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Hi All

This seems to a subject that gets mentioned a lot in other threads (such "do I tell my girlfriend" or "how many people kow you play") yet I don't really recall ever seein any dedicated threads dealing with it.

Hobby shame I'm sorry to say I just don't get it.

I started the hobby relatively late in life so didn't really have to deal with hiding it in high school or that whole awkward phase of your life when your not sure if your a geek. I kind of understand hiding it at this phase of your life as high school can be rough, but as there are a number of adults I know who hide the fact the play wargames.

I've never really been one of the "cool kids" so thats might be why I don't understand why some people have the need to hide their hobby. I don't really understand where the shame comes from, its a hobby I enjoy doing and doesn't hurt anyone so why should I be ashamed.

Does anyone else wonder if the reason that so many of the "cool kids" look down on the hooby might be due to the fact a good number act as if its something to be looked down on?

Sometimes after gaming nights we go to the pub for a quick drink, I've often wondered about this subject but I was a rescent events in that pub that has made me start this thread. A gamer, I don't know well, said/did several things that I felt were a little strange all things considered.

"why are you talking about 40K in the pub?" Now considering we'd all just come froma game night and the only reason the majority of us know each other is because of GW does this not strike anyone else as little bit of a stupid question.

"please don't get your codex out" same point as above really plus we're in a crowded pub a I doudt anyone was going to notice or care.

The final point I'm not going to repeat what he said but it involved him swearing at a random couple that walked past, they hadn't done anything as far I could tell he was just slinging personal abuse. Now this is the thing that vexed me the most. This person played a hobby that doesn't hurt anyone but was ashamed of it, yet he was quite happy with being perceived as a uncouth .

why it ok to be an hole but not a Gamer?

I'm not saying we should rub our hobby in other people faces, however I know plenty of sport fans who do just that, i'm just saying we have nothing to be ashamed of.

Sorry rant other.

Hear Hear!

My gaming table is a bloodah mess, and anyone who walks into my basement can see it.

We often buy our stuff from shops that sell model trainsets or Airfix.
GW shops project a certain kind of image to anyone walking past.
But, games reports sound more like match reports. There's WH radio and TV (I think). And it's a more social hobby than computer games, in the getting-out-and-meeting-people sense.

I'm a card-carrying geek, so I just don't care what people think.
I'll read Dakka at work, with people glancing over my shoulder when a snap of a figure scrolls past.
But, I won't stick patches on my laptop bag, or 40k wallpaper as my laptop's background.

As mentioned, don't make it blatant, and just answer painly if asked. Have a noobie-friendly website to point people at, and you're set.

I applaude this comment for it's straightforward and simple subject! I have nothing to be ashamed of for my wargaming interests. When I do get occasionaly reticuled for it, the people who do it are the ones who spend every free second of their lives on COD: Black ops!

It pains me to see people ashamed of their hobbies and I have known people give it up to end their "suffering" but really, is it that bad?

I just tend to keep things to myself, and people who are likewise interested, because there's no chance of me converting anyone who looks upon it with a very judgemental gaze.

Again, your comments are commendable

I don't really care if people find out about my hobby. Hell, I'm sitting in college typing this right now.

I've never been secretive about my involvement with the hobby, or noticed other people doing the same. When tournaments break for lunch and everyone wanders off to find a place to eat, 40k is always a mealtime conversation. I suppose I see it like this:

-When in the company of other people engaged in my hobby (or my wife) I will discuss the hobby if there is something relevant to talk about.

-When not in the company of other people engaged in my hobby, I won't discuss the hobby unless asked. That's not 40k related, that's simply social grace. You don't force your interests on other people.

As an interesting side note, I'm the Project Manager for Nuclear Construction at a manufacturing company - when I was interviewing for my job, I had to explain 40k to the interviewing panel. I'm a former military guy, USMA grad, been in high-profile positions since leaving the military, and I got introduced to the company by a 40k buddy of mine, who is an applications engineer, who works at the company half a country away. They wanted to know how we knew each other because we had no similar background, which led me down the path of, "I play a tabletop wargaming tactical simulation that involves a tape measure and dice...."

I'm not talking about plastering every bag you own with stickers or wearing tshirts, although I have no problem with people who do, i'm taling about people lying about their hobby.

I was talking to a gamer who admitted to me he has two facebook accounts one where he admitts his hobby one where he does not, I think that is a little depressing. You wouldn't get a football fan doing that.

I've painted models at work on my lunch, read 40k books (including codex) on the train and in the pub. I've never forced my hobby in anyones face, apart from maybe my long suffering girlfriend.

As for the image GW presents that is a fair point, people do expect a certain stereotype. However isn't that our fault? there are plenty of "normal people" at my gaming group, doctors, lawyer, soldiers and unemployed and It amazes me how manytimes outside of games nights i've been talking to someone and it turns out they play. Couldn't we show that the stereo type is false if more of us just embraced our geekness?

Sorry again, I don't mean to sound as if I'm having a go at those of you who wish to hide your hobby, that's your right. Its more the third point of my OP really annoyed me.

For this I have a small double standard. I'll admit if questioned, but I'll hardly volunteer the information (especialy to a lady friend) but once admited I'll share with others.

Something worth remembering here is that our hobby results in something long lasting and potentially quite pretty (an army).

People who spend their waking lives on COD or other computer games will have nothing to show for it in years to come.

I don't have problems telling people I paint toy soldiers, but actually trying to describe what the hobby as a whole is for someone who doesn't have a clue can be somewhere between frustrating and embarrassing.

The main reason people hide their hobby is for one simple reason:
the rest of the world are voids related to a pseudonym of donkeys!
(go on, stick the words donkey and void in a thesaurus)

Anyway, the fact is, especially during adolescence (which is the age range most of these 'should i hide my wargames' threads seem to concern, if we indulge in a hobby that is considered not socially normal, regardless of how the largely ignorant view is distributed, you will be isolated and attacked (not necessarily physically) by those peers considered to be 'cool' or 'popular'.

I appreciate that it is very frustrating for gamers to see people asking advice on whether to hide their hobby at school etc, but not all gamers are capable of the self confidence and emotional integrity to be able to defend themselves against a continued onslaught from a group of morons. For them it is easier to hide away their hobbies an d indulge in private than to endure the terrors of the school bully or popularity hierarchy. I was bullied quite badly at school for having long hair and listening to metal (about 80% of the school liked 'popular' music and all had the same haircut). I was fortunate enough to develop the ability to stop feeling emotions, especially negative ones as a defense mechanism. For some people this is not so easy, and since they cannot defend themselves as well as others fitting in appears to be the easier option.

Once you hit about 20 and school is a distant memory, everyone stops giving a rat's ass. Most of my friends know I wargame, most of them think it's sad and pointless, but, as we are all mature adults, no one really cares. More to the point, if at the age of 20 or older a person feels the need to isolate and attack others based on how they spend their free time, perhaps it is them who are flawed, rather than you for discussing the finer points of a codex over a nice cold beer.

Thats why 40k is by far the most rewarding hobby i've ever had.

Plus when did computer games become cool? used to get ragged on all the time when i was at school for playing computer games.

Personally I don't care if people don't like my hobby. I have no shame over painting and playing 40k I am a card carrying geek and proud of it I even have a pic of the Emperor on the golden throne on my PC's desktop.

And if I could find one I would have a Bumper sticker that says " Ask me about the God Emperor of mankind" lol.

I suffer it a little.

My friends know that I play it and they are happy to join in with some of the games.

I tidy away my stuff into my spare room when my girlfriends family visit or when workmen come over.

I wouldn't mention it to my work colleagues either.

I don't think they'd understand it really, I don't feel like proclaiming it to the world that I play these games, nor do I feel I need to defend that I play.

People do make up their minds about people in the first few minutes and if they see toys everywhere they're going to make certain assumptions about you.

I think that it's probably fine to tell people you're into this stuff, but maybe once they know you for other things.

My girlfriend is fine that i play wargames and we've been happy together for nearly 8 years. If on the day I'd met her I'd said, "My Warhammer, Let me show you it" She may have been put off.

So yeah, I think it's ok to say you do these things but make sure it isn't your defining characteristic. (Unless really it is )

I don't really get it either...

Plenty of times we've gone to somewhere to each and crached out MtG while we ate.
Then its off to the pub where, at times, we have played BfG, =I= and BB on the pub table.

Sure it gets some funny looks, but i find most people are actually rather intruiged.

dayve110 wrote:I don't really get it either...

Plenty of times we've gone to somewhere to each and crached out MtG while we ate.
Then its off to the pub where, at times, we have played BfG, =I= and BB on the pub table.

Sure it gets some funny looks, but i find most people are actually rather intruiged.

Battlefleet Gothic on a pub table? Cool! Provided it's ok with the pub guys that sounds quite fun. Can you slingshot round your pint glass's gravity field?

obsidianaura wrote:

dayve110 wrote:I don't really get it either...

Plenty of times we've gone to somewhere to each and crached out MtG while we ate.
Then its off to the pub where, at times, we have played BfG, =I= and BB on the pub table.

Sure it gets some funny looks, but i find most people are actually rather intruiged.

Battlefleet Gothic on a pub table? Cool! Provided it's ok with the pub guys that sounds quite fun. Can you slingshot round your pint glass's gravity field?

lol no but he can virus bomb the pretzels.

I have the joys having crohns disease, so no one really cares what group I am in, as no one won't ever touch me, as they feel sorry for me. It's handy, trust me. I am just labeled as quite eccentric and like a 17th century gentlemen, so whatever I do ever surprises anyone anymore, particularly when I bought a musket, and demonstrated a firing drill with live ammunition at someones birthday party.

For a lot of people I don't think it's just a matter of caring what people think. It's easy to say just ignore these people and find other people, but everyone has environments where this isn't possible. It's not just peoples opinions that will cause problems, being ignored and having to do everything by yourself isn't enjoyable.

I personally don't tell anyone at my school, not because I couldn't deal with their reactions but because it's much easier not to have to. hiding doesn't have any negative effects so I see no reason to mention it.

I don't mention all of my hobbies to strangers I guess...

Then again, if someone asks, I'm perfectly happy to talk about or explain what I do with little tiny paints and models. I've pulled wargaming publications out in busy pubs before. I do not suffer from any hobby shame.

I've spoken to a lot of people about it who wanted to take the piss, but I'm pretty good at making people look stupid so it's usually a laugh for me.

Leigen_Zero wrote:
Anyway, the fact is, especially during adolescence (which is the age range most of these 'should i hide my wargames' threads seem to concern), if we indulge in a hobby that is considered not socially normal, regardless of how the largely ignorant view is distributed, you will be isolated and attacked (not necessarily physically) by those peers considered to be 'cool' or 'popular'.

I appreciate that it is very frustrating for gamers to see people asking advice on whether to hide their hobby at school etc, but not all gamers are capable of the self confidence and emotional integrity to be able to defend themselves against a continued onslaught from a group of morons. For them it is easier to hide away their hobbies an d indulge in private than to endure the terrors of the school bully or popularity hierarchy. I was bullied quite badly at school for having long hair and listening to metal (about 80% of the school liked 'popular' music and all had the same haircut). I was fortunate enough to develop the ability to stop feeling emotions, especially negative ones as a defense mechanism. For some people this is not so easy, and since they cannot defend themselves as well as others fitting in appears to be the easier option.

Once you hit about 20 and school is a distant memory, everyone stops giving a rat's ass. Most of my friends know I wargame, most of them think it's sad and pointless, but, as we are all mature adults, no one really cares. More to the point, if at the age of 20 or older a person feels the need to isolate and attack others based on how they spend their free time, perhaps it is them who are flawed, rather than you for discussing the finer points of a codex over a nice cold beer.

This.

During school, you will find that 40k is not popular or mainstream, and more or less falls under "nerdy" or "geeky". In school if you dared mention it and people knew, there will be one who will love mocking you for it. And one becomes a few, then many. And that can ruin someone's experience with the hobby and with others.

Why is everyone so concerned that they will be viewed as nerds or geeks? Who cares? If a person wants to make fun of you for playing WH then let em. Don't ever feel embarrassed about your hobby because of some random dolts that know

nothing about the game. You are you let them be them.

This.

During school, you will find that 40k is not popular or mainstream, and more or less falls under "nerdy" or "geeky". In school if you dared mention it and people knew, there will be one who will love mocking you for it. And one becomes a few, then many. And that can ruin someone's experience with the hobby and with others.

As I mentioned I understand it more for teenagers, I was fat and geeky during high school and did suffer some bullying because of it so I understand that highschool can be harse.

I'm slightly more concerned about those of us who are adults and hide it. Now I may jus be exceptionally lucky and not work or associate with a load of but most people don't really seem to mind. Yeah I get some ribbing for it but no more that the blonde girl for being the blond, the posh guy for being posh or any of the other small things people joke about in order to get through another day in a white collar job.

I'm also kind of interested in the why of it all. is it the Geek label that people don't want to get?

~C.S. Lewis~ wrote:
"Critics who treat 'adult' as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adult themselves. To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence. And in childhood and adolescence they are, in moderation, healthy symptoms. Young things ought to want to grow. But to carry on into middle life or even into early manhood this concern about being adult is a mark of really arrested development.

"When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."

Either immature adults who are insecure about themselves, or teenagers who are still in a very judgmental and immature age group are the only ones who feel insecure about this hobby.

Nice quotes.

Phazit257 wrote:I applaude this comment for it's straightforward and simple subject! I have nothing to be ashamed of for my wargaming interests. When I do get occasionaly reticuled for it, the people who do it are the ones who spend every free second of their lives on COD: Black ops!

You've hit the nail on the head here. Some of the people i know who rib me about my hobby (nothing seriously just 'At least i don't play wargames' when they're losing an argument) do exactly this. Wargaming has a lot of advantages over COD, for example it's more sociable, you're meeting new people and actually talking to them face to face (and being sociable is considered cool in high school) and 40K has just as much shooting, guns, death and gore as COD, it's just portrayed with models on a table as opposed to on a screen.

I'd like these people to watch Space Marine or play dawn of war it might make them see that COD and wargaming isn't as different as they first appear, and if the characters in Space Marine/Dawn of War were not races made up by GW but instead characters from COD then things would be a lot different.

Bloodfrenzy187 wrote:Why is everyone so concerned that they will be viewed as nerds or geeks?

Having been bullied for various reasons for 6 years of my life, I care. Good thing that it stopped though, if I heard one more idiot say "just ignore them" I would've snapped. Seriously.

I have no problem talking about the hobby in public places. I must admit I have not told my work colegues about it. But then its noe of there buisness what I get up to out of work anyway. If any found out i'd probably have a bit of light hearted fin made at me every now and again but noting terrible. I would just rather aviod it.

All my mates know I play. allot of them do as well so that ok.

They only time a freind has teased me for it was when I was at home rolling dice to see what would happen in certain situation. But I deserved that one.

Yeah, I'm actually embarress about my hobby, when people ask, "what's in that case?", I normally say, tools!

However, my girlfriend is out to prove to me I need not be so embarrassed. She's actually proud of my hobby, and shows all her friends my models, and always loudly shouts "HAVE FUN AT WARHAMMER!!" when I head off down the street on a Thursday evening.

I think she does it partly to wind me up and partly to tell me to not give a damn what other people think.

I'm an open card carrying geek. My firefox them has a nice big Aquila in the upper right hand corenr, and I often browse dakka while I'm sitting around waiting to go to my next class.

I'm honest about my hobby, and I understand how people can view it as geeky, however I feel that if a person can't accept my hobbies, and overlook me being into geeky things, that person is probably not worth knowing.

Now, I don't bring it up first thing. My introduction is not, "Hi my name is Chris, and I play Imperial Guard,' later on, if we end up on it somehow, talking about hobbies I'll bring it up.