Granted.

It is infested with countless viruses which cannot be deleted or fixed. Have fun.

I wish for a harmless can of diet coke, in my indestructable and daemon possession-proof kitchen.

Granted. You starve to death slowly and horribly, as the cupboards and fridge are empty.

I wish I were a small ditch filled with mud and gold.

Granted. However, being the ditch itself, you have no mind and cannot do a thing with the gold.

I wish for My next four wishes, including this one, to be utterly uncorruptable and go exactly how I want them to.

Granted. The next four wishes bounce.

I wish for crumpets with hot butter.

Granted. Before you can take the first bite, a train comes crashing through your wall, obliterating you and your house.

I wish for an alarm clock that works.

TheRobotLol wrote:Granted. Before you can take the first bite, a train comes crashing through your wall, obliterating you and your house.

I love the taste of Irony in the morning. Tastes like crumpets.

Granted, but it works by injecting with a deadly cocktail of toxins. You die in a fit of nerdrage as you squirm on the floor of your LGS.

I wish I were the I like trains kid.

Granted. You try to hug an express train. While its going at flat out.

I wish for a brothel

Granted. Full of family members. (BAM)

I wish to be in a good movie.

Granted. You're Extra #9. You have no lines, and your gruesome death on set has forced the Producers to cut the film.

I wish that I were my avatar.

Granted. You are stuck in cyberspace as a collection of 1 s and 0s for all eternity.

I wish GW would release a plastic Hydra Flak Tank kit.

Granted. they release one, and ONLY one copy of it before melting the others down to make more Space Marines. this one and only copy is bought by an ork player and converted into a trukk. the gun being used for his lootas.

I wish Flash gitz were worth taking.

They are but GW.never have more than 5 models.in stock worldwide due to popularity and they cost as much as a Manta.

NO WISH you are taken to the ninth circle of hell.

i wish for cheese with my cheese DA codex

Granted. Grated or sliced?

I wish for a small cube filled with water with the dimensions 5cmX5cmX5cm.

Granted. However I run towards it and smash it with a slegehammer.

I wish I had a sledgehammer for a hand.

captain collius wrote:NO WISH you are taken to the ninth circle of hell.

Meh, I'm going there anyway. Currently I'm hoping for secret level 667. That's the Devil's personal hangout with the really evil guys. Stalin and Hitler are there. That's where life is good. Cuban cigars, the most aged wine, extra strong Polish Vodka, y'know, the works. You still do a lifetime.of torture to get there (you need to survive lvl 666 to get in).

Granted. Gangrene sets in and it has to be amputated with a blunt hacksaw, with no anesthetic.

I wish I was in fact from the 1800s.

Ok. You are hit by a steam powered locomotive.

I wish I could activate bullet time.

Granted. you activate bullet time. you now move so slowly no one notices that you are doing anything.

I wish wishes were fishes.

Ok. All the wishes in your head materialise into fish, and their rapid expansion tears apart your brain.

I wish I could get any technology to work by hitting it with a hammer, Armageddon style.

Granted. One day, you mistakenly hit a nuclear warhead.
I wish I had a living metal body.

Granted. It rusts and falls apart, leaving you in horrifically unimaginable pain.

I wish that I had a fully functional unbreakable skeleton.

Granted, but the skeleton is 1 foot tall.

I wish I was a Great White Shark.

Granted. Shark Fin soup becomes crazily popular, driving you to extinction.

I wish I was awesome.

Granted. You are awesome. An alcaholic, Spanish criminal dwarf.

I wish I could fly, take off and land safely.

Granted. But you can only fly in a 1"x1" square cube held in a fat fold of jabba the hutt's body.

I wish for a pet pokemon.

Granted. Your cute little Evee gets challenged to a pokemon battle by your next-door neighbor, who has a Charizard.
I wish I was a Khorne Berzerker.

Granted, but Krhan is in your squad and there aren't any enemies near by to kill in order to please the blood god.

I wish I had a lasgun.

Grated, you have a flashlight

I wish train fares were free

Granted the train jumps off the tracks and you fall to your death.

I wish for more tattoos.

Granted, but you get a giant depiction of Justin Bieber on your back.

I wish for a comfortable pillow.

Granted. unfortunatley it was used to wipe Jabba the Hutt down when he was sweaty. for 13 years.

I wish for an Imperator titan

Granted, but it's only a 3 foot tall replica.

I wish for unlimited access to Area 51.

grantede you are never alowed to leave.

i wish to be Urskar CREEEEEEEEEEEEEED

Granted. You are on leave to some planet and the PDF are sent out to rebuild a fortress With your tactical genius you supervise. They are wiped out to a man, that's not you.

I wish for new memes.

Granted.

CRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROWE!

I wish I was immune to the effects of lack of sleep.

Done you are now hyperactive as if your blood stream was replaced with caffeine.

I wish to be taller.

granted byut you brain yourself on a doorframe.

I wish I was a better painter.

Granted. your painting skill improves by .000001%

I wish everyone else was shorter.

Granted. You accidentally tromp on everyone you know, since they are all so small now.

I wish the lawn would mow itself.

Granted, but it only does this after 20 years of growing.

I wish forgeworld was cheaper.

Granted, they are unrecognisable blobs of resin with the souls of those who gaze upon them too long lining the surface.

I wish for all of time and space to cease existing.

Granted but you are stuck in a giant white landscape with nothing.


I wish Warhammer 40K was the actual future.

Granted. Your life is now worth nothing and the earth is pretty much a dead planet.

I wish for cheese

Granted, it is all moldy.


I wish for A lambroghini.

Granted but it's bright pink, has Hello Kitty interior and speed limitors that only let you go 40km an hour.

I wish for a room filled with gold, cash and treasure with a diving platform.

Granted. You dive off an crack your skull open on the gold.

I wish I hadn't failed my maths exam.

Granted, but the teacher's dog eats it.

I wish I was the lizard queen.

Private_Joker wrote:Granted, but the teacher's dog eats it.

I wish I was the lizard queen.

Granted. You know there is a lizard king trying to pork you, if you catch my drift.

He wants to give me roast pork? Excellent. Plus in my colony there are no kings, only mindless worker drones.

BTW you made no wish so I wish Deadshot had made a wish.

Years later, Blap becomes the Dictator of Mankind as we know it!

Tremble in fear!

I wish for less coinage.

Granted, its replaced instead with lead bricks.

I wish for a time travelling toaster.

Granted. It's the same one that's integrated with my goldfish bowl brain transplant.

I wish for Spotify

Granted but you are the only one who uses it.

I wish we all had a society identical to 40k Orks. Their economy and government are so.much more efficiemt than human ones.

Granted. The money system crashes as human teeth lack the ability to grow back.

I wish for chinese takeaway.

Your dog goes missing.

I wish for a win with my Dark Eldar.

Deadshot wrote:Granted but you are the only one who uses it.

That's a good thing.

Granted, but at that moment, you have your plastic crack stolen by TFG.

I wish for more goldfish in my brains.

GOLDFISH FOR THE BLOOD GOD! Wait a second...

Khorne grants your request and uses your skull as his new fish bowl.

I wish for a strike cruiser full of Deathwing Terminator who follow my order without failure.

Granted. However they are no match for my Elite Khorne berserker assault legions.

I wish for 'I wish for'.

Granted. You've turned my wish uncorruptable.

I wish for leadership of the Earth.

Granted, Tony Blair is elected world leader.

I wish it was Monday

Granted but power turns to tyranny and you are assassinated by a robot sent back in time to stop you.

No wish. SO MUCH FIRE!

I wish for a small ditch full of truffles and urine.

That's where you are sleeping tonight.

I wish I had a simulator like the Matrix where I could upload anything I wanted.

Granted. But everything you upload is infected with a non-stop rick-a-rollin virus that cannot be deleted or stopped.

I wish for a really real fairy.

Granted. I dont believe in faries.

i wish for a [censored by order of the inquisition]

Granted, but the barnyard animals turn on you.

I wish for a flying aircraft carrier and the personel, fuel and rations to keep it operational indefinately.

Granted. However it is no match for my kamakaze bumblebees.

I wish for MORE cheese.

Granted. You are in Wisconson at a cheese processing plant.

I wish for a smarter cat.

Granted, your cat is now an evil genius cat, and it hates you It plots constantly to make your life miserable, yet you cannot act against it because to everyone else its just an adorable little kitty.

I wish for a hot chick with a side order of beer and pizza, I know, it's tradition.
.

The chick turns out to be a shemale, the beer is American and the pizza is cold.


I wish my camera would work.

Granted. You find thousands of pictures of your girlfriend and TFG doing [REMOVED BY ORDER OF INQUISITION]

I wish I could attract the opposite gender.

Granted, but you drown in a sea of naked women.... wait a sec...


I wish I had the Doctor's screwdriver.

Granted. you have the Doctor's screw driver. the one he never uses because he has the Sonic Screwdriver.

I wish I had access to a fully functional TARDIS

Big Mek Dattrukk wrote:Granted. you have the Doctor's screw driver. the one he never uses because he has the Sonic Screwdriver.

I wish I had access to a fully functional TARDIS

Granted, You now have Acess to "'The Australian Repositories for Diffraction ImageS"


I wish I could have no flaws.

Granted. You are beaten to death by a jealous mob, who parade your severed head as a warning to others that anything more than mediocrity will be punishable by death.

I wish mediocrity was punishable by death. (And please corrupt it a bit more than by saying I am killed. I'm looking for ruthless corruption on this one.)

Granted. You're the only person left after the Atomic Purging, and die in a horrific Spasm when you become friends with your right hand.

I wish for a snorkel in the sea of Naked Women.

Granted, but you find yourself stuck in the Obese Reef of Naked woman sea and fat clogs your snorkel causing you to suffocate.


I wish I had Gizmo from the Gremlins.

Granted, but you feed him after midnight and the movie happens.

I wish I had a space marine bodyguard.

Great White wrote:Granted, but you feed him after midnight and the movie happens.

I wish I had a space marine bodyguard.

Be halarious though.

Granted but he is an Emporer's Children marine (Post Heresy)....

I wish for a new Gremlins movie.

Granted but it is worse then the movie with the octupus and the shark.

I wish babies didn't exist

Granted, humanity dies out.

I wish MLP was Exterminatus.

Granted. The Earth is destroyed millions of times over as every Brony's TV set lets out a cloud of Virus Bombs.

I wish for every woman in my reef to turn into a supermodel.

Ok. But you are blind and lose any sense of touch.

I wish for ZARDOZ.

Granted. However it is out of stock and you must settle for ZODRAZ.

I wish for cake.

Granted. The cake isn't a lie. It's simply plastic and pure marzipan. And you have to eat it all whole.

I wish for my sight and sense of touch back.

Granted, you are now swimming in whale gak.

I wish I could cut down the mightiest tree in the forest wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiith... a HERRING!

Granted.

TIMBER! *splat*

I wish I were in the Supermodel Reef again.

Granted, but the supermodels are men.

I wish I was in Australia.

Granted. You're part of the Great Barrier Reef.

I wish I had the women back.

Granted. All yo mumma.

I wish for cheese.

Granted, it is moldy.

I wish for a real land raider.

Granted. Epic Scale Land Raider, as standard.

I wish for a kilo of Suicide pills and Chloroform.

Granted, all the chloroform spills when you open the box.

I wish that I had wings.

Granted, these wing are too small for you to even achieve flight

I wish GW would lower their prices by 50%

Granted but prices means they never have stock and eventually go. out of buisness. WHFB, WOTR, and 40K go extinct, stuck in perpetual 5th ed. All those Chaos players, Eldar, Nids, Tau and basically every other gakky army come to kills you, along with all those who hate 5th ed 40k, 2nd Ed WOTR, and 8th Fantasy, coming to drown you in a overwhelming tide of acne, pasty skin, virginity and nerdrage!

I wish MLP never existed.

PS, please indicate who will have nightmares about the Nerdrage attack. please use a or .

Granted, but in place of MLP comes My little horse which is even more annoying than MLP and all the characters have Chipmunk style voices.


I wish Minecraft wasn't so addictive because maybe I would get my Vostroyans done.

(Also I wont have any nightmares about nerdrage)

Fine. But Minepony is even more addicted, you and Deadshot find yourselves creating a massive labyrinth, losing years of your lives devoted to this one cause.

I wish I was immune to nightmares.

oh, and

Granted. You experience sleep paralysis every night instead.

I wish I was a sloth. Like this:

Granted. He's hung onto your rectal wall.

I wish for a Power Drill.

Oh, and

Granted. Straight into your forehead.

I wish for a can of coke in my fridge.

Granted but the can has been shaken by a blind monk for 50 years prior to placing it in your fridge.

I wish for a chicken sandwich, with fresh ingredients.

Granted. The Chicken's so fresh it hasn't even been cooked, cleaned or even cooled down.

I wish for more Creme Eggs!

Granted but the filling is made from Nurgle's sweat.

I wish I was Khorne.

Granted but diesese runs riot due to inbreeding and Nurgle becomes the Big (moudy) Cheese.

I wish I was Slaanesh. You all know why.

PS Joker I am already Khorne. I wished for it 10 or so pages ago.

Granted. Everyone becomes celibate.

I wish Blap would read my wishes properly. (I wished to be a sloth, not that I had one!)

Granted you now have an abundance of sloths.


I wish for a decent meat pie.

Granted. Ever seen Hannibal the Canibal?

I wish for Megan fox in BDSM gear in my bed.

oh and - my GOOD dreams tend to go along the lines of others worst nightmares so a nerdrage attack is actualy pretty good.

Granted. Megan, the fox is in your bed in BDSM gear. Shame Beastiality is illegal.

I wish for food.

You

Your food is deliverd. Its only after youve eaten it you realise that everyone(including me) in the kitchen has Jizzed in it.

I wish for a sexy human girl in BDSM gear in my bed.

Granted, but this sexy human girl is a lesbian and not interested in you

I wish that I had endless amounts of energy instead of being tired all the time :(

Granted but you have so much energy you explode into a red mist.

I wish I had a better picture.

Granted, but this picture drives you insane as you gradually want better pictures each time.

I wish GW wasn't such a money grabbing company :/

Castiel wrote:Granted. Everyone becomes celibate.

I wish Blap would read my wishes properly. (I wished to be a sloth, not that I had one!)

Parallel Universe has opened in your rectum up where you're human, and your sloth form has entered, simple.

Granted, but it's non existent and bankrupt.

I wish for a Glacier.

Granted, you are slowly ground into pieces as it rolls over you.

I wish I hadn't missed the postie this morning.

Granted. you missed breakfast instead.

I wish i had an endless supply of soda, of any flavor i wanted, delivered one can at a time whenever i desired.

I missed Breakfast anyway!

Granted, you have an endless supply of flavoured baking soda. Have fun.

I wish I had another tenner.

Granted, but this is the only money you recieve/find for the rest of your life

I wish my laptop wasn't so rubbish

Granted. You find the hidden rubbish/awesome switch just before it is stolen.

I wish to be able to talk with my sister again.

You can, but she can't.

I wish I owned a T34.

granted you crash it.

I wish for an x-302 fighter with hyperspace generator

Granted. It explodes in front of you only moments after you get it.

I wish for a good night's sleep.

Granted, but when you wake up your life crumbles before your eyes

I wish that ZP would go back to dragonforce

Granted, but as I have no idea what that is, nothing whatsoever happens.

I wish for a bloorggllez on my kitchen table. NOW.

Granted. its there NOW. and its gone. NOW.

I wish for the antimatter sun to collide with our sun.

Granted, but it collides and transforms into not too hot, not too cold sun making the earth a nice 28 degrees all year round.

I wish fatty food became healthy.

Granted, but now it looses all flavour and now healthy food is tasty.


I wish I could play guitar just a little better.

Granted but you can only play justin beiber tunes.

I wish for love

Granted, but it's the love you can buy for 20 dollars behind a strip joint.


I wish for infinate wisdom (while staying sane and not having my head explode/implode)

GRanted, no one will give you a moments peace so you rational decide to bash your head into a wall til it all goes away.

i wish for a sandwich

Granted. Made of solidified Jabba the Hut fat-fold sweat.

I wish for doritos.

Granted but they are stale.

I wish for a storm trooper (star wars) outfit.

Granted. You are massacred by hordes of little teddy bears.

I wish for an end to my pain.

Granted. It materialises on you. It cannot be removed and is 946 sizes too small.

I wish for better music.

Granted but it is so high pitched it makes your ears bleed.


I wish I had a million Ewok's as my personal mercenaries.

Ok. They are hunted for their hides and slowly disappear one by one.

I wish I could see perfectly.

Granted. The first thing you see is not only too horrific for Dakka but also your brain, blinding you permanently.

I wish for a fully functional real life Sentinel.

Sentinel as in the guardian statues? Sure.

I wish the CoD community was respectable, and not filled with 12 year olds.

Granted. It's filled with incontinent Vets who keep on harping on about how this is entirely inaccurate, and telling you old war stories.

I wish for this full stop.

Granted. that particular full stop arrives, while you are traveling in an airplane. momentum's a BLEEP aint it?

I wish i could win a game of 40K without having to send my wife to Vegas first.

Granted. She comes to my house instead. 0_____0


I wish for some more paint.

Granted. It is emptied out of a bucket over you in the high street.

I wish to party!

Granted; the North Korean communist party comes to get you. Welcome to the re-education camp, comrade.

I wish I was more motivated to get the housework done.

Granted, you are so motivated you clean and clean, and you clean some more. You continue cleaning until you are out of cleaning equipment which has been destroyed from over cleaning. You then use you hands to clean which are worn down to a bloody stump. Your whole house is now covered in blood with you in the fetal position.

I wish I had a pile of skulls.

Granted. You receive in the mail a pile of baby kitten skulls. Flesh still attached.
I wish I could paint my minis to 'Eavy Metal standard within a month's time.

Granted- You paint you're models to the same scale as eavy' metal. But they are invisible to everyone except you.
I wish i was a space marine in the 40k universe

Granted, you are horrifically killed on your first day.

I wish I knew where my keys were....

Granted. Now you have to remove them from that particular orifice.

I wish for a Keytar.

Granted. However it looks silly and explodes in a searing blast of fire and leerdammer.

I wish for a good new set of headphones.

Granted, they only play JB songs no matter what you're listening to, and it's the same one.. over.. and over.. and over again.

I wish for sleep. (almost misspelled it.)

Granted. Have your sleep. Have it forever. mwahahaha.
I wish for everything to be awesome.

Granted everything is awesome and thus cancels itself out, and you therefore singlehandedly rid the world of awesome.
I Wish i was a pyromancer

Granted, you inadvertently set the world ablaze.
I wish my thread had a steady, loyal following like it deserves...

Granted, but the followers are all trolls and jackasses.

I wish we all lived in a steampunk world.

Sure, with a 90% mortality rate in any given scenario. Even breathing has a 90% chance of killing you!

I wish for Bison.

Granted. They Stampede and kill you, grinding you to a bloody pulp under thousands of hooves

I wish for Tarja Turunen to rejoin Nightwish

Ok. The members of Nightwish then all spontaneously combust.

I wish for Bison, away from me.

Granted, but they move towards you and trample you.

I wish Brandon Cyrus and the like would stop posting on Facebook.

Sure. Facebook turns out to be hosting the matrix, and when they stop posting, facebook breaks down, causing us all to realise we live in an apocalyptic wasteland, and that our visions of reality only supported by Facebook's operation. Now an angry mob tries to find out who caused it and tracks you down. You die a slow and painful death at the hands of a mob with a greater size than any two given countries in the world.

I wish I knew how magnets work.

Granted. Through a several hour-long incredibly boring un-airconditioned lecture in a very small stuffy room.

I wish for awesomesauce as an actual sauce and as to be as awesome as the name suggests.

It is. So awesome that your HEAD EXPLODES FROM THE SHEER AMOUNT OF AWESOME!!!

I wish this thread was locked. (waiting for a mod to go "granted" and lock the thread)

Granted

Thread locked for nonsense and spam. You are banned from Dakka as a result.

I wish I had more free time

Granted, you have so much free time that you don't know what to do with it and as a result, sit on your couch all day and do nothing.

I wish more people would join the Penthouse and start RPing.

Granted, but they are all bronies. I wish for a hug from a nice clean friendly non=spiky/flaming/zombie person

Granted. You are hugged by a Westboro Baptist. Now you feel sorta dirty inside.

I wish my refrigerator held more beer.

Beer spiked with acid. And trust me, it isn't dilute.

I wish for Chocolate rain.

Granted, but it's spiked with arsenic and cyanide.

I wish I had an unlimited supply of Einstein Bros coffee.

Guess what it's spiked with?

I wish I didn't feel ill.

Granted. your unlimited supply of cough drops is provided 1 drop every hour. have fun with the OD!
I wish i could remember.

Granted. Your dead

I wish for my mother to stop being an over protective control freak.

Time rewinds and she goes loose, letting you slip into an unhealthy diet of drugs, booze and less-than-desirable women. Before you know it, you've slipped into bad habits and are eventually picked up by the police, where it is discovered that your inhumane treatment of women has you put away for life. You die alone in a cold dank cell, having give nothing to society.

I wish for TV.

granted one falls on you.

i wish for snooki to be removed from this planet permenantly

Granted. She is returned to Planet of the Snookis, which launches an unstoppable invasion of our own world shortly afterwards.

I wish I had a Bolter.

Granted, but it's an Astartes Bolter and you break your arms every time you shoot it.

I wish Bethesda would make Fallout 4.

Granted, but it has game-breaking bugs and you have to play as a brony.

I wish for unlimited wishes.

Granted. But every wish has to be corrupted on this forum before coming true. I wish the new Tau codex comes out tomorrow.

Granted, but it sucks as bad as the current one.

I wish people would stop being donkey-caves to bronies.

Granted, all bronies die in fire.

I wish for a Snooki invasion of Earth

Granted, the wish itself is its own downfall, the humanity
I wish for huge manatees!

Granted they gak EVERYWHERE

I wish for a turtle

Granted, it's a genetically engineered military turtle that rips your face off.

I wish I had a suit of Terminator Armour.

Sorry, didn't see the turtle was already taken,

Granted, your Terminator Armour is black and the limbs are stuck in star formation.

I wish for Matt Ward to sign my codex.

Granted, the codex gets eaten by Phil Kelly.

I wish to become a space marine captain

Granted, but you trip on a rock and get your face gnawed off during your first battle.

I wish I had an attack Squig that wouldn't attack me, my friends, or my family.

Granted, a colossal squig does

I wish I had a pet snotling

Granted, but its gak is rancid and results in your loved ones turning against you

I wish for MOAR thread popularity, sweet sweet popularity!
EDIT: ninja'd

Granted, the thread is swarmed with Nurgles "sexy cheerleader" pictures

I wish for cake

I wish that the last poster was eaten slowly by Tyranids for killing this thread by not wishing!!!

Oh he wished... IT'S A TYRANID CAKE.

Granted, they eat me slowly and turn me into the Swarmlord

I wish the last poster is "eaten" by Dark Eldar for insinuating that I didn't wish.

Granted. You were the last poster.

I wish that the previous poster's passed remains were made into a fruitcake and served to squigs.

Granted. The poster's remains contained special DNA shananigans which then make the squigs target you as their next meal.
I wish I was transformed into a Cenobite from Hellraiser.

Granted, but pins go too far into your head and you have brain bleeding.

I wish I had a pen that never ran out of ink.

Granted. But before you can use it, I jump out from behind cover and break it with my boot.

I wish for diet coke on my kitchen table downstairs.

Granted. You try and drink it and its really filled with acid

I wish it was easier to impress my crush than jumping into a freezing river with a watergun and shooting people that pass

Wish granted. It is easier to impress your crush, and you do, and you start dating, but she is disease ridden, violent and thinks it's funny to throw up on you every day.

I wish everything in my life was perfect.

Granted, everything is perfect in heaven and you are dead.

I wish I could get off this website and be on time for school

Granted you are on time but due to clerical errors you are still marked down as absent.

I wish my Chinchilla to stop breaking out of his cage.

Wish granted.l Your Chinchilla stops breaking out of his cage. Because he is dead.

I wish I could fly.

You think you are flying, but you are actually falling with style.

I wish for food.

Granted. you receive pre-digested horse food.

I wish for a single ork boy to land on the whitehouse lawn.

Granted, he crushes you while you're there on a tour.

I wish for a WAAAGH to steal Pluto

A waagh does steal Pluto. In unrelated news, a horde of Bronies come and destroy your home after reading earlier comments on this thread. Vengeance!

I wish I was a bird.

Granted. Say hello to plane turbines.

I wish I was awesome.

You are. At sucking.

I wish I ace my exam tomorrow.

Granted. Then the universe explodes, destoying all of existence.

I wish for doritos in my kitchen cupboard.

But then Tyranids would nom nom them all.

I wish some people would finish the voting on the RPG Poll thread

They do. And re-open it minutes later.

I wish I was thirsty.

granted you are thirsty in the exact middle of the Sahara Desert with no water and no transport

I wish for new Deathwing kits now

So do I. Unfortunately we never get them.

Granted. Nothing. Beautiful isn't it?

I wish for my Catachan Army NAO!

Granted, your Catachan Army is in a box on your back door step but when you open the box you see the models cut out, un-assembled and someone dumped 5 cans of white primer and let the primer dry.

I wish this game didn't make me be cruel to people.

granted. the game instead forces you to be sickeningly nice to everyone around you. and if you EVER stop being nice, you forfeit everything.

I wish for a 12 ounce can of Cherry crush soda.

Granted. Straight through your face at 500 mph.

I wish for the next codex to be the best so far.

Granted, the next codex is so OP it gets's mutually banned from all FLGS and no one wants to play against it.

I wish for a stack of pancakes.

Granted, they eat you.

I wish my insurance company wasn't a pain in the ass.

granted. they are now a pain in the scrotum. (and if you don't already have one, you grow one.)

i wish i had a useful super power.

You do. But it's only useful in a circumstance that never arises.

I wish my computer could make good recordings of gameplay.

Wish granted. Your computer makes perfect recordings of all gameplay in HD, Surround Sound, 3D imaging (which you can turn off if you don't like them), with superfast streaming, perfectly indexed, arranged and stored. Unfortunately though, your computer is destroyed by a meteorite that takes out not only your computer but the cutest sweetest little group of bunnies that were playing outside.

I wish that I had enough time to do all of the painting I want to do.

You do. But you are a tree.

I wish I was TV's Adam West.

Wish granted. You are Adam West. But in a world where tv hasn't been invented. And you die before your first birthday.

I wish Games Workshop priced their miniatures at an acceptable level.

Wish granted, they are now so cheap that the stores are constantly barren of products.

I wish I could paint at a decent level.

You can, but you run out of paint.

I wish for cake.

Granted. However it is a lie.

I wish for good model glueing skills.

Granted, you glue your hands to a glamour model and are arrested for indecent behaviour and sent to prison. Now, pick up the soap.

I wish I didn't have to get up early tomorrow.

Granted, you are buried alive overnight

I wish for people to stop bidding on the 40k belt buckle I'm trying to buy on eBay

Granted. it's withdrawn from Ebay.

I wish I could figure out what to do at the end of Half Life 2.

Wish granted. You figure it out. But a surge of electricity blows up all of your electrical equipment in the house.

I wish I had new carpet.

Granted but its a giant scroll of dedication to justin beiber

I wish my wallet wasnt somewere at the bottom of the river brock.

Ok. River Nile it is!

I wish Coke wouldn't eventually kill me (the drink).

Granted. it kills you (the sandwich) instead.

I wish i had a gallon of fresh clean water in my freezer.

Granted, but the freezer is filled with cyanide gas.

I wish for an awesome story idea.

Granted. But then it is stolen by another author who has tenure over you and he makes millions off of it.

I wish for an awesome story idea

Granted, I steal it and make millions off it.

I wish for more time.

Wish granted. You have more time. A lot more time. You are immortal. You live forever. But eventually the world explodes, along with the sun, and the universe eventually comes to and end. you are now floating through the endless nothing forever more with nothing to do, no-one to talk to and only your own mind in which to go crazy in.

I wish that I felt more rested.

Granted. Unfourtunatly you wake up in a small wooden box and the lid appears to be nailed down and is it just me or can i smell earth in here?....

I wish for a flamethrower

granted. you receive an Ork burna. well, if you can get the ork currently using it to hand it over anyway.

I wish i were an Ork Warboss.

Wish granted. You are made of plastic and painted by a six year old with a house paintbrush in thick green gloopy paint, obscuring 95% of the detail and sticking you to the table top.

I wish this wish was incorruptible.

Granted. You wasted it though, so...

I wish I was a Daemon Prince of Khorne.

Granted, the entire SM Salamander, White Scars, Blood Angels, and Ultramarine chapters swear in the name of the Emperor to slay you

I wish my sun burn goes away.

BTW Daemons just respawn

Granted but you getting full body acne instead.

Granted, you never respawn.

I wish for a PC.

Granted. It's a Windows 98.
I wish I could get rid of this cold. *cough, cough*

granted. you contract malaria 5 seconds later.

I wish i had a decent phone.

Ok. it's decent, but has no battery.

I wish the Earth was flat, and I didn't fall off the edge.

Granted, the gravity on earth would be so small we would all float off into space

I wish for 6ed to come out TODAY.

It does. It's terrible.

I wish I could speak fluent Russian.

Wish granted. Unfortunately due to a very strange virus, nobody is left alive who can talk to you in Russian, and weirdly it wipes out your ability to speak or learn any other language.

I wish that I could invent my own number system and have it adopted by the rest of the world.

Granted but during a complex sum with it you accidentaly breach the barriers of logic and cause the whole of the universe to unravel and causing all living beings to suffer excruciatingly painful deaths except your self as your stuck at its centre and so suffer eternaly.

I wish for a zombie apocalypse(slow dumb zombies)

Granted. You're the first to die.

I wish forgeworld would make barrel shoulder termies.

Granted, they stop making everything else.

I wish for the ability to read an entire book by only giving a glance at the cover.

Granted. Unfortunately though your memory is so bad you can't remember the beginning of any sentence by the time you get to the end of it, so everything is completely incomprehensible to you.

I wish that there were more ways of cooking potatoes.

Granted, the farmers start mass producing potatoes and doing so the potatoes get genetically altered which causes them to be highly reactive and anyone who heats up potatoes has an explosion that destroys their house.

I wish that our leaders can pay off the debt and not worry about politics.

granted. they can. but dont because they like lining their own pockets more.

I wish politicians were only paid minimum wage.

OK. We're then invaded by the Tau. The Tau of all things! Even though they still have a sucky codex.

I wish I could break the fourth wall more regularly.

Granted, you do but you run out of money and cannot afford to replace the wall you just broke.

I wish politics wasn't a career.

Granted. We all end up liveing under a dictatorship.

I wish to see Lacuna Coil live

You shuffle off this mortal coil during their concert.

I wish it would rain normal rain in the normal amount without anything weird happening to or with the rain.

Granted, a 2.0 tsunami (water not rain) comes by once a month.

I wish I had a working pen.

Dayvuni wrote:Granted, a 2.0 tsunami (water not rain) comes by once a month.

I wish I had a working pen.

You didn't grant my wish! I wanted rain! As a result, not only do you not recieve said pen, but the tsunami takes you to a distant uncharted land, with no way of returning to civilisation.

I wish for Elmo.

Granted. The heresy of Elmo lives again. You also discover hes a die hard beiber fan.

I wish for a girlfreind

Granted, she's ugly as all hell and bitchy.

I wish for pie

3.1415...

I wish for cattle.

Granted. There geneticaly alterd and blood thirsty. you are torn apart in seconds.

I wish for an egg-mayo sandwich

Granted, but its 4 years old.

I wish for free 70's rock music.

Wish granted. But you only receive the REALLY REALLY REALLY bad stuff. Multiple times, and it fills your hard drive so completely that your computer explodes.

I wish that life was less rubbish.

Granted, you have a great life for a nanosecond, then get hit by a phallus-shaped meteor

I wish for june 21st

Granted. It suddenly becomes the last second of June 21st and then becomes June 22nd.
I wish I could fly a fighter jet.

Granted, you can fly toy fighter jets, but you are too big to fit in them

I wish I had a horse.

BTW, I tricked you. I have a test June 21st, by saying it was over, that means my test was too, so I have won this little game
MWAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Clever girl... Nice one, Squig.
Granted. You are also given a free chest cast, for when the horse accidentally rear-kicks you in the sternum.
I wish I could edit 6th Edition for any rules that are too wordy or don't make sense.

TheAngrySquig wrote:Granted, you can fly toy fighter jets, but you are too big to fit in them

I wish I had a horse.

BTW, I tricked you. I have a test June 21st, by saying it was over, that means my test was too, so I have won this little game
MWAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

False, the day is over because you were falt out hammered and missed the test and failed. You failed everything amd will never get a job and die a hobo at age 32.

@ Dr T

Granted but GW ignore and do what they like.

I wish I can buy the new Stormtalon this weekend.

Wish granted. You buy it. Yours melts.

I wish I could turn invisible and visible whenever I liked.

Granted, but you cross the street one day while invisible and a car hits you. Multiple cars run over your invisible body until it is nothing more than an invisble stain.

I wish for an uncorrptable wish.

Granted, they legally charge you triple and you get a miscast hunk of plastic

I wish for a fully operational Impala

Granted. It snorts at you then runs away.

I wish for a part in the hobbit movie.

Wish granted. You are a table.

I wish to be reborn as a 100ft long dragon.

Granted, you are reborn in a car, which crushes your massive new form.

I wish that school was over.

Granted, a letter came in the mail saying your test scores got mixed up with another students and you actually have to go to summer school.

I wish to be a White Scar space marine

Wish granted. You are now a dead White Scar Space Marine.

I wish that life had an awesome soundtrack to it.

Granted. But it's what a screaming teen fangirl thinks is awesome. It's Baby- by Justin Bieber.

I wish I had an egg salad sandwich.

Granted, your egg salad has worms in the bottom and fleas on the eggs and dressing.

I wish I had DCM status.

Granted, you pay 25 dollars that you will never get back for a meaningless standard on the Internet.

I wish I got paid all the money coming from people who buy DCM status

TheAngrySquig wrote:Granted, you pay 25 dollars that you will never get back for a meaningless standard on the Internet.

I wish I got paid all the money coming from people who buy DCM status

Granted, but Dakka gets shut down due to lack of funding and you are killed by the nerdrage backlash.

I wish for more ginger beer.

Granted. It's ginger beer from circa 1722, a year known for its bad ginger harvest.
I wish I had a fez.

Granted, but it's the That 70's Show one, and he's sitting on your head.

I wish for a monkey wearing a Turkish Fez hat

Granted. He then relieves himself on your face.
I wish I had Necron Wraiths for my army.

Sure. But without a HQ, you can't use them.

I wish I knew what the feth was going on!

Granted. But that becomes all you know, as you slowly forget everything else.

I wish for TACOOOOOSSSSSS!!!!!

granted, you come home to find your house is flooded with tacos with 2 ft. long worms eating it.

I wish I had a sandwich.

House flooded, 2 ft worms, you know the drill.

I wish I owned Microsoft, then sold it on for millions.

Granted but two minutes later its value skyrockets. You would have to bankrupt the world to sell it. But alas you got nmillions. 2 million to be precise. 2 million Rupees.

For the cowardly crime of not making a wish I wish Deadshot was executed for non-wish making.

Granted. than you are executed for wishing harm upon him.

I wish for 1 slice of fresh cheese.

Granted but a mouse eats it before you get it.

I wish I had a power sword

Granted, it's for opening letters.

I wish I had chinese food.

Chinese food, made from fresh Chinese people. You're arrested for cannibalism.

I wish Someone else would make this wish.

Wish granted. They make your wish, but unfortunately they wish for you to be tortured until the end of your days.

I wish that people in the UK were proud of our country.

Granted. Too proud. One foreign person insults the UK and a horrific nuclear war takes place, utterly destroying this once beautiful planet.

No wish. Starving cockroaches eat you as the only survivor of nuclear holocaust.

I wish my glue wasn't done amd would actually glue my stormtalon together.

Granted. Your glue is refilled and the strongest glue in the world. It sticks your stormtalon together perfectly. Unfortunately though, it also glues it to your face and (due to a very bizarre accident) your gentleman's area! Your face is hideously scarred after the ensuing surgery and your unmentionables have to be removed.

I wish that everything was free for me and that I could just buy things with a thought so that I wouldn't have to go shopping any more.

Granted. a meteor falls on you just before you think to buy something to protect you from them.

I wish i was immune to meteor strikes.