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Inheritance. The mere word can bring a silver lining to any dark day...or make a dark day even darker; especially with family involved.

Has anyone ever had to deal with inheritance and the family? How did you handle it? What went right/wrong?

For me, my grandmother died in 2007 and we (My mother, my brother, and I) inherited a house, a car, and some jewelry. Just this week we finally sold the house and split up money three ways. My mother is claiming she deserves some money for taking care of the house, if you can call it that. She gave us a number, approx-$10,000; and my brother and I looked over the numbers and we both seem fine with it, except for something else I am having issues with. She transferred the title of the car in to her name and has used it since 2007 without asking if we were OK with that. At the time the car was valued at approx-$10,000 and has since depreciated due years of use, her being a smoker, and the general lack of maintenance. My brother wants to be done with the whole mess and is OK giving her the car in addition to the approx-$10,000 she is asking. Myself, I don't think it is right she took the car without discussing it with my brother and myself first. The will stated the even divide of the estate (which the car is listed as a part of the estate) between the three parties or whatever is decidedly fare between the three parties.

So, that is my current situation...I have yet to talk to her about all of this, it will happen this weekend.

Just to note: I know most of you will probably think something along the lines of she is my mother I should be kind to her...but if you knew what it was like growing up with her, you would understand why I don't have the typical attachment to my mother.

Tell her the car is the reward for taking care of the house

 ProtoClone wrote:
Just to note: I know most of you will probably think something along the lines of she is my mother I should be kind to her...

I've known enough horrible people, mothers included, to know that isn't true.

For $10,000 really you should consult an attorney. I wouldn't acknowledge that she gets extra money if it isn't stated in the will for legal reasons. She already has taken advantage once, and it isn't as if you seem to be trying to deny any inheritance but I don't see why she should get more than is stated. After everything is split up then if you and your brother want to gift her something fine, but get the estate settled first, and don't promise her anything before that. And again, and more importantly, get an attorney; the $400~1000 to save $10,000 is probably worth it.

Edit: I wouldn't tell her that the car is her reward or the equivalent. It just means she got away with taking part of your inheritance and seems to imply you are ok with either giving her the money as if she is owed it and/or that she is owed a reward. Let the legal system parse up the assets as determined in the will and then go from there.

When my great grandmother passed away, my second cousin who spent little time with her, complained when she was over, bitched at everyone, and generally was unpleasant to be around, tried to snatch EVERYTHING in the house to sell on eBay to make money. The rest of the family wanted items from my GG's house to keep, she told everyone she "deserved the most" and what she was going to do with it. Hell, I just asked for a photo with my GG and me in it, plus her old Sega Master System (lot of family memories on that thing with the Penguin game and Mahjong) and I couldn't even get the Sega-my cousin snagged that too, even though she already had one at her house. Her attitude has pretty much disowned her from the family, because this was one of the little things she did in the inheritance-she took a LOT more than just a game console. All of it ended up being sold and coin in her pocket.

On the other hand, part of me felt guilty because my GG left a decent inheritance to all of the kids in the family-including my step brother and step sister. I don't want to sound like a schmuck, but they had only been part of the family a couple years before she passed on and only saw her 2 or 3 times-I tried to find out how much she left them, to make sure they didn't get much inheritance. As I said, feel kind of like a schmuck, but I felt it was something deserved by the blood family members, not by a couple people who came into the family at the end and barely knew her. I was told they got considerably less than us though (they received about 1/3 the inheritance that the blood-GG Kids got), which sounds about right. When their grandmother, my step grandmother passes on, I expect to see considerably less from her will than they do-even though I have spent far more time with her than I have even with my own GG, she is still their grandmother first, my step grandmother second, and they are entitled to more of a family share. So maybe I'm not such a schmuck in this matter? Of course, my step grandmother is loaded, so who knows. Lol. Summer vacation house on the lake, winter home on a ski resort in Vermont? Yeah...she does okay.

 Ahtman wrote:

 ProtoClone wrote:
Just to note: I know most of you will probably think something along the lines of she is my mother I should be kind to her...

I've known enough horrible people, mothers included, to know that isn't true.

For $10,000 really you should consult an attorney. I wouldn't acknowledge that she gets extra money if it isn't stated in the will for legal reasons. She already has taken advantage once, and it isn't as if you seem to be trying to deny any inheritance but I don't see why she should get more than is stated. After everything is split up then if you and your brother want to gift her something fine, but get the estate settled first, and don't promise her anything before that. And again, and more importantly, get an attorney; the $400~1000 to save $10,000 is probably worth it.

Edit: I wouldn't tell her that the car is her reward or the equivalent. It just means she got away with taking part of your inheritance and seems to imply you are ok with either giving her the money as if she is owed it and/or that she is owed a reward. Let the legal system parse up the assets as determined in the will and then go from there.

The will did name her in charge of the estate, "executrix" I believe is what it used but "executor" is what I will use. It also said she was entitled to some money for her efforts on handling the estate. I am thinking the car is her payment for her role as executor of the will and care of the house.

 ProtoClone wrote:
I am thinking the car is her payment for her role as executor of the will and care of the house.

Well then get her to agree to it in writing so that her 'handling fees' won't keep popping up all the time.

Yeah, but most have been there. For us it was my Grandmother's sister taking pretty much everything, spending it on a holiday for herself. Then there were the records and such dating back a fair while, they were fun. -.-

My grandma isn't even dead yet, and family members are already bickering for a place in line.

I hate to say it to the OP but dont bring in an attourney unless you absolutely have to, otherwise she may get a lawyer of her own and the pissing match could go for years, with the lawyers getting the lion's share. Be happy she is not trying to take more.
Inheritances can really bring out the greed in otherwise reasonable people. It will also let you know if your relatives are trustworthy or not. For sure.
Despite a will leaving everything to my mother, my brother's girlfriend and her friends visited him in the hospital, removed his spare key from his wallet, went to his apartment before he actually died a few days later, and removed everything they wanted. The police were NOT interested in sorting this out as the items were only discovered missing by my other brother and I after his death. When questioned the girlfriend denied any knowlege of any of the missing stuff, despite clear security camera images showing her there when we think the theft occured.

Inheritance is always a mess. When my grandmother kicked the bucket, she left my sisters and I a hefty sum.... Needless to say, after much bickering, we figured it out, and I took about 20%, with my sisters each getting about 40%. If it wasn't obvious, I have two sisters

It was about 2400$, and I put it all away. I haven't touched it since I received it, about 3 years ago.

It's always interesting to see how even family members will stab you in the back for money...
I've not lost any family members close enough to be affected by inheritance but i imagine when the inevitable happens the brown smelly stuff will hit the rotating blades and create a fairly awful mess...

If I learned anything from this its next time round I may make a pre-emptive strike of my own.
From talking with friends after the last ordeal I find the story of vanishing money and items is much more common than one would first assume.

Sadly it is. The only real way to prevent it would be to probably hand it out yourself if you had the luxury of knowing how long you had.

I've never seen anyone act really shamelessly in an inheritance. I've seen things get a little awkward, as both parties think they have a fair claim to an asset, but that's about. In each of those cases someone has backed down, as it's just been over an item with sentimental value, and causing a rift in the family over something like that wouldn't make much sense.

Never had a problem with sorting out the money. Though it'll be interesting when my Grandad's second wife dies, he passed away a few years ago, and my Grandmum a couple of years before that, and I honestly have no idea how the money is to be split between her two daughters and my Grandad's four kids (and then the two grandkids on her side, and the 12 on our side). And that would be a lot of money, I'd think.

If I necro this thread in a few year's time it'll be because something bad happened.

 ProtoClone wrote:
The will did name her in charge of the estate, "executrix" I believe is what it used but "executor" is what I will use. It also said she was entitled to some money for her efforts on handling the estate. I am thinking the car is her payment for her role as executor of the will and care of the house.

Yeah, that's why its a really good idea to name an executor who isn't a direct beneficiary of the will. I mean, its too late now in this case, but it's still generally good advice for anyone else reading this thread.

Heres another fun tip, have someone watch your house while you are at the viewing/funeral.

When My Grandpa Passed away we had to deal with what would happen with the stuff in the house, boy was that annoying, 3 days after he died we had a big fight between who got what. All i got was an american flag with 48 stars and my grandpa's ww2-korean veteran hat(i have to wear that someday to mess with people)
The worse was the money. They decided to try to do something meaningful with it, but my drunken aunt demanded she get it for her kids, my mom just wanted it to end and my other aunt did as well(her kids where grown up by then, no need of money) They ended up splitting it. All getting an equal share. My aunt did not spend it on here kid but something else.
My mom and aunts gave there to me so i can go to school.
My recommendation, If she doesn't give in to your demands, take it to court.

I have no personal experiences but when my grandfather and grandmother died their was a war between my father and 3 sisters over property, gold coins, antiques, guns, 100k in IMB stock, bonds, jewelry, some old car and crap load of booze.

It didn't end well for anyone.

Well, an update.

Talked to my mother about the car. She said the will stated she got all personal effects that belonged to my grandmother and that included the car; she also said I signed something agreeing to it. So I have to now go through my paper work and check to see if this is true...but more importantly, I had to move before Thursday. Luckily my wife and I already found a place and have moved, we just need to unpack. Once the moving dust settles and the shows we are putting on are done, we will look in to that.

Good luck to you.

My dad died about a year ago, and there was a meager pension we were supposed to be able to collect. We eventually gave up - the loopholes and paperwork and endless, endless nonsense just eventually wore us down. I hope you can stay stronger then we did.

When my mom died and I had to work through both parental estates, there was a public notice period. The Wife thought that: 1) that was funny as there are no other living relatives; 2) they had no real assets; 3) if someone else appeared to try to contest them it would be the worst and last mistake of their suddenly cut short lives.

The last time there was a funeral I was involved in, I was too young to be a factor in it. My immediate family is dysfunctional enough to hate each other so much that I doubt anyone's getting left anything, and if they are, then there's going to be such a shitstorm fistfight for it that I'm going to want nothing to do with it. There was already bitching and moaning about my grandparents possessions as early as 5-10 years ago. I find it pretty disgusting, but I guess when you measure life by the money you have, well, at least you know your priorities.

Funerals and weddings. Never seen anything bring out the worst in people quite like funerals and weddings. Good luck man.