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http://www.cracked.com/article_20869_5-ways-growing-up-inside-scientology-was-nightmare_p2.html

From what I understand the article is written by a member of the church and was offered to Cracked who have posted it with only slight alterations (insertion of jokes) but is mostly the original writers work.

SOme stuff in there I've never heard of before, some of it is probably what a lot of us expect. A nice insider look at the fact that not everyone in Scientology is a loony who thinks we're all aliens who came to earth in Boeing space craft and about the ways Scientology treats youths. Pretty sure a lot of this stuff is borderline criminal if not outright illegal.

 LordofHats wrote:
A nice insider look at the fact that not everyone in Scientology is a loony who thinks we're all aliens who came to earth in Boeing space craft...

Just the ones who WANT to stay

You'd think that systematic child abuse would lead to a federal investigation into this cult's activities, but apparently not.

trexmeyer wrote:
You'd think that systematic child abuse would lead to a federal investigation into this cult's activities, but apparently not.

If only they didn't have boat loads of cash

Only 5 ways?

 Dreadclaw69 wrote:
Only 5 ways?

My running theory is that the majority of Cracked contributors are constantly stoned and incapable of counting past the number 6.

 LordofHats wrote:

 Dreadclaw69 wrote:
Only 5 ways?

My running theory is that the majority of Cracked contributors are constantly stoned and incapable of counting past the number 6.

Or they operate under the assumption their readers have ADD and can't focus on an article with more than six points. Personally, I like the format they use.

I'm not insulting the format. It works fine. I do seriously think some of the writers from crack are constantly on weed though, cause its not uncommon to find something on that site that reads like it was written while on weed. Their own article about weed essentially reads as some burn out hippie's manifesto on how now weed will never be as cool as it used to be since its legal.

Back on topic; I think point 4 was the one that hit me the most (though evidently members of the church seem to ignore that one at times cause he mentions several cases were people went to a doctor). I'd always been under the impression it was just psychotherapy/psychology that scientology had a beef with, not all medical science.

trexmeyer wrote:

 LordofHats wrote:

 Dreadclaw69 wrote:
Only 5 ways?

My running theory is that the majority of Cracked contributors are constantly stoned and incapable of counting past the number 6.

Or they operate under the assumption their readers have ADD and can't focus on an article with more than six points. Personally, I like the format they use.

Why not both? At least it isn't like the BuzzFeed levels of using gifs for absolutely everything

 Gentleman_Jellyfish wrote:

trexmeyer wrote:
You'd think that systematic child abuse would lead to a federal investigation into this cult's activities, but apparently not.

If only they didn't have boat loads of cash

Tax-free, thanks to Bill Clinton. Remember...they're a "religion."

I had a college professor whose brother worked for the CoS and was raising his family in it. Not a good situation. But of course, should your sibling, parent, etc. raise an objection, your Scientology overlords will pressure you to cut off all contact with them. Also note that the CoS teaches its members that psychiatry is their mortal enemy, so any suggestion you make to a current member regarding psychiatric help or a therapist is automatically going be rejected.

Y'know, it's almost as if the entire thing was carefully planned so that it's very hard to get people out once they're in...

The scary idea is the idea of a confession with no confidentiality cause and how they will tell your kids the horrible stuff you do.
But the touch healing thing is worse.

Also super creepy. I'd say some misunderstandings followed when the psychologist at the normal school asked the scientologist kid where the adults touched him/her, but well... Those are three things that seem to have a habit of not being in the same place at the same time XD

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
The scary idea is the idea of a confession with no confidentiality cause and how they will tell your kids the horrible stuff you do.
But the touch healing thing is worse.

And people wonder why domestic spy-terrorism is a problem.

Thanks for the link. I stopped following cracked due to the constant stream of unfunny SJW "articles" that was cluttering basically every social media feed I have.

I prefer other people to sift through their garbage for the occasional readable article.

LOL... ohh scientologists....

they are so much more fun to bug then JW's... JW's know when to quit, I only got them 10 minutes into the JW southpark before they clued in.

Scientology are far dumber and want recruits no matter what pretty much. Only they dont come around your house, so you dont have the homefeild advantage to prank them.


I HIGHLY recommend going to one of their offices or clinics, and pranking the heck out of them, it is funny... the key is to pull off that you are SERIOUSLY interested, but just keep asking odd questions.

try to have a theme.

they were offering "free stress" tests where you basically hold two metal probes and someone fiddles with dials to get a "reading"

was a long time ago, but it went something like this

"ok easysauce, take these probes and we will get a reading off you"

"I dont think I can fit both of these in my butt at the same time"

"no, just hold them"

"I really dont think I can fit my hands AND the probes in my butt to hold them there"

"just hold them one in each hand, they dont go in your butt"



*grabbed one in each hand* guy fiddles with knobs

*start acting like he is tuning you like a radio, start talking like talk radio, singing random songs (bonus points for hilarious ones)*

"can you be quiet please?"

loudly "Oh my gooood it buuuuurrrnnns"
*drop to the floor like you are bacon in a frying pan, DO NOT LEAVE, stay on the ground frying like bacon for at least 10 minutes. make sure you are making the correct sizzling noises.

*if you plan ahead, now is a good time to use fake blood pills, it really enhances the theatrics*

by now they are likely asking you to leave,

make sure you emphasize how much you want to join them, and how rich you and your very impressionable family are.

start asking them for buss fare, a pen and paper, or a cell/desk phone to borrow so you can call your family, basically, ask them for anything you think they might actually give you.

Put it down your pants, and make sure you are theatrical about rubbing it over your privates/butt

*if you planned ahead, now is a good time to put some fake blood on this as well*

then place it on their desk or in front of them, proceed to ask for a second item, with a straight face.

by now, you have likely been kicked out, make sure you keep trying to get back in, just shy of them calling the police.

if you ever notice a Scientology "office" make a habit of peeing on their front entrance, it helps protect them from aliens.

Scientology is so ridiculous. I did a big project on this crapass cult in my first year of college, I can't believe anyone subscribes to this nonsense.

I just want to know how making up all this gak ends up getting so many followers? I mean it's not "I can walk on water" it's fracking bat gak insane stuff. My mind is just......... wow

What? More or less insane as a talking, burning bush?

The Sea Org actually used to man the ships in Hubbards 'fleet'. According to the book I read, Hubbard didn't touch them but the male crew were constantly shagging these ~16 year olds in they skimpy sailor suits that look like they came from Ann Summers.

How is that even a legal binding contract?

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
How is that even a legal binding contract?

It probably isn't but who is going to go to court to contest it?

Dear Xenu above, I don't know whether to laugh at the people who actually think this is a good idea, or cry for the people who are forced into it.

 Howard A Treesong wrote:
The Sea Org actually used to man the ships in Hubbards 'fleet'. According to the book I read, Hubbard didn't touch them but the male crew were constantly shagging these ~16 year olds in they skimpy sailor suits that look like they came from Ann Summers.

Awesome. So we can add paedophilia to the list of Scientology's crimes.

 PrehistoricUFO wrote:
Scientology is so ridiculous. I did a big project on this crapass cult in my first year of college, I can't believe anyone subscribes to this nonsense.

There really aren't that many of them, the problem is that they have a lot of cash.
From Wikipedia but...

n 2001, the American Religious Identification Survey (ARIS) reported that there were 55,000 adults in the United States who consider themselves Scientologists.[122] A survey of American religious affiliations estimated there to be 25,000 Americans identifying as Scientologists.[123]
The 2001 United Kingdom census contained a voluntary question on religion, to which approximately 48,000,000 chose to respond. Of those living in England and Wales who responded, a total of 1,781 said they were Scientologists.[124]
In 2001, Statistics Canada, the national census agency, reported a total of 1,525 Scientologists nationwide,[124] up from 1,220 in 1991.[125] In 2011 census the number of scientologist raised to 1,745.[126]
In 2005, the German Office for the Protection of the Constitution estimated a total of 5,000 – 6,000 Scientologists in that country, and mentioned a count of 12,000 according to Scientology Germany.[127]
In the 2006 New Zealand census, 357 people identified themselves as Scientologists, although a Church spokesperson estimated there were between 5,000 and 6,000 Scientologists in the country.[128] Earlier census figures were 207 in the 1991 census, 219 in 1996, and 282 in 2001.[124]
In 2006, Australia's national census recorded 2,507 Scientologists nationwide, up from 1,488 in 1996, and 2,032 in 2001.[124][129] The 2011 census however found a decrease of 13.7 per cent from the 2006 census.[130]
In 2011 support for Scientology in Switzerland was said to have experience a steady decline from 3,000 registered members in 1990 to 1,000 members and the organisation was said to be facing extinction in the country. A Church of Scientology spokeswoman rejected the figures insisting that the organisation had 5,000 “passive and active members in Switzerland.”[131]

Membership is also supposedly in decline but thats obviously hard to prove. Now that the space alien cat is out of the bag though I can't imagine many sane people rushing off to join their cult.

I guess this is yet another example of how it's ok to insult a religion, as long as it isn't a popular one? If people were saying things like "Christianity is so ridiculous. I did a big project on this crapass cult in my first year of college, I can't believe anyone subscribes to this nonsense" they'd be getting banned for it. But somehow it's ok to say it about other religions, despite the fact that those religions are no more or less reasonable than the popular ones?

Here we see the troll setting his trap. Let's watch and see if anyone takes the bait.

 Peregrine wrote:
I guess this is yet another example of how it's ok to insult a religion, as long as it isn't a popular one? If people were saying things like "Christianity is so ridiculous. I did a big project on this crapass cult in my first year of college, I can't believe anyone subscribes to this nonsense" they'd be getting banned for it. But somehow it's ok to say it about other religions, despite the fact that those religions are no more or less reasonable than the popular ones?

I'll bite.

They are all equally gak and I insult them all equally, happy?

 Monster Rain wrote:
Here we see the troll setting his trap. Let's watch and see if anyone takes the bait.

To be fair, I triangles the thread when it started for the same reason. And I'm one of Dakka's White Knights for Christ...

 Monster Rain wrote:
Here we see the troll setting his trap.

This entire forum is about 90% troll traps. Have you not noticed, for example, the never ending stream of gun threads started by the same people?

He also has a point.

I'm honestly surprised it took this long for someone to make it about all religions essentially being the same, specifically someone comparing Scientology to Christianity.