Granted. It was issued by ISIL and proudly bears their seal right on the front.

I wish for a week long staycation.

Granted. You break your leg and have to stay home for a week.

I wish for more space.

Granted. Your skull cavity has been excavated to make more space, leaving only the most necessary parts.

I wish to get faster.

Granted. You go so fast normal people can no longer see you and you die of old age in 1 month.

I wish our cats would speak to us in Klingon.

Granted. They only know insults.

I wish I had more time to clear my gaming backlog

Granted, but every item in your gaming backlog combusts into flame once completed and a new item not of your choosiing is then added to the end. By the proclamation of Ward, you many do nothing else until the backlog is cleared. Poor mortal...

I wish the color purple was banned

Granted but you've made Oprah Winfrey a lifetime enemy.

I wish for local 24 hour marathons of Dust 1947 games.

Granted but Paolo Parente's famously grabby hands seek you out every half hour or so.

I wish my cats didn't poop

Granted. They're taxidermy mounts. They don't do anything but collect dust.

I wish for less dust.

Granted. You hands are permanently transformed into dustbuster vacuum cleaners.

I wish my life was like a cheesy b-movie action flick from the last century.

Granted. You woke up as an NVA soldier and John Rambo is about to give you a visit.

I wish to win the Tour de France

Granted. But you are soon disqualified for steroid use.

I wish to receive a free online game.

Granted. Have fun with Ultima 2.

I wish Brie Larson would give me a sponge bath.

Granted. 20 years later when you become a famous and rich miniature painter, she accuses you of adulterous harassment.

I wish to get a new car.

Granted. But it's a flintstone's car.

I wish to win the lottery.

Granted. Then GW releases a brand new army and you blow it all on new toys.

I wish for motorised GW kits.

GRANTED! The company discontinues all games to focus solely on RC kits of Rhino's.

I wish for an anime remake of Saving Private Ryan...

Granted but you go blind and deaf every time you hear or see anime.

I wish for the ability to flap my arms and fly like a bird

Granted. Nothing happens and you just look silly.

I wish to run as fast as Sonic the Hedgehog

Granted. You get a speeding ticket.

I wish the Thai food would come to me instead of me having to go get the Thai food.

Granted. Your house gets flooded with illegal immigrants from Thailand.

I wish for a old car.

Granted! You own a 41 year old Yugo.

I wish I could find the perfect guacamole recipe.

Granted. Guacamole becomes illegal worldwide. Anyone caught making it suffers life imprisonment.

I wish it was cooler in my living room

Granted. You live in a wooden shack in Siberia.

I wish I was cool

Granted. You are in pix3lboy's living room.

I wish for a beer filled weekend.

Granted. You drown in a beer keg

I wish I didn't have to sleep

Granted. You became a servitor.

I wish I had my own servitor.

Granted. You have a servitor. You have no idea what it's supposed to do.

I wish the cat would go sleep somewhere.

Granted. It goes to sleep exactly there where it gets in the way the most.

I wish to go on holiday.

Granted. You go on holiday and are called back into work immediately upon arrival.

I wish work was drama free.

Granted. You work alone in a cubicle and the monotous boredom almost kills you.

I wish to own a car

Granted. You own an expensive car in Soviet Russia and everyone thinks you are a bootlicker.

I wish I could talk to the trees.

Granted! The trees, however, have no interest in talking to you.

I wish the douchebag that dented my car door at the mall parking lot the other day had been decent enough to leave a note.

Granted. The note just says "F You".

I wish Adobe Premier CC wasn't a buggy pile of crap

Granted it's actually Skynet out for revenge over you calling it a pile of crap.

I wish I could live a rock star's lifestyle.

Granted. You do a couple of tours and end up overdosed on hard drugs.

I wish I was a cruise ship captain.

Granted. You are the captain of one of Tom Cruise ships , but he is a total douchebag and never stops complaining about/to you.

I wish I could leave work early tomorrow

Granted. You have a medical emergency and you are rushed from work to the emergency room.

I wish to see the first cherry blossoms.

Granted. You see it, but from your prison cell window.

I wish to lead the European Union.

Granted. The resulting coup and revolution goes down in history, and you are to blame for it all.

I wish the leaves would blow away.

Granted. A couple of grams of TNT materialized on each leaf in your town. Now it needs a spark.
Cigarette?

I wish for an expensive and luxurious yacht.

Granted. Inexpensive, yes! Luxurious, yes! Waterproof? No!
You get to visit it with a snorkel.

I wish for a game room.

Granted. You have a huge game room willed with showcases, a worktable with all paints and tools imaginable, big table in the middle and a topless waitress as a bonus. Problem is, whenever you enter the room you must play Ludo, or you lose it all.

I wish I had that gaming room, without the requirement to play Ludo.

Granted. Too bad it's a miniature in a doll house.

I wish to watch my neighbors clean up their leaves.

GRANTED! They clean up their leaves in the buff.

I wish Forbidden Stars had official expansions...

Granted. But they're forbidden.

I wish for some good luck.

Granted. You get it in VERY limited quantities. Like, you found a 1-cent coin on the street or something.

I wish I could play guitar.

Granted! You play guitar...like a blind man drives...but you play.

I wish they would have just left 'The X-Files' alone and not done the lame ass reboots these last couple years.

Granted. The truth is no longer out there.

I wish to see the world.

There is a fishpond in my country called "Svět" ("World" in translation). Happy travels!

I wish to be the first man who sets foot on Mars.

Granted. The rest of your body was left on earth, however.

I wish for a 1/100 scale warhammer 40,000 game

Granted. Warhammer Micro game was published, that works the same as regular 40k, but models are twice as small. And cost the same as regular 40k miniatures.

I wish for an unlimited free train ticket.

Granted. You drop it somewhere.

I wish for some spaghetti.

 snurl wrote:
Granted. You drop it somewhere.

I wish for some spaghetti.

Granted. You now have some spaghetti. Lots, in fact. So much that it fills the entire house. And you only have half a ladle of bolognese sauce to go with it all.

I wish I had an extra two hours per day for building and painting all my boxed miniatures.

Granted. When midnight falls, the world around you stops for 2 hours and you can do whatever you want. Problem is, with no time-flow, there is no molecular movement or photons moving. This means you are left in a place where is utter darkness and temperature near 0K.

I wish I had a Ph.D. in Warhammerology.

Granted. You are the keeper of secrets.

I wish i understood GWs pricing policy.

Granted. It's now your job to defend it against everyone else

I wish for total control of space and time.

Granted. You are the sun.

I wish this forum hadn't gone so dead lately.

Granted. The dregs of 4chan and Reddit decide to join

I wish I didn't have back problems

Granted. Back problems are gone, but one of your legs fell off.

I wish I was a real tech-priest.

Granted. You are miles from the nearest tech, and no one speaks your language.

I wish i had just gone to bed earlier.

Granted, you were still unable to sleep.

I wish for a cinnamon bun.

Granted. It's served to you by fugitive disgraced lawyer Jimmy McGill in his job as a manager of Cinnabon and you're caught in a drive by shooting by gangsters looking to get even.

I wish my wife was finished cooking dinner.

Granted. It's for her boyfriend, not you.

I wish I lived closer to my work and wouldn't have to commute for so long.

Granted. You are the neighborhood paperboy.

I wish to have a nice quiet dinner this evening.

GRANTED! You have a very nice quiet dinner with Jeffrey Dahmer.

I wish Forgeworld had made enough Titanicus weapons to keep up with demand...

Granted. The demand was determined back in '98, and they're sold out long ago.

I wish it would stop raining long enough for me to mow the lawn.

Granted, but now you lawn bleeds red blood when cut

I wish to be in perfect physical health

Granted. You are, physically, the healthiest person ever. Your mental state, however, made you being sent into a padded cell.

I wish I was good at chemistry.

Granted. You are the best chemist ever. But everyone uses computer simulations now so you're enemployed.

I wish to find the best way to make waffles.

Granted. It involves human flesh and the discovery was..problematic

I wish for more hobby time.

Granted. You won millions in a lottery, wife divorced you and took the kids with her, leaving you alone and without need to work, so you can hobby all day long. Oh, and you'll die in 5 years from now. Just a tiny detail, haha.

I wish to paint miniatures like Duncan "Two thin coats" Rhodes.

Granted. But you soon discover how limited this technique can be and long for a good foungation and blended layers. But alas, you can only do two thin coats.

I wish for more miniatures.

 snurl wrote:
Granted. But you soon discover how limited this technique can be and long for a good foungation and blended layers. But alas, you can only do two thin coats.

I wish for more miniatures.

Granted, but they are all terrible recasts and toxic.

I wish for a better transportation device.

Granted. You switched your ox-pulled wagon for a steamboat. You can now cross rivers and seas, but on land, you have to walk everywhere.

I wish I always had a mug of tasty tea nearby, wherever and whenever I go.

Granted. Steamy hot and always just out of reach.

I wish to find the perfect miniature.

Granted. Your now a real tech-priest but your now on mars

I wish tactical marines were 11 points

Granted. They cost 11 points. And are completely naked, with no armor or weapons except for the mandatory loincloth.

I wish I had more Guardsmen.

Granted. You have thousands of unassembled guardsmen. But you simply cannot remember where you put the box full of right arms.

I wish to get the whole thing done today.

Granted. You murdered your neighbor and managed to hide his body.

I wish for a bottle of cold beer.

Granted. It's Steel Reserve in a bottle. mmmm

I wish I could write an April FAQ for my employer that they must adhere to.

Granted. An entire internet forum is created to discuss your changes and you received hundreds of emails from other employees, that could be sorted into several categories, listed from most frequent to least frequent.

1) How you dare to change things I liked and used
2) Why you nerfed thing that was bad even before
3) A death threat
4) I'm quitting because you screwed up
5) Why you didn't change a thing I consider being broken
6) I'm boycotting unless you change something
7) A thank-you email for doing a good job


I wish to be a train driver.


P.S. Mentioning any American beer would be considered enough to fulfill the point of this thread.

Granted. You drive the train at the amusement park.

I wish to see that happen.

Granted. You wait in line at Disneyland for 9 hours to see it.

I wish the nurses at the dentist would be like the nurses in porno movies.

 Lupus Mortem wrote:
Granted. You wait in line at Disneyland for 9 hours to see it.

I wish the nurses at the dentist would be like the nurses in porno movies.

Granted. They all have HIV.

I wish that people would stop bothering me with silly tech problems at work.

For me to grant you this wish, I need help first. My PC is not working.

I wish to be the 'Hero of the Soviet Union'.

Granted. But you fall out of favor and your statues are removed.

I wish to go to Disneyland again someday.

Granted. You wait another 9 hours to get in only to get run over by the amusement park train. The fact I was driving it is purely coincidental.

I wish to be a colonist on the moon.

Granted. Enjoy the cosmic rays and solar flares.

I wish I could erase house rules for miniatures games from existence.

 Lupus Mortem wrote:
Granted. Enjoy the cosmic rays and solar flares.

I wish I could erase house rules for miniatures games from existence.

Granted.

All miniatures games past, present and future use the core rules of 40K 6th edition.

No wish. You are fish-slapped again and again.

I wish to watch that spectacular event.

Granted. The fish are sharks and you get bitten.

I wish I had time to read more.

Granted! You become ridiculously wealthy after winning the lottery, cease working and pursue a life of books and literature...all of which, however, are only available to you in the Klingon version of pig-Latin.

I wish I could make the world's best Beef Wellington.

Granted. You became a modern art artist and recreated the Vickers Wellington bomber out of beef steaks. What a waste of meat.

I wish I owned a Ferrari.

Granted! It's made out of leftover beef steaks from my Vickers Wellington project.

I wish I had Jabba's pleasure barge.

Granted. But beef steaks won't fly.

I wish for a gas grill.

Granted. It's made in Nazi Germany.

I wish for an old-school motorcycle.

Granted, it has no fuel.

I wish to play D&D.

Granted. Enjoy a game of Dudes & Dongs

I wish I was the president.

Granted. Then you were assassinated.

I wish for one more frosty cold bottle of Moosehead before bed.

Granted. You're going to have to wake up & piss 3 times.

I wish my vacation started today instead of tomorrow.

Granted, but whenever you go, there is a tiny storm cloud just one meter above your head and it rains constantly through the entirety of your vacation, with occasional lightning strike.

I wish for a weather control device.

Granted. You control the weather effects over your miniature battlefield.

I wish to find the perfect miniature.

Granted. You found it and when you wanted to play with it, it got hit and destroyed by a lightning strike I summoned over your half of the battlefield.

I wish to own a real PzKpfw V Panther tank.

Granted. It was shipped to your door this morning with a giant Swatiszika draped across it's back and several racist slogans spray painted on its sides. You find out about the delivery when the news shows you pictures of the local national guard surrounding a 'suspected racial terrorist's house and their tank'.

I wish to cancel HBO's game of throne series and pin the blame on someone else.

Granted! I'll gladly take the blame...laughs maniacally!

I wish I had a cloak of invisibility.

Granted, but it's too small and your butt is still visible.

I wish getting into grad school was easier.

Granted. You became an ISIS terrorist, so now you need no education to fire the BM-21 Grad. All you need is to shout that the god is great.

I wish to be hang gliding

Granted. By the neck.

I wish to throw a kegger.

Granted, it hit an elderly woman and resulted in a 12 year ban on alcohol consumption and sales for your state.

I wish for a giant peanut butter and jelly sandwhich.

Granted. When the giant knife comes down to cut the crusts off you're too slow and lose both legs.

I wish to trade a couple goats for a hot 20 y.o. girl from Greece.

Granted. The girl is almost as hairy as were the goats.

I wish for a second wife.

Granted! You get the goat!

I wish I won a contest that exempted me from ever paying taxes, on anything, again.

Granted. Now the government just takes everything.

I wish for another kitten.

Granted. Two kittens together is like 4 cats at night when you're sleeping and the noise keeps you up for months.

I wish to see The Sopranos prequel movie right now.

Granted. It's a musical.

I wish to get some rest.

Granted. You're given the Sleep of Yavanna like the 7 fathers of the dwarves. You won't wake up until there are new stars in the sky.

I wish I could get a nice omelette delivered.

Granted, it is stolen.

I wish I owned a car!

Granted. It's the Reliant Regal.

I wish the EU leadership was a bit more sensible and rational.

Granted. Now they really hate each other.

I wish to find a figure store.

Granted. They sell nothing but the most cringy anime figures. With voice too.

I wish for a new bathtub.

GRanted. It's a direct portal to the lair of the Deep Ones. If you're lucky they'll drive you mad before they devour you.

I wish I had a servant to clean the 3 aquariums in my house.

Granted. The snail is so slow that life in the third aquarium will cease every time.

I wish for unlimited free beer.

Granted. You turned into a fat Bavarian called Helmut Freibier.

I wish to travel to Finland.

Granted but it's during the Winter War. Have fun fighting those Russians.

I wish Battlescribe wasn't all screwed up.

Granted. It's merely incomplete.

I wish my speakers went to eleven.

Granted! Your hearing, however, goes to zero.

I wish the Kardashians...the whole lot of them...would disappear.

Granted. They are gone. What appeared, however, is a large crowd of people in front of your house chanting "Bring Kim back from the dead, we want BigWaaghs head instead!" over and over.

I wish for a big house with a swimming pool.

Granted. But the pool is empty and the house was abandoned years ago after the "incident" that no one will talk about. Shadows there behave strangely and doors wont stay open or closed. Lightbulbs burn out in minutes and odd bits of conversation can be heard coming from empty rooms.

I wish i could sleep at night.

Granted! You now sleep soundly and deeply through the night, but as you've now taken a night shift job, it's not working out so well for you.

I wish I had a large crowd of people in front of my house chanting "Bring Kim back from the dead, we want BigWaaghs head instead!" over and over, as it would mean the Kardashians have disappearred! Worth it!

Granted. There are Kardashian bits all over your property and lots of inspectors stopping by with questions.

I wish to find a good lawn service.

Granted. You found a company that promised to keep your lawn mowed no matter what. What you didn't know is that they replaced your lawn with a plastic one and you never heard of them again.

I wish for high-end gaming PC.

Granted... But games are ultimately banned so you have nothing to play anymore.

I wish for a more exciting job.

Granted. You are a shark proof cage tester.

I wish fireworks were cheaper.

Granted. All safety laws and requirements were lifted too.

I wish to understand women.

Granted... It drives you insane in seconds.

I wish for longer weekends.

Granted. Weeks are also equally longer.

I wish my neighbors were housebroken.

Granted. Your neighbors now go to empty their bowels in front of your door.

(hope I got the meaning right, never heard that word before, haha)

I wish the cats of my neighborhood weren't gathering under my open window at night to 'sing' their horrible songs.

Granted. They gather now within your bedroom to serenade you at anytime you want to sleep.

I wish for my vacation to come.

Granted. It came last week while you were working and you missed it.

I wish for solid sleep.

 snurl wrote:
I wish for solid sleep.

Granted. You are now encased in solid carbonite and kept as a treasure in Jabba the Hutt's palace.

I wish I had more time to myself between finishing work and going to bed.

Granted. From all the time for yourself, you managed to get tennis elbow syndrome.

I wish for a self-refilling bowl of cereals.

Granted! The cereal, however, tastes like Trump's underwear after fat boy plays 48 holes on a steamy Florida golf course that doesn't allow carts.

I wish I could get that vision out of my mind.

Granted. But you are now his Caddie and have to witness this each and everytime in persona.

I wish for a nice and juicy burger for lunch.

Granted. The burger is from the Vietnam war military ration pack.

I wish for worldwide communism.

Granted. You are branded a capitalist and made into a scapegoat.

I wish to win for a change.

Granted. Congratulations! You won a one-way ticket to a deserted island on a bearly floating rust bucket without any supplies.

I wish for no more Star Wars movies.

Granted. Now they are First Order Saga movies.

I wish for a jeep.

Granted. You find yourself on board of an US Army Jeep in the middle of Vietnam... and the trees begin to talk in a strange language...

I wish for nicer neighbours...

Granted. They never ever leave you alone.

I wish for better roads.

Granted, you are barred from driving on the better roads.

I wish for more PS4 space.

Granted. You were gifted second PS4 console.

I wish I had some of the NASA's supercomputers to play Minecraft on.

Granted. Its still pixelated.

I wish to remain in bed all day.

Granted. You are in a coma.

I wish to own a private jet.

Granted. You are now sitting in a lavish leather seat in your private jet and enjoy an exquisite cocktail over the middle of the Atlantic in 30000 feet flight height... and then you hear the engines stutter as you forgot to pay for a full gas tank.

I wish for a Business Class upgrade on my next flight (but not in Hawkys private jet).

Granted. You fly in the Busines Class inside a repurposed WW2 bomber.

I wish I was promoted.

Wow this is still going!

Your now promoted to the highers level of gong farming. At Umbrella corps latest and most adnaced lab.

The weaoonozed nuclear ebola pit clearing department.

I wish it stopped raining.

Granted. It switches over to hail.

I wish hail was made of gold.

Granted. But a. it hurts way more and b. it becomes worthless since it is now available in abundance.

I wish public transportation would be more on time and comfortable...

Granted. You moved into Somalia. Public transportation goes on time, exactly twice a week and it's more comfortable than walking through the desert.

I wish to be an army officer.

Granted. You're in charge of fort zero in Antarctica.

I wish to fire a .50 calibre machine gun again.

Granted! But you're naked and on a glacial firing range at Fort Zero in Antarctica.

I wish the double fudge brownies my mother-in-law made weren't so fething dry.

Granted. You spill them into the pool.

I wish for a fun time tonight.

Granted. You are being chased by an angry stray dog.

I wish to be a police officer.

Granted. You guard the doughnut shop.

I wish to go diving.

Granted! Unfortunately it's dumpster diving and you get into a nasty scuffle with a family of rabid, territorial raccoons...your new nickname is 'Cujo Snurl'.

I wish the cosmic justice of karma would pay this administration a long overdue visit.

Granted. The press is nice to them for a few weeks.

I wish to know what really happened.

You can't sleep from now and the thought haunts you for the rest of your life.

I wish to know what was the thought, but without details.

Granted. You know what happened, and shudder at the thought.

I wish for a fast remodelling of the kitchen at my favorite bar.

Granted.

Shoddy construction to accommodate a faster pace resulted in a fire which burned it to the ground.

I wish for infinite wishes.

Granted. You read this thread over and over again.

I wish for decadence.

Wish cannot be granted. You already live in the US.

I wish my neighbor's drilling-machine broke.

Granted. He borrows yours and breaks it too.

I wish for some contrast paint.

Granted. But you only receive cheap, black primer... So good luck with that.

I wish for some rain.

Granted, Noah.

I wish to mow my lawn before it rains again.

Granted. The firemen complimented your nicely mowed lawn after your house burned down.

I wish to be one of those firemen.

Granted! While you were oohing and ahhing over Snurl's well manicured Kentucky Bluegrass, you step right onto the lovely, impressive...and still steaming..."gift" left by Snurl's Great Dane. Your fire truck mates turn the hoses on you and demand you walk home.

I wish the Rolling Stones had one more show in Chicago this week.

Granted. Still sold out.

I wish that my annoying colleague won't show up next week.

Granted. He returns the week after as your new supervisor.

I wish to finish painting a bunch of figures tonight.

Granted. But you went colorblind halfway through.

I wish for a pair of indestructible pants

Granted. But you also can't take them off... and the pressure on your bladder increases...

I wish for some nice decoration in our new office.

Granted. You are never allowed in there again, because it looks too nice and is only for company. You are banished back to the basement.

I wish for spaghetti.

Granted. You are teleported on the spaghetti monster flying in outer space... No clue what you want there.

I wish for a pizza instead.

Granted. It teleports away the moment you touch it.

I wish to be smarter.

Granted. But recognizing how stupid people around you are... you regret your wish at once.

I wish to be stoic to cope with the stupid people aorund me.

Granted. You get more and more stoic, to the point you become mindless ignorant and people will stop talking to you completely because you just stand and stare into the distance.
And a dog mistakes you for a statue as well.

I wish I was more spontaneous.

Granted. You are jailed for your dangerous antics.

I wish to find the ark of the covenant.

Granted. When you open the lid your head melds... Haven't you seen Raiders?

I wish that Indiana Jones 5 is coming soon and won't suck.

Granted, but Indiana Jones is not played by Harrison Ford, so it will suck no matter what.

I wish I could see through walls

Granted. But behind every wall a naked sumo wrestler is placed.

I wish for a nice and cold iced coffee.

Granted. Your coffee and everything else is iced in the arctic circle.

I wish for more fireworks.

Granted. They explode within your house and it burns down. Hawky comes as firemen to extinguish the flames... Good luck with that.

I wish to be a successful eSport athlete.

Granted. You are a successful eSport athlete in Mecklenburg-Vorpommern Mario Kart league.

I wish I was an airliner pilot.

Granted. It's for NCBA (Never come back airlines).

I wish that the Mecklenburg-Vorpommern Mario Kart league was the most important league in mankinds history.

Granted. It was until SKR.HH joined it. Went downhill from there.

I wish for a successful show tonight.

Granted. But you're no part of it.

I wish for some R.E.S.P.E.C.T

Granted, but after a terrible, terrible misunderstanding now on the local news, it only comes from the most closeted of Klu Klux Klan members of your local municipality.

I wish to be paid massive amounts of money for no effort.

Granted. You are paid massive amounts of a foreign currency that when converted, ends being $7.49 US.

I wish I had more spare time to 3d print everything I wanted.

Granted. You have more time to 3D print stuff, but you have no time to buy groceries or spend time with your family.

I wish for self-making bed.

Granted. It literally makes itself over and over and you have 70 identical beds in a day, forcing you to move out.

I wish I pass my saving throw vs. buying a new 40k army.

Granted. But you fail your morale test and therefore buy a new army anyways.

I wish for a stable internet connection at any time and any place.

Granted, but the connection is so slow that sending 32GB USB Flash-disks via carrier pigeon would be faster.

I wish I could hear pictures.

Granted. Fist picture you look at is a Pollock painting and immediately you go deaf.

I wish to taste colours.

(P.S.: Gosh darnit. I knew that I should have included a FAST to my last wish).

Granted. You are caught licking freshly painted benches in a public park. The story ends up in newspapers, too.

I wish I could speak German.

Granted. You get me as your German teacher... and as I am onviously a lazy teacher your German skills are just enough to recite some Rammstein.

I wish to visit Prague again.

Granted. You were robbed by a Romanian thug at knifepoint, then sold expired Yugoslavian money by an obscure street dealer, scammed in a money exchange with 35% hidden commission rate and then scammed again in a tourist shop that sells Russian/Soviet stuff and is run by a Vietnamese guy. All within the first day.

I wish I could dance Salsa.

(This is a completely possible scenario if you are not careful enough. Take it as friendly advice. Also, it seems I'm quite fluent in German by SKR.HH's standards. "Raaadiiiooooo")

Granted. But there is only Despacito available whenever you want to dance.

I wish to be Hawkies dance partner.

(What an adventure in Prague... Certainly a tale for the grandchildren)

Granted! But he always wants to lead and has really sweaty palms.

I wish I owned a successful Grand Cru vineyard in Burgundy.

Granted. It's 1941 and there is an obnoxious squad of drunken german soldiers, demanding more wine.

I wish to be one of them.

Granted. You are a 1941 Nazi solider demanding wine when British Bombers zero in on yours and BigWaagh's position.

I wish to be a real lizard person

Granted, due to mutation of your Genoms you shed painfully and 10x per year.

I wish i had a steady hand to paint.

Granted. I'll send you a picture of my hand and it will be nice and still to paint on to the medium of your choice.

I wish they would have consulted me before writing the rules for Warcry.

Granted. Your suggestions are a warhammer community article titled 'Hilarious Emails from Armchair Designers'

I wish lasrifles had grenade launcher attachments.

Granted. Neckbeards, crybabies and Space Marine players spam the internet with hundreds of thousands "GW OMG IG OP PLS NERF" messages.

I wish Guardsmen were more tacticool.

Granted; but they are all replaced with scions and old guard units are mothballed

I wish for a new PC.

Granted. It contains a Pentium 386, a EGA graphic card and 128 KB RAM.

I wish that Into the Badlands was not cancelled...

Granted, another series is filmed, but it is taken over by the Japanese and made into the cringiest, most melodramatic anime you can imagine.

I wish I could speed up time.

Granted, but only when you do something you enjoy, like sex.

I wish to stay away from the fireworks store.

Granted. You're stuck in the x-rated bookstore.

I wish to become Ahriman.

Granted, but you're immediately captured by the inquisition.

I wish for $1,000,000

Granted. You owe the IRS $300,000 and everyone you've ever known shows up at your door with their hand out.

I wish GW wouldn't make a beer & pretzels skirmish game, charge $170, and call it Warcry.

Granted... It costs 200$ now.

I wish for an additional day this weekend.

Granted. The week now has 3 weekend days and 16 workdays. And it applies to you only.

I wish my vacuum cleaner didn't suck.

Granted. It doesn't.

I wish the trash collection people were quieter.

Granted. Due to frequent noise complaints, they stopped servicing your area anymore. You have to take your trash to the landfill all by yourself.

I wish I had a doge.

Granted. You have a doge. It suffers from an identity crisis.

I wish everyone used spell check.

Granted, due to a minor typing fault and software malfunction you have made a mistake. Better run, the grammer gestapo is displeased.

I wish for the R&H line to come back.

Granted. They are nothing but head swaps for Cadians, with a unique bit here and there.

I wish to visit Switzerland again.

Granted. You enter a prohibited arsenal in a bunkervisiting tour. You get disapeared like the 400 infantry support tanks that recently got refound.

https://www.watson.ch/schweiz/wirtschaft/554711552-das-sind-die-11-groessten-fehlschlaege-der-schweizer-armee

I wish for cheaper beer!

Granted. You visited Prague, but you got scammed and robbed exactly as SKR.HH got at the bottom of page 417.

I wish for an unlimited train ticket.

Granted, you are employed as a cleaner on a siberian cargo frieght train.

I wish for a giant house

granted. It needs massive investment to remain standing.

I wish for candy

Granted. It's offered to you by an obscure-looking man in a van.

I wish to own some real WW2 artifact.

Gratned, it's a Swiss steelhelmet that is frightening you due to historic connections of mercenaries. (m18) terrorizing your dreams with angry mercenaries that steal all your beer!

i wish for a van.

Granted. Suspicious parents watch you whenever you park in a neighborhood.

I wish for more shelf space.

Granted. Your entire collection of boardgames and miniatures vanishes and now you have more shelf space.

I wish there was going to be a 3rd season of The Punisher.

Granted it sucks so bad that it is widely diaregarded and all copies of it burried in the Dessert.

I wish for more free time.

Granted. You break both arms and legs.... and have loads of free time while lying in bed.

I wish for something new to watch on Youtube.

Granted. There is a remake of your favorite show, but with ponies and strong aftertaste of tasteless progressivism.

I wish I could change the world's history.

Granted. Due to interferance the whole world blows itself up in a thermonuclear apocalypse.

i wish i was fit.

Granted. You are fit into a small box. It takes some pounding, but at last, you fit.

I wish my neighbor would not yell at me for setting off fireworks.

Granted. He stopped yelling and began shooting his own fireworks at you and your house.

I wish to own a bulldozer.

Granted. A puzzle of a plastic kit of 5000 parts. Glue and paint not included. And assembly instructions in , as the box said, 5 languages, but only very very dead ones.

I wish it wasn't allowed to sell kits without glue.

Granted. Now many kits are returned with pre glued parts from ruptured glue tubes.

I wish glue was free.

Granted, gue is free, but the package it comes in costs now a fortune.

I wish for a model train

Granted. it's the ratio of 1:2 and dropping out of a plane.

I wish for a parachute.

Granted. It's made of rolled steel plates.

I wish was the fastest running man in the world.

Granted. Unfortunatly, the fire ants are faster. You are caught and devoured.

I wish to find the perfect spot to camp.

Granted. It is currently occupied by a family of 5 who are "Glamping" for the next month. After checking, you find it is booked for the next 7 years.

I wish I had some ice cream.

Granted. You won an ICE cream. Enjoy your deportation.

I wish for an endless cup of tea.

Granted, it enlessly pours tea in a specific harbor.

I wish for the return of the Aztec empire

Granted, they assign you to a reservation with no natural resources, no jobs and no hope.

I wish you a Merry Christmas

Granted. He is the only one who has a merry Christmas. Everyone else hates you.

I wish to be left alone.

granted. You are burried alive and nobody cares where you are.

I wish for more fireworks.

Granted. You are on your way to Bikini islands.

I wish I could speak Latin.

Granted. Unfortunately it's only pig latin and no one understands you now.

I wish to understand Spanish.

Granted, but it costs you your voice

I wish Bang! Cotton Candy Soda came in a manlier can

Granted. The can is made of an inch thick steel sheet.for which you need a blow torch to open. Whoever is able to open a can... is manly enough to drink this.

I wish to actually try that Soda...

Granted, but you are not manly enough to open it.

I wish had telekinetic superpowers.

Granted. But the powers only work while you are bleeding profusely.

I wish to know the right lottery ticket to buy.

Granted. The information arrives in an email 'accidentally' CC'd to the FBI racketeering squad.

I wish I could work outside

Granted. You work now in the chain gang.

I wish to have a greener garden.

Granted. Weeks later you were arrested for growing dozens of plants of marijuana.

I wish to have photovoltaics on my roof.

Granted... Albeit a sudden tornado blows it off the roof and seriously injures you.

I wish for a nice breakfast.

Granted. It's the last thing before you get executed for heresy in post 30 years war germany.

I wish for a Malcador heavy tank at a reasonable pricepoint.

Granted, it now costs 50GBP, but it's a papercraft model.

I wish communism actually worked.

Granted. You are the only communist, however.

I wish to silence all of the political posts on social media.

Granted. It's the first law passed by the new Clinton-Trump oligarchy, right after the 3 hour televised marathon of them making out on all channels.

No, I'm not telling you which Clinton it is[

I wish the entire Internet would stop for a whole week.

Granted. The society collapses and turns into violent, hysterical anarchy.

I wish to live in Russia.

Granted. You get sent to gulag by supreme leader putin.

I wish for the ability to drive a car.

Granted. But you can't afford one.

I wish cars never broke down.

Granted. What doesn't exist can't break down. Don't forget to feed your donkey!

I wish to visit Madagascar.

Granted, you contract the plague.

I wish a decent earning.

Granted, but it was for a one-time footwashing job. You'll be broke by next week

I wish for a multi-thousand dollar bonus for being awesome.

Granted. I started receiving plenty of money from the US government for no obvious reason.

I wish to visit the NASA museum.

Granted. You are allowed in there for 5 whole minutes.

I wish to find a neighborhood kid who wants to mow lawns for money.

Granted. It also does chemical clearing of your lawn. It is now a brown desert.

I wish for more competent 40k rules.

Granted. Everyone still argues about them.

I wish to add to my collection.

Granted. It is a barby doll orkified.

I wish for Easter eggs

Granted. They materialized in your intestines. Dozens of them.

I wish to get more money for less work.

Granted, you become one of these formerly of you described "entrepreneurs", however you annoy a drunk tourist too much and get promptly beaten with a broken beer bottle.

I wish for better infrastructure.

Granted, in a painful operation, all your bones have been replaces by Titanium. You gain 20 pounds and can no longer fly because you set off metal detectors and no one believes your story.

I wish I could fly.

Granted. But due to the amount of titanium in your system, they won't let you near the airplanes.

I wish for less work drama.

Granted. You now work as a clown.

I wish I had golden teeth.

Granted, but you suffer from gold poisoning.

I wish for a double-cheeseburger

Granted.

It's from 1982, survived a nuclear test, glows and might have part of a necronium in it.

I wish I had a day off from work.

Granted. You got lost in the forest. Black Hills forest.

I wish could play on the violin.

Granted. But you're so small you fall off and crash to the floor when someone picks up the violin.

I wish to pick out my new neighbors, instead of being suprised again.

Granted. The state parole board is housing formerly convicted sex offenders in your area and are asking for your input on which one you'd like closet to your bedroom window. Pick carefully, the losers might be offended.

I wish for today to be quiet and peaceful and without drama.

Granted, the human species has commited themselves to Antinatalism and has ended it in thermo nuclear fire.

I wish to become a martian.

Granted. You look like Matt Damon now.

I wish I could run faster than Usain Bolt.

Granted. But its only on all fours while completely naked. On the plus side, you make a pretty penny being paid to disrupt political events and conventions.

I wish to be able to clone myself

Granted. None of you can stand each other.

I wish for a good cheeseburger.

Granted. You get the ultimate Paladin burger. It comes so fully armored you cannot eat it.

I wish for world peas.

Granted. Their immense size carries them off into orbit.

I wish for a nap.

Granted. You are now required to wear Naps. A Nap is like nappy for newborns, but bigger.

I wish to be a famous singer.

Granted. You are a pedal operated sewing machine from the 1800's.

I wish the new neighbors are nice people.

Granted. They just moved from Nice, a city in south eastern France on the Mediterranean Coast near the Italian border. They are however VERY French.

I wish for a Coke(tm) and a smile.

Granted. You are a hostage and your captor has a Coke(TM) and gives you a smile.

I wish I had the CRASSUS ARMORED ASSAULT TRANSPORT!!!!

Granted, but Balsairus Cawl was inside and won't leave

I wish to be a giant among men