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Made in us
Grim Dark Angels Interrogator-Chaplain






A Protoss colony world

Dark humor is like food.

Not everyone gets it.

My armies (re-counted and updated on 11/7/24, including modeled wargear options):
Dark Angels: ~16000 Astra Militarum: ~1200 | Imperial Knights: ~2300 | Leagues of Votann: ~1300 | Tyranids: ~3400 | Stormcast Eternals: ~5000 | Kruleboyz: ~3500 | Lumineth Realm-Lords: ~700
Check out my P&M Blogs: ZergSmasher's P&M Blog | Imperial Knights blog | Board Games blog | Total models painted in 2024: 40 | Total models painted in 2025: 29 | Current main painting project: Tomb Kings
 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
You need your bumps felt. With a patented, Grotsnik Corp Bump Feelerer 9,000.
The Grotsnik Corp Bump Feelerer 9,000. It only looks like several bricks crudely gaffer taped to a cricket bat.
Grotsnik Corp. Sorry, No Refunds.
 
   
Made in gb
[DCM]
Chief Deputy Sub Assistant Trainee Squig Handling Intern






Why did the Penguin go to the shops?

To buy his dinner.

Fed up of Scalpers? But still want your Exclusives? Why not join us?

Hey look! It’s my 2025 Hobby Log/Blog/Project/Whatevs 
   
Made in us
Arch Magos w/ 4 Meg of RAM






The Land of Humidity

Sheesh... and I thought my jokes were bad.

Two windmills are standing on a wind farm.

One asks, “What’s your favorite type of music?”

The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

 BorderCountess wrote:
Just because you're doing something right doesn't necessarily mean you know what you're doing...

 
   
Made in de
Junior Officer with Laspistol






Two men chatting with each other "Yesterday my wife said the way we act she thinks all men together only have a single brain they use in turns."
"And? Did you come up with a good comeback?"
"I couldn't, wasn't my turn to use the brain..."

~7510 build and painted
1312 build and painted
1200 
   
Made in gb
[DCM]
Chief Deputy Sub Assistant Trainee Squig Handling Intern






The Black and White Space Marine On His Black and White Bike

*deeeeeeeep breath*……….

Spoiler:
GOTCHA!

Fed up of Scalpers? But still want your Exclusives? Why not join us?

Hey look! It’s my 2025 Hobby Log/Blog/Project/Whatevs 
   
Made in us
The Marine Standing Behind Marneus Calgar





Upstate, New York

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Interrupting cow.
Interup…
MOO

   
Made in us
Battlefield Tourist




MN (Currently in WY)

The thread title is "Have you heard any good jokes lately?"

Based on the content of this thread, the answer is no.



/S

Support Blood and Spectacles Publishing:
https://www.patreon.com/Bloodandspectaclespublishing 
   
Made in gb
[DCM]
Chief Deputy Sub Assistant Trainee Squig Handling Intern






Dunno, you’re in here?

OOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

/S, obviously.

Fed up of Scalpers? But still want your Exclusives? Why not join us?

Hey look! It’s my 2025 Hobby Log/Blog/Project/Whatevs 
   
Made in us
Arch Magos w/ 4 Meg of RAM






The Land of Humidity

If you’re American when you go in the bathroom …

… and American when you come out...

What are you in the bathroom?


European.

 BorderCountess wrote:
Just because you're doing something right doesn't necessarily mean you know what you're doing...

 
   
Made in gb
Leader of the Sept







Exalted. That’s a great one

Please excuse any spelling errors. I use a tablet frequently and software keyboards are a pain!

Terranwing - w3;d1;l1
51st Dunedinw2;d0;l0
Cadre Coronal Afterglow w1;d0;l0 
   
Made in us
Hangin' with Gork & Mork






90% of Bald men still own a comb

They can’t part with it..

Amidst the mists and coldest frosts he thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts.
 
   
Made in us
Arch Magos w/ 4 Meg of RAM






The Land of Humidity

Whew... the hits keep on coming.


How about this gem?


Who are the biggest threat to Imperium teeth?

Plaque Marines



 BorderCountess wrote:
Just because you're doing something right doesn't necessarily mean you know what you're doing...

 
   
Made in gb
Fireknife Shas'el





Leicester

 Easy E wrote:
The thread title is "Have you heard any good jokes lately?"

Based on the content of this thread, the answer is no.



/S


Came here to say exactly the same thing!

DS:80+S+GM+B+I+Pw40k08D+A++WD355R+T(M)DM+
 Zed wrote:
*All statements reflect my opinion at this moment. if some sort of pretty new model gets released (or if I change my mind at random) I reserve the right to jump on any bandwagon at will.
 
   
Made in us
The Marine Standing Behind Marneus Calgar





Upstate, New York

Why do Norwegian warships have barcodes on the sides?
So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.

   
Made in us
Grim Dark Angels Interrogator-Chaplain






A Protoss colony world

How about a few Chuck Norris jokes?

Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and it killed 50 people. Then it exploded.

Chuck Norris visited the Virgin Islands. Now they are just the Islands.

The boogeyman checks under his bed every night for Chuck Norris.

The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was the time he thought he made a mistake.

A rattlesnake once bit Chuck Norris. After three days of agony, the snake finally died.

When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor told him "Congratulations, you have two healthy parents!"

My armies (re-counted and updated on 11/7/24, including modeled wargear options):
Dark Angels: ~16000 Astra Militarum: ~1200 | Imperial Knights: ~2300 | Leagues of Votann: ~1300 | Tyranids: ~3400 | Stormcast Eternals: ~5000 | Kruleboyz: ~3500 | Lumineth Realm-Lords: ~700
Check out my P&M Blogs: ZergSmasher's P&M Blog | Imperial Knights blog | Board Games blog | Total models painted in 2024: 40 | Total models painted in 2025: 29 | Current main painting project: Tomb Kings
 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
You need your bumps felt. With a patented, Grotsnik Corp Bump Feelerer 9,000.
The Grotsnik Corp Bump Feelerer 9,000. It only looks like several bricks crudely gaffer taped to a cricket bat.
Grotsnik Corp. Sorry, No Refunds.
 
   
Made in us
Arch Magos w/ 4 Meg of RAM






The Land of Humidity

What is the Silent King's favorite game?

Settlers of C'tan

 BorderCountess wrote:
Just because you're doing something right doesn't necessarily mean you know what you're doing...

 
   
Made in us
Arch Magos w/ 4 Meg of RAM






The Land of Humidity

I'm afraid that this one will not translate well to people who don't interact with New Englanders.

☆☆☆

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone’s relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts. However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird’s beaks and claws.

By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

He very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout “Cah”, not a single one could shout “Truck.”

 BorderCountess wrote:
Just because you're doing something right doesn't necessarily mean you know what you're doing...

 
   
Made in gb
Fireknife Shas'el





Leicester

Booo

DS:80+S+GM+B+I+Pw40k08D+A++WD355R+T(M)DM+
 Zed wrote:
*All statements reflect my opinion at this moment. if some sort of pretty new model gets released (or if I change my mind at random) I reserve the right to jump on any bandwagon at will.
 
   
Made in us
The Marine Standing Behind Marneus Calgar





Upstate, New York

 Lathe Biosas wrote:
I'm afraid that this one will not translate well to people who don't interact with New Englanders.

☆☆☆

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone’s relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts. However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird’s beaks and claws.

By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

He very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout “Cah”, not a single one could shout “Truck.”


A quartet of prominent crows have started a charity to help birds injured by vehicles.

It’s for good caws…

   
Made in us
Grim Dark Angels Interrogator-Chaplain






A Protoss colony world

A group of crows were trying to get together but then they got arrested for attempted murder.

My armies (re-counted and updated on 11/7/24, including modeled wargear options):
Dark Angels: ~16000 Astra Militarum: ~1200 | Imperial Knights: ~2300 | Leagues of Votann: ~1300 | Tyranids: ~3400 | Stormcast Eternals: ~5000 | Kruleboyz: ~3500 | Lumineth Realm-Lords: ~700
Check out my P&M Blogs: ZergSmasher's P&M Blog | Imperial Knights blog | Board Games blog | Total models painted in 2024: 40 | Total models painted in 2025: 29 | Current main painting project: Tomb Kings
 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
You need your bumps felt. With a patented, Grotsnik Corp Bump Feelerer 9,000.
The Grotsnik Corp Bump Feelerer 9,000. It only looks like several bricks crudely gaffer taped to a cricket bat.
Grotsnik Corp. Sorry, No Refunds.
 
   
Made in us
The Marine Standing Behind Marneus Calgar





Upstate, New York

I hear that crows have 13 primary wing feathers, while ravens have 14. The difference between them in a matter of a pinion.


   
Made in us
Fixture of Dakka






Columbia, SC (USA)

I laughed at nearly all of these jokes. I may have to report myself to the commissar.

The secret to painting a really big army is to keep at it. You can't reach your destination if you never take any steps.

I build IG...lots and lots of IG.  
   
Made in us
[DCM]
Tzeentch's Fan Girl






Southern New Hampshire

 Lathe Biosas wrote:
I'm afraid that this one will not translate well to people who don't interact with New Englanders.

☆☆☆

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone’s relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts. However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird’s beaks and claws.

By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

He very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout “Cah”, not a single one could shout “Truck.”


Hey! I resemble that remahk!

She/Her

"There are no problems that cannot be solved with cannons." - Chief Engineer Boris Krauss of Nuln

Kid_Kyoto wrote:"Don't be a dick" and "This is a family wargame" are good rules of thumb.


DR:80S++G++M--B+IPwhfb01#+D+++A+++/fWD258R++T(D)DM+++
 
   
Made in us
Arch Magos w/ 4 Meg of RAM






The Land of Humidity

Why did the can crusher quit her job?

It was soda-pressing.

 BorderCountess wrote:
Just because you're doing something right doesn't necessarily mean you know what you're doing...

 
   
 
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