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I did an animation degree, it started out well, hit a rough patch in the second year, but really enjoyed the 3rd. Moved out with some friends in the 3rd year, it was awesome.

I'd recommend sticking with it. I moved out completely 6 months after my degree ended after getting a job packing books in a warehouse while I added some much-needed extra knowledge to my degree to give me enough skills to actually be employable as a freelancer (I neglected this side of things while at uni, bad idea... spend your long summers doing your own learning, don't just veg out like I did).

Join the military and go play desert marine?

Running around in body armor with all kind of Hooah gear strapped to you isn't fun...not fun at all.....and its damn hot...and they shoot back...did I mention how freaking hot it is?

DIDM wrote:Join the military and go play desert marine?

Bleeding out does cure depression I guess...

Jihadin wrote:

Join the military and go play desert marine?

Running around in body armor with all kind of Hooah gear strapped to you isn't fun...not fun at all.....and its damn hot...and they shoot back...did I mention how freaking hot it is?

Meh.

If I didn't have kids I'd still be in. Honestly, being in the field and/or deployed was the part I enjoyed most. Other than the whole "threat of impending death" thing but you get used to that after a while.

Okay, just got back. Saw the new Muppets movie. Go watch the new Muppets movie. Doesn't matter if you see it with someone or if you go alone. It's a electric shot of happy gas for your fething SOUL, holmes.

To those who say i should see help, even if i considered it i dont think i could, not right now anyway.

My family just wouldnt and cant understand, and i dont need them feeling bad, that'll only put pressure on me. I felt awful when i started to tell my dad stuff, so i didnt talk about it again. Causeing them stress over me wouldnt help. Thats why i need to leave, for there sake and mine. I cant show any hint thats somthings wrong at home, they care too much but understand it too little. I can deal with it when there safely out of the reach of my problems.

I cant help myself when im looking out for everybody elses feelings too, its alittle much. I think of Atlas when it comes to stuff like this its how i feel, to me it means the weight of responsabilty. The globe atop his shoulders, like everything i must carry without falling. For others as well as myself. If im weak i let everyone down. I cant even leave, go travelling to find myself and purpose in life, because i cant leave knowing they would be worried everyday about me, i cant carry the guilt of causing them worry with me.

AtomicEngineer wrote:To those who say i should see help, even if i considered it i dont think i could, not right now anyway.

My family just wouldnt and cant understand, and i dont need them feeling bad, that'll only put pressure on me. I felt awful when i started to tell my dad stuff, so i didnt talk about it again. Causeing them stress over me wouldnt help. Thats why i need to leave, for there sake and mine. I cant show any hint thats somthings wrong at home, they care too much but understand it too little. I can deal with it when there safely out of the reach of my problems.

I cant help myself when im looking out for everybody elses feelings too, its alittle much. I think of Atlas when it comes to stuff like this its how i feel, to me it means the weight of responsabilty. The globe atop his shoulders, like everything i must carry without falling. For others as well as myself. If im weak i let everyone down. I cant even leave, go travelling to find myself and purpose in life, because i cant leave knowing they would be worried everyday about me, i cant carry the guilt of causing them worry with me.

you are not indestructible. You need to open up to someone. We are your friends, but you need to find a living breathing person yo ucan confide in and help you. I know what this is like, believe me, I am in exactly the same situation as you are. You are not indestructible and this is one of life's lessons, that you need to connect to people and connect to them and learn when you need to pass your burden off onto others to help lift you up. Your parent's might not be the best to open up to, but if you have siblings or other family, they coluld be a huge uplift and a massive help that you can't see. The real reasons that's stopping you is your lack of comfort with the problem. You feel ashamed, and thats why you can't share your burden. I've learned that some of the DCM's on this forum are right down to earth awesome people when they shared a few personal things to the rest of us.

Just go on and find someone you can open up to, it will do you a world of good, especially if you are close to this person and encounter them on a daily basis.

Depression started to kick in when I started to go blind.

I had surgery in one eye and my vision has greatly improved, it is no longer black in my eye.

Hope I don't sound emo, but my relationship with my dad has never been great. Very angry person, just can't be around him. If something spills he picks up a chair smashes it and blames the nearest person, generally me. Never got to really know my father much. I think the only quality time I ever got with him was during the super bowl.


Not much I can do about it I suppose. Not to be cliche, but when I see how hard it is for many other people out there. Be it here, 3rd world country, or a soldier I got it kind of lucky and help the poor or kids with disabilities as much as I can. I get a great sense of joy when I help other people.

Jesus holy Christ!

This is why depression is such a poorly understood disease, because those who suffer don't seem to help themselves. Same as those who suffer from alcoholism or anxiety attacks.

It isn't you, or anything about you, it's the situations you put yourself in. Change it. Do something differently. An alcoholic will drift back into drinking if their life revolves around a pub, so he has to change that. Don't wallow around your house, listening to "angry music", change the situation. You didn't want to go to Uni? Then don't, the worst thing you can do is go along with what you think people expect of you.

This weekend, go volunteer for some charity, or even a church, do something good for those less fortunate (and believe me, there are billions of people who are a lot, lot less fortunate than you). Help an old lady do her garden, help a teenager/adult learn to read, do some work in a charity shop, or even just make some tea/coffee and go give the homeless a warm drink tonight.

Once you've done that, sit down and think of what would make you happy. Living in Australia, working with animals, playing music for a living, whatever it is, GO AND DO IT!!

Personally, I don't classify Depression as a Disease. For me, it is the current realisation of reality. Whether it is for others, is an entirely different matter.

I think an important thing to realize is that you aren't nearly as important to everyone else as you seem to think you are. Feeling like atlas holding up the world is likely a distorted perception of your importance.

As a young man, that was the most profound piece of advice I was given. It seems apt here. My point is, if you need help get it. The rest of the world will carry on, somehow.

Go get help, feth what your parents think or what you think they don't *understand*. Tell them the truth, have a glass of wine over dinner one night and stick with the truth. If they don't *care*, they need to. open up with the uni crowd. Get the late bus home, or go out, chill and enjoy life. Don't just sit there in a quivering heap either doing something that you don't want to do. I changed my vocation from something I wanted to do, to something I love doing. Get a range of jobs, and some experience from it. Or go out on the weekends, maybe even try some camping or something on the weekends.

If you feel like your life is in a rut and you are burnt out, you need to go and do something to change that. Not your parents, not your university and not your friends. You need to make that active choice to get out there and have fun.

Bongo_clive wrote:Jesus holy Christ!

This is why depression is such a poorly understood disease, because those who suffer don't seem to help themselves. Same as those who suffer from alcoholism or anxiety attacks.

It isn't you, or anything about you, it's the situations you put yourself in. Change it. Do something differently. An alcoholic will drift back into drinking if their life revolves around a pub, so he has to change that. Don't wallow around your house, listening to "angry music", change the situation. You didn't want to go to Uni? Then don't, the worst thing you can do is go along with what you think people expect of you.

This weekend, go volunteer for some charity, or even a church, do something good for those less fortunate (and believe me, there are billions of people who are a lot, lot less fortunate than you). Help an old lady do her garden, help a teenager/adult learn to read, do some work in a charity shop, or even just make some tea/coffee and go give the homeless a warm drink tonight.

Once you've done that, sit down and think of what would make you happy. Living in Australia, working with animals, playing music for a living, whatever it is, GO AND DO IT!!

I'm betting you don't really know much about clinical depression and the whole chemical imbalance in the brain thing that can bring it on. I have a family member that suffers from it, 'changing something' doesn't necessarily do crap unless you get meds and the 'something' being changed how your synapses are firing.

AtomicEngineer wrote:To those who say i should see help, even if i considered it i dont think i could, not right now anyway.
go here first. www.nomorepanic.co.uk/forum/ but I would recommend talking to a GP, I really would. You are really not alone.

My family just wouldnt and cant understand,
[b]Is this what you know, or what you think?
and i dont need them feeling bad,
Again, is this what you tell yourself?
that'll only put pressure on me.
You are feeding the cycle of anxiety that you currently feel. Stop and think. if one of your friends came to you with these feelings, what would you tell them?

I felt awful when i started to tell my dad stuff, so i didnt talk about it again. Causeing them stress over me wouldnt help. Thats why i need to leave, for there sake and mine. I cant show any hint thats somthings wrong at home, they care too much but understand it too little.

I can deal with it when there safely out of the reach of my problems.
]Time for a reality check, Whether your family is a mile or 1000 miles away ,once you address your feelings, then you start to come to terms with them and be able to move forwards. Your family is not the issue, your negative thoughts are what are hampering you. Only you can make your parents understand, you can get them to understand through knowledge, you can empower yourself with that knowledge when you start seeking help. The sooner, the better IMHO
Your anxieties are perpetually feeding into this cycle. Tell your parents, factually, how you feel, tell them exactly what is going on. Once you tell them, you will have taken a step in breaking this cycle.

I cant help myself when im looking out for everybody elses feelings too,
This is so common, trust me, most everyone who suffers from anxiety disorder and depression feels this way to some degree. these feelings also help feed into a negative cycle. You don't need to look out for everyone else feelings
its alittle much. I think of Atlas when it comes to stuff like this its how i feel, to me it means the weight of responsabilty. The globe atop his shoulders, like everything i must carry without falling. For others as well as myself. If im weak i let everyone down. I cant even leave, go travelling to find myself and purpose in life, because i cant leave knowing they would be worried everyday about me, i cant carry the guilt of causing them worry with me.

CptJake wrote:

Bongo_clive wrote:Jesus holy Christ!

This is why depression is such a poorly understood disease, because those who suffer don't seem to help themselves. Same as those who suffer from alcoholism or anxiety attacks.

It isn't you, or anything about you, it's the situations you put yourself in. Change it. Do something differently. An alcoholic will drift back into drinking if their life revolves around a pub, so he has to change that. Don't wallow around your house, listening to "angry music", change the situation. You didn't want to go to Uni? Then don't, the worst thing you can do is go along with what you think people expect of you.

This weekend, go volunteer for some charity, or even a church, do something good for those less fortunate (and believe me, there are billions of people who are a lot, lot less fortunate than you). Help an old lady do her garden, help a teenager/adult learn to read, do some work in a charity shop, or even just make some tea/coffee and go give the homeless a warm drink tonight.

Once you've done that, sit down and think of what would make you happy. Living in Australia, working with animals, playing music for a living, whatever it is, GO AND DO IT!!

I'm betting you don't really know much about clinical depression and the whole chemical imbalance in the brain thing that can bring it on. I have a family member that suffers from it, 'changing something' doesn't necessarily do crap unless you get meds and the 'something' being changed how your synapses are firing.

Yeah, CptJake is right. Real, clinical depression is not caused by wallowing around. Its an actual biological, chemical imbalance thingy majigger. I've been diagnosed with it and it really sucks.

Antivan and celexa...some minipress....other types of goodies

please dont make this thread about me, i made it only partly for me. Its for others too, everyone needs to talk to others once in a while.

Ive seen so many people suffering the same thing and its good to know that its not just you (that sounds bad doesnt it) i mean that your not alone in this. I think its modern society that is the cause of most of it, only this time in history has depression been so high.

Which is ironic, since this is the best time in human history to actually be alive from a disease/war/famine/etc. standpoint.

Perhaps humanity needs things to combat and fight to distract themselves. After all been left with no fear, nothing to face i suppose like still water, we stagnate. We need to keep moving, flowing fighting.

That, or a heightened sense of perspective.

Of all the things that come with a depressional low that i have right now, this is brought on this time by the burn out thing thanks to people and education.

But i had forgotten the Insomia that returns along with it, ugh a full week without proper sleep. Went to bed saturday night didnt get to sleep till 10am sunday but slept through sunday so wasnt tired all night, now im tired but its day again :/

This is definetly one of the long bouts of deeprer depression ive had, its been going on the last few days now im starting to feel like im floating through some dark ocean. Im not even sure what im feeling anymore, this can be a good or a bad thing. I feel close to some life answer or somthing. Sinking further into the vast ocean of an unsure existance. I bet if i were to paint somthing now it would be amazing lol

I was going to try to talk to the parents today, but before i could even start my dad asked me "why are you stalking about? 20 years old and cant even look after himself " So i know it'll never work telling them.

Little by little i get to understand myself more, i think the reason i wanted to do animation or anything artistic is because i didnt want all the problems i went through to be for nothing. I wanted to do somthing, important create somthing timeless. Somthing i can be known for, so that people know my name. Somthing to help others like me. Which is why i probably love film making. I want to pour all that negative feeling into somthing creative, leave somthing that will be remembered long after everything else is gone.

UPDATE!:

Second attempt to talk to parents met with more failure. I didnt relize how little they know about who i am. Asked me why i dont go to uni as much as i went to college, i said perhaps a lack of motivation anymore.
I exepected a response atleast close to what i had in mind instead the response was
"it is motivation, you know what it is, money you had to actually go to get your college money but now at uni its in advance you dont have to worry about going each day" congrats parents you got it! oh wait..no nope not even close lol

AtomicEngineer wrote:Second attempt to talk to parents met with more failure. I didnt relize how little they know about who i am. Asked me why i dont go to uni as much as i went to college, i said perhaps a lack of motivation anymore.
I exepected a response atleast close to what i had in mind instead the response was
"it is motivation, you know what it is, money you had to actually go to get your college money but now at uni its in advance you dont have to worry about going each day" congrats parents you got it! oh wait..no nope not even close lol

That's really immature of you to not take that opportunity to open up and say that "No mom/dad. I think I'm suffering from depression and need to talk to someone, now."

Do it. Stop posting and go do it. Now.

kronk wrote:

AtomicEngineer wrote:Second attempt to talk to parents met with more failure. I didnt relize how little they know about who i am. Asked me why i dont go to uni as much as i went to college, i said perhaps a lack of motivation anymore.
I exepected a response atleast close to what i had in mind instead the response was
"it is motivation, you know what it is, money you had to actually go to get your college money but now at uni its in advance you dont have to worry about going each day" congrats parents you got it! oh wait..no nope not even close lol

That's really immature of you to not take that opportunity to open up and say that "No mom/dad. I think I'm suffering from depression and need to talk to someone, now."

Do it. Stop posting and go do it. Now.

Agreed.

Grab the bull by the horns.

Not your parents fault they are not imeadiately suggesting you start a course of SSRI's or a course of CBT. (However, this is what I suggest your GP may steer you towards).

Seriously AE. They aren't mind readers. You have to tell them. You can't wait for them to figure it out. By the time someone can see that you need help, you're very far down a dark path.

Its ok im feeling alittle better now. I mean its always still there but im out of the bad dip ive had over the last week. Im gonna concentrait on Uni work for now, get it out of the way try and get some solid ground to stand on so to speak. Get myself set up where i know what i have to do and have a solid grasp of the situation.

Im moving into my own room this weekend, got the basement lol i have my own door to the house and another room. Sorta like a mini apartment.

Christmas im going to get to grips with the programs im supposed to use so i dont have to worry about the work as much, an generally look around for oppertunities whilst i do.
Im going to avoid self pitty and try to throw myself into somthing, but im also going to put more time aside for myself. Take a day trip out now and again, no stress. Try to meet with friends more and so on.

Im also meeting with a person from the university about my attendence, but i hope to bring up what im going through and how i can maybe change around alittle so that im less stressed out all the time.
Im stronger than my depression and ill keep fighting it till im ready to talk about it, im not going to reveal my inner workings to others before i have control over my life and feel ready to do so. And yes its not going to go away, this feeling is due to coming out of a bad spike and i know eventually ill fall back into the pit of depression again. But right now as everything is after just starting university, im not ready to throw professionals and counciling on top of it, right now it wouldnt do much good.

And i know i have to tell my parents eventually but they have alot going on in there lives too, they have some stuff to deal with right now, it would be selfish of me to throw my problems on the heap right now too.
I want to tell them in my own time at the right time, perhaps when we are away from all this stress for abit. A holiday or somthing so we can talk proporly without work and uni and such weighing down too. Yeah a holiday away i like that idea.

I also wanna say thanks to everyone on this thread, you guys have been amazing in getting through this dip into the darkest areas of my depression. Seriously you guys are awesome ^_^ i owe you all a beer someday.

~

I wont be leaving this thread or anything, and its still for anyone suffering from depression, like me when it gets too much it can be good to come here and talk to others too.

I used to suffer from depression. I took useless mindbending meds, visited a few doctors, etc. I just had a moment of self-realization that seeing as I was at the centre of the problem, the only answer would come from me. Step one was quitting my job, selling all of my stuff or giving it away and moving. I came back to Japan. There have been rough times and stuff, but no where near the black gaseous pit of before.

Having the Pacific Ocean and the Rocky Mountains separating me from my family also helps.

I was pretty severely depressed last year with a side dose of anxiety (the anxiety was nothing to do with stress btw). I was on medication; Prozac, beta blockers etc. Then i finished with uni and got a job.

Being in fulltime work has meant i feel depressed (well 'down') nearly all the time but dont have the time for lethargy/not getting out of bed all day/inability to concentrate. So basically i am miserable all the time but without the Drawbacks/Bonuses lol. Or more accurately i am depressed but not clinically so.

Well now i feel pretty gloomy indeed.

EDIT: Wanna hear something really depressing, i used to see a great Pschiatric Nurse called Vicky. I would see her every couple weeks when i was at my lowest last year. She was great to talk to and a genuinely interesting person.

She died of a sudden brain Haemorrhage, she was 31, she had only been married a month. Pretty cruddy.

Usually I just paint and listen to music. I don't usually have the patience to sift through a forum and generally end up irritable instead of relaxed. Now, if I'm bad enough I don't feel like painting then I prolly need to find somewhere else to be... preferably a place without sharp things like xacto knives. Glad to see you seem to have gotten the help you wanted from dakka, I'll just leave this here though.

Nerivant wrote:I generally totter on the precipice every second of my existence. One slip and I'd probably fall into a rut of depression I might never escape from.

Whoo! Ten days and I've made some amazing headway! I am now completely over the edge. Crippling self worth problems combined with a pessimistic attitude and what would probably be considered mental instability, all brought to a boil by an offhanded comment from someone about my awkwardness in social situations.

Twenty minutes and fourteen shots later, and I couldn't remember that I was even depressed in the first place. Great times.