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So I've been thinking about getting into Warmahordes lately and I found out there is a group that meets every Tuesday at an LGS. I decided I would like to check it out and told my Wife a few days ago that I might swing by after work for an hour or two.

She seemed okay with this, though she asked "Are you asking me or telling me you're going?' I asked her if it was okay, and she didn't seem to have an issue.

So yesterday afternoon (Tues) around lunch she txts me that she had spilled her packed lunch at work and she seemed pretty upset about it. Even said she felt like crying and unfortunately didn't have time to get another lunch. She also texted to inquire if I was still going to my LGS.

As I left work (an hour earlier than she does), she called and asked what time I would be coming home. I told her I wasn't sure because I didn't know what time people would be there and how long a game would take.

She mentioned she was pretty hungry and would probably want to go out to eat when she got home. At this point, I felt a pretty bad for her situation and I was thinking about just turning and going home so we could eat out as soon she got home. In retrospect, I'm not sure why I chose to keep driving. I guess I was kinda looking forward to seeing what this game was all about and I also wanted to move forward on some prospective trades that I was considering...depending on if how I liked this WMH game.

So I arrive at my LGS around 4;30pm and there's already someone there setting up terrain. I start asking him about the game, including how long an average game might take and told him i was interested in learning. After a brief discussion, I went to the restroom and texted my wife, telling her that maybe she should grab a quick snack with one of her friends as she left work because I didnt' want her to hungry waiting on me at home

She texted back, "As always, gaming is more important". I responded with "Not really, If you want me to come now, I will and I'll just try to play Next Tuesday'

I didn't get any response, so I decided to go ahead play a quick game. I actually called her a few times during the game to check on her, but my calls went unanswered.

Our game took about 1 hr, I left at 6 and got around 6:30 to discover her making dinner.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised she pretty much completely ignored me the whole night except when I was in her way or she wanted me to stop touching her. She still seems to be completely ignoring my calls and texts

So, I'm kinda hear to get some opinions and thoughts on this. Again, in retrospect I know I messed up and should've gone home, though I think a 24 hr Cold shoulder phase might be slightly too much. I'm not sure. Would love to here other people's thoughts on this and What you might suggest to make things better.

Its things like this that made me worried about my future, but in 6 years I have yet to come across anything like this in my relationship for more than 10 minutes. And I have been with my partner since I was 15!

The key is to talk dude.

Talking would have solved it on both sides. We simply have our small argument and then cool off and either go back to before like friends would normally do or talk it out for a few minutes and compromise.

We dont know your wife, you do. So talk to her like you should know how.

Good luck.

Without knowing you or your wife, it's hard to offer advise as every relationship is different.

However, from my point of view, you are "The Man" of the relationship and as such, you have your own interests.

These interests don't have to coincide with your wife's.

Thus, your wife needs to recognize that "My hubbie likes playing plastic crack games" and be supportive.

Firmly tell her that Tuesday is "my night for my hobby".

You need to tell her that this is what you want to do, and tell her that this is what it means (ie, how much $$ it'll take, what days, tornaments, etc...). Be very specific.

Never, ever mistake total silence as validation for your actions or opinions.

Total silence means "I do not concur with you but I want you to reach this conclusion on your own."

You're right.. you should have just went home and played another time. Will probably require lots of chocolate and/or flowers to rectify the situation. Too late now, but now you know for next time

Happy wife, happy life!

Talk with her and ask what the deal is.

Question: how many nights a week are you out gaming? This will provide us with some larger context. If you're gaming 5 nights a week that might change things.

I assume you only game 1, maybe 2, nights a week(including this potential new Tuesday thing)

If so, I would just say that this is something you really enjoy doing. Point out things your wife likes doing that have a similar time commitment that she does without you and just say its exactly the same thing for you.

If Tuesday night has previously been something you traditionally do together(like a regular date night) just suggest you move it to another night.

Invite her to stop by and watch if she wants. You can even get dinner out together during a break in gaming(most groups who play from 6-10 usually have some sort of dinner break)

 Flashman wrote:
Never, ever mistake total silence as validation for your actions or opinions.

Total silence means "I do not concur with you but I want you to reach this conclusion on your own."

This, in a nutshell.

I'm fortunate enough that my girlfriend assumes that I'm too unobservant to deal with subtle hints, and just tells me what she wants/what's wrong to my face. It avoids much heartache and kerfuffle.

I'm really quite fortunate to have her, in that regard.

Straight to the dog house with you!

 Ketara wrote:

 Flashman wrote:
Never, ever mistake total silence as validation for your actions or opinions.

Total silence means "I do not concur with you but I want you to reach this conclusion on your own."

This, in a nutshell.

I'm fortunate enough that my girlfriend assumes that I'm too unobservant to deal with subtle hints, and just tells me what she wants/what's wrong to my face. It avoids much heartache and kerfuffle.

I'm really quite fortunate to have her, in that regard.

Me too...your girlfriend is brilliant

Seriously though. OP Sounds like something else is going on.

So yesterday afternoon (Tues) around lunch she txts me that she had spilled her packed lunch at work and she seemed pretty upset about it. Even said she felt like crying and unfortunately didn't have time to get another lunch. She also texted to inquire if I was still going to my LGS.

Have a conversation or something. And for gawds sake do not say some geeks on a crappy gaming forum gave you advice.

Women are trouble. A few of them are worth it though.

 Mr. Burning wrote:
And for gawds sake do not say some geeks on a crappy gaming forum gave you advice.

Darkzephyr wrote:
She texted back, "As always, gaming is more important". I responded with "Not really, If you want me to come now, I will and I'll just try to play Next Tuesday'

I didn't get any response, so I decided to go ahead play a quick game. I actually called her a few times during the game to check on her, but my calls went unanswered.

I take it your wife at some level feels that gaming is more important to you than she is. It was a bad move to keep playng when you got that text, at least if you care.

The ball is now in your court to show her that she is more important to you than gaming (assuming once again that you care, and that this is a true statement). Stop gaming for a while. Take her out to eat, to a movie, whatever you two do for fun together. Also, apologize for not coming home, and putting gaming ahead of her needs. My 2 cents.

DarkZephyr

Want to make sure you KNOW YOU are asking a bunch of gamers for advice? Reason I am asking being we're not marriage counselors

or Medical Experts

or expert Veterinarian's

or Matchmakers

or Lawyers (Constitutional or whatever else)

or Movie Critics

or Kitchen remodeling experts

I had a similar issue recently playing Warthunder. My wife gave me signals and I failed to notice. I was available, I thought, but I really wasn't. I was doing what I wanted to do as long as she would let me get away with it. It was a test of sorts (women do this), and I failed. It sounds like your wife wanted you to put her first without her making you do it. It sounds like you would have been by her side if she asked, which I understand, she just didn't want to have to ask. To be fair, it is hard for her to ask you to give up something you really wanted to do, regardless of how much she would rather you have done something else.

Flowers or something similar as a way to say you're sorry for being insensitive and a conversation about mixed signals will probably help. If it's any consolation, this still happens to me after nearly 15 years. Geek tunnel vision is a powerful thing, all I can try to do is be aware of the issue and make sure I keep my little army men (or video games) in the proper spot in my life.

My apologies if I have assumed too much and good luck.

"Not really" isn't the same thing as "No, it's not". Not to most women. You were screwed the minute you kept playing when she didn't reply to your text. Nothing but "I'm headed home, can I pick something up for us?" would have helped. She still would have been pissed you missed the earlier signals but you would only have had a bit of dog house stay, instead of what you're getting.

 whembly wrote:
Without knowing you or your wife, it's hard to offer advise as every relationship is different.

However, from my point of view, you are "The Man" of the relationship and as such, you have your own interests.

These interests don't have to coincide with your wife's.

Thus, your wife needs to recognize that "My hubbie likes playing plastic crack games" and be supportive.

Firmly tell her that Tuesday is "my night for my hobby".

You need to tell her that this is what you want to do, and tell her that this is what it means (ie, how much $$ it'll take, what days, tornaments, etc...). Be very specific.

I'm pretty sure this will lead to her forming her own Tuesday night hobby...

 Jihadin wrote:
DarkZephyr

Want to make sure you KNOW YOU are asking a bunch of gamers for advice? Reason I am asking being we're not marriage counselors

or Medical Experts

or expert Veterinarian's

or Matchmakers

or Lawyers (Constitutional or whatever else)

or Movie Critics

or Kitchen remodeling experts

I am a qualified transport planner though

 BobtheInquisitor wrote:

 whembly wrote:
Without knowing you or your wife, it's hard to offer advise as every relationship is different.

However, from my point of view, you are "The Man" of the relationship and as such, you have your own interests.

These interests don't have to coincide with your wife's.

Thus, your wife needs to recognize that "My hubbie likes playing plastic crack games" and be supportive.

Firmly tell her that Tuesday is "my night for my hobby".

You need to tell her that this is what you want to do, and tell her that this is what it means (ie, how much $$ it'll take, what days, tornaments, etc...). Be very specific.

I'm pretty sure this will lead to her forming her own Tuesday night hobby...

Hopefully not with Steve from accounting.

 BobtheInquisitor wrote:

 whembly wrote:
Without knowing you or your wife, it's hard to offer advise as every relationship is different.

However, from my point of view, you are "The Man" of the relationship and as such, you have your own interests.

These interests don't have to coincide with your wife's.

Thus, your wife needs to recognize that "My hubbie likes playing plastic crack games" and be supportive.

Firmly tell her that Tuesday is "my night for my hobby".

You need to tell her that this is what you want to do, and tell her that this is what it means (ie, how much $$ it'll take, what days, tornaments, etc...). Be very specific.

I'm pretty sure this will lead to her forming her own Tuesday night hobby...

And why would that be a bad thing?

 Jihadin wrote:
DarkZephyr

Want to make sure you KNOW YOU are asking a bunch of gamers for advice? Reason I am asking being we're not marriage counselors

or Medical Experts

or expert Veterinarian's

or Matchmakers

or Lawyers (Constitutional or whatever else)

or Movie Critics

or Kitchen remodeling experts

I have one bone to pick. Everyone is a movie critic. Carry on.

As much as guys need to smarten up to the needs of their wimminz, those wimminz also need to realize that blokes are a thick lot who need to be talked to in a simple, straightforward manner. Our neanderthal brains can't handle all those subtleties that the wimmnz engage in. Tell us what to do, where to do it and at what time and all will be well in paradise!

Mmm newly married couples are always fun. Don't worry soon she'll be wondering when you're leaving already.

Its important to have separate hobbies, or just time away from each other.

Sounds like in reality she's hungry, or alternatively a nag.

Next time put a definitive timeline on it. I'd run the conversation this way. "Yo wench, I will be gone this evening. I shall deign to return to sup sometime after 8. I expect the usual three course meal waiting and hot, or they'll be heck to pay. Now get back in there and bake me a cake, but bring me a beer first." Smack her on the keister at the same time. They love that.

 whembly wrote:

 BobtheInquisitor wrote:

 whembly wrote:
Without knowing you or your wife, it's hard to offer advise as every relationship is different.

However, from my point of view, you are "The Man" of the relationship and as such, you have your own interests.

These interests don't have to coincide with your wife's.

Thus, your wife needs to recognize that "My hubbie likes playing plastic crack games" and be supportive.

Firmly tell her that Tuesday is "my night for my hobby".

You need to tell her that this is what you want to do, and tell her that this is what it means (ie, how much $$ it'll take, what days, tornaments, etc...). Be very specific.

I'm pretty sure this will lead to her forming her own Tuesday night hobby...

And why would that be a bad thing?

Because it will probably involve Steve from Accounting...

And maybe Michael from the Mail Room.

 BobtheInquisitor wrote:

 whembly wrote:

 BobtheInquisitor wrote:

 whembly wrote:
Without knowing you or your wife, it's hard to offer advise as every relationship is different.

However, from my point of view, you are "The Man" of the relationship and as such, you have your own interests.

These interests don't have to coincide with your wife's.

Thus, your wife needs to recognize that "My hubbie likes playing plastic crack games" and be supportive.

Firmly tell her that Tuesday is "my night for my hobby".

You need to tell her that this is what you want to do, and tell her that this is what it means (ie, how much $$ it'll take, what days, tornaments, etc...). Be very specific.

I'm pretty sure this will lead to her forming her own Tuesday night hobby...

And why would that be a bad thing?

Because it will probably involve Steve from Accounting...

And maybe Michael from the Mail Room.

Boggle tournament?

 Necros wrote:
You're right.. you should have just went home and played another time. Will probably require lots of chocolate and/or flowers to rectify the situation. Too late now, but now you know for next time

Happy wife, happy life!

No that will just mean she's won and can nag you into doing what you want. Stand your ground firmly but politely. COme on grow a pair and be man.

 Frazzled wrote:

Next time put a definitive timeline on it. I'd run the conversation this way. "Yo wench, I will be gone this evening. I shall deign to return to sup sometime after 8. I expect the usual three course meal waiting and hot, or they'll be heck to pay. Now get back in there and bake me a cake, but bring me a beer first." Smack her on the keister at the same time. They love that.

Listen to the old geezer. He ain't wrong here.*

*as a general rule.

The moment she said she felt like crying because she lost her lunch is the moment you start researching if your streaming service runs Dirty Dancing and how much icecream you can buy with the cash you have on you.

Also blankets. Doesn't matter if the weather calls for it, get a blanket.

Blankets save relationships.

Edit: But seriously, this sounds like emotional blackmail. Kinda hard to deal with one way or the other.

 His Master's Voice wrote:
she felt like crying because she lost her lunch

That's pretty normal, actually.

 Alex C wrote:

 BobtheInquisitor wrote:

 whembly wrote:

 BobtheInquisitor wrote:

 whembly wrote:
Without knowing you or your wife, it's hard to offer advise as every relationship is different.

However, from my point of view, you are "The Man" of the relationship and as such, you have your own interests.

These interests don't have to coincide with your wife's.

Thus, your wife needs to recognize that "My hubbie likes playing plastic crack games" and be supportive.

Firmly tell her that Tuesday is "my night for my hobby".

You need to tell her that this is what you want to do, and tell her that this is what it means (ie, how much $$ it'll take, what days, tornaments, etc...). Be very specific.

I'm pretty sure this will lead to her forming her own Tuesday night hobby...

And why would that be a bad thing?

Because it will probably involve Steve from Accounting...

And maybe Michael from the Mail Room.

Boggle tournament?

No, but you'll boggle when you see the video.

 His Master's Voice wrote:
The moment she said she felt like crying because she lost her lunch is the moment you start researching if your streaming service runs Dirty Dancing and how much icecream you can buy with the cash you have on you.

Also blankets. Doesn't matter if the weather calls for it, get a blanket.

Blankets save relationships.

DOn't fall for it. Its a trap!
A better way is to offer advice on how not to spill her lunch in the future. Women love it when we give unsolicited advice on how to solve their problem.