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A friend of mine, who we'll refer to as "The Tomato", proposed the following scenario.

In a move of pure desperation, a splinter group of radical Inquisitors arrange a highly powered teleportation flare to teleport an entire Ork Waaagh directly to the Imperial Palace. The bulk of the Orks are intended to keep the Custodes and other Palace defenses busy.

The Pain Boyz, Big Meks and a veritable army of Grots trained in the Orderly and Oiler Artz are teleported straight into the Throne Room after having been psychically conditioned to believe that the Emperor is an Avatar of Gork (or maybe Mork) and that he's hurt bad. Naturally, they do everything they can to fix him up.

They have free time, all the resources in the Throne Room, which presumably includes tons of tech and whatever they happened to have on them.

What happens next?

The Orks get a Looted Deity.

What happens next? I die laughing. So too does the Emperor probably.

The orks move the emperor from his chair and a huge rift in the warp opens right there and terra is overrun by demons

Some sort of orky mecha-E made with bits and pieces of all the existing primachs.

This happens.

An Emperor with twin Powerklaws, Bik Mek Lugnutz Mk II Exploding Power Legs, Cybork Body and - oh... Squig brain transplant.

 Kriswall wrote:
A friend of mine, who we'll refer to as "The Tomato", proposed the following scenario.

In a move of pure desperation, a splinter group of radical Inquisitors arrange a highly powered teleportation flare to teleport an entire Ork Waaagh directly to the Imperial Palace. The bulk of the Orks are intended to keep the Custodes and other Palace defenses busy.

The Pain Boyz, Big Meks and a veritable army of Grots trained in the Orderly and Oiler Artz are teleported straight into the Throne Room after having been psychically conditioned to believe that the Emperor is an Avatar of Gork (or maybe Mork) and that he's hurt bad. Naturally, they do everything they can to fix him up.

They have free time, all the resources in the Throne Room, which presumably includes tons of tech and whatever they happened to have on them.

What happens next?

This. This happens next!



Linky

 kronk wrote:

 Kriswall wrote:
A friend of mine, who we'll refer to as "The Tomato", proposed the following scenario.

In a move of pure desperation, a splinter group of radical Inquisitors arrange a highly powered teleportation flare to teleport an entire Ork Waaagh directly to the Imperial Palace. The bulk of the Orks are intended to keep the Custodes and other Palace defenses busy.

The Pain Boyz, Big Meks and a veritable army of Grots trained in the Orderly and Oiler Artz are teleported straight into the Throne Room after having been psychically conditioned to believe that the Emperor is an Avatar of Gork (or maybe Mork) and that he's hurt bad. Naturally, they do everything they can to fix him up.

They have free time, all the resources in the Throne Room, which presumably includes tons of tech and whatever they happened to have on them.

What happens next?

This. This happens next!



Linky

ALL OF MY YES!!!

I really like that pic

I think that if they could convince an entire Waaaagh that Emps is alive, they could revive him.

Lucarikx

Ghazkull? Tuska? BigBadRon?

The best fight of your lives is on Terra, where there's a human on a golden throne who has spent the last ten thousand years fighting Gork and Mork and those zogging Spiky Gits (did I pronounce that right?). He says he just finished off Malice and is looking for a new challenge!

But he is asleep so you gotta wake 'im up first! *Ahem* Waah... and all that. Now get (Git?) to it.

FIXING THE GOLDEN THRONE
Roll 2D6 to determine the success of the operation on the golden throne. If a double is rolled for the operation, consult the chart below.
1,1 BOOM: The golden throne explodes, leaving a crackling orb of unreality in its place. The meks all proceed to scratch their heads wondering what happened.
2,2 Oops: The painboys mistake the emperors brain for the writhing body of a squig. All squigs are suddenly turned to super psykers due to the unholy union of emperor and squig for the remainder of the turn.
3,3 Gah: After a series of teleporta accidents, the emperor materializes in the wrong place and is never seen again. Remove the Emperor from play.
4,4 WAAAGH: The emperor is awakened in a state of fury, soon realizing his leg is being used by several orks to beat the chief painboy senseless. Initiate a WAAAGH for all imperial troops in the galaxy immediately.
5,5 Roboemperor: The emperors limbs and vital functions are all replaced by robotic parts, enabling him to now roam the galaxy stomping out all evil much like robocop.
6,6 Flux capacitor: Utilizing an STC from the year 1985, the Golden Throne is attached to a battlewagon, painted red, and accelerated to 88 miles per hour to go back in time and kill Horus. However, this creates a paradox, and time soon implodes in on itself. Resolve this action with a strength 40 really really really really really large blast template centered over the imperium itself.
Was it worth it dakka?

A Big Mek could fix the Golden Throne with nothing more than a roll of gauze and a glue-squig if he was of a mind to do it.

I don't know how they'd fix it, but afterwards they'd paint it red so it'd run faster

This. This happens next!



Linky

That picture is outstanding!

 kronk wrote:

 Kriswall wrote:
A friend of mine, who we'll refer to as "The Tomato", proposed the following scenario.

In a move of pure desperation, a splinter group of radical Inquisitors arrange a highly powered teleportation flare to teleport an entire Ork Waaagh directly to the Imperial Palace. The bulk of the Orks are intended to keep the Custodes and other Palace defenses busy.

The Pain Boyz, Big Meks and a veritable army of Grots trained in the Orderly and Oiler Artz are teleported straight into the Throne Room after having been psychically conditioned to believe that the Emperor is an Avatar of Gork (or maybe Mork) and that he's hurt bad. Naturally, they do everything they can to fix him up.

They have free time, all the resources in the Throne Room, which presumably includes tons of tech and whatever they happened to have on them.

What happens next?

This. This happens next!




hahahahha. that's awesome
Linky

Think it might be easier to convince every Ork in the galaxy that Daddy E will be well again... will certainly work we know.

The Mekz and Painboyz revive the Emperoras Da Looted Deity.

Da Looted Deity is not quite all there in da 'ead anymore, and because the first thing he sees when he wakes up are Orks his brain "goes native" and he thinks he is Da Gawd Emprah of Ork-kind.

Da Gawd Emprah of Ork-kind loots Terra and starts his Great Kroosade.

Da Great Kroosade is spearheadded by Da Primorks, twenty sons of Da Gawd Emprah.

Jollydevil wrote:
FIXING THE GOLDEN THRONE
Roll 2D6 to determine the success of the operation on the golden throne. If a double is rolled for the operation, consult the chart below.
1,1 BOOM: The golden throne explodes, leaving a crackling orb of unreality in its place. The meks all proceed to scratch their heads wondering what happened.
2,2 Oops: The painboys mistake the emperors brain for the writhing body of a squig. All squigs are suddenly turned to super psykers due to the unholy union of emperor and squig for the remainder of the turn.
3,3 Gah: After a series of teleporta accidents, the emperor materializes in the wrong place and is never seen again. Remove the Emperor from play.
4,4 WAAAGH: The emperor is awakened in a state of fury, soon realizing his leg is being used by several orks to beat the chief painboy senseless. Initiate a WAAAGH for all imperial troops in the galaxy immediately.
5,5 Roboemperor: The emperors limbs and vital functions are all replaced by robotic parts, enabling him to now roam the galaxy stomping out all evil much like robocop.
6,6 Flux capacitor: Utilizing an STC from the year 1985, the Golden Throne is attached to a battlewagon, painted red, and accelerated to 88 miles per hour to go back in time and kill Horus. However, this creates a paradox, and time soon implodes in on itself. Resolve this action with a strength 40 really really really really really large blast template centered over the imperium itself.
Was it worth it dakka?

Totally.
Now I want Emperor-squiqs.

You guys beat me to posting that pic.

Looted emprah!

I can see it now as the doks and meks give up on the idea of healing emperor and decide that perhaps constructing a megadredd or stompa in his image would be the best course of action

They make the golden throne into a mobile Killa kan, so he can always pop down to the shops for a packet of crisps.