Forum adverts like this one are shown to any user who is not logged in. Join us by filling out a tiny 3 field form and you will get your own, free, dakka user account which gives a good range of benefits to you: No adverts like this in the forums anymore. Times and dates in your local timezone. Full tracking of what you have read so you can skip to your first unread post, easily see what has changed since you last logged in, and easily see what is new at a glance. Email notifications for threads you want to watch closely. Being a part of the oldest wargaming community on the net. If you are already a member then feel free to login now.

First, almost everyone has hobbies. People need to spend time on something enjoyable. There's really nothing geekier or sillier about wargames than there is about sports and sports trivia, being really into TV shows or movies, beer, or whatever. It's like when a guy asks the question (which comes up periodically), "What do I tell my girlfriend who complains that I got out gaming a couple of nights a week?" You tell her that you could be out with the guys at the bar or the strip club, spending a lot more money on things that are bad for you and/or other women.

If a person doesn't have any hobbies, think how much that must suck for them, and your sense of pity should overcome any sensitivity to their words.

Second, in terms of cost, it's honestly cheap next to a lot of other grownup hobbies. Like skiing, paintball, motorcycles, restoring cars, or sports. Try pricing ski equipment or hockey equipment some time. Then check out how often that stuff needs to be repaired, maintained, and replaced due to breakage. Now, if you genuinely spend more on your hobby than you can afford, some criticism might be legimate. You do have to keep stuff within your means. Thankfully, a fair percentage of the cost can be recouped by secondhand resale, with or without doing a little commission painting. You can't re-sell a broken ski or bike helmet when you're done with it.

Third, part of growing up is just not being concerned about whether your hobbies and interests LOOK grown up. And conversely, the fact that a friend or peer is concerned about the appearance of maturity is usually a sign of their own immaturity or lack of confidence. As CS Lewis put it so well:

Critics who treat adult as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adult themselves. To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence. And in childhood and adolescence they are, in moderation, healthy symptoms. Young things ought to want to grow. But to carry on into middle life or even into early manhood this concern about being adult is a mark of really arrested development.

When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up. "On Three Ways of Writing for Children" (1952)

The vast majority of my friends know that I play 40K and other mini games, as do a good portion of my works colleauges.

A good portion of those also think it it a sad/pathetic/pointless/other adjective hobby.

But the difference is they are (mostly) adults who have managed to drag their levels of maturity to a sufficient level that they are capable of interacting in a meaningful way with someone who is not a carbon-copy of their accepted social norm.

Seriously though, you sound like you are still in education of some description. When I was in school, most of the people that ridiculed warhams did so while sneaking a cigarette round the back of the building during times when they should be in lessons, and 6 years later have achieved nothing for themselves except becoming teenage parents or getting criminal records, so I wouldn't worry about it.


Or, as an alternative, try the out 'disturbance in the force' routine, allow me to demonstrate:
Them: Your hobby is sad, and that makes you an idiot!
You: Can you hear that? *act like you are listening intently to something*
Them: (they will respond with something like, 'hear what?' or 'what?' etc)
You: I thought I just heard the sound of someone not giving a shizzle what you think. *stroll smugly off into the sunset, your cowboy hat tipped slightly forwards over your eyes and your scarf wafting gently in the breeze*.

College, so yeah I am. I think that people learn you play a minitures game and they unconciously file it away in case they need to feel superior to you in a later conversation.

As a side note, the young lady in question has a kid by a different guythan the one shes with now, works in a salon and...yeah. I feel better now.

My friends outside the hobby just roll their eyes and get back to their beer. My friends inside the hobby look at my car, roll their eyes, and get back to rolling dice. I cant win in either world really.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
My own dad.
He asked how much i spent on my hobby in that past 4-5 years, i said 5000$(i know realize it was a gross overestimation) and he said i shouldnt expect a car from him because that could pay for my own.

Your father is absolutely right. If I was in his shoes I'd say exactly the same thing to my son.

 Albatross wrote:

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
My own dad.
He asked how much i spent on my hobby in that past 4-5 years, i said 5000$(i know realize it was a gross overestimation) and he said i shouldnt expect a car from him because that could pay for my own.

Your father is absolutely right. If I was in his shoes I'd say exactly the same thing to my son.

Yep.

If someone insults my hobby, I actually agree with them that it is really stupid and a waste of money. I then ask them what they do with genuine curiousity.

The average person has 2.03 friends*, and I think the recent studies state Americans have even fewer. People are actually dying for a real human connection with someone else who actually cares. If you give that to people, they generally stop being jerks.



*= Source:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/facebook/8876376/Most-adults-have-only-two-close-friends.html

Depends on my mood-varies from ignoring them through sarky and insulting comments to violence. suffice to say though the last one only occurs when i am to far south of sanity/patience to care and even then only when there chavs and even then ones i HATE

 Albatross wrote:

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
My own dad.
He asked how much i spent on my hobby in that past 4-5 years, i said 5000$(i know realize it was a gross overestimation) and he said i shouldnt expect a car from him because that could pay for my own.

Your father is absolutely right. If I was in his shoes I'd say exactly the same thing to my son.

Did i mention this was after he already offered to buy me a car?



Automatically Appended Next Post:

 Easy E wrote:
If someone insults my hobby, I actually agree with them that it is really stupid and a waste of money. I then ask them what they do with genuine curiousity.

The average person has 2.03 friends*, and I think the recent studies state Americans have even fewer. People are actually dying for a real human connection with someone else who actually cares. If you give that to people, they generally stop being jerks.



*= Source:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/facebook/8876376/Most-adults-have-only-two-close-friends.html

That is true. I have, at most, 1 good friend who i do things with. But im Still Chummy with many people(including co-workers and games)

 Frazzled wrote:

 KalashnikovMarine wrote:
Actually just ran in to this myself last night, someone was mocking my collection of "small women" (I play Sisters) and asked if they keep me company at night. (where's the "eyeroll" ork when you need it?) Annoying but inconsequential. Especially when the reason I took up wargaming beyond thinking the models were cool is to help train my manual dexterity higher for work as a gunsmith...

You just gotta step off and give 0 feths. Just like anyone else who wants to talk smack, pity them and their crippling lack of self confidence.

See in times past I'd just wip out a brace of full auto wiener dogs and let the unnecessary bloodletting commence. Now I have a wife and muscle bound teenage boy. They protect me from all the scary monsters. Mess with me and I'll get my wife and she'll kick your ass.

I will see your "brace of weiner dogs" and raise you a "Stanley the Honey Badger" for the win....oh and Im not giving him any smokes for a week prior....he should be good and fething pissed....

 quickfuze wrote:

 Frazzled wrote:

 KalashnikovMarine wrote:
Actually just ran in to this myself last night, someone was mocking my collection of "small women" (I play Sisters) and asked if they keep me company at night. (where's the "eyeroll" ork when you need it?) Annoying but inconsequential. Especially when the reason I took up wargaming beyond thinking the models were cool is to help train my manual dexterity higher for work as a gunsmith...

You just gotta step off and give 0 feths. Just like anyone else who wants to talk smack, pity them and their crippling lack of self confidence.

See in times past I'd just wip out a brace of full auto wiener dogs and let the unnecessary bloodletting commence. Now I have a wife and muscle bound teenage boy. They protect me from all the scary monsters. Mess with me and I'll get my wife and she'll kick your ass.

I will see your "brace of weiner dogs" and raise you a "Stanley the Honey Badger" for the win....oh and Im not giving him any smokes for a week prior....he should be good and fething pissed....

Honeybadger is is sweet sweet nectar to a dachshund. After all, they aren't named BADGER DOGS because they like to bug you.

That video is EPIC!!!


Thanks for a good laugh.....

Never happens to me, largely because I'm a very closeted nerd. My visible hobbies are sailing, gunsports, golf, and I'm working on my pilot's license. Nobody but my girlfriend knows the ridiculous amount of time I waste on the goings-on of the grimdark far future.

 quickfuze wrote:
That video is EPIC!!!


Thanks for a good laugh.....

The honor, is to serve.

 Cortez667 wrote:
So someone used the fact that her boyfriend didn't "spend most of his free time painting little toy soldiers and fictious charaters" to claim that he was better than me.

Anyone ever run into this bs? I know it shouldn't but that gak stung a little bit.

How old are you and this lady in question?

I have a degree, a good job, great friends, and a girlfriend.

I don't need anyone's opinion on what I do in my spare time, and neither should you. That's High School bs right there.

 kronk wrote:

 Cortez667 wrote:
So someone used the fact that her boyfriend didn't "spend most of his free time painting little toy soldiers and fictious charaters" to claim that he was better than me.

Anyone ever run into this bs? I know it shouldn't but that gak stung a little bit.

How old are you and this lady in question?

I have a degree, a good job, great friends, and a girlfriend.

I don't need anyone's opinion on what I do in my spare time, and neither should you. That's High School bs right there.

Exactly.

A friend of mine knew I was into WH40k (probably due to Facebook) but she seemed perfectly okay with it, I told her that I'm planning to sell off a big chunk of it anyway and she said don't sell something that you put a lot of time into and enjoy.

Whereas on the opposite side of the scale another person of whom I happen to know saw me in GW whilst walking somewhere. The next day she was making all kinds of sarcastic remarks about it being 'cool' and GW is where all the 'cool' people hang out. I just ignored her.

So overall it really depends on who you hang round with and how much of a mature view on life they have.

Meet the sarcasim with affirmation and thanks for the compliments. It'll confuse them

To the OP, like it has been said, who cares what you do with your free time. I was in a fraternity during my college years, and while most people were off getting hammered, my small group of friends and I would play DnD, it's what we did and in fact still do (I occasionally drive back down to play some Pathfinder). But I used to play 40k with my buddy on a pool table in our fraternity house, we would have people stop buy and ask us. Just act friendly. Be like, "This is like a board game that takes place in the future. These guys are orks, think of them as drunkards, and these guys are the valiant heroes the Space Marines." If they don't give a gak, then continue playing lol.

 Mannahnin wrote:
You tell her that you could be out with the guys at the bar or the strip club, spending a lot more money on things that are bad for you and/or other women.

On this note, I was at a local strip club where some of my co-workers (who know I paint and play with minis) were talking with a friend who dances there. And she was painting up a scale model of one of my co-workers' car. (A beautiful Chevy Camaro). She mentioned having issues getting it glossy, just shined and waxed look. And I mentioned that I have some gloss varnish that is perfect for models lol, and she was like, "the feth?" I told her about my painting, etc... and she asked if I knew a decent way to paint brown leather. I gave her a simple recipe, told her where she could buy some paints near where we were, and offered to give her a small brush if she didn't have a small enough one...

I think it's up to myself to gauge my audience as well when talking to others about hobbies. Generally, I don't speak about my gaming activities with non-gamers because I can tell they won't care for it. Which is fine. I also don't hate on others for their activities, even if it's completely uninteresting to me. I also don't avoid questions about what I do enjoy, but I don't launch into a dissertation about it because I honestly hate when that happens to me. Of course, to reiterate what others have said, if a modest shrug of the shoulders at someone's dislike for your hobby doesn't dissuade a barrage of insults, you likely need to find more mature company to spend your time with.

 Mannahnin wrote:
You tell her that you could be out with the guys at the bar or the strip club, spending a lot more money on things that are bad for you and/or other women.

Also, Jackie Kashian has a great bit about this and getting a nerd husband "You don't have to wonder where he's at. Dude's always home, organizing his action figures."

I find that people will insult your hobby to cover up the fact they have a potentially embarrassing hobby of their own.
For example, This guy at my high school found out I played 40K and berated me for it for months. However it turns out he was secretly playing Flames of War for the entire time. But I was nice, and kept his secret.

 Frazzled wrote:

 kronk wrote:

 Cortez667 wrote:
So someone used the fact that her boyfriend didn't "spend most of his free time painting little toy soldiers and fictious charaters" to claim that he was better than me.

Anyone ever run into this bs? I know it shouldn't but that gak stung a little bit.

How old are you and this lady in question?

I have a degree, a good job, great friends, and a girlfriend.

I don't need anyone's opinion on what I do in my spare time, and neither should you. That's High School bs right there.

Exactly.

Best answer right there!
I play WM/Hordes with cops, firefighters, and a paramedic. Several of them were active duty military overseas; no one really has the nerve to make fun of several large tattooed men playing with "toy soldiers". Just ignore people who make fun of your hobby most people are just ignorant.

It doesn't really matter whether miniatures wargaming is somehow "objectively" a geeky, stupid waste of time. Who can answer that question?

All that matters is that this particular girl thinks that it is -- well, that's all that matters as long as you let it be all that matters. So, if you really want to pine away after some chick who already has a boyfriend and, on top of that, likes to put you down, then by all means, give up your hobbies and become a pathetic tag-along stuck in the friend zone.

Or, you know, be your own person.

 Albatross wrote:

Your father is absolutely right. If I was in his shoes I'd say exactly the same thing to my son.

Alternatively, if you don't buy your kid a car he will endlessly ask to borrow it, and further leech off you because getting a job in the US is difficult if you lack reliable transportation.

 dogma wrote:

 Albatross wrote:

Your father is absolutely right. If I was in his shoes I'd say exactly the same thing to my son.

Alternatively, if you don't buy your kid a car he will endlessly ask to borrow it, and further leech off you because getting a job in the US is difficult if you lack reliable transportation.

Or you can just work your ass off and buy your own car. I did in HS. Still have it. '95 Corolla.

 KalashnikovMarine wrote:

Or you can just work your ass off and buy your own car. I did in HS. Still have it. '95 Corolla.

Again, depends on where you live. I had to hitch rides from my parents to get to work, which I'm certain was an inconvenience (Eventually they bought me a car because it was annoying to wake up early.). I guess I could have ridden a bike, but given that sweat is a thing, and smell is a thing, I probably would not have been allowed to work there long if I had done so.

Actually, a common interview question in every small job I've applied to is "How are you getting here?" It isn't just about a transportation strategy either. I've encountered places that won't hire you because you need to use public transit. And in the Chicago suburbs if you're not walking, or driving a car, you are not employable.

At that point the question becomes "How do I buy a car if no one will hire me?"

I was lucky to have a job across a parking lot from my high school. I worked into the evenings after my parents got off of work and could pick me up with less inconvenience to them than otherwise. At least until I had saved enough to buy my own car. I suspect behind every "earned every penny" type story there are supportive friends and families.

 dogma wrote:

 KalashnikovMarine wrote:

Or you can just work your ass off and buy your own car. I did in HS. Still have it. '95 Corolla.

Again, depends on where you live. I had to hitch rides from my parents to get to work, which I'm certain was an inconvenience (Eventually they bought me a car because it was annoying to wake up early.). I guess I could have ridden a bike, but given that sweat is a thing, and smell is a thing, I probably would not have been allowed to work there long if I had done so.

Actually, a common interview question in every small job I've applied to is "How are you getting here?" It isn't just about a transportation strategy either. I've encountered places that won't hire you because you need to use public transit. And in the Chicago suburbs if you're not walking, or driving a car, you are not employable.

At that point the question becomes "How do I buy a car if no one will hire me?"

Put all of your minis on ebay and shelf wargaming as a hobby until you have the means to afford it independently? I dunno, I guess it's just a cultural thing. I've genuinely never heard of people not getting hired because they don't own or have access to a car. Hell, I'm 30 and I still ride the bus to work.

 Albatross wrote:

 dogma wrote:

 KalashnikovMarine wrote:

Or you can just work your ass off and buy your own car. I did in HS. Still have it. '95 Corolla.

Again, depends on where you live. I had to hitch rides from my parents to get to work, which I'm certain was an inconvenience (Eventually they bought me a car because it was annoying to wake up early.). I guess I could have ridden a bike, but given that sweat is a thing, and smell is a thing, I probably would not have been allowed to work there long if I had done so.

Actually, a common interview question in every small job I've applied to is "How are you getting here?" It isn't just about a transportation strategy either. I've encountered places that won't hire you because you need to use public transit. And in the Chicago suburbs if you're not walking, or driving a car, you are not employable.

At that point the question becomes "How do I buy a car if no one will hire me?"

Put all of your minis on ebay and shelf wargaming as a hobby until you have the means to afford it independently? I dunno, I guess it's just a cultural thing. I've genuinely never heard of people not getting hired because they don't own or have access to a car. Hell, I'm 30 and I still ride the bus to work.

It's not as much a cultural thing as it is an America is spread out thing. Even in the areas with decent public transit (which is rare, for example I live in a city of several hundred thousand and a car is really the only reliable way to get any where without three hours on a bus) public transit is generally unreliable if not out right dangerous. Owning a vehicle is also seen as a sign of personal responsibility and reliability.

Yeah, I didnt get a job because i ride on my bike.
And i am now saving up for a car. or more like gas money because my dad fliped, i can now get one of his other cars.
But OT: Generally im afraid of people thinking im stuck up because of my hobby, it being expensive and all.