Peregrine wrote:

 flamingkillamajig wrote:
I dunno perhaps the reason why i can't just be friends is that i don't have enough female choices to be picky enough to just have friends.

And this explains a lot. You can't see how friendship could ever work because you feel the obligation to pursue even people who aren't a very good match, just because you're desperate and don't think you'll get any better chances. If/when you get into a better situation you'll hopefully realize that you don't actually want to date every woman you meet, but some of them are still worth having as friends. It's definitely something you need to work on for three reasons:

1) If availability is your main (only?) requirement you're going to waste your time and happiness on bad relationships with people you should never have considered. Even in a shallow dating pool you still have to have standards.

2) Desperation isn't sexy. If you're assuming that every woman you meet has to be a potential date it's very likely that people are going to pick up on this attitude and keep their distance from you.

3) You're missing out on potential friendships that add happiness to your life. You're rejecting some of them because being "just friends" (as if friendship has no value) isn't an option for you, and you're probably going to ruin others by being awkward and trying to force the other person into the "date or nothing" box.

Spoiler:

Also, Friendship is Magic

 Ashiraya wrote:


An advantage of being in this hobby is a wide selection and low competition, I guess.

 A Town Called Malus wrote:

 Peregrine wrote:

 flamingkillamajig wrote:
I dunno perhaps the reason why i can't just be friends is that i don't have enough female choices to be picky enough to just have friends.

And this explains a lot. You can't see how friendship could ever work because you feel the obligation to pursue even people who aren't a very good match, just because you're desperate and don't think you'll get any better chances. If/when you get into a better situation you'll hopefully realize that you don't actually want to date every woman you meet, but some of them are still worth having as friends. It's definitely something you need to work on for three reasons:

1) If availability is your main (only?) requirement you're going to waste your time and happiness on bad relationships with people you should never have considered. Even in a shallow dating pool you still have to have standards.

2) Desperation isn't sexy. If you're assuming that every woman you meet has to be a potential date it's very likely that people are going to pick up on this attitude and keep their distance from you.

3) You're missing out on potential friendships that add happiness to your life. You're rejecting some of them because being "just friends" (as if friendship has no value) isn't an option for you, and you're probably going to ruin others by being awkward and trying to force the other person into the "date or nothing" box.

I've been in my current relationship for two years now and I agree with everything Peregrine just said.

My girlfriend is also my best friend. Friendship is amazing and one of the most important things to making a relationship last.

Spoiler:

Also, Friendship is Magic

 Easy E wrote:
Count Fabulous is my favorite Monster High.

 Easy E wrote:
Stop trying to get a date and just start meeting people instead. Take the pressure off yourself.

Trust me, it will make a world of difference.

 Avatar 720 wrote:
You tell him how you feel during your lowest times, how it impacts on your life during those times, and explain to him the fluctuating nature of what you're going through, including the fact that you currently feel well enough to seek help about it. As much as it might seem fruitless or difficult to explain exactly 'feeling very sad sometimes' means, you're not going to be doing yourself any good if you play it all down, or generalise. If you've been low enough to contemplate suicide, for example, then you must mention it, regardless of whether it was a fleeting half-second thought, or one that persisted, along with the frequency of them and your honest opinion about how you cope with them. Obviously I'm not saying that you've felt like that, but what I am saying is that any detail, however short-lived or seemingly irrelevant, matters, and should be mentioned.

It'll then be his job to decide what to do, although you can probably request a therapist. If you have a general idea of when you start deteriorating (E.G. Every X weeks or so you hit a low point for Y weeks, and then you're fine again for another X weeks), then mention it and see if you can work out an appointment schedule that'll include appointments during those times, as well as times when you're feeling well. If you don't want to try medication (which, contrary to popular belief, is far from mandatory) then say so, and you might be more likely to get a therapist referral, especially if you mention wanting to wait and see how such a thing would go before deciding on meds.

Essentially, go in there and be as honest as humanly possible about both the very low periods, and the periods of wellness.

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:
So, it is 2015 now, and almost a year since the start of this thread. I do not feel I made much progress, at all.
Anyone has been luckier than me?
.

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:
So, it is 2015 now, and almost a year since the start of this thread. I do not feel I made much progress, at all.
Anyone has been luckier than me?

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
If by luck you mean atleast getting over my crippling fear of girls, then yes.

 Albatross wrote:
Well, I'm single again. Maybe. It's in flux.

 daedalus wrote:
Went out on a date tonight. Got sushi. She was pretty cool, and we had quite a few laughs, though I fear she's much more interested than I am. Once again, it seems like any girl that likes me just isn't really my type. Gonna give it a second sometime soon and see if things change.

 the shrouded lord wrote:
planning for double date is a go. movie than lunch in the nice little quiet eating-place in the shopping centre. followed by hie and his GF going to the uhhhh bathroom.

 angelofvengeance wrote:

Firstly, well done.

Secondly- don't ditch on the 2nd date, take what you can get, and give it time to flourish. It feels like your expectations are way up on a pedestal.

 daedalus wrote:

 angelofvengeance wrote:

Firstly, well done.

Secondly- don't ditch on the 2nd date, take what you can get, and give it time to flourish. It feels like your expectations are way up on a pedestal.

You're not the first person to say that, and you're likely right. I have to temper that with the fact that she was kind of creepy levels of interested, I think. It's bizarre having someone tell you how much they think you're awesome, and telling you that they like you multiple times throughout a night. It's like it's too much or something. Maybe that this strikes me as weird makes me the creepy one. I've had more than my fair share of relationships; isn't that a little odd on the first date?

 Albatross wrote:

If you were really that interested in her, you wouldn't care. It's only off-putting because you're not particularly attracted to her. Sorry, bro.

And yes Dakkanauts, I am definitely single again. All of your attempts to get a girl just became that tiniest of percentages more difficult...

 daedalus wrote:

 Albatross wrote:

If you were really that interested in her, you wouldn't care. It's only off-putting because you're not particularly attracted to her. Sorry, bro.

Yeah, that makes some sense. I mean, I was more interested in her before we met, like, when we were talking on the phone. I don't think it was really an issue with physical attraction. I mean, she wasn't the most attractive woman I've seen, but she wasn't terrible either. Maybe just first date jitters or something?

And yes Dakkanauts, I am definitely single again. All of your attempts to get a girl just became that tiniest of percentages more difficult...

 Albatross wrote:

It's my personal belief that dudes tell themselves 'well, I'm not that into her, but a girl I'm not that into is better than no girl at all - what if I never find anyone else?' Sound familiar to anyone?

Nah, mate. You can do better. Honestly, the feeling of meeting someone you're reaaaally into, that is reaaaallly into you, and really connecting with them, is better than any drug. And I've smoked crack.

I don't know what this means but I'm intrigued.

 Albatross wrote:
It's my personal belief that dudes tell themselves 'well, I'm not that into her, but a girl I'm not that into is better than no girl at all - what if I never find anyone else?' Sound familiar to anyone?

 Albatross wrote:
And yes Dakkanauts, I am definitely single again. All of your attempts to get a girl just became that tiniest of percentages more difficult...

 daedalus wrote:

 Albatross wrote:

It's my personal belief that dudes tell themselves 'well, I'm not that into her, but a girl I'm not that into is better than no girl at all - what if I never find anyone else?' Sound familiar to anyone?

Nah, mate. You can do better. Honestly, the feeling of meeting someone you're reaaaally into, that is reaaaallly into you, and really connecting with them, is better than any drug. And I've smoked crack.

I can agree to that. Well, not the crack part, but I'll take your word for it.

...and so I've been getting messages from a number I don't recognize. At first I thought it was the girl I was dating some 6 months ago, but I got rid of that number knowing I'd never need it again. Immediately asked me about how my dating of people has been lately. Started to get a little paranoid and responded very guardedly. Ther person then sent a few more texts, and the language and habits of the text messages got veeerry familiar. I... I think the one I went out with the other day literally just sent me text messages from a number I didn't recognize pretending to be someone else asking me how the date went. I think I need a drink.

I don't know what this means but I'm intrigued.

Isn't Ash from Sweden?