Bad arse fight scene followed by Aaaaaaaaaaakwwwwwaaaaaaaaaard...

Finished Evangelion.. I don't know what to think. Evangelion gave me so many feelings that I forgot I had (since being in love, probably). Moments where it felt like my heart slipped out of place and fell into my stomach, and moments where it felt like it jumped back up into my throat.. But. There was so much introspection and unnecessary remorse, that my attraction to the characters felt a little worn out by the end of the show.

The characters are the main point of the show. The Evas, and NERV, the Angels and God are all minor points that aggravate the situations surrounding the characters, which are the focus. As clever and beautiful as the plot (angels falling upon the earth to destroy humanity's chance at redemption) is, it's not important at all, and the real story starts well into the series. The ideas encapsulated in the last few episodes are truly concerning concepts and realizations that everyone should consider or deliberate. In my opinion, Asuka is the most relatable and prolific character...

Asuka truly gripped me. Something about her really touched me, even before the last couple episodes. Her life was a downward spiral into a polar and miserable existence, as a product of her own loneliness and jealousy. She had nothing. But she had everything... The intense feelings of worthlessness and misery strikes a chord in my heart, as I'm sure it does for many people. If I'm not good at something, what is my purpose? I might as well not exist. In the end, there was no real conclusion to her story. It was an incredibly depressing and disheartening way to end an otherwise promising and hopeful character. She was tossed aside, and her worst fears were realized. She tore herself apart at the chance of redeeming herself, and she still failed. I visually cringed every time she showed up the last episodes. It wasn't like watching someone dead. It was much worse than that. This is reverberating around in my heart, and I don't know how to feel. There truly is no answer to her situation, or anyone who's ever found themselves in something similar. There's nothing anyone could've said. Nothing anyone could have done to save her. This, in my opinion, the root of suicide.

Shinji, although basically a "white sheet" character, had a surprising amount of depth, even from early on. Entirely incapable of affection or love, what at first seemed like a shy introvert became a little darker. A lot darker, really. I think, in the end, Shinji was the only one who could really get over his issues. He was the only one who hadn't totally fethed themselves over, and he was the only person who's problems were simple. I'm sure plenty of people feel the internal struggle between living for yourself, and living for others, and I'm sure plenty of people get over it. His sense of misery was infantile. He had no reason to be miserable, unlike Asuka or Rei. I liked Shinji a lot, and I thought he was a good MC, but he had it easy, and everyone else knew it. I think that's probably why Asuka felt how she did.

Rei? Ah, what to say? I thought she was a wonderfully romantic and beautiful character.

The struggles the characters faced were all common deliberations of the human soul, however unlikely and extravagant they were in the context of the story. Identity, sexuality, regret, death, jealousy, pain, contemplation... Our minds can debate and untangle these concepts infinitely, and we can convince ourselves anything we wish to. Our decision making processes are clearly dependent on factors that sink into the lowest, most primitive pockets of our mind; Affection, loneliness, fear, anger.. It almost pains me to know how delicate and immature our minds really are, and how tied down we are to traditional thought and embedded instinct. Undoubtedly, there is a missing piece to the human soul. Something beyond comprehension or reason.

Do you know that feeling when you write up something passionately, and then you post it, and it looks funny, so you edit it again and again and again, and after about three edits, you can't remember what you wanted to talk about?

Maybe I should watch the other three, or four movies. Not tonight though. I need a long, exaggerated sleep to toss everything around in my mind. That last "fly me to the moon" left me with all sorts of zen-like thoughts.