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Met through mutual friends 25ish years ago (we're both SF nerds).
Ducked and weaved past/around each other until 2000 or so (we have similar surnames - pronounced the same).
Met up again at a party, hit it off.
6 months or so later, started going out.

(She lived 170-odd km north of me, I could only see her on weekends, so we took our time).
We got married in 2006. Still together.

Interesting thread, the Americans appear to have more unique/ cooler ways of hooking up. Britain, you/ we are boring. Same for you Aussies.

As others are jumping in with their no GF posts, i'll share mine. Had a good few opportunities while in education and in early working life, i either didn't realise they liked me until after, or wasn't interested due to sport. Foolish on every account. Now i feel that the opportunities don't exist any more. I've tried to be social through new hobbies and going to events/ clubs, but to no avail. Gonna have to try the online dating thing. [/End feeling sorry for myself post]

It wasn't my intent to make anyone feel uncomfortable with the thread! Being long term single can suck.

Online dating seems to have worked out fairly well for a lot of my friends, and I think the "stigma" with it grows less every year.

My my other half on-line. Been together for a year now, about to move in together.

 Da Boss wrote:
It wasn't my intent to make anyone feel uncomfortable with the thread! Being long term single can suck.

Online dating seems to have worked out fairly well for a lot of my friends, and I think the "stigma" with it grows less every year.

Being a lonely single, I find it quite inspiring tbh. I doubt anyone else would feel like you or anyone else are rubbing it in

So there I was.. hiding a bush.. waiting. And then I see her, my heart rate quickens as the hunt is about to reach it's peak.

Well, I met her on the internet via Plenty of Fish - she was the only person who could hold a proper conversation. We met up in person a couple of weeks later, walked round a lake, went for a meal and then.. a passionate evening.

We're engaged now and it's been only 18 months.

 sebster wrote:

Related question for the married folks - do you all keep seperate bank accounts? My wife and I rolled all our accounts together, but some friends of ours all still keep their own bank accounts, each contributing some money to mutually cover mortgage, bills etc... and that just blows my mind. Does anyone here do it that way, and if so, can I ask why?

My wife doesn't work so we only have a single bank account, mine. It just happens to function like a joint account.....

 sebster wrote:
Related question for the married folks - do you all keep seperate bank accounts? My wife and I rolled all our accounts together, but some friends of ours all still keep their own bank accounts, each contributing some money to mutually cover mortgage, bills etc... and that just blows my mind. Does anyone here do it that way, and if so, can I ask why?

My wife and I have the one account for us both. It's less hassle than shifting around money every month. The only downside is that she can see if I've bought her any surprises

 Palindrome wrote:

 sebster wrote:

Related question for the married folks - do you all keep seperate bank accounts? My wife and I rolled all our accounts together, but some friends of ours all still keep their own bank accounts, each contributing some money to mutually cover mortgage, bills etc... and that just blows my mind. Does anyone here do it that way, and if so, can I ask why?

My wife doesn't work so we only have a single bank account, mine. It just happens to function like a joint account.....

With my ex wife, we had one account. Never again.

Keep that gak separate.

 Palindrome wrote:

 sebster wrote:

Related question for the married folks - do you all keep seperate bank accounts? My wife and I rolled all our accounts together, but some friends of ours all still keep their own bank accounts, each contributing some money to mutually cover mortgage, bills etc... and that just blows my mind. Does anyone here do it that way, and if so, can I ask why?

My wife doesn't work so we only have a single bank account, mine. It just happens to function like a joint account.....

My wife has been stung before - and I am a discharged bankrupt so we keep separate bank accounts. We divvy up regular bills between us.

 sebster wrote:
Met through on-line dating. Proposed a year later to the day. Married a year after that to the day. Only have to remember one anniversary

I've always split bills on dates, in an informal 'I'll get it this time and you get it next time' kind of way.


Related question for the married folks - do you all keep seperate bank accounts? My wife and I rolled all our accounts together, but some friends of ours all still keep their own bank accounts, each contributing some money to mutually cover mortgage, bills etc... and that just blows my mind. Does anyone here do it that way, and if so, can I ask why?

We have a joint CC, separate CCs, and a CC for kid expenses (we may have had a seprate checking account for them too - all part of the legal stuff with the ex.). The BOY is also on one of those, and has his own as well.
We have a joint checking account and I have my own legacy checking and moneymarket accounts. She writes checks on my account though, often, and with gusto. that reminds me aI have to write one for the Boy who's living large at school. Lucky basterd.
All our savings and investments are joint where permitted by law.
I think we both own the Austin house. Prior to that house she owned it and I was a life tenant. I own my parent's old house in Houston.
The Life insurance has her as the sole surviving beneficiary now. I'm literally worth more dead than allive. Shortly after the wife finding this out I started having "accidents" with the car. Go figure.

 SlaveToDorkness wrote:
My girlfriend introduced us. Took her to the restaurant I worked at for lunch as a birthday present. My wife turned to her as I left the table and said "you just messed up, that is MINE!"

Much later I realized she was either going to marry me and make me a very happy man for eternity, or kill me slowly for missing the opportunity. The ol' "cake or Death" question. I got it right!

Umm, wait, your girlfriend introduced you to your wife?

Met her in high school, she was the lesbian friend-of-a-friend who thought exactly the same way I did. We were just friends for a couple months, growing really close really quickly. I fell for her first and over time she began to express a similar amount of interest in me. She took me to NYCC this year and that turned into our first date, two days later she told me that she wanted a relationship. It's been fething AMAZE-BALLS ever since.

Lesbian? I thought you were a dude?

The last girl I was in a 'relationship' with, I met through OKCupid... never again... 19 year old Finnish exchange student doing an internship at my school turned out to be a 16 year old psychopath from Connecticut attending the local all-girls boarding school down the street from the university campus and left me for a woman in the Navy a week after introducing me to her family (I was 22 or 23 at the time, yeah it was bad). The last girl I 'dated' was a friend that I met through a college roommate and had known for about 5 years... it was complicated, didn't end well, and completely destroyed our friendship.

I've mostly been enjoying being single for the past 6 months or so, though I seem cursed with this thing where I meet someone I know I will likely never see again (or just make eye contact with a cute girl across the bar or on the train or as we pass by on the street, etc.) and instantly fall in love with them and create this persona for them in my head (since I know absolutely nothing about them) etc. etc. etc. it kinda sucks. What sucks more, I think, is that I'm 24 and I can't say I've ever been in what I could call a real relationship, nor can I say that I've ever really been in love with someone who could return the feeling. I guess 24 is still young, I dunno, sometimes it feels like I've missed something.

 Da Boss wrote:
It wasn't my intent to make anyone feel uncomfortable with the thread! Being long term single can suck.

Online dating seems to have worked out fairly well for a lot of my friends, and I think the "stigma" with it grows less every year.

I don't think there's any remaining stigma to it. The younger kids live online. they're pretty much online dating and not knowing it.

 sebster wrote:

Related question for the married folks - do you all keep seperate bank accounts? My wife and I rolled all our accounts together, but some friends of ours all still keep their own bank accounts, each contributing some money to mutually cover mortgage, bills etc... and that just blows my mind. Does anyone here do it that way, and if so, can I ask why?

When we first got married, we had a fairly elaborate bank account system set up. There was a central account, from which all the bills were paid, and our paychecks were directly deposited into. We each had a separate, personal bank account. Every month, via automatic transfer, a personal allowance was moved from the central account to our personal ones, so we had our own spending money. When I quit work and became a full-time dad, I scrapped my side, as I had next to no expenses and it was needlessly complicated. The Wife still has her side set up. She had had a number of friends go through ugly divorces, so wants to have “her” money just in case. Ignoring the fact that as the wage earner, it’s all hers anyway. I think it’s a subconscious, independent, fight the patriarchy thing. I don’t press the point. She’s not as fiscally aware as I’d like, so it helps to have her on a finite allowance, rather then just an open line to the checking account. Not that she couldn’t just charge things to the credit card or central account if she wanted to...

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
I have yet to have a girlfirend :(

So, I am not the only one here .
How old are you though ?

21. :(
Now i have been trying. It just I have yet to work up to courage to ask any girl I like out

 sebster wrote:
Related question for the married folks - do you all keep seperate bank accounts? My wife and I rolled all our accounts together, but some friends of ours all still keep their own bank accounts, each contributing some money to mutually cover mortgage, bills etc... and that just blows my mind. Does anyone here do it that way, and if so, can I ask why?

We merged everything. I joke with her that she has her slush fund, but really it's our secondary account that I have access to also.

I agree -- I don't get it. I don't know how you really build anything together when everything becomes an "I pay this much, you pay this much" conversation. We had a set of friends that handled money the way you describe. And surprise, the marriage didn't last and money was part of the issue. It's probably a solid indicator that you're both not 100% all-in on the marriage.

I would probably share an account with my girlfriend if we married. Though she might feel different, she's pretty cautious and she earns more than I do, by a fair bit. I still feel like having some money that's purely "yours" is good though- allows you more independence.

 Da Boss wrote:
I would probably share an account with my girlfriend if we married. Though she might feel different, she's pretty cautious and she earns more than I do, by a fair bit. I still feel like having some money that's purely "yours" is good though- allows you more independence.

And there are somethings you don’t need to know. If I knew the exact amount The Wife spent on her shoes/clothes/etc. I’d probably have a stroke. And she’s fairly low maintenance as far as women go. Similarly she doesn’t need to know the exact price of the GW minis I bring home. Having personal accounts is guilt free money. All the bills are taken care of, so what you spend your share of the extra on to keep happy doesn’t really mater.

On a related note: Do Not Keep Score! In a healthy relationship, it will all even out in the end. So don’t get hung up on who’s turn it is to pay, favors owed, etc. There are more then enough things two people living together to argue about. So don’t bother with the little tit-for-tat stuff. This, coupled with Listen is probably the best generic relationship advice I can offer.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
I have yet to have a girlfirend :(

So, I am not the only one here .
How old are you though ?

21. :(
Now i have been trying. It just I have yet to work up to courage to ask any girl I like out

It is only once you accept that you are already dead, that you can truly live.

Just for your benefit, I'll go into greater detail in order to hopefully provide you some external support. I hadn't talked to my current GF in close to a semester. I decided to start being more social in general with everyone and I had had interesting conversations with her in the past, so I decided to reach out to her. We didn't have a class together that semester and she rarely ate in the cafeteria so I didn't see her around much. As much as I disliked doing so, I initiated contact with her via Facebook and we ended up chatting a lot over a couple of days before I saw her in person one day.

She had changed her hairstyle and lost some weight since I had last talked to her in person and it suddenly hit me that she was absolutely gorgeous. Luckily she was eating with a friend so she just said "hi" to me and no more. It was a struggle just to reply, my stomach was tied in knots and my mouth had suddenly gone dry.

I saw her again a couple days later eating by herself and forced myself to sit down with her. My stomach was full of butterflies and my nerves were absolutely shot, but I knew that I had to go through with it or I would end up regretting my cowardice. We ended up sitting in the university cafeteria for over an hour just talking and then studied together for several hours. After that we were nearly inseparable and spent time together everyday for the rest of the semester (with the sole exception of one day). About a week after I had first sat down with her I finally asked her out on a date. We've been together since then and this last winter went to the Grand Canyon together.

I will not lie, there have been very, very rough patches at times, but we've finally reached a point in our relationship where I can honestly say that this girl is the love of my life and there is nothing I want more than to one day marry her. It has been an amazing, beautiful, and life changing experience. None of this would have happened if I had not faced my fears and dared to try.

Rejection hurts, but the potential joys of a loving relationship make up for it by a massive margin. Be strong and be confident. It's time to live!

 hotsauceman1 wrote:

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
I have yet to have a girlfirend :(

So, I am not the only one here .
How old are you though ?

21. :(
Now i have been trying. It just I have yet to work up to courage to ask any girl I like out

trexmeyer is right. Just go for it! Set realistic goals and then just ask for the money, bro. What's the worst that could happen? She could say no, or say no and laugh in your face. Big deal. If you don't ask her, you'll never find out.

And if she laughs in your face then you can call her a bitch and move on with your life!

If it makes you feel any better hotsauce, I'm largely in the same boat as you (with some exceptions), its not that I fear rejection, its that I fear blowing my chance. The way I see it (whether its the right way to see it or not is a different matter) is that you will really only ever have one opportunity with any given girl to ask her out. My (irrational) fear is that I won't go about it the right way or my timing will be bad, etc. etc. etc. and these factors will blow whatever chance I might have before I really even have a chance (if you get what I'm saying). The irony is that as a result, I *dont* ask and end up blowing my chance anyway (you miss 100% of the shots you dont take) and perpetually end up wondering.... this is compounded by the fact that on the few instances I do actually take the chance it usually doesn't go my way, which kind of reinforces the whole "you only ever have one chance" thing because I can always point out a point where I can go "if I hadn't done/said that, maybe it would have worked out" kinda deal and yea...

Well there is this girl at my work. Whenever we work we are always playful. Im just worried about it getting awkward if she says no and we work together again.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
Well there is this girl at my work. Whenever we work we are always playful. Im just worried about it getting awkward if she says no and we work together again.

Without risk, there is no success. Do it now before you are exiled to the friendzone.

Yeah, thats another tough spot for me too, most of the girls I meet are in an environment where I don't really want to make things awkward like that or complicate things if it goes south...

Do you ever see this girl outside of work? Like do you get lunch together ever or hit up a bar for drinks after work or anything of the sort?

And the friendzone isn't a real thing, unless what you're trying to say is the girl only sees you as a friend, in which case oh well, not everyone is attracted to everyone.

chaos0xomega wrote:
Yeah, thats another tough spot for me too, most of the girls I meet are in an environment where I don't really want to make things awkward like that or complicate things if it goes south...

Do you ever see this girl outside of work? Like do you get lunch together ever or hit up a bar for drinks after work or anything of the sort?

It's not like you're asking them if they'd like to lick your toes. You just say 'Hey, doing anything after work tonight?' or 'Hey, want to get coffee sometime?'

If they decline, no biggie. Just say, 'okay, no problem.' You don't have to quit your job, you just have to not act like a jerk and everything will be fine.

I'd be inclined to agree with pretre, except my experience has varied. I guess I'm kinda hard to read emotionally, because thats the way it always starts (the 'hey, doing anything later?' schtick), and we usually get pretty close (like friendship wise), and then when I actually try escalating things after a few dates the end result is often "Oh, I thought we were just friends."

I think, based on my experience, that you need to be a bit more straightforward than just that, but your language matters a lot "Hey doing anything after work tonight" is just like... hey lets chill out, whereas "Hey, want to go out for some drinks after work tonight?" is a bit more direct and subtly conveys that its more than a merely 'just friends' kinda deal...

The coffee thing is fine though, its pretty much standard doublespeak for "first date." I dont use it because I actually don't drink coffee, and the one time I DID try it, the girl in question was socially awkward enough not to understand said doublespeak and came back at me with "But, you don't drink coffee...?"

 gorgon wrote:

 sebster wrote:
Related question for the married folks - do you all keep seperate bank accounts? My wife and I rolled all our accounts together, but some friends of ours all still keep their own bank accounts, each contributing some money to mutually cover mortgage, bills etc... and that just blows my mind. Does anyone here do it that way, and if so, can I ask why?

We merged everything. I joke with her that she has her slush fund, but really it's our secondary account that I have access to also.

I agree -- I don't get it. I don't know how you really build anything together when everything becomes an "I pay this much, you pay this much" conversation. We had a set of friends that handled money the way you describe. And surprise, the marriage didn't last and money was part of the issue. It's probably a solid indicator that you're both not 100% all-in on the marriage.

Every relationship is different. My fiance and I want to keep some money seperate, although I figure my paycheck will go right into the joint account, and I'll get an "allowance" out of that. I know her dad was super tight with money, and she does not want to not have her own cash. She also wants to pay her own student loans, even after we're married. We'll see about that, especially if she stops working.

Still, our goal is less "I pay this, and you pay that" and more "we each take some cash out of the joitn account for our own use."

 kronk wrote:

With my ex wife, we had one account. Never again.

Keep that gak separate.

I'm not worried.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
Well there is this girl at my work. Whenever we work we are always playful. Im just worried about it getting awkward if she says no and we work together again.

Pfft, you're making too big a deal out of it. Ask her to lunch. If that works out ask her again.

And by ask I mean
(walking out door, stick head back in and)
"Hey XX, going to [insert lunch place here], want to come along?"

This way, she says no, its no big deal.
If yes but its strcitly coworker its no big deal
If you do a few and then something develops its all good.

What frazzled said.