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 KaptinBadrukk wrote:

 Selym wrote:


Dear Mister Emperor,

I am considering selling all of my 28m scale 40k stuff, in favour of purchasing some stuff to begin playing Maelstrom's Edge.
I am, however, going to keep and expand my 6mm scale Imperial Guard and Tyranid armies.

What are your opinions on this?

Regards,

A disillusioned 40k player.

Dear disillusioned,

I that you should keep all of it. And play Maelstrom's edge.

Regards,

Das emp
----------------------------------------------
Dear emperor,

I'm the republican nominee! And I will beat everyone else! Even Hillary Clinton!

Please endorse me!

-Donald J Trump

Dear Donald J Trump,

I shall endorse you for your comedy surname and the fact you were in Home Alone 2, surely the great Christmas film of the second millennium - indeed for all time, as I abolished Christmas at some point!

Also, please don't use your middle initial. I know Americans think it makes them look hard but the rest of my illustrious cosmos thinks it is silly.

Go forth and burn the heretics! And as we both know, anyone who gets in our way is a heretic. In fact just burn everyone and save the galaxy some bother.

Love and hugs

The Space Emporer (why are we spelling my name the way Orks do?)

------------

Dear Emporer,

My ex girlfriend was being such a psycho I sent her a text message simply saying DIE. (True story, folks!) My question is, should I also send her the picture of a unicorn urinating a rainbow and saying "F*** YOUR NEGATIVITY" or will my text get the message across?

 NoPoet wrote:


Dear Emporer,

My ex girlfriend was being such a psycho I sent her a text message simply saying DIE. (True story, folks!) My question is, should I also send her the picture of a unicorn urinating a rainbow and saying "F*** YOUR NEGATIVITY" or will my text get the message across?

Dear Sir,

You should apologize immediately. And tell her that Big E sends his regards,

Regards,

The Space Emperor,
---------------------------------------------
Dear emp,

I really think you should play this game. It's called Election '92. Here's the promo cover.



In this game, there are the three candidates in the 1992 presidential election: Bill Clinton (Democrat), George Herbert Walker Bush (Republican), and Ross Perot (Independent). It was originally on Windows 3.1, but recently, the Internet Archive put some Windows 3.1 games on their website, and I was able to get Election '92 to run on a Windows 98SE Virtual Machine.

In this game, you throw pies on two candidates (the candidate with no pies thrown on him is the one who will become president).

For example, you want Ross Perot to become president. You throw pies on Clinton and Bush, but not on Ross Perot. However, you have to be quick about clicking on the candidates you want to throw pies on.

If you do not throw pies on any candidate, then Congress will decide who is president.

I think you should play it.

Regards,

Citizen from 2016

Citizen from 2016,
Due to a catastrophic hard drive failure, we have lost all of our data about any form of election. In addition, everything smells yellow now.
-Emperor

Emperor,
What is the most useless chemical compound, known or unknown to man?
-V

 Verviedi wrote:


Emperor,
What is the most useless chemical compound, known or unknown to man?
-V

Dear V,

I think the most useless chemical compound is unknown to man. I call it Baznga. Mix of Barium, Zinc, and Gallium. It's so useless, we have a room full of it, and we never use it.

Regards,

Das emp
--------------------------------------
Dear Emperor,

I am Locutus of Borg. Resistance is Futile. Your life as it has been is over. From this time forward, you will service us.

-Locutus of Borg

Dear Locutus,

You underestimate my true power. Prepare to be purged by the Space Marines

Regards,

Emp

---------------------------------

Dear Space Emperor,

So the survivors of Boringstein have settled into our new home on Dullville IV, but we were wondering, what's the best way to inform the Exodites that live here that they're about to get purged?

Regards,

Arbite Bob

 War Kitten wrote:


Dear Space Emperor,

So the survivors of Boringstein have settled into our new home on Dullville IV, but we were wondering, what's the best way to inform the Exodites that live here that they're about to get purged?

Regards,

Arbite Bob

Dear Bob,

I'll send some SPESS MAHREENS to purge 'em for ya. I'll tell the SPESS MAHREENS not to touch you.

Also, what happened in Boringstein? I was afraid everyone had died.

Regards,

Das emp
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Emperor,

I am Q. I am part of the Q continuum, which possesses infinite power, more powerful than you will ever be, or have been, or are now. Our power level is Infinity, while yours is only 908,675,123,456,789.

If you wish, I can change you back into the person you were before the Heresy. It doesn't matter what you say, I'll still do it. And no amount of purging can erase the continuum.

Regards,

Q from Star Trek

 KaptinBadrukk wrote:
Dear Emperor,

I am Q. I am part of the Q continuum, which possesses infinite power, more powerful than you will ever be, or have been, or are now. Our power level is Infinity, while yours is only 908,675,123,456,789.

If you wish, I can change you back into the person you were before the Heresy. It doesn't matter what you say, I'll still do it. And no amount of purging can erase the continuum.

Regards,

Q from Star Trek

Dear Trekker,

I'm just assuming you're a Trekker because you seem ... really into it. I'm more of a Trekkie myself, I guess. But let's face it Star Wars is the better franchise.

Live Long and Whatever,

IMPERATOR OMNIPOTENS

- - - - -

Dear Emperor,

I have to get this off my black carapace. Sometimes when I stomp off into battle screaming "for the Emperor" ... I'm actually thinking of someone else. I just think honesty is the best policy. I hope this will not negatively impact our relationship.

Love,

Gabriel Angelos

 Manchu wrote:


- - - - -

Dear Emperor,

I have to get this off my black carapace. Sometimes when I stomp off into battle screaming "for the Emperor" ... I'm actually thinking of someone else. I just think honesty is the best policy. I hope this will not negatively impact our relationship.

Love,

Gabriel Angelos

Dear Gabriel Angelos,

Sometimes, being honest is good, other times, not so much. You can be honest with me anytime you want. It will not negativley impact our relationship.

Regards,

Das emp
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Dear emperor,

I am watching a childbirth video in class right now. I'm trying not to look, but somehow can't stop glancing at it. How can I not even glance at it?

Sincerely,

High school student

Dear High School Student,

Looking at childbirth is a form of heresy. Please report yourself to the nearest Inquisition outpost, or the local equivalent of such in your town. Fear not though, you can still be redeemed, through extreme pain

Have fun,

Emps

-------------------------------------------

Dear Space Emperor,

Is the moon really made of cheese?

Regards,

Citizen of Terra

 War Kitten wrote:


Dear Space Emperor,

Is the moon really made of cheese?

Regards,

Citizen of Terra

Dear Citizen of Terra,

No. The moon is not made of cheese. Volcanoes, however, are made of cheese.

The moon is made of rock. Does that answer your question?

Regards,

Big E
-------------------------------------------
Dear Emperor,

I'MA FIRIN' MAH LAZOR! *lazor fires*

Regards,

Man with lazor

Dear Man,

Really? Was that that little flashlight that hit me a few minutes ago? I must say I am not impressed, I recommend going away and coming back when you have a REAL weapon

Regards,

Emp

-------------------------------------

Dear Mr. Fancy Pants,

My name is Saxton Hale, CEO of Mann Co. AND THE MAN WHO'S GOING TO BURN THIS PLACE TO THE GROUND!

Saxton.

 War Kitten wrote:

Dear Mr. Fancy Pants,

My name is Saxton Hale, CEO of Mann Co. AND THE MAN WHO'S GOING TO BURN THIS PLACE TO THE GROUND!

Saxton.

Dear Saxton,

First of all, my name is not Mr. Fancy Pants. I am The Emperor of Mankind, and you will refer to me as such.

Second, this place cannot be burnt to the ground, as it is too large to burn down without the possibility of rebuilding.

Regards,

Das emp
-------------------------------
Dear Emperor,

Who do you support? Here are your candidates:

Democrat
[_] Hillary Clin-Ton
[_] Bernie Sanders

Republican
[_] Donald Trump

Please return your ballot to the nearest polling station.

Regards,

Oregon Primary Ballot

Dear Oregon,

I support none of those people, as their rise led to the Civil War of 2023. I'd get out now while you still can

Regards,

Emp

-----------------------------------

Dear Space Emperor,

I have a problem. You see, every time I try to talk to Miss Pauling I just end up tripping over my words and looking like a complete twit. So far she doesn't seem to care that I stutter, but I know that I'm not impressing her like this. What should I do?

Regards,

The Red Scout

 War Kitten wrote:

Dear Space Emperor,

I have a problem. You see, every time I try to talk to Miss Pauling I just end up tripping over my words and looking like a complete twit. So far she doesn't seem to care that I stutter, but I know that I'm not impressing her like this. What should I do?

Regards,

The Red Scout

Dear Red Scout,

Try practicing with a friend. Then, when you've practiced enough, then try talking to her again.

Regards,

Das emp
------------------------------------
Dear Emperor,

Doesn't it feel lonely with the Seniors gone?

Regards,

High school Junior

HS Student,
I wouldn't know. All of that drama and bs is behind me. I try not to think about it.
-Emperor

----------------------

Entity designated Emperor of Mankind,

CEASE AND DESIST.
We have detected a copyright violation in your underlying concept. Each demo-level civilization is only allowed one (1) transcendental being. You have surpassed this limit seventy times. Please purchase a license to unlock more transcendental-level characters. Please say "Stell'bsnaor p'shugg ch'ai grahn'n uaaah" to summon a legal. associate.

-Yog-Sothoth

 Verviedi wrote:

Entity designated Emperor of Mankind,

CEASE AND DESIST.
We have detected a copyright violation in your underlying concept. Each demo-level civilization is only allowed one (1) transcendental being. You have surpassed this limit seventy times. Please purchase a license to unlock more transcendental-level characters. Please say "Stell'bsnaor p'shugg ch'ai grahn'n uaaah" to summon a legal. associate.

-Yog-Sothoth

Dear Yog-Sothoth,

Prepare to be purged for that heresy. Copyright is no longer an issue in my time frame.

Regards,

Das emp
----------------------------------
Dear Emperor,

I have come back from the dead. I am gathering an army of Teenage girls, led by Rick Astley, Mr. Trololol, Rebecca Black, and Numa Numa Guy. This time, nobody will stop me, as I am part human and part android. The attack begins in half an hour.

-Justin Bieber from AGK movie.

Dear Justin Bieber,

If you turn around you'll see an Eversor Assassin about to rip your throat out. Have a nice (not) day.

Regards,

Emp

---------------------------------------

Dear Space Emperor,

How much wood would a wood chuck chuck, if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

Signed,

Anonymous

 War Kitten wrote:


Dear Space Emperor,

How much wood would a wood chuck chuck, if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

Signed,

Anonymous

Dear anonymous,

10cm.

Regards,

Das emp
-------------------------------
Dear emperor,

Do you know what happened in the Boringstein system? All I know is that Chaos invaded it.

Regards,

Someone outside of Boringstein

Dear Someone outside of Boringstein,

What happens in Borgenstein, stays in Borgenstein.

Signed, The Emperor.


Dear Space Boss-

Why do you not close the Eye of Terror?

A Fan.

 snurl wrote:


Dear Space Boss-

Why do you not close the Eye of Terror?

A Fan.

Dear Fan,

Because Chaos will re open it.

Regards,

Das emp
---------------------------------
Dear emps,

Do you hate Disney? Seriously, do you? Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and kill Walt Disney so Disney would never have existed.

Regards,

Disney hater

Dear Disney Hater,

I would be careful what you say. Many Disney characters are saints of the Imperium, and we do not take kindly to your insinuations.

Regards,

Emp

-----------------------------

Dear Space Emperor,

Which video game should I get next? I'm torn between Overwatch and Stellaris. Both of them sound like great games, and I can't decide between the two.

Signed,

Confused.

 War Kitten wrote:

Dear Space Emperor,

Which video game should I get next? I'm torn between Overwatch and Stellaris. Both of them sound like great games, and I can't decide between the two.

Signed,

Confused.

Dear Confused,

I vote a third game: Dawn of war.

it's a real time strategy game.

Regards,

Das emp
----------------------------------------------
Dear Emps,

Do you do anything else besides sit on a throne?

Regards,
Curious

Dear Curious,

I've had plenty of time over the last 10,000 years to develop some new interests. Like how right now I'm playing 20,000 games of chess simultaneously with Tzeentch, and while I'm doing that I'm also playing a mean game of Solitaire. I manage to keep myself entertained.

Regards,

Das Emp.
----------------------------------
Dear Space Emperor,

What is the meaning of life? My friend says it's to spill blood for the blood god, but I'm not too sure. Then again, my friend has said a lot of weird stuff lately, so I should probably go report him to the Arbites.

Signed,

Anonymous

Dear Space Emperor,

What is the meaning of life? My friend says it's to spill blood for the blood god, but I'm not too sure. Then again, my friend has said a lot of weird stuff lately, so I should probably go report him to the Arbites.

Signed,

Anonymous


Dear Anon,

Worrying about such menial conundrums is fruitless. Seek comfort in the immortal words of Commissar Colonel Ferris Beulleris, "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

Keep it real and oil that Boltgun,
Owner/Operator of of the GT

-----------------------

Dear Emperor,

Why can't we just all get along?

Sincerely,
Living one day at a time

 BigWaaagh wrote:


Dear Emperor,

Why can't we just all get along?

Sincerely,
Living one day at a time

Dear Living,

This is the 41st millenium. Do you expect any of us to get along?

-Big E
==========================
Dear Emperor,

Where would I find you if I were in the 2nd millenium?

Regards,

Mr. Dunny Dunn

Dear Mr. Dun,

You could not find me in the second millennium, because I was being all sneaky like back then

Regards,

Space Emperor.


------------------------------

Dear Space Emperor,

I'm fairly certain my girlfriend is a Slaneeshi cultist. She's always wanting to do weird things in the bedroom (and I mean REALLY weird stuff), and just last week she sacrificed our pet cat, and claimed she had done it to bring us good luck in the new year. What should I do?

Regards,

Confused

Dear Confused,

I suggest you inform the inquisition. They have test for this sort of thing.
Or at least that is what i am told.

Regards,
The Emperor


--------------------------------------------

Dear Friend;

This message has been sent to you by a friend or a relative who has recently
disappeared along with millions and millions of people around the world.

The reason they chose to send you this letter is because they cared about you
and would like you to know the truth about where they went.

This may come as a shock to you, but the one who sent you this has been taken
up to heaven.

If you read a Bible, you will see that after chapter three in the book of Revelation,
the church is no longer mentioned as being on earth. (The church are the believers
in Jesus Christ, not the buildings in which people meet.)

In the Bible, 1 Thessalonians Chapter 4 verses 16 and 17 tell how Jesus came
to take away His church. But, you have to believe the Bible is the Word of
God in order to believe this.

I am sure that there will be a lot of speculation as to what happened to all
these people. The theories of some scientists and world leaders will have
so much credibility that most of the world will believe them.

It will sound like the truth!

But, there is only one truth. And, that truth is that Jesus Christ, God in the flesh,
came back to earth and took with Him to Heaven all who believed in Him
and made Him their Lord.

If you would like to give your life to Jesus Christ and be born again, it is
not too late. First you must pray to God saying"Father I admit I am a
sinner, and I will turn from my sin and do good. I believe that Jesus was
your son and that He came here to die for me so that my sins would be
forgiven. I ask you to forgive me and I will repent of my sins. In Jesus
name I pray."

If you just prayed that prayer and meant it with all your heart, then God
will know you as one of His own. You should now seek out others who have
also given their lives to Christ, read a Bible daily, and do your best to
bring others to Christ.

God bless you.
A rapture believing Christian.

 korbenn wrote:


Dear Friend;

This message has been sent to you by a friend or a relative who has recently
disappeared along with millions and millions of people around the world.

The reason they chose to send you this letter is because they cared about you
and would like you to know the truth about where they went.

This may come as a shock to you, but the one who sent you this has been taken
up to heaven.

If you read a Bible, you will see that after chapter three in the book of Revelation,
the church is no longer mentioned as being on earth. (The church are the believers
in Jesus Christ, not the buildings in which people meet.)

In the Bible, 1 Thessalonians Chapter 4 verses 16 and 17 tell how Jesus came
to take away His church. But, you have to believe the Bible is the Word of
God in order to believe this.

I am sure that there will be a lot of speculation as to what happened to all
these people. The theories of some scientists and world leaders will have
so much credibility that most of the world will believe them.

It will sound like the truth!

But, there is only one truth. And, that truth is that Jesus Christ, God in the flesh,
came back to earth and took with Him to Heaven all who believed in Him
and made Him their Lord.

If you would like to give your life to Jesus Christ and be born again, it is
not too late. First you must pray to God saying"Father I admit I am a
sinner, and I will turn from my sin and do good. I believe that Jesus was
your son and that He came here to die for me so that my sins would be
forgiven. I ask you to forgive me and I will repent of my sins. In Jesus
name I pray."

If you just prayed that prayer and meant it with all your heart, then God
will know you as one of His own. You should now seek out others who have
also given their lives to Christ, read a Bible daily, and do your best to
bring others to Christ.

God bless you.
A rapture believing Christian.

Dear Christian,

Aren't you aware that Christianity was abolished before the Heresy? Maybe you should get your head checked.

Regards,

Das emp
-------------------------------------------------------
Dear Emperor,

Help!! We're being attacked by Tyranids!! They're about to eat what's left of our world!! We're stuck at the south pole!! Can you send us some Space Marines to help??

Regards,

The Planet Lorn IV

 KaptinBadrukk wrote:

Dear Emperor,

Help!! We're being attacked by Tyranids!! They're about to eat what's left of our world!! We're stuck at the south pole!! Can you send us some Space Marines to help??

Regards,

The Planet Lorn IV

Hm... I have considered your request, - into oblivion. Why would I risk losing any amount of a people that make up less then a microscopic fraction out of you guys, when I have like a gazillion times more of you?!

Best of luck,

Da E-Man

--------

Dear spess empurer;

I baekd you a caek. Can you cum 2 my hous n eet it?

Not Boss Snikrot. I is lil gurl or somfin.

Dear Not Boss Snikrot,

I am unable to come to your house as I am as stated many times an unmovable husk of my former self, bound to this infernal contraption.
I would suggest you share it with your loved ones since the universe is an awfull dangerous and unforgiving place.
You never now when something like Orks or Tyranids will come to your planet and eat them.

Regards,
The Emperor.

-----------------------------------------

Dear God Emperor,

Each year, the Geneva International Centre for Humanitarian Demining (GICHD) organises a briefing for the newly arrived diplomats in Geneva.

It discusses mine action and introduces the Centre’s activities as well as the different Conventions relevant for mine action. I would like to invite you or members of your staff (including any staff visiting from capitals) to the next introductory briefing taking place on: 12 November 2016, 13:15–14:45. At the Geneva International Centre for Humanitarian Demining, Maison de la Paix –6th Floor –Chemin Eugène-Rigot 2C, Geneva.

The briefing will provide an overview of landmine and other explosive remnants of war issues and outline the resources available to support your work with the related Conventions. It is designed mainly for newly arrived diplomatic staff in Geneva and those who cover this topic as part of their work.

A copy of the agenda is attached.Please confirm your participation with Ms. Anita Cadonau by 7 November 2015.

I look forward to meeting you or representatives of your Mission or delegation.
Sincerely yours,

THE DIRECTOR
Stefano Toscano
Ambassador