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Its not very long, but its punch line oriented.

There is a man named Benny. Just a normal guy, nothing special about him.
One day, he is walking down the street, and kicking cans. As he is about to kick another, he notices it is a genie's lamp.
He picks it up and gently rubs on it, and a genie comes out.
"Master," the Genie began, "I am the Genie of the urn. I can grant you three wishes, but there are two conditions: You may only make one wish a day, and you must never shave your beard, or you will be into an urn." Benny thinks about it and says, thats fine. I wish for a giant mansion. The genie snaps his fingers and says, "It is done, when you go home, you will find your house has been turned into a mansion. But remember, you can't shave or you'll turn into an urn." Benny begins walking home, and it was true, his home was now a beautiful mansion. He walks inside, and while brushing his teeth before bed, he notices he has much more stubble than he did earlier. "Thats fine," he says o himself. "I look good with it."

The next morning, he rubs the lamp a second time. The genie came out and said, "Hello Benny, are you ready to make your second wish?"
"Yes," answers Benny, "I wish for a billion dollars." The genie snaps his fingers, and Benny's pockets, bank account, and house flood with money. The genie looks at him and says, "Enjoy your new wealth. But remember, you can't shave or you'll turn into an urn." Benny nods his head and goes about his day. that night, while looking at himself in the mirror, he notices he now has a pretty large beard. (like a Cuck Norris beard) "Hmm, I guess I can live with it." he says as he goes to bed.

The next morning, he wakes up and rubs the lamp a third time. The genie came out and said, "Hello Benny, are you ready to make your last wish?"
"Yes," answers Benny, "I wish for a the perfect girl." The genie nods and says, " I know what you mean. Tonight at 8:00 she will be at your front door. Dress nice." The Genie then snaps his fingers, and gives Benny one last stern reminder, "Remember, you must never shave your beard or you will turn into an urn. Goodbye Benny." And the genie disappeared along with his lamp. Benny went about his normal day, and at 7:30, he began to get ready. He got dressed in his best suit, and glanced at himself in the mirror.
Doing a double-take, he saw he now had a waist-length beard. "Wow..." is all he can say as he hears the bell ring. Running over to the door, he opens it and sees the most beautiful, perfect girl standing there. "ohh..you have a beard...I could never love a man with a beard..." She said. Astonished, Benny invited her in, and told her to wait a minute. Going to the bathroom, he grabbed his razor, and staired into the mirror. "She is worth it..." He said, "Besides, the genie is gone, he'll never know..." Benny begins to shave, and nothing happened. He continued to shave until only a single bristle remained. Looking at it, he quickly shaved it off, and promptly turned into an urn.


The moral of the story: A Benny shaved is Benny urned.

Compared to the mile long epic joke in the thread below, that was actually quite funny.

Thats why I posted it.
Also, unlike him, I typed mine out. (unless he did, but that means he has no life)

battle Brother Lucifer wrote:Thats why I posted it.
Also, unlike him, I typed mine out. (unless he did, but that means he has no life)

i have no life. I typed it out letter by letter from a facepunch thread i had open in anopughter window.how else was i meant to do it?


Automatically Appended Next Post:
It took the the better part of 4 hours.

battle Brother Lucifer wrote:The moral of the story: A Benny shaved is Benny urned.

warboss spinetwizta wrote:

battle Brother Lucifer wrote:Thats why I posted it.
Also, unlike him, I typed mine out. (unless he did, but that means he has no life)

i have no life. I typed it out letter by letter from a facepunch thread i had open in anopughter window.how else was i meant to do it?


Automatically Appended Next Post:
It took the the better part of 4 hours.

Ctrl-c, ctrl-v

What does that do? Delete system32?

The Dreadnote wrote:

battle Brother Lucifer wrote:The moral of the story: A Benny shaved is Benny urned.

You have got to be kidding me.

Ctrl-c is copy. Ctrl-v is paste.

You had better be trolling.

warboss spinetwizta wrote:What does that do? Delete system32?

don't you mean system 34?

Also yes, yes I am.

warboss spinetwizta wrote:What does that do? Delete system32?

If your serious ctrl-c is the command for copy, and ctrl-v is the command for paste.



That was a pretty funny joke actually. I was wondering what the punch line was gunna be lol

The Dreadnote wrote:Also yes, yes I am.

Then you better not read that guy's massive, unfunny joke. At least mine is kinda funny.
Also, I warned you it was a groaner...


Automatically Appended Next Post:

KingCracker wrote:

warboss spinetwizta wrote:What does that do? Delete system32?

If your serious ctrl-c is the command for copy, and ctrl-v is the command for paste.



That was a pretty funny joke actually. I was wondering what the punch line was gunna be lol

I first heard it from my friends dad, but he lengthened it, a lot.
Like, the genie warned him about turning into an urn, before and after each wish, and more dialog, and he described the girl better, etc.
Mine is just short enough to not be tl;dr

Ugh

I've heard things more groan worthy. It wasn't that bad.

I guess I'm not fluent enough in English to understand the joke.

I just read the other thread, and I'm impressed; two puns that don't work in my accent.

Also, both Battle Brother Lucifer and Warboss Spinetwitza are simply carrying on an old literary tradition, the Feghoot. For another example, see this from Isaac Asimov:

http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/an-asimov-pun/

 LethalShade wrote:
I guess I'm not fluent enough in English to understand the joke.

It's a play on a common idiom, "a penny saved is a penny earned".

To add to your delectation, peruse some of these ... gems of the literary world:

"Nell Gwynn, a descendant of the famous English actress and friend of King Charles II, decided she would help French aristocrats, who were being decimated by the guillotine during the French Revolution, cross to safety in England by hiding them under her voluminous skirts and putting off French customs inspectors by confronting them with a face and arms covered with angry red pimples, earning for her the sobriquet of Scarlet Pimple Nell."

"The Jones family held their annual family reunion on Easter going through over six dozen spiral-cut, hickory-smoked hams and several bottles of a fine Australian shiraz, before Farmer Jones, the head of the family, took the leavings back to Manor Farm to slop Napoleon and his other champion hogs but the seventy-six ham bones fed the pig’s tirade."

"The KGB agent known only as the Spider, milk solids oozing from his mouth and nose, surveyed the spreading wound in his abdomen caused by the crushing blow of the low but deadly hassock and begged of his attacker to explain why she gone to the trouble of feeding him tainted milk products before effecting his assassination with such an inferior object as this ottoman, only to hear in his dying moments an escaping Miss Muffet of the MI-5 whisper, “it is my whey.”"

And to top them off,
"Upon discovering that Miles Black, the famous phrenologist from Yorkshire was going to take up yodeling to lonely goats in Bali, James White decided to balance four planks of wood on a beer keg and call it an abstract work of art in the style of a famous fourteenth-century architect, just going to prove that people will read any old garbage if they think there will be a good pun at the end of it. "

All from http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/2008win.html

This thread is so old that for a moment I thought someone had stolen my new avatar; that's how long it's been since I made that post.

Thread is being locked due to thread necromancy.