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Creed, Cain, Nurgle.

The birth of Slaanesh was pretty funny IMO. It just warms my heart.

How the greatest Blood Angel can smash up the greatest of Grey Knights

How much Matt Ward hates women and other Space Marines chapters.

How has nobody mentioned Dorothy getting through the maze of Tzeentch?

What about the Dark Angels? I think that one's the best just because it's kinda subtle. Lionel Johnson, haha. Poor angsty, gay Dark Angels.

The fact that manufacturing basic optics to them even on a forge world is that hard. For example in Dark Heresy they have a special scope that is super ultra mega rare. Yet, we have a real world analog (ACOG) that is super easy to find, and relatively cheap. To the point where many US soldiers/civilians are paying out of pocket to get their own

Scorpions the size of battle tanks...men dying from something called Eye Rot. And trees that advance on you when you're not looking. Oh how that Catachan officer is describing a Deathworld much like Catachan always makes me chuckle.

 Veteran Sergeant wrote:
What about the Dark Angels? I think that one's the best just because it's kinda subtle. Lionel Johnson, haha. Poor angsty, gay Dark Angels.

I'm not sure I get that one.

Nevie wrote:

 Veteran Sergeant wrote:
What about the Dark Angels? I think that one's the best just because it's kinda subtle. Lionel Johnson, haha. Poor angsty, gay Dark Angels.

I'm not sure I get that one.

Google Lionel Johnson and his poem "The Dark Angel" for further insight.

Nevie wrote:

 Veteran Sergeant wrote:
Lionel Johnson, haha. Poor angsty, gay Dark Angels.

I'm not sure I get that one.

Dark Angels Primarch Lion El'Johnson. English poet Lionel Johnson who wrote angsty poetry about how he'd like to come out but didn't dare. There's parts of his poetry in the DA fluff too, from at least one of his more famous poems.

Spetulhu wrote:

Nevie wrote:

 Veteran Sergeant wrote:
Lionel Johnson, haha. Poor angsty, gay Dark Angels.

I'm not sure I get that one.

Dark Angels Primarch Lion El'Johnson. English poet Lionel Johnson who wrote angsty poetry about how he'd like to come out but didn't dare. There's parts of his poetry in the DA fluff too, from at least one of his more famous poems.

The poem most people would think of is more about the struggle between his sexuality and his religion rather than not having the balls to come out...
Thus Dark Angel.

Some guy in Titanicus has a shop that sells minature soldiers.
Heh...

The Entire Codex: Orks

That will be all.

Some of the primarch names really are rdiculous and the current line of BL/FW fiction having to deal with them with a straight face can be pretty funny.

Always thought it was odd how little bearing some of the names had on the nature of their legions - you have a dude called Horus, and yet the egypt-themed legion is led by Magnus, which you'd expect to be the name of the viking-themed legion, but etc

At the same time, some of them tie in a little too well. Corvus Corax? Russ is lucky he didn't end up called Canis Lupus

 FearTheHappyChair wrote:
Some guy in Titanicus has a shop that sells minature soldiers.
Heh...

Clockwork wind-up titans that could walk and repairing a bunch of figures lamed on a "carpet battlefield."

The Stardust Empire

That is laughable.

Oh, there was some Last Chancer fluff that always make me laugh....

So the majority of them are in for murder and insubordination. But "Grease Monkey" the Pilot? Stealing the Eldar Grav Tank of a visiting Eldar Emissary.

Always had this vision on a planetary governor and an Eldar Seer about to shake hands after a series of grueling meetings over some dispute, then a runaway grav transport comes up from over a hill and crashes into a tree. Was it really worth it, Pilot?

Blood Angels sucking blood - it sucks - and WHY THEY DO THAT? ...Black rage is Ok, sucking is not,,,,
Magnus attacking undefended fort and losing...
Bequa Kynska attempt to sex that dude ("Fulgrim")

A scene from a BL novel (Eye of Terror?). Dark Angels investigate chaos activity on a moon. When they pull up, the moon explodes and tons of dread claws attack the battle barge. In the battle, the DA hero comes across a World Eater champion just steam rolling through marines, so he cheap shots the guy in the head w/ his bolter butt.

The force of the blow turns the Berzerkers helmet sidways so he's looking through the earhole. The zerker rips off the helmet (they're in space now), and starts screaming at the DA hero shooting foam and everything, but its quiet, so the DA hero can't hear what the guy is yelling as his face starts freezing over (space does that). Anyway the zerker stiffens up so the DA guy kicks him off the battlebarge, right when a giant explosion propels his off into space. He becomes lost in space, floating for like 10k and floats into the eye of terror. Apparently space marines have solar power backup systems.

Im not making this up now... SPOILER: He wakes up in the eye of terror on a planet. One of the Fallen finds him, and tells him Horus won, this is what the universe is like now, and tries to corrupt him to chaos.

Phydox wrote:
A scene from a BL novel (Eye of Terror?). Dark Angels investigate chaos activity on a moon. When they pull up, the moon explodes and tons of dread claws attack the battle barge. In the battle, the DA hero comes across a World Eater champion just steam rolling through marines, so he cheap shots the guy in the head w/ his bolter butt.

The force of the blow turns the Berzerkers helmet sidways so he's looking through the earhole. The zerker rips off the helmet (they're in space now), and starts screaming at the DA hero shooting foam and everything, but its quiet, so the DA hero can't hear what the guy is yelling as his face starts freezing over (space does that). Anyway the zerker stiffens up so the DA guy kicks him off the battlebarge, right when a giant explosion propels his off into space. He becomes lost in space, floating for like 10k and floats into the eye of terror. Apparently space marines have solar power backup systems.

Im not making this up now... SPOILER: He wakes up in the eye of terror on a planet. One of the Fallen finds him, and tells him Horus won, this is what the universe is like now, and tries to corrupt him to chaos.

^LOL - you just make my day...

I'm not an Ultramarine fanboy btw, i have to edit my profile it seems, i have a balanced opinion on the legions. chapters and primarchs as my one friend and dakka user loves Ultramarines and talks about them 24/7 haha.

so Mathew ward. Here comes the rant im so sorry (not!)

I really dislike how Warhammer: Horus Heresy, and the 40k setting are to be frank. I love it still but it really makes me fugging angry in the words of Bronzi.

In 30k the Ultramarines have high numbers because of the way Roboute guilliman has set up his sector of planets he is able to recruit many astartes quickly, he is efficient, organized, and is possibly and arguably one of the best strategists. Because of Horus we all hate the Ultramarines in 40k, Why? Because Lorgar failed hard. The Ultramarines possibly absorbed many thousands of astartes from a lost or purged legion we dont know for sure yet; and never lost many battle brothers in 30k even during the great crusade Roboute guilliman lost fewer soldiers then any other Primarch. Therefore with the reasons I've stated we hate them, Oh i forgot to mention they have the purest gene-seed. Im not sure why, theres no explanation for this except for that they just are. Im pretty sure the Imperial fists or Iron Hands are the most loyal servants to the emperor but while Mathew ward was at it he threw that in the codex as well. As i was saying we hate them because other then there Roman style when it comes to names, ships, they have nothing special about them they are good whether we want to admit it or not, at every role. Fans hate this, the imperium loves it, 90% of chapters are created from Ultramarines gene-seed. Why ? its obvious in a galaxy thats constantly changing and xenos,mutants,heretics are on a rampage you need a chapter to fulfill every roll, unfortunately thats the smurfs. Because Horus failed at striking Guilliman hard, every fan on 40k has to suffer with the fact that the ' Scouring ' happened. A time in history where the damn Ultramarines basically saved humanity's arse for a long time, and thanks to Roboute we are saved. This small fact is the fuel and embers that every smurf fan loves. WHY WHY WHY did this have to be in the god dam fluff. Its like Mat ward was like oh because these guys are roman they will totally pwn everyone and totally save the fricken day! Guillimon is the bestest! tehe. >.< RAGE ! Because of all of this bad writting on Graham McNeil's part and matt ward we get Calgar who beats an avatar........... i'm sorry but no. Just no. People and writers forget that a Chapter master isnt some half godly figure. A Chapter master is generally just a wise space marine who is generally the oldest and has more battle experience and has a balanced way of dealing with situations. To go with this they generally have modified terminator armour and a few weapons from the heresy etc. A Chapter master is just as good as fighting melee as a captain, he has a slight advantage due to relics and a small amount more experience of course butt hey are not leagues ahead. I hate how Calgar kills an avatar its kills to to the core. To top it all off Ultramarine fans always say they are the best legion and the best chapter. It drives me crazy NO ULTRAMARINES ARE NOT THE BEST THE WAY THE UNIVERSE HAS WORKED OUT THE ONLY REASON THEY SAVE THE GALAXY IS BECAUSE THEY HAD LIKE 150 000 MEN OR MORE! ANYOTHER PRIMARCH WITH A LARGE ARMY COULD HAVE DONE THE SAME! i Hate how unbalanced and stupid things have gotten.

An average ultramarine is no better at firing a bolter then any other space marine
An average ultramarine is no better and close combat fighting then any other space marine
An average ultramarine is no stronger or faster then any other legionnaire, to be honest and open minded, i think its fair to say they would be one of the weakest and slowest.

FOR SOME REASON

An average ultramarine has more purity
An average ultramarine always wins ???????????????????????????????
An average ultramarine is just better then all the other chapters and legions and everyone aspires to be like them for some reason? If i was a Salamander or a Raven guard space marines i would never want to strive to be like an Ultramarine, at least they have personality and ARE GOOD AT THEIR ROLES. NOT JUST BETTER THEN EVERYONE FOR NO REAL REASON!

BLEH. "Thats all you get"

The void dragon being the reason mankind has still technology - priceless!

 Frecklesonfire wrote:
I'm not an Ultramarine fanboy btw, i have to edit my profile it seems, i have a balanced opinion on the legions. chapters and primarchs as my one friend and dakka user loves Ultramarines and talks about them 24/7 haha.

so Mathew ward. Here comes the rant im so sorry (not!)

I really dislike how Warhammer: Horus Heresy, and the 40k setting are to be frank. I love it still but it really makes me fugging angry in the words of Bronzi.

In 30k the Ultramarines have high numbers because of the way Roboute guilliman has set up his sector of planets he is able to recruit many astartes quickly, he is efficient, organized, and is possibly and arguably one of the best strategists. Because of Horus we all hate the Ultramarines in 40k, Why? Because Lorgar failed hard. The Ultramarines possibly absorbed many thousands of astartes from a lost or purged legion we dont know for sure yet; and never lost many battle brothers in 30k even during the great crusade Roboute guilliman lost fewer soldiers then any other Primarch. Therefore with the reasons I've stated we hate them, Oh i forgot to mention they have the purest gene-seed. Im not sure why, theres no explanation for this except for that they just are. Im pretty sure the Imperial fists or Iron Hands are the most loyal servants to the emperor but while Mathew ward was at it he threw that in the codex as well. As i was saying we hate them because other then there Roman style when it comes to names, ships, they have nothing special about them they are good whether we want to admit it or not, at every role. Fans hate this, the imperium loves it, 90% of chapters are created from Ultramarines gene-seed. Why ? its obvious in a galaxy thats constantly changing and xenos,mutants,heretics are on a rampage you need a chapter to fulfill every roll, unfortunately thats the smurfs. Because Horus failed at striking Guilliman hard, every fan on 40k has to suffer with the fact that the ' Scouring ' happened. A time in history where the damn Ultramarines basically saved humanity's arse for a long time, and thanks to Roboute we are saved. This small fact is the fuel and embers that every smurf fan loves. WHY WHY WHY did this have to be in the god dam fluff. Its like Mat ward was like oh because these guys are roman they will totally pwn everyone and totally save the fricken day! Guillimon is the bestest! tehe. >.< RAGE ! Because of all of this bad writting on Graham McNeil's part and matt ward we get Calgar who beats an avatar........... i'm sorry but no. Just no. People and writers forget that a Chapter master isnt some half godly figure. A Chapter master is generally just a wise space marine who is generally the oldest and has more battle experience and has a balanced way of dealing with situations. To go with this they generally have modified terminator armour and a few weapons from the heresy etc. A Chapter master is just as good as fighting melee as a captain, he has a slight advantage due to relics and a small amount more experience of course butt hey are not leagues ahead. I hate how Calgar kills an avatar its kills to to the core. To top it all off Ultramarine fans always say they are the best legion and the best chapter. It drives me crazy NO ULTRAMARINES ARE NOT THE BEST THE WAY THE UNIVERSE HAS WORKED OUT THE ONLY REASON THEY SAVE THE GALAXY IS BECAUSE THEY HAD LIKE 150 000 MEN OR MORE! ANYOTHER PRIMARCH WITH A LARGE ARMY COULD HAVE DONE THE SAME! i Hate how unbalanced and stupid things have gotten.

An average ultramarine is no better at firing a bolter then any other space marine
An average ultramarine is no better and close combat fighting then any other space marine
An average ultramarine is no stronger or faster then any other legionnaire, to be honest and open minded, i think its fair to say they would be one of the weakest and slowest.

FOR SOME REASON

An average ultramarine has more purity
An average ultramarine always wins ???????????????????????????????
An average ultramarine is just better then all the other chapters and legions and everyone aspires to be like them for some reason? If i was a Salamander or a Raven guard space marines i would never want to strive to be like an Ultramarine, at least they have personality and ARE GOOD AT THEIR ROLES. NOT JUST BETTER THEN EVERYONE FOR NO REAL REASON!

BLEH. "Thats all you get"

Dude, this is not funny, this is tragic, and it really bugs me that the BA are on the path in becoming something similar...

Hehe how about the Mentors with all their hyberbole. Five members from them rescued 350 Flesh Tearers. Which is a bad thing (I really take the stand the Flesh Tearers should be cleansed by the Sororitas and not protected). I don't have too much against the hyperbole surrounding the Chapter Masters. There have been even worse than Calgar taking out an Avatar of Khaine. F.ex. Pariah Chapter Master of the Sons of Dorn (How the hell did that happen?), the Sanguinator taking the mightiest Bloodthirster of Khorne on a joy-ride, after chopping off one of his wings than dropping it from 2000 meters leaving a large crater full of demon-goo. And you have Kaldor Draigo who is a High Lord of Terra whenever he returns from vandalizing the Gardens of Eden, I meant Nurgle. He is the oldest Supreme Grandmaster of the Grey Knights.

Of course reading about the Ultramarines is better avoided lest you risk getting an ulcer.

 Beaviz81 wrote:
Hehe how about the Mentors with all their hyberbole. Five members from them rescued 350 Flesh Tearers. Which is a bad thing (I really take the stand the Flesh Tearers should be cleansed by the Sororitas and not protected). I don't have too much against the hyperbole surrounding the Chapter Masters. There have been even worse than Calgar taking out an Avatar of Khaine. F.ex. Pariah Chapter Master of the Sons of Dorn (How the hell did that happen?), the Sanguinator taking the mightiest Bloodthirster of Khorne on a joy-ride, after chopping off one of his wings than dropping it from 2000 meters leaving a large crater full of demon-goo. And you have Kaldor Draigo who is a High Lord of Terra whenever he returns from vandalizing the Gardens of Eden, I meant Nurgle. He is the oldest Supreme Grandmaster of the Grey Knights.

Of course reading about the Ultramarines is better avoided lest you risk getting an ulcer.

I'm getting an ulcer from the BA too epic fluff - In "Fear to tread" Sanguniator was suppose to lose...but nooooo, Mary Sue was better, just got suckerpunched by a spear of truth, and later...well you know....ty Swallow for screwing "Battle for Terra"...
And I will add vampires who suck blood without any reason and have a ghost behind their back, librarian mephistophelis (or something like that) who is stronger than primarch, and one of the best duelist in the IoM and they have oldest grandmaster in whole galaxy...oooo,add deep striking landraiders ....
P.S.
Yes the FT should be purged - I' pissed myself from laughter when DC was growling in "Stormarck massacre"...

 A Kvlt Ghost wrote:
Some of the primarch names really are rdiculous and the current line of BL/FW fiction having to deal with them with a straight face can be pretty funny.

Always thought it was odd how little bearing some of the names had on the nature of their legions - you have a dude called Horus, and yet the egypt-themed legion is led by Magnus, which you'd expect to be the name of the viking-themed legion, but etc

At the same time, some of them tie in a little too well. Corvus Corax? Russ is lucky he didn't end up called Canis Lupus

I don't think any of that would be considered ridiculous by BL staff and cause them to struggle to keep a straight face. But some of the naming can be akward.

For example Prosper and Caliban, the home worlds of the Thousand Sons and the Dark Angels respectively, are both characters in Shakespeare's The Tempest. Prospero is clearly related in that in the play he is a great sorcerer and the TS are known for their use of magic. Caliban on the other hand is Prospero's mutant slave who tried to rape his daughter and plotted to kill him.

 Frecklesonfire wrote:
In 30k the Ultramarines have high numbers because of the way Roboute guilliman has set up his sector of planets he is able to recruit many astartes quickly, he is efficient, organized, and is possibly and arguably one of the best strategists. Because of Horus we all hate the Ultramarines in 40k, Why? Because Lorgar failed hard. The Ultramarines possibly absorbed many thousands of astartes from a lost or purged legion we dont know for sure yet; and never lost many battle brothers in 30k even during the great crusade Roboute guilliman lost fewer soldiers then any other Primarch. Therefore with the reasons I've stated we hate them, Oh i forgot to mention they have the purest gene-seed. Im not sure why, theres no explanation for this except for that they just are. Im pretty sure the Imperial fists or Iron Hands are the most loyal servants to the emperor but while Mathew ward was at it he threw that in the codex as well.

Oh all of your misguided rage is hilarious.


Mat Ward didn't write any of that. All of the above comes from 1995's Codex: Ultramarines, written by Rick Priestley, one of the original creators of 40K...

i Hate how unbalanced and stupid things have gotten.

How old were you in 1995?

An average ultramarine is no stronger or faster then any other legionnaire, to be honest and open minded, i think its fair to say they would be one of the weakest and slowest.

Why? What could possibly back this up? It ought to be funny what you come up with, considering all the other lunacy you've posted so far.

Try not to take everything you read on 1d4chan seriously. It's a humor site.

 Garvy wrote:

 Beaviz81 wrote:
Hehe how about the Mentors with all their hyberbole. Five members from them rescued 350 Flesh Tearers. Which is a bad thing (I really take the stand the Flesh Tearers should be cleansed by the Sororitas and not protected). I don't have too much against the hyperbole surrounding the Chapter Masters. There have been even worse than Calgar taking out an Avatar of Khaine. F.ex. Pariah Chapter Master of the Sons of Dorn (How the hell did that happen?), the Sanguinator taking the mightiest Bloodthirster of Khorne on a joy-ride, after chopping off one of his wings than dropping it from 2000 meters leaving a large crater full of demon-goo. And you have Kaldor Draigo who is a High Lord of Terra whenever he returns from vandalizing the Gardens of Eden, I meant Nurgle. He is the oldest Supreme Grandmaster of the Grey Knights.

Of course reading about the Ultramarines is better avoided lest you risk getting an ulcer.

I'm getting an ulcer from the BA too epic fluff - In "Fear to tread" Sanguniator was suppose to lose...but nooooo, Mary Sue was better, just got suckerpunched by a spear of truth, and later...well you know....ty Swallow for screwing "Battle for Terra"...
And I will add vampires who suck blood without any reason and have a ghost behind their back, librarian mephistophelis (or something like that) who is stronger than primarch, and one of the best duelist in the IoM and they have oldest grandmaster in whole galaxy...oooo,add deep striking landraiders ....
P.S.
Yes the FT should be purged - I' pissed myself from laughter when DC was growling in "Stormarck massacre"...

Mind you they still ain't compared to the ultimate human in the universe and winning, and remember who the author is. Writing's answer to Michael Cole. But I agree the BA is horrible writing, especially the part about Dante allying with Necrons. Due to fears from that very same author giving me an ulcer reading the Space Marines Codex I of course have no plans to read the full BA Codex. And note I'm citing medical reasons here.

 Hruotland wrote:
The void dragon being the reason mankind has still technology - priceless!

With the changes to the necron codex, I'm wondering what they are going to do with this in a future HH book. Mechanicum pretty much stated that the void dragon was the real omnisiah and that the design for the golden throne came from the girl who was taking over the watch. I may have to read that one again. The only real way out at this point would be if GW/BL disassociates the void dragon from being a captured c'tan.

Mat Ward didn't write any of that. All of the above comes from 1995's Codex: Ultramarines, written by Rick Priestley, one of the original creators of 40K...

Yup, I agree. That's one of the things I would say that makes me laugh about 40K. All this hate towards the Ultramarines as if their fluff is some new construct of Ultramarines fans, when basically everything about them that exists but the theory about how all other Chapters idolize them (which is dumb) was established in one of the oldest army books of the entire game of 40K and penned by a guy that, at least who used to be, universally loved.

I also smirk when Black Templars players rage about anything that might make their Chapter less cool - especially making it a section of the Space marine codex with special rules, when us old players knew that army as just one of many generic vanilla successors pictured in the Ultramarines Codex, which was the original "Vanilla Codex". And then in 3rd edition when it was an "addendum to the vanilla codex, with special rules".

Also, the fact that the "technology as magic" part of 40K is getting out of hand so badly it's not even funny, but rather confusing. Techpriests don't know how to build anything technological anymore without a magical STC to spit it out, but then they can repair that same technology??? I understand the methods of operation being ritual, but it's getting to the point that GW is portraying humans as cavemen with laserguns.

The emo-ness of the technological stagnation of the Imperium is starting to just be a knee-jerk reaction that makes little sense. Pretty soon they are going to say that the method of making autogun ammo has been "lost to the mists of time", though luckily... Forgeworld XXI-B can still make Warlord Titans.