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Beware of the monkeys!

Hundreds of rare wild monkeys — some carrying herpes — are on the loose in Florida after a tour guide brought the spunky critters to the state long ago.
Wildlife officials said that three pairs of Rhesus monkeys were transported to a park near Ocala in the 1930s by tour operator Colonel Tooey after a “Tarzan” flick sparked a fascination with the creature.

But the breed has since boomed and more than 1,000 of the monkeys now live in the state, wildlife officials say.

State officials have caught more than 700 of the monkeys in the past decade — most of which tested positive for the herpes-B virus.

Wildlife officials now consider the monkeys a public health hazard.

Current Silver River tour operator Captain Tom O’Lenick, 65, defended transporting the animals, claiming people love them.

“Everybody who comes on the river for a tour wants to see the monkeys,” O’Lenick said.

“From my point of view, as a naturalist, I think the planet changes naturally and species do move around, whether that is by man or other means,” he said.

The monkeys were first marooned on a small island near the Silver River. But the creatures learned to swim.

They have since been spotted hundreds of miles away, near Jacksonville, officials said.

“Just like any other wild animal you need to give them space,” said British wildlife photographer Graham McGeorge, 42.

The monkeys eat dirt and spiders and live near rivers.

Sounds like we need to put a bounty on monkey.

Oh god the cast of Jersey Shore is filming in Florida now?

That photo is truly terrifying...god I hate monkeys...but how do they get herpes, did one sleep with Pamela anderson or something?

Well, that just reinforces what I always say: If you see a wild monkey, don't have sex with it.

That's my rule, and it's served me well.

Damnit, First Aids Monkeys now this?
do all our STDs come from people finding monkeys irresistible?

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
do all our STDs come from people finding monkeys irresistible?

Well, at some point - not to be a victim blamer - but we've got to give at least some portion of the blame to the monkeys.



Those sexy, slutty monkeys.

Florida needs change.
Change only one man can make.
Florida needs the Windmaker.

 Ouze wrote:

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
do all our STDs come from people finding monkeys irresistible?

Well, at some point - not to be a victim blamer - but we've got to give at least some portion of the blame to the monkeys.



Those sexy, slutty monkeys.

"Do you like your partner to be kinkier than you?" "Not Possible."

 Ouze wrote:
Well, that just reinforces what I always say: If you see a wild monkey, don't have sex with it.

That's my rule, and it's served me well.

If it isn't human, don't **** it.

This goes for sober or not.

Well, it's more like a guideline.

I hate these blurred lines.

 Ouze wrote:
Well, it's more like a guideline.

C'mon, it's like the first rule of cultistism (the ism of being a cultist).

Ranks up there with:

#2 NEVER admit to ****ing something that wasn't human.

#3 If an object starts to emit light, CLOSE YOUR EYES. Thousands of cultists' eyesight could be saved every year if they followed this one rule.

 Ouze wrote:
Well, that just reinforces what I always say: If you see a wild monkey, don't have sex with it.

That's my rule, and it's served me well.

What if they jump on you and hump your face?

 Skarwael wrote:

 Ouze wrote:
Well, that just reinforces what I always say: If you see a wild monkey, don't have sex with it.

That's my rule, and it's served me well.

What if they jump on you and hump your face?

Depends, are they drunk?

The Mystery Monkey of Tampa Bay was on the loose for years. He was all but immune to tranquilizer darts, scaled buildings and swam in pools. And, of course, once his reign of mischief was over everyone who encountered him had to be tested, for he also had herpes.

I love the OP's picture- that is a smug, sexually tainted monkey if I ever saw one.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
Damnit, First Aids Monkeys now this?
do all our STDs come from people finding monkeys irresistible?

Irresistably tasty.

 Gentleman_Jellyfish wrote:

 Skarwael wrote:

 Ouze wrote:
Well, that just reinforces what I always say: If you see a wild monkey, don't have sex with it.

That's my rule, and it's served me well.

What if they jump on you and hump your face?

Depends, are they drunk?

Let's say yes.

 Ouze wrote:

Isn't that Miley Cyrus?

Nice one marv.

 Ouze wrote:
Well, that just reinforces what I always say: If you see a wild monkey, don't have sex with it.

That's my rule, and it's served me well.

Perhaps Florida hasnt got that memo yet.
In most countries it wont even be necessary to be told.

But seriously, how to monkeys get Herpes to begin with. Cheap shots at the American South aside, human diseases will reach susceptible species in the animal kingdom quickly though through poor sanitary disposal. It only takes one infected person to be careless with disposing of contaminated waste for scavenging animals to get infected.

Maybe they should post signs up warning people,Please keep your Pen#s out of the Monkeys.Or it was a drunk guy thinking he had a real woman...? And to think i wanted a pet helper monkey.. But mine would end up drunk and smoking my cigarettes.Or whooping my ass after i gave him Red neck Kung fu lessons.

They should set the California Plague Squirrels on the Florida Hepatitis Monkeys.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-23464195

Whoever wins, we win!

 Kilkrazy wrote:
They should set the California Plague Squirrels on the Florida Hepatitis Monkeys.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-23464195

Whoever wins, we win!

Until they will join forces in a pledge to end the human menace.

Then sic the drunked feral pigs on them!!

 Kilkrazy wrote:
They should set the California Plague Squirrels on the Florida Hepatitis Monkeys.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-23464195

Whoever wins, we win!

Great.

First Sharknado, now RoboCroc...

And Kilkrazy just pitched the next SyFy movie...

 Jihadnik wrote:
That photo is truly terrifying...god I hate monkeys...but how do they get herpes, did one sleep with Pamela anderson or something?

IIRC Herpes actually originated with monkeys. And obviously one bored human somewhere sometime.

Isn't that how most diseases get started anyway? Some poor sod shacked up with an orangutan? Careful of the reach around.