of office-killing-spree-waiting-to-happen.

I am very sorry, but whether they admit it or not, that is what 99.99998% of non-gamers think of anyone that plays a game that isn't Monopoly, a sport, or can't be loaded into an X-Box. And it's the kiss of death to your chances at advancement, or even being taken seriously in a meeting.

You keep work and gaming separate. Not because you are ashamed, but because you can't change what other people will think. And, they'll always think the worst, especially if there's some advantage in it for them.

This. 100% true. Work and real life do not mix.

Don't know about that.

Most companies have fantasy football leagues and nobody blinks an eye. I brought in my BloodBowl team when ours was starting up just to show them what a 'real' fantasy football league should look like.

Why should our hobby be different than anyone else's? If we stop treating it like a hidden shame, maybe others will as well. People always look for 'the other' to ridicule or bully.
Don't let them see that it bothers you and they will stop. On the other hand, there are people out there that live the smelly obese neckbearded comicbook-guy stereotype. Stop letting them be the voice of our hobby and maybe someday they will be seen as the minority they are. Like the no shirt wearing, painted, drunken sports fan.

A pretty vision vitki, but like cultural relativism - a fairytale. It should work. You'd like it to work, but oh darn - it has hideous consequences.

If you find a work environment that's different - good for you. You have found the exception that proves the rule. Unfortunately, once the cat is out of the bag... you can't stuff it back in.

I have no shame in being a gamer.
My wife has no shame in being married to me (sure, there are the odd head shakes and face-palm moments - but she's into SF/Fantasy, too - so it's all good).

I was a star trek fan and star wars fan before being a gamer - so I was on the outer at school anyway - but there were a group of us, so we had our own 'cool' group.

I don't advertise my hobby, but will talk about it if asked about my hobbies.

It's kinda hard to hide the starWars nerd when walking around in a Stormtrooper's costume - but there is no shame in doing so. My mates and I in the 501st raise money for charity with our monkeying around. Kids like to see Stormtroopers and Vader mixing it up.

I have to admit that sometimes I feel a bit of shame (really, not much) regarding my nerdier hobbies--though I don't try to hide them or act on this shame, as I realize that this shame is a result of my being a people-pleaser and wanting everyone to like me, and further, that it's bs, and acting on it would just be hiding myself. I'd rather people think I was a fething loser geek than hide who I am.

That shame is decreasing as I get older. At work, once, a couple months ago, I had to list my hobbies as part of a "get to know your coworkers" exercise, and I wrote, among other more mainstream things: role-playing games, board games, and wargames.

I really don't care who knows, and I think non-verbal cues in this regard go a long way: if you act all embarrassed about it, people will think it's weird, and if you don't, and act like it's normal, and even poke fun at yourself about it, people will take it in stride and not think YOU'RE weird even if they think the activity is kind of weird.

But I live in Portland, and most everyone is one kind of geek or another here.

I can definitely throw in support for not wearing the wargamer tag on your sleeve in certain work environments. The guy who said all games are DnD to the ignorant (Most people who you are going to interacting with at work) and DnD still carries the 80's social stigma of demons, etc or the living in a fantasy world nerd out of touch with life.
I am lucky that I currently work in the Video Games industry alongside guys who have rubbed elbows with the Developers of the 40K MMO, for example, so gaming is pretty well understood and accepted for what it is: A hobby just like sports or watching ALOT of TV.


Now the real reason I am posting: The hiding from your significant other aspect. This gets down to a huge issue I notice more and more, that being the guys who are just with a girl because A) Shes one of the few that gave him a chance (IE, problem with women in general) or B) He's with her for ultimately shallow reasons (Problem with men in general). These are both based on things besides actual commitment and understanding of each other, and are more common than anyone likes to admit. A man (or lady in different circumstances) will deny up and down the street all day that they are with someone for shallow reasons, but if your hesitant about revealing a part of you to them... then you are with the wrong person because it means you fear their judgment, and they shouldn't be judging you anyway as a partner. I can understand if you are in that awkward beginning relationship phase where you guys don't REALLY know each other for the first month or so, but any time after that you should be letting her know about one of your major money and time sinks, IMO. And if it leads to a split... honestly it was inevitable anyway. (although, possibly semi-subconsciously, the tendency might be to at least wait until you get "something more" out of the relationship, especially if, as is so common with us nerdy types, you don't get a huge amount of women intrest anyway... but that's a whole different write-up )

I guess my point is: Geeky girls rule, although ones that tolerate it with a small bit of interest are cool too. The former may be somewhat rare and it's going to be impossible for EVERY gamer to pair off with one, but there's plenty of the latter. So revel in your hobby with them and if they push away, good riddance.

PS: Alot of girls like guys who paint, and you might even find yourself with a new source of free paintjobs if they get into it too!

vazzaroth: yeah. My wife is totally geeky, but she's not a huge tabletop gamer. She plays more videogames than I do, likes Star Trek & Star Wars a hell of a lot more, and complements me on my paintjobs and thinks my little men look cool.

There's nothing better than that!

VoidAngel wrote:If you can bench press a Buick, or have a black belt in Curbstomp-su-do - then you can carry your codex through the halls with confidence.

I had a friend who was freaking enormous. He'd tell people about his D&D characters and then look at them like, "say something." It was a riot.

I'm 6'2" and 260 lbs, so maybe my experience in this regard is a bit different from the norm.

The only thing I'm ashamed of is having something in common with the smelly neckbeards at the store

I have seen a little of this shame over the years and have never grasped the cause myself, when you think about the levels of intelligence, dedication and commitment it takes to paint and play any army verses the skill sets needed to live a like analyzing a football game it becomes apparent to me that we should all feel pride in our hobby rather than shame!

LOL, I agree there mate, I've never quite grasped Hobby Shame or why there is such a thing, you do the hobby because you like it not because its a trend

But this reminds me of the time I was in GW Sutton Coldfield, Birmingham last July. I'm a teen so I generally waste all my money with GW . A large group of girls passed by the large full-wall window in front of the GW and I looked out and that was it. Five minutes later two of the girls entered the shop, cackled like witches and ditched, We were all what the

I want to be as uncool as possible (At my school, being cool means being a redneck and playing football), so I go around being a wierdo and calling myself a nerd. (WHen I get called a nerd sometimes I say "Hey, that word belongs to US!" lol) Most of my friends have the same views on nerdiness. WHen those "Cool" people grow up, they will be working for people like us who actually make good grades and don't care just about popularity. ONce you get out of school, what do you call a nerd? Boss.

I am the most self assured person I know. I may be almost too self assured. The way to survive high school is to just not care about what others think or do (SOmeone Yells "Athiest!" at me and my group of friends, like it is an insult. We simply respond by saying "Christian." and continue eating our disgusting ranch coated school lunches). And if someone is being a fether, just do some real life trollin' for some good fun. Nobody should ever have to hide their hobby from other people. WHo cares if people think you are eccentric? If people think you are eccentric, it makes life more fun anyway.

@GalacticDefender: You sir, are my idol

I'm honestly surprised more people haven't had more trouble with this - or at least are willing to share it on a forum.

I mirror many of the sentiments already expressed - I like who I am, as a person. I do what I love - D&D, M:TG (only occasionally these days), Dance Dance Revolution at the mall, etc. I also enjoy watching football, hockey, tennis, and UFC. I don't personally care about cultural perceptions when deciding on my own interests, values, or beliefs. I follow my heart and my brain, and try to make informed decisions, though, like most people, this isn't always the case.

That being said, it's not right to say I'm "ashamed" of my hobby. I wouldn't actively hide it from anyone I call "friend", but with some people, I certainly would hide it, and possibly to the point of lying. I am ashamed of why I play Warhammer, D&D, and other such things, and that is something very personal that I actually haven't shared with anyone, even my girlfriend of almost 4 years.

That's not quite the same thing, but it's within the same vein, and so it merits some discussion. At any rate, I have had my share of ridicule, name-calling, and other unpleasing things because of who I am. If I could avoid such things by keeping quiet, I'm gonna do it. There's no way I'll expose myself to dumb things like name-calling if I can help it. Words do hurt me, sometimes more than sticks and stones. There's no reason to subject oneself to abuse, and I think lying to avoid abuse of any kind is perfectly acceptable, and can relate to such people.

A friend of mine, who is 22, was once asked by a co-worker (after she talked to a small group of other co-workers), came to him and asked "Hey Michael, we were all talking over there, and we were asking everyone in the store - are you a virgin?" After a short chuckle and smile he said, "No, of course not". After she left, he felt horrible about himself for lying like that. He expressed his concerns to me about it, and tried to re-assure him, to not much avail. Of course, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, but the obvious social stigma

People are shy. People are timid. In my own case? I'm a coward. I can be confident and self-assured around people who don't exude as much self-confident or are as outgoing as me. However, around those whose personalities are more "dominant" than my own, I shrink back, allowing them to dominate conversation, suggestions, and just about anything else. I have been around with friends who are doing things I morally reject to and I simply let it go - the group is going with it, and stronger personalities than myself are leading the charge - I get upset on the inside - at them for going along with them and at myself for not having the courage to stop them.

People don't want to get abuse for being who they are. So we lie. We hide behind our lies to blend in - to avoid the abuse. And that's fine. I'm a good, moral, human being. I have my beliefs that society agrees with, and society would fine reprehensible. I believe in what I think is good and right. But to avoid attacks on my beliefs, my values, my hobbies, my life, my character?

I'll lie for that.

Word, RedArmy, word. I agree that it's not "shame" per se, but rather just not feeling like being treated like gak anymore. Thank you for putting into words what I could not.