Forum adverts like this one are shown to any user who is not logged in. Join us by filling out a tiny 3 field form and you will get your own, free, dakka user account which gives a good range of benefits to you: No adverts like this in the forums anymore. Times and dates in your local timezone. Full tracking of what you have read so you can skip to your first unread post, easily see what has changed since you last logged in, and easily see what is new at a glance. Email notifications for threads you want to watch closely. Being a part of the oldest wargaming community on the net. If you are already a member then feel free to login now.

I might be starting a campaign with a new club soon and wanted some fresh jokes to lighten the mood.

Post any Warhammer jokes you've got.

Just a few that come to mind to start:

Two Dwarfs walk into a bar.

But no, the bar is over the Dwarf’s head.

-

One Dwarf tells the other Dwarf, who had been eyeing his lady, he was green with envy.

“Green! Lay your ale and we shall duel for calling me such!”

“No, I meant green with envy, not like a goblin!”

“I see.”

-

A Dwarf and an elf walk into a bar.

The Dwarf orders an ale.

The elf orders a vodka cranberry twist.

“Here you go Sir and my lady,” says the barkeep.

“Excuse me?” replies the Dwarf.

“Oh,” says the barkeep. “I thought that elf was a girl.”

-

Why did the goblin cross the road?

He didn’t see the Dwarf waiting for him on the other side!

-

Why does the Orc say “WWAAAAGH?”

Because he’s a crying baby.

The prices.

/endthread

 Fenrir Kitsune wrote:
The prices.

/endthread

?

Alan Merrett (sp) recently did a brilliant stand up routine about Warhammer.

AOS received broad acclaim ...from Ronnie Renton.

Dwarf is in a bar drinking and he is really drunk
All of a sudden he throws up all over his shirt
The dwarf says my wife is going to kill me
The bartender says "take $10 out of your wallet and stick it in your shirt pocket and tell your wife some guy threw up on you and gave you $10 to get my shirt cleaned"
Dwarf says "great idea!!"
Dwarf goes home and his wife says "what happened to your shirt?"
Dwarf say "a guy threw up on me and gave me this 10 bucks to get my shirt cleaned." As he pulls out the money
Wife says that's a $20?
Dwarf say "oh yeah he gak in my pants too"

In Soviet Russia, you play Warhammer.

Why did the Space Wolf howl for the Eldar?

He was bone-singing.....

(sunglasses) YEEEAAAHHHH!!

A Dwarf and an elf walk into a bar. The Dwarf orders an ale. The elf orders a vodka cranberry twist.

“Here you go Sir and my lady,” says the barkeep.

“Excuse me?” replies the Dwarf.

“Oh,” says the barkeep. “I thought that elf was a girl.”

And the dwarf says...

"She is! And by my beard! So am I!"

Why would you need jokes to keep a campaign fresh?

My hope would be that you are looking for content for the funny pages of a Ye Olde Fake Newspaper that you are going to use to keep players up to date with the goings on?

Your jokes are also terrible. You will not make friends in a new club with them.
Try smiling, playing well, having a painted army, washing and being polite.

There once was this Black and White Space Marine on a Black and White Bike...

 Breotan wrote:
There once was this Black and White Space Marine on a Black and White Bike...

/thread.

 Grimtuff wrote:

 Breotan wrote:
There once was this Black and White Space Marine on a Black and White Bike...

/thread.

Please no...

A Mordian, a Catachan, and a Space wolf go into a bar and each orders a beer. All three beers have a fly in them. The Mordian pushes his beer away in disgust. The Catachan plucks the fly out of his beer and continues drinking. The Space wolf grabs the fly by the wings and yells " Spit it out Ya bastard!!!!"

Raven911 wrote:

 Grimtuff wrote:

 Breotan wrote:
There once was this Black and White Space Marine on a Black and White Bike...

/thread.

Please no...

A Mordian, a Catachan, and a Space wolf go into a bar and each orders a beer. All three beers have a fly in them. The Mordian pushes his beer away in disgust. The Catachan plucks the fly out of his beer and continues drinking. The Space wolf grabs the fly by the wings and yells " Spit it out Ya bastard!!!!"

+1

Age of Sigmar and 7th edition are two pretty good ones.

 Breotan wrote:
There once was this Black and White Space Marine on a Black and White Bike...

Yyyyyyeeeeeeeeessssssssssss!!! Let the tale of the Black and White Space Marine be told once more!

 Chute82 wrote:
Dwarf is in a bar drinking and he is really drunk
All of a sudden he throws up all over his shirt
The dwarf says my wife is going to kill me
The bartender says "take $10 out of your wallet and stick it in your shirt pocket and tell your wife some guy threw up on you and gave you $10 to get my shirt cleaned"
Dwarf says "great idea!!"
Dwarf goes home and his wife says "what happened to your shirt?"
Dwarf say "a guy threw up on me and gave me this 10 bucks to get my shirt cleaned." As he pulls out the money
Wife says that's a $20?
Dwarf say "oh yeah he gak in my pants too"

Bahaha. Good one mate. Except a Dwarf wouldn't do that.

Let's keep the jokes rolling in.

The fact that the Chinese can produce and sell the exact same if not better casted models for 1/4th the price.

A sigmarite walks in a bar, There is no bar in the realms! and Sigmarites don't drink beer!

Three inquisitors walk into a bar.

Each is offended by what they see.

 toasteroven wrote:
Three inquisitors walk into a bar.

Each is offended by what they see.

I lol'd.