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Said it before but will chip in again. If you want a great Vietnam war film as opposed to a Vietnam film, Danger Close: The Battle of Long Tan is a great example. As a consequence it comes under heavy criticism for not being a Vietnam film with all the context that entails. But if you want to watch some ANZAC soldiering, its great.

Kind of like if you want to see a film about textbook (literally, many textbooks used this as a case study) defence , The Siege of Jadotville is great, but criticised in most other respects!

I saw Danger Close and I recall a lot of time hugging the dirt.

Kung Pow: Enter the Fist

We taught him wrong, as a joke.



An American comedian re-dubbed and inserted himself into an old Kung Fu movie with mixed results. There are a few really funny parts, some real duds, and a lot of interesting sections where the comedian is having fun trying weird things that don’t really land but are still amusing.

Watch it if you enjoy MST3k or Auralnauts.

 BobtheInquisitor wrote:
Kung Pow: Enter the Fist

We taught him wrong, as a joke.



An American comedian re-dubbed and inserted himself into an old Kung Fu movie with mixed results. There are a few really funny parts, some real duds, and a lot of interesting sections where the comedian is having fun trying weird things that don’t really land but are still amusing.

Watch it if you enjoy MST3k or Auralnauts.

I actually really love that movie, but its been 20 years since I saw it, so I'm sure my comedic tastes have changed. I do remember it being a slog at times.

"Be not concerned with her shyness, soon it will pass." She flashes the goods. "There ya go"

@The_Real_Chris: Yeah, I watched the trailer of Danger Close and a documentary on the thing, read out by a very manly man-voice, but I wanna see that. Not the least because I bought just over a company of ANZACs for Vietnam earlier this year. Jadotville I never watched because there were some things that made me think I wouldn't like it. Can't recall which ones exactly.

@BobtheInquisitor: I watched Kung Pow several times within a short timespan a long time ago. It's really funny, 80% of the time. I feel like the bits which were the original intent of the thing (the MST3k stuff with the dude cut into scenes and so on. I love that sorta stuff. The attention to detail getting the guy in there, redoing scene surroundings when cutting to him. This is the stuff I properly enjoy.) were great. The other things, which I kinda think that some marketing/studio person said they'd have to add to make 'their own thing', maybe it's also a copyright thing, (Breasty lady, aliens iirc, the tongue, that flipping CGI cow stuff, which I despise) fall flat for me. But that's just about 10% or so. The re-dubbed original film and the dude cut into the original film is great.

If you like Kung-Pow people should check out Woody's {b]What's UP Tiger Lily[/b] where he creates a fake dub of a Japanese (?) spy thriller.

Predator, The Quietus

1988 no-budget British Horror film, and nothing to do with Predator.

This is pretty dreadful. No tension, no real scares, pretty racist portrayal of Irishmen in the pub scene. The worst, lazy “potato beggorah” typecasting.

Anyways it’s about a New York reporter coming to the UK, to investigate the Beast of Exmoor. Which does seem to exist, but we’re not allowed to see it. And its growls sound more like a car engine being revved. And it eats a wee girl who ran away from it, very very slowly, in the most round about path I’ve ever seen.

Our “hunky” lead is one Cliff Twemlow, a bouncer turned zero budget film maker. Who was well into his 50’s if I’m any judge. Big bloke though who clearly looked after himself.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
Who was well into his 50’s if I’m any judge. Big bloke though who clearly looked after himself.

According to Wikipedia, he died in May 1993 of a heart attack, aged 55.

And after all that, the Beast was a man in a suit, except it maybe wasn’t, rendering the entire plot of the film utterly moot.


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Invaders From Mars

1986 Tobe Hooper remake. And it’s pretty good! Doesn’t muck with the plot, but updates the visuals conisderably, and whilst the original’s still hold up, I’d say this is for the better on balance.

Only downside is our young lead is a dreadful actor, at least in this. But he’s balanced out by a B-Movie worthy cast, including Louise Fletcher, who’d go on to be despised as Kai Winn.

Target, Earth

Not much online except an IMDB. But a TV movie from 1998, about a subtle alien invasion.

Quite the cast here, as we have Marcia Cross, John C McGinley and Christopher Meloni, who’d all go on to find greater fame on the small screen.

And it’s alright. Borrowing heavily from the X-Files and Body Snatchers so our characters never know who they can really trust.

As cheap made for TV sci-fi movies go, this is perfectly tolerable with a decent enough atmosphere. Whilst hardly an original premise, there is enough here I think it could’ve been up budgeted and done as a cinematic release with some success.

Avatar 2 - The Fishy One

It looks fancy and if you go into it with the right expectations, there are worse ways to spend three hours.

Curiously, I found fishy Avatar to be worse than tree hugging Avatar in spite of my not very high opinion of the latter. I never thought I'd say something nice about the cast of cardboard cutout characters in tree hugging Avatar, but they were so predictable and clear in their roles that they drove the equally predictable and clear plot without raising eyebrows or leaving questions. Or, when it comes down to it, allowing any room for the writers to get what they were going for wrong.

Fishy Avatar is different. It's basically the same plot with the same stereotypes, but reskinned to include a bunch of kids to make foreseeably bad choices and take turns getting caught by the bad guys. The indulgence in family life, tribal life, intertribal relations and all that other hippie crap is where the movie shines, outside of looking pretty, of course. But the conflict between sky people and blue people has taken a turn for the worse compared to tree hugging Avatar.

So the sky people return, but this time not with a small rotation of mercs for base defense but with a fleet and substantial manpower. And with regard to the former the movie is as much of a disappointment as the first one. Why does James Cameron of all people so stubbornly refuse to nuke something from orbit? Just once? Just for the fireworks? Maybe drop it on that little village over there that never did nothing to nobody. They're not relevant to the plot. Come on, what's a little war crime between friends? I'm sure it'll be easy to get the bad guys on board. They're not sound of mind. Still no? Okay then, be like that.

The thing I found is that fishy Avatar is incredibly reluctant to pin down the bad guys' plans, unlike tree hugging Avatar where everything was laid out nicely and followed established logic. Fishy Avatar doesn't do that. It's my main hangup with the movie.

So it looks like war is on the menu when the sky people arrive in force and start burning the forest again. The blue people raid a train and its... tiny gunship escort? When the train is wrecked and the paltry air support taken out, the reinforcements consist of... one extra gunship that is taken out with laughable ease. What's the plan here? All that manpower stretched out protecting mining assets? We don't know. The train carried weapons. The mining operation that was so central to the first movie... Well, I honestly don't know if it didn't get mentioned at all or so brief lyin passing that I missed it. Because now the loud barker at the spiffy new beach resort the sky people set up tells the guy who got killed in the previous movie (I guess it didn't stick) that hey, let's just colonize the place and pacify the natives. Sure, let's do that, then.

By going after the enemy leader and finding the hidden base of the tribe the humans are at war with. Sounds real strategy-like, doesn't it? Well, in reaction to the threat to his kids, enemy leader retires and moves to Samoa. And that's it. No one else who has been fighting goes on fighting? No more hits? No sabotage? While the merc team sent after the leader goes camping instead and doesn't try to find the hidden base anymore until chance moves them out of the forest completely and to the sunny shores of Samoa, too? So, is the war still on or did everyone just go home? Did the stupidly belligerent sky people just shrug and not pursue their idiotic cartoon villain goals anymore? Who knows. The movie sure isn't going to tell us.

But that's okay, because now that we plow the ocean waves, we'll just have whale brain juice that confers immortality dangled in front of us. At least it can be obtained. Sure, why not? And while that is going on, not-really-dead-but-kinda-but-not-really-wink-wink bad guy still goes after retired good guy to catch him in order to stop the native uprising that isn't happening anymore?

I'm not sure they thought the military conflict part of the movie through. If they did, it doesn't translate to the screen. But that's fine. Fishy Avatar is pretty to look at. Go into it with the right mindset and it's a good enough watch.

Antropophagus

A low budget Italian horror movie about a group of friends who accept a woman's request to be taken to a Greek island, only to find it is almost deserted.

As slashers go, this one is fairly ludicrous, dude isn't even slightly supernatural in origin but still manages to take out an entire island (Admittedly tiny and sparsely inhabited) population.
It has its moments but it's neither scary or gory enough to be that memorable.

Easy Virtue (2008)

A random find on Netflix, and every once in a while I will go for something like that if it doesn't look abhorrent. It's based on a play, and recognizably so.

It's 1924 I think. Dude from lower English nobility comes home and surprises the family with a.) the fact that he'll only stay for a little while and b.) his American wife, played by Jessica Biel. The matriarch (Kristin Scott Thomas) is not happy for several reasons, which would come to light later. His father (Colin Firth, who seems to young and too handsomely-slack-y for the role) is more taken with the new situation. I liked this character's initial detachment from everything. The younger sister (Kimberley Nixon) is excited because Biel's character used to be a racing driver. The other sister (Katherine Parkinson, whom I always enjoy on screen) is less excited. She's one of the more relateable characters in the film.

Things go on, and most of the time there's that sort of lady-bitchy-subtle-sharp-tongued "WAR" between Kristin Scott Thomas and Biel. Because we have to call such stuff "WAR" in films for some reason. Either way, the situation is something I can enjoy in a period drama. I can find a lot of joy in people being people and working within the laws of a restrictive social framework specific to a historical period. Unfortunately it's rather unsubtle, they throw in some general references to stuff wot happened roughly round that time, but the roles in who's wrong and who's right are all too clearly (and a bit crudely) drawn and since we have to market this as a romantic comedy there are several situations which made this film feel very much like Meet the Fockers. There are some bits which are interesting, but these are rarely resolved. Instead yet another scenario is introduced in which Biel's character is behaving badly (much more often not by her own fault than it is).

The ending was less grating than I thought (hey, Glass Onion, pay attention to how it's done!), even though they tucked on something that apparently isn't in the play and would have done the film a favour if they'd kept it that way. Oh and the soundtrack ranges from "too much" to "well, this is stupid".

Now that we got that out of the way, here are things I liked: They assembled a really good cast of actors here to carry this film. I'm not sure if I like Colin Firth in that role, but the whole rest of the cast is really good. I didn't recognize Jessica Biel at first (didn't even look up what year that film was made beforehand). I thought it might be her, but I wasn't sure. Either way, this is the first time I saw her play and really liked her in that role. At some points she hammed it up a little, but that's perfectly okay. It's a stage play, and it's got stage play dialogue (seems like a bunch of bits have been changed to sound a bit more contemporary or to be a bit more obviously bite-y), but I liked the dialogue in general.

The sets and costumes also worked for me. It's a neat-looking film, it's a neat-sounding film (the soundtrack's sillier bits aside), it's a very well-acted film. It's only when it tries to be all too zany or bold and thus shifts the tone needlessly I found it unenjoyable.

I guess I'll give it a Take it or Leave it. It's not bad. It's not very, very good, but I think worth checking out if you want to see Biel being good and Thomas especially.



Last night I saw that German-French culture channel ARTE has Models (1999) by Ulrich Seidl in their online streaming mediatheque thing. I'd seen it before once or twice and I actually watched it again in full last night. Didn't plan to, but it kinda sucked me in. It was the film before his 'big break' with Hundstage, but I can sit through this one way better than I could Hundstage (which I never watched in full I think). It's bascially about four young women who want to be models. Filmed in a very low-key documentary style, lots of talking straight at the camera as the women dress to go out or on a club's toilet to freshen up and such (the camera acting as the mirror for many scenes in that film). Some websites call it a documentary, which is rubbish. It's a film, but Seidl, as with later films, used unknown actors or no actors at all, very little in the way of scripting and just tons of improvisation.

It's not a film that makes ye happy (some scenes are really a bit heavy), but I can sit through that becuase it's such a fascinatingly different world these women live in, and in 1999 I was just slightly younger than they are in that film. The main lady does an exellent job (we follow her for most of the film). Impressive thing, that. Some will say it's pointless, but I'm okay with pointlessness as long as the trip was interesting. And I kinda like that film.

The Union.

By the numbers comedy-action flick. 12 rated, Mark Wahlberg and Halle Berry, entirely predictable and takes no risks whatsoever. Of most interest were the scenes shot around my office in London.

Fine to watch if, like me, you’re recovering from some horrible lurgy. I would t bother otherwise.

Always weird to see one’s office in media.

There’s an episode of Dawn French’s “Murder Most Horrid” set in the same office building I work (well, worked, remote now!) in. And they use the same lift I got in for my interview.

Kinda weird to see how it looked in the mid 90’s compared to now.

Yeah, there was a series a while back called The Wrong Mans - pretty funny actually, despite the generally unpopular James Corden - that was filmed around the office block I used to live opposite. Quite weird seeing that. But a lot better than its other prominent media appearance, around the abduction (and as it turned out, rape and murder) of Millie Dowler...

Army of Darkness

I’ve not seen this is far, far too long. And it remains a fantastic bit of fantasy silliness. And, despite the silliness? It still hits some solid horror notes.

Just don’t expect any real continuity among the ongoing deftness. Just sit back, switch off brain, and enjoy.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
Army of Darkness

I’ve not seen this is far, far too long. And it remains a fantastic bit of fantasy silliness. And, despite the silliness? It still hits some solid horror notes.

Just don’t expect any real continuity among the ongoing deftness. Just sit back, switch off brain, and enjoy.

the first time i watched this, it was immediately coming off the other two, and i definitely had the wrong expectations for it since i was expecting another slasher. was really disappointed because i loved the first two and it was so different, but years later i rewatched it with lower expectations, and it was a much better watch. it's just a whole lot of fun to see Sam Raimi and friends get as wacky as they can

There’s just so much creative silliness going on.

It’s definitely a big change from the first Evil Dead, which was played pretty straight. Evil Dead 2 is part remake, part sequel and leans into the inherent silliness a bit. But yeah, Army of Darkness is just here to have a laugh.

The score is fantastic though, and the fights are decently choreographed.

I think my biggest praise for all involved is that this could’ve been an absolute disaster. All the hallmarks of a completely crap movie are in there. Certainly there are imitators which absolutely are crap. But here it all comes together with style, and is so much more than the sum of its parts.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
Army of Darkness

I’ve not seen this is far, far too long. And it remains a fantastic bit of fantasy silliness. And, despite the silliness? It still hits some solid horror notes.

Just don’t expect any real continuity among the ongoing deftness. Just sit back, switch off brain, and enjoy.

It's brilliant. It's such good fun, and there's so much stuff in there. The effects are amazing and amazingly implemented, and there are several shots which are just great (mill establishing shot, Ash with evil Ash within howling at the moon, several establishing shots actually). And it's still the gold standard on skeleton armies. Quick detour: Isn't it amazing how since CGI got such a thing (and how fantasy in the widest sense of the word being a huge thing in big hollywood films) I can't recall any films depicting an army of skeletons? They got no fur or skin, they're expected to walk jankily and not-quite-right, ... they sound perfectly suited for being depicted in CGI, right?

Oh well. Anyway, Army of Darkness is great fun. It actually was the first Evil Dead film I watched. Few years ago I sat with a bunch of people, watching all three films after another, which was an interesting experience. As a triple feature it works really well, because you get the 'classic' and very underground-looking original first, then you can look forward to the second one, which is the first one, but improved and with some more humour in there, and then you're a bit tired, but you can look forward to the very entertaining and watchable Army of Darkness. Certainly a better trilogy to watch all at once than let's say the Matrix.



Finished Peacekeeper Wars last night. Yeah, you can see in places that they didn't have much time. Somehow it almost felt cheaper than regular Farscape, but okay. It was nice and I'm glad I fully soaked in the whole Farscape things now. Time to start anew.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
Army of Darkness

I’ve not seen this is far, far too long. And it remains a fantastic bit of fantasy silliness. And, despite the silliness? It still hits some solid horror notes.

Just don’t expect any real continuity among the ongoing deftness. Just sit back, switch off brain, and enjoy.

My only complaint would be that Ash comes across as a real jerk in this one.
I much prefer the Vs. The Evil Dead version of him where he's still a complete arse, but you can tell there's a decent guy in there somewhere.

Phantasm 2

AKA Reggie and the Quad-Barreled Shotgun



Keep watching because you just know that shotgun’s going to do something cool.

Phantasm 2 continues directly from the bizarre ending of the first one. It’s more linear and action-packed than the first movie, with some Army of Darkness energy, but it’s not scary or nightmarish like the first one. A fun time that leaves you wanting to know: does every Phantasm movie have a WTF ending?

Just watched the first half of the first film they call "The FP". Just like with Easy Virtue, I very much enjoy the costumes, set design and dialogue.

I watched Transformers One over the weekend. It's the best Transformers movie in ages- and actually a very fun, very slick movie. Optimus and Megatron are the focus, but it's well acted, beautiful visuals, and has dialogue that definitely feels Cybertronian. Take the kids, you'll have a great time.

The One

“I am Yulaw! I am nobody’s [fool]!

“You are all mine!”


What if the Highlander minus swords add Matrix wire-fu and also Time Cop?

Do you like Sci Fi? Do you like action? Do you like Sci Fi action? You’ll enjoy this. The One had a multiverse before it was cool.

Multiverse Authority cop Yulaw discovers that every time he kills a variant of himself, he gains his quickening, er, life force? sure, that. He’s killed 123 out of all the 125 variants of him who exist in the vast, vast, less than two hundred parallel universes. Will he be able to kill his last variant and gain godlike power? In the end there can be only The One.*

The cast is very 2000: Jet Li, Carla Gugino, Jason Statham, Delroy Lindo, Steve Rankin, Dean Norris. Comfortingly familiar faces getting punched everywhere. The action is well-choreographed and fun to watch. And the ending has one of the best fade outs ever.



*No, Zathras, not that The One. Nor the other The One.

Ah yes. One of around one trillion films released in a 12 month window which made varyingly judicious use of Let The Bodies Hit The Floor.

I do remember genuinely enjoying The One, but I’ve not seen in it forever. Maybe time to correct that.

Gonna have me a wee Folk Horror Festival to myself tomorrow.

I already own The Wicker Man and it’s loose sequel, starring Christopher Lee, Honeysuckle Weeks and Honeysuckle Weeks’ birthday suit The Wicker Tree to kick me off.

Sequel is worthy, but of course doesn’t come that close to the original.

But after that? Arriving on Blu-ray via Mr Amazon?

The Devil Ridesout! Blood On Satan’s Claw! Captain Clegg! The Witchfinder General!

I’ve got Nachos. I’ve got popcorn. And I’ve a Tesco’s nearby and I’m not afraid to use it in case of wanting other snacks.


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Actually, come to think of it? I’ve also got (not actually movies) Moondial, Children of Greenknowe, Children of the Stones, The Stone Tape and Century Falls

I’ll be running around in an inadvisable loincloth covered in ivy with Antlers atop my bonce by the end of this one.

So a pretty standard Wednesday evening in Grotsnik’s Grotto.

David Lynch’s Rabbits


I wonder who I will be.



There were no calls today. *maniacal laughter*


If you ever wanted to know what a sitcom made by David Lynch looked like, here you go. Rabbits is a surreal, unnerving and yet kind of hilarious short film that mimics sitcoms down to the laugh track. And is also loaded with existential dread.

The dialogue is familiar in its vocabulary and structure, but the lack of clear meaning or coherence plays tricks on your mind. (The short film was apparently used in a psychological study, which of course it was.). The score and sound design were haunting. The costumes and uncanny movements were uncomfortable. The set and color scheme perfect. Rabbits will stay with you long after you see it.

I can’t wait to show it to unsuspecting friends.

Sounds like the time my friends and I watched Brazil, as it was done by the Monty Python guys so must be funny…

@Mad Doc Grotsnik: Sounds like a good time!

@BobtheInquisitor: Sounds maybe too scary for me to watch. Love me some Lynch, but I'm also very susceptible to existential dread.