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That seems like a slightly more succinct version of my ramble.

I'm thinking coworkers female friends may be the right idea...

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:
And never having had any girlfriend at 27 when basically everyone else had just makes me feel like there is something not normal about me (and not in a good way, obviously).

Ok, I probably don't belong in this thread, but time for an anecdote.

When I was 27 I had never really dated, and believed pretty firmly that no woman would ever be genuinely interested in me. I am now 32, and in a few months will be getting married to a wonderful woman. I've been in the place where a lot of people in this thread are right now, and I can't promise you will find your way out. But if I did; then there is hope for anyone.

 trexmeyer wrote:
My two rules of dating:
1) Don't ask out coworkers
2) Don't feth female friends

It's ended poorly every time even if the middle part was a bit of fun.

1. Hot sauce works at Dairy Queen (low paid work with little chance of a career path) there's hardly any consequence for fething co-workers if things go bad he can always find some other low-level job.
2. I think if a sexual relationship with a person is to work you're going have to like and enjoy each other outside of sex as well.

I worked at dairy queen 5 years ago. I work at a Waterpark now serving beer to customers. It is the best job I ever had. Hell I get to be a supervisor if I comeback next year.
The only reason im thinking it is several people date co-workers aswell.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
I worked at dairy queen 5 years ago. I work at a Waterpark now serving beer to customers. It is the best job I ever had. Hell I get to be a supervisor if I comeback next year.
The only reason im thinking it is several people date co-workers aswell.

Oh, well you'll have to consider if pursuing a physical relationship is worth the risk of possibly having awkward moments at work.

I suppose it's worth saying that it can be a good idea to draw a distinguishing line between 'co-workers' and 'people who work in the same business / building' as you.

Co-workers, very bad idea. However, the latter is usually the staple of many peoples lives.

 Compel wrote:
I suppose it's worth saying that it can be a good idea to draw a distinguishing line between 'co-workers' and 'people who work in the same business / building' as you.

Co-workers, very bad idea. However, the latter is usually the staple of many peoples lives.

She is very much a Co-worker. We are in a box for 5 hours at a time serving alchohol and getting hit on by creepy old men.

 Compel wrote:
Co-workers, very bad idea.

I think it really depends on how much you enjoy your job, job opportunities, level of pay, if there's a career ladder involved, how important it is to being employed in other jobs, how badly you need money, etc.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:

 Compel wrote:
I suppose it's worth saying that it can be a good idea to draw a distinguishing line between 'co-workers' and 'people who work in the same business / building' as you.

Co-workers, very bad idea. However, the latter is usually the staple of many peoples lives.

She is very much a Co-worker. We are in a box for 5 hours at a time serving alchohol and getting hit on by creepy old men.

Both of you get hit on by creepy old men?

Yes, We both do

Like I fething hate my job and don't care if I get fired plus it is slightly above minimum wage with a low-skill level involved, so the consequences for me to attempt a physical relationship and fail at it wouldn't be that bad.

I'd stay away from co-workers, especially if you think you'd like to come back next year as a manager. If you like the gig whie you are in school, don't mess it up. What would suggest however, if you get on with her well, is become friends with her.

It never hurts to have friends that are girls. Hot girls generally know other hot girls. So if you are hanging around with her, you will be introduced to other potentials. Even just being seen chilling out with girls that you know, makes the approach to a third party so much smoother.

chaos0xomega wrote:
I suppose I shall share my most recent non-adventures with y'all (and thus continue to ignore dora the explorers campaign against physical pleasure):

2. There is this girl I am friends with on facebook, super attractive, never met before in my life, we're both members of some of the same NJ Devils facebook fan groups and for whatever reason she added me about a month or whatever back, I never really bothered talking to her though. About two weeks ago, she posted an image of a text conversation on her page which was basically the typical "Hey whats up" "NM, U?" "same lol" type deal of dumb questions and complete non-answers, and she commented on the photo something to the effect of "Guys, if this is how you talk to girls you're never going to get anywhere with them" thing, I commented on it that a conversation is a two way street and guys have the same issues, and it doesn't help when a girl provides lame non-answers that don't lead the conversation anywhere, etc. she agreed with me. Well, about a week later she messaged me out of the blue, "hey whats up" and I *attempted* to start a conversation with her, asking her some open-ended questions that she should have had no problem providing decent meaningful answers to... of course all I get is stupid non-answers, and at this point am reasonably convinced that she's basic. Anyway after three or four messages (If you can even call them that, I don't consider "yepppppp" to be an actual message, its not even a word) I gave up and she stopped responding, last night, after a week of nothing she messaged me again in reply to something I said, same non-answer bs, and at this point the temptation to call her out on her lack of conversational skill is overwhelming.

Mind you, this girl... unless she's a catfish (remember, never met before, very little information about her even being facebook friends), I would absolutely do terrible things to judging by her photos lol

Am I the only person thinking that it'd be hilarious if chaos posted a screen cap of HER conversation to the fan-page and commented to the effect of: 'girls, if this is how you talk to guys you're never going to get anywhere with them'?

As for me, loads of mad stuff generally happening, split up with the girl I was seeing, met a few more... Throw looking for a new job and mastering an album into the mix and it's been a hectic few weeks!

Just met someone new on Tinder yesterday, going out on a date this friday. She seems really nice and interesting, but said something that slightly threw me - she asked if I minded dating a black girl. I was actually quite saddened at the question. Like, are there people out there for whom that's an issue still? It really got me thinking, it really is hard to walk a mile in someone else's shoes, isn't it? I can't relate to that at all. I can't imagine what it would be like to feel that the colour of my skin could potentially put someone off dating me.

I just thought it might be interesting to get a little side-discussion going on the issue of Race and Dating: Is it an issue for you? Would you not date someone of a different race (no judgement, just discussion)? Has anyone ever refused to date you on the basis of your race?


Oh, and Dora? You might want to 'explore' the possibility of starting a thread entitled 'Why You Don't Need a Date by Dakka'. This thread is here so that Dakkanauts can offer each other advice and a friendly ear in trying to land a date. Encouraging people to feel bad for wanting to date and have sex with new people is not very helpful. It's like if someone starts a thread called 'Help Me Find a Good Pizza Joint', popping up to say 'Hey, you don't need pizza to feel good about yourself'. Ride that high horse you're sitting on over to the next town and find me a pizza, melon-fether!


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Also, co-workers are fair game as far as I'm concerned. OK, so if it doesn't work out, it could get awkward. Meh, no-one dies.

However, if you're prone to catching feelings, I'd avoid it. Seeing that girl who dumped you, meeting her new guy when her shift finishes? Not a great feeling, I'd imagine.

Personally I find attractive whoever I find attractive; it's really that simple. They could be pale-skinned, dark-skinned, rainbow-skinned, male, female, androgynous, whatever. Skin colour might play a minor part in it - I do prefer paler-skin, for example - but for someone to think "I'm attracted to you, but you're white/black/green/blue/a unicorn so I don't want to date you" is a different story entirely. If I find a dark-skinned person attractive you bet I'd date the heck of them, but if I didn't, it'd be because there was no attraction, not because of their skin colour.

I wouldn't be very interested in dating an American born black lady simply because of the racial tension that still exists stateside. It brings a whole lot of baggage that I just don't want to deal with.

Avatar sums it up nicely, I agree with him

 trexmeyer wrote:
I wouldn't be very interested in dating an American born black lady simply because of the racial tension that still exists stateside. It brings a whole lot of baggage that I just don't want to deal with.

My family still has prejudices against it.

Would you mind elaborating a little? I'd be interested to hear your perspective on that, trex.

For my part, being naturally curious, I'd see a difference in skin colour as just another interesting thing about her that makes her 'her'. If I even considered it at all, which I hadn't in this case until she brought it up. We're both English, so there's no real culture clash. She is from London though, so there's that.

I don't want to deal with the cultural differences, I don't want to deal with her family being potentially judgmental of me being white, I don't want to do deal with race relations in the media (Trayvon Martin being a good example), etc. It's not worth the headache. I've had a few friends and my brother as well date black girls and race became an issue every time at some point in each case. It doesn't seem worth it.

Daemonhammer wrote:
Avatar sums it up nicely, I agree with him

Me too, but I think his point is generally taken as read though, no? That if you're attracted to someone, you're attracted to them, no matter what they look like?

I'm talking preferences, I guess. Like I know girls who would say they're generally not attracted to Asian men, for example. No racial prejudice, and they wouldn't rule out dating an Asian man they found attractive, it's just that they generally don't. I personally don't have a racial 'type' I prefer. Bring 'em all on I say!




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 trexmeyer wrote:
I don't want to deal with the cultural differences, I don't want to deal with her family being potentially judgmental of me being white, I don't want to do deal with race relations in the media (Trayvon Martin being a good example), etc. It's not worth the headache. I've had a few friends and my brother as well date black girls and race became an issue every time at some point in each case. It doesn't seem worth it.

So do you live in a part of the US with pretty high racial tension? Would your family be OK with you dating a black girl? Would you have the same issue with Latino women? Just curious, sorry for all the questions.

I personally find Philipino and Asian girls attractive more then others

 Albatross wrote:

Daemonhammer wrote:
Avatar sums it up nicely, I agree with him

Me too, but I think his point is generally taken as read though, no? That if you're attracted to someone, you're attracted to them, no matter what they look like?

I'm talking preferences, I guess. Like I know girls who would say they're generally not attracted to Asian men, for example. No racial prejudice, and they wouldn't rule out dating an Asian man they found attractive, it's just that they generally don't. I personally don't have a racial 'type' I prefer. Bring 'em all on I say!




Automatically Appended Next Post:

 trexmeyer wrote:
I don't want to deal with the cultural differences, I don't want to deal with her family being potentially judgmental of me being white, I don't want to do deal with race relations in the media (Trayvon Martin being a good example), etc. It's not worth the headache. I've had a few friends and my brother as well date black girls and race became an issue every time at some point in each case. It doesn't seem worth it.

So do you live in a part of the US with pretty high racial tension? Would your family be OK with you dating a black girl? Would you have the same issue with Latino women? Just curious, sorry for all the questions.

I'd say racial tension in Texas is more blacks v hispanics, hispanics v whites, and less of whites v blacks. I don't know or really care. Depends on the girl on an individual basis.

 trexmeyer wrote:
My two rules of dating:
1) Don't ask out coworkers
2) Don't feth female friends

It's ended poorly every time even if the middle part was a bit of fun.

You forgot 3) DO NOT feth house mates.




Automatically Appended Next Post:

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
I personally find Philipino and Asian girls attractive more then others

I like how this man thinks.

I never even thought of that, I would never have a girl for a housemate.

I believe several of my friends have ended up in long term relationships with their housemates.

It's not massively uncommon here to have grand old houses with 4-8 bedrooms rented out. When you get to that sort of number, you probably would have mixed genders there.

Completely different over here. I wouldn't be comfortable in my underwear all day around female housemates.

I would be, but they won't.

 trexmeyer wrote:
2) Don't feth female friends

Have to disagree with this one. FWB with someone I'd been friends with for years -> 4.5 year (so far) relationship. If they're the right person then go for it, you'll just regret it if you don't.

As for dating at work, I'm not going to say absolutely no, but you'd better be VERY careful about it. Don't do anything that would get you fired or punished, don't do anything that would make her feel uncomfortable or leave the job, and don't risk it if you need the job and can't handle an ugly breakup making work awkward. And FFS if you are in any kind of position of power over her do NOT try to date her. People can have successful relationships that begin at a shared job, but you're walking into a minefield and you'd better be sure you're doing the right thing.

 trexmeyer wrote:
Completely different over here. I wouldn't be comfortable in my underwear all day around female housemates.

Prude.



As far as banging your coworker Hotsauce - go for it. You aren't a department head in a fortune 500 company, even if things go way south it won't ruin your life.

Again, I like My job and she likes hers. It being awkward would be horrible