The Fifth Dentist Report RETURNS!
Okay, I'm giving up and I'm not. I
was going to post 5DRs for each missed podcast - but I'm just too frickin' busy right now. (Raef, my heart goes out to you - as fellows involved in the financial industry, I feel your pain).
The only stragglers I'll include are (a) my take on the take-back issue, and (b) the tale of the wedding rings, as requested by The Wives.
Craig: I offer
my take on the Karen vs. Small World issue. I have two main points.
A) Yes, you can play any board game like "hands-away" chess - once you take your hand away, you're done. But you had BETTER make that clear to your opponent before the game starts, as it's a HARSH thing to slam into mid-game. And if the gaming culture you normally interact with takes hand-away play for granted (such as
WH40K), you had
REALLY BETTER make that clear when you stray outside for a game with a non-hobby gamer.
B) What is the
point of "hands-away"? Keep in mind that the main effect is usually to lock in a mistake. And if you're the kind of person who wants to win a game NOT by besting your opponent's most carefully-crafted strategy, but by winning due to a single blind mistake that only happened because your opponent was watching beads of sweat form on your brow as you studied the board - um, that feels kind of weaselly. If you land on an obvious misplay and run with it for an automatic victory that takes six turns to lock in, um you just sorta wasted that time entirely. Just point out the misplay, let the opponent make a more considered move, and move along. (Even if the move is part of what
might be a legitimate strategy, take a second to confirm that.) That serves two causes - it helps to make the opponent a more challenging and equal foe by
teaching the game's finer points, and it makes the game far more satisfying as a test of skill and strategy. If you're playing for money or status - sure, be a dork, go for the throat. But in a casual game, and
ESPECIALLY against an opponent who could both make your life hell
and become more skittish about gaming with you - consider that the game has to be enjoyable for
both of you.
Oh, and football doesn't have do-overs because it's a completely idiosyncratic event. You CANNOT kick a football in exactly the same way twice, so a do-over is literally reassembling the game from a prior moment. Football is a test specifically of physical prowess and control - a do-over violates the entire spirit of the game. For a board game, however, it's a test of
MENTAL prowess - and a do-over in fact
reinforces that principle (by removing the brain-fart factor). Remember how when Raef talked about the #1 tennis player, you said that it was TOTALLY different because it was about
physical prowess?
Bee-Eye-En-Gee-Oh.
Besides, keep in mind what you're asking. The main effect of asking someone to play hands-away is to ensure that turns take triple time as each player has to nail down
every aspect of
every move from
every angle. If you need to, just pretend that the move is a test (until such time as a die is rolled, creating an individual circumstance). Wait patiently, until the test is confirmed and proceed normally.
In other words, and simply put - to
play a
good game is a better goal to aspire to than to
win a
bad game. Except in tournaments - which right now are probably still 90% men to 10% women. It's probably more a
competition issue than a gender issue (except that competition has largely been subsumed into gender roles). And even for eight-year-olds, they've already had reinforcements for gender roles for quite a long time - therefore, not quite genetic to the Y chromosome.
My $0.02, adjusted for inflation.
The Beloved Wives: Inside our wedding rings, it says
Up & Coming. This is a card from Apples to Apples.
The story: During our engagement, she and I went with my family to visit my aunt's house in Michigan. They're good casual gamers, so we brought a bunch of good casual games with us, including Apples to Apples. We were playing along, having a ton of fun (as A2A is wont to encourage), and we had slipped into a variant where the judge turned over a red apple, and the players had hands of green apples. On her turn, Myra turned over the card Flash Floods. All the other players hemmed and hawed, but I darted into my hand and immediately threw down a card. I just knew it was right. After all the cards were played, Myra mixed them up and flipped them over. I think my card came first or second. All the other players laughed, and thought it was a throwaway from a bad hand. One even said, "Oh yeah, flash floods! They're sooo fashionable now!" But I saw Myra's face, and saw her think about it seriously. She gradually revealed other cards like "Terrifying" and "Sinister" and whatnot. She read them out loud, but her heart wasn't in them. And the more she thought about her choice, the more I knew I'd read her right. She picked my card. Everyone else reacted in shock as I reached out for the red apple - but she said exactly what had been on my mind.
"What? Flash floods - one minute, you're on dry land, and then
boom they're up and coming at you!"
It was really proof positive that we just thought alike - that we knew each other. And even now, on occasion where I know what she's thought before she's said anything, I just raise my ring and say, "Up and coming."
Oh, and getting a wedding ring etched with the Elven version of the chant of Mordor inside is not only overgeeky, but a bad idea. The *ONE* ring, remember? "Only one hand at a time can wield the ruling Ring, and he does not share power." It's rather awful even if you know the books. (Now, one time on a train from
St. Louis to Chicago, I saw a young woman wake up her young girl to help her get off the train - and the young girl's name was apparently Namarie - the *ELVEN* word for "farewell". I am SOOO not kidding - that is geek for geek's sake.
By the way - hats off for joining (and thus alerting me to) Pulp Gamer. Those are some interesting folks.
And all those podcasts I didn't post about - they were completely awesome, I assure you.
---- Now to new business:
Russ: Did you ever play an Infocom game called the Lurking Horror? It was an AWESOME game - but you had to say it right. Half the time you told people about the awesome game you were playing, they'd wonder how The Lurking Whore was such a terrifying game.
Please consider this next time you tell us about your prize-winning Doghouse
PC. Because you -really- sounded like you wanted to call it the Gay Maker.
Raef: Do you know your Monty Python TV show references? Let's see.
"Unfortunately, he started with a general appraisal of the work, and only got as far as the first volume."
What made you think Craig-nee-Geekly was gonna let you get away with ETYMOLOGY?
Russ: Have you thought about using that intro "Hello!" and selling it as a ringtone? It's very distinctive.
Craig: Isn't it 36-24-26?
Raef: Let me clarify something.
Boardgames and Minis games. They ARE the same game type, with two exceptions.
Minis games generally CANNOT take less than two hours to be a satisfying experience.
Minis games ask the players to argue over inches and centimeters. This is a distinctly
*MALE* pursuit.
So yes, boardgamers can like minis games. But they can get all they need from Tannhauser or Star Wars minis, if they are so inclined. To skitter off the deep end towards the abyss of painting, flocking, sculpting, measuring, rolling, building, and outright CARPENTRY sometimes requires takes a superior intellect and focus beyond that of normal man.
How did Denis Leary say it? "I didn't quit pot because I wanted to stop getting high - I quit it because I didn't want to
build anything." Consider this perspective next time you consider flocking your bong.
Russ, Raef: You know, you ought to milk the sound bites for what they're worth. When people click the Donate button, they ought to get Raef saying "You just clicked...the
-donate- button."
Craig: "You like me! You really, really like me!" is Sally Field's 1985 Oscar acceptance speech gaffe (or at least, what it is frequently misquoted as).
All: For "swag" that is in some way exclusive, I use
"Die Promos!". It comes from getting promotional cards for some of the collectible card games I played. It's an expressly German affectation - you shorten the oh and ess sounds as much as possible, and you say "die" in German, which is "dee".
For "swag" that is sold, that is "merch".
Raef: Hey - if we see you at GenCon, can I *buy* a
Tac Com button from you? Why not carry a bag for those souls cursed with poor planning?
Raef: If the Inquisitor's Handbook has been dog-eared by you personally, why not autograph it before it leaves your hands? It's a special edition now. It's the
HD version. Sign it in ocean and you can make it a Blue ray.
Russ: OMG. "Vorgons?" At least you didn't say "Vorlons", which are of course a complete rip-off of Douglas Adams' planet-busting villains.
The
VOGONS.
And by the way - on a podcast that is a blissful
FOUR HOURS LONG, you should not use the phrase "to make a long story short". It's just poking the listeners.
Russ: If we do the wave in the middle of the podcast, are you literally going to run out
RIGHT THEN to give us Die Promos? If we have enough people, we can just let you crowdsurf with a bag of them and hand 'em out.
We take no liability for dropping you if you run out, though.
All:
BTW, I'm thinking Twitter reliability will somewhat drop in Indy that weekend. Something about overwhelming the local cell towers.
Russ, Craig: And again on the sound bite thing, why not do a really good take of the echoing "Achievements in Gaming" and play it back as a loop, same as the Achievement Sound (
TM)? Take the day-to-day variability out of the equation.
Raef: A few episodes ago, you proved yourself skilled as a potential phone sales operator. We all know you are skilled beyond the mere mortal at phone operation and manipulation. Hearing your voice on-air saying "Do you want to know what I'm wearing?" is pushing the envelope, however - we don't need to suspect that you have been moonlighting as a phone sex operator.
Raef: I have a friend who wants Sims 3. I'll take it off your hands for $30. Seriously.
Raef: *Ah* bah -low- nee. Craig is right to correct you.
All: How do you feel about that whole "buy X cases and we guarantee a full set"?
I say this because of my playgroup for Star Wars minis has a reaction to it. We used to buy the two cases apiece when the new set came out. There would be a flurry of opening, and a lot of excitement. SOME DOWNERS, yes - when duplicate ultra-rares were pulled. But there were excess uncommons and regular rare gaps and so forth. A really cool evening of surprises, negotiation and trading amongst the four of us.
However, as of three sets ago, Wizards went to a new formula. Now, when you buy two cases, you get:
8 of every common.
4 of every uncommon.
2 of every rare.
There is
UTTERLY NO VARIANCE here. And you get a smattering of ultra-rares, with usually ONE tradable.
As gamers and collectors, this is nice. Not
great, but nice. But it feels like coming downstairs on Christmas morning and the only thing under the tree is a cashier's check just laying on the ground. The thrill is most certainly gone.
All: You know, just once, when someone says "Have you done any modelling?", I'd love to hear the response of "Well, yeah - there was a photo shoot for Gamers Quarterly last week, and GQ invited me for a cover pose. I think you'll like the lens flare off the armor."
Didn't say I want to
SEE that, but I'd like to hear that.
Russ: Again - if you want a Planeswalker's match on XBox Live, just send a message to gamertag SmilinStan. I'll take all comers. (And I second your call to check out my namesake's game - Secret of Monkey Island Special Edition released on Live Arcade. I don't have the coat, but I do have the sombrero.
)
Raef:
LIKED the Hollywood Minute. It was a good wingin'-it effort. Honest words from a disappointed gamer. But I'm wondering if perhaps you make the minute a deeper and richer experience with the extra prep time. I like the variety, the change-up - but it might be better to keep the ratio high on the prepared minutes and low on the live minutes. Thine excellence knows no bounds.
All: Great quality interviews, as usual - but the next time someone from Privateer Press comes on, try not to let Craig have the
PP guy deliver his comments through a cardboard tube. I know it's satisfying vengeance, but it's SOOO undignified.
MARISA! Glad to hear your voice again - it was awesome to hear you on the game show, and it's definitely nice to get more time with the person Raef spends
HIS time with. Gamer or not, each person adds more to the conversation.
Nicole: You see that challenge I gave to Russ for XBox Planeswalkers? I'll make that same challenge to you for Boggle - anytime you're up to it, message SmilinStan.
Owen: Kudos on your first shout-out! (Though it was curious - it seemed somewhat...
unforgiving a delivery. But oh well - some blighters deserve your worst.
)
All: Just a nod that for those wanting to get their Wild West on sans figs, there's also a good old card game out there called Doomtown. Out of print for a few years, but it can still be had on eBay and at some of the larger conventions. It's got a nice mixed feel - part poker, part chess, part...well...part Doomtown. I got in a play session last night, and it continues to be awesome.
Craig: I
like the homebrew initiative system for Gutshot that you came up with - but right now, old
CCGs are a steal. Don't just be a Jack! Get some
CCG commons, find four of a card you like, and there ya go! Instant personalization.
Let me even suggest some Doomtown versions:
Raef: Alfred Barkum, Jr.
Russ: Lukas Owens
Craig: Lt. Colonel Frederick Sykes
Oh, and the Earps fought the Clantons. You lose Star Trek geek points, as the bridge crew played the Clantons in the old-series episode that covered the gunfight. ("If you believe the bullets are real, they will kill you.")
Craig: Well, I'm not going to say anything other than that I'm sorry for your loss - and that I lament that I will now only know your grandfather through what he passed down in spirit and character to you and your father. Cherish your memories, and make new ones while the sun shines high.
Russ: One year in college, I had a nasty allergic reaction to peanut oil that required hospitalization for an afternoon. This was after one of my two roommates got clipped by a car and broke his leg. I will say to you what the two of us said to our unharmed roommate:
"Dude, you better watch out. Fate loves a triple play."
(To reassure, however, he made it unscathed through the year.)
But after Raef and Craig have been compelled by dark circumstance to write from-the-heart discussions of serious issues, I can only say that I don't think such belongs in "What's in the News".
Peace out, gentlemen and ladies - looking forward to more from the best.
-- GamerInterface
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