Granted, but you end up stepping on people and are declared a threat to mankind.

I wish FW resin wasn't so easy to break.

Granted. It now however comes at a thickness and durability that you need diamond scalpels to cut it appropriatly.

I wish for a return of the R&H model range from FW:

Granted. They are available only in Vietnam.

I wish for a hamburger.

Granted. It's made from mad cows.

I wish for some (fresh and delicious) Sushi.

Granted. It's ingredients come from the very last whale of its own kind. It's now extinct.

I wish I was good at football. (football, not handegg, you Yanks)

Granted. You're good at football. But everyone else is flipping great at it.

I wish to travel a bit.

Granted.You travel from the couch to the refridgerator. It feels like a journey around the world and therefore you decide to never do that again.

I wish my tablet would stop to autocorrect every frickin word!?!

Granted! Now your abhorrently poor spelling skills are visible to the whole world.

I wish Trump had to pay a tariff for every lie that dribbles from his bloated mouth.

Granted. The money he pays is used to build the wall and deport more illegals.

I wish for a cheesecake.

Granted.... It's literally a slice of smelly cheese on top of some cake.

I wish for some sleep.

Granted. You miss a whole week. Guess what happened while you were snoring?

I wish for more Mordheim buildings.

Granted, the terrain constantly shouts and moans in agony.

I wish for more money.

Granted. The amount of money you owe to other people increased significantly.

I wish to move to Sweden

Granted. You move to Sweden and discover that you don't care for cold weather one bit.

I wish all of my Mordheim buildings could howl and moan!

Granted. They don't howl, but they moan. They moan like Japanese girls in the cheesiest kind of hentai porn.

I wish to see behind corners.

Granted, but only after you've swiveled your head around them

I wish my son's lego kits would assemble themselves.

Granted. They assemble themselves into a horrendous trap, waiting for you to step on them in the dark.

I wish i had some lego.

Granted. You got some LEGO Friends(tm) sets as a gift.

I wish I could hear pictures.

Granted. You only hear pictures of brutal crimes and horrendus situations. Like f.e WW1 assaults, scenes of the most despicable crimes etc.

I wish for a car.

Granted. It's Fiat Multipla in bright pink color, and with unremovable fluffy steering wheel cover.

I wish to burn the heretics.

Granted. Your self-imollation was sudden, quick, and without any documentation as to why you burned.

I wish for a full suit of Republic Clone Wars armor to wear

Granted! Now if you can just drop those 70 pounds necessary for you to actually fit into the armor...

I wish I could command sinkholes to open where and when I wanted.

Granted, but for every sinkhole opened by your will, there is a chance a sinkhole will also open on somebody you know.

I wish I was the next US president.

Granted. You are attacked by left wing zealots and forced to abdictate.

I wish to be immortal.

Granted, but only so long as you can secure the Democratic Party Nomination for your state.

I wish for a Duck!

Granted. This lady moved into your apartment.


I wish to be a policeman.

Granted. You are officer K9 on the bomb squad.

I wish to avoid political rhetoric.

Granted. You wake up on a deserted island with nothing but soy plants and a single freshwater spring.

I wish to get off the RNC and DNC email spam lists.

Granted. Now you get spam into your mailbox.

I wish my boss had at least some logic and forward-thinking.

Granted. He now clearly sees that you are the cause of most problems, and terminates you immediately.

I wish to be a boss.

Granted. You are Boss. Hugo Boss. Now pay a huge fine because you used to made uniforms for the Nazis.

P.S. You did a good job, you made them the fanciest-looking of the whole bunch.

I wish to get a second wife.

Granted. The two of them don't get along and have declined to be anywhere near you until you throw the other one out.

I wish Team Fortress had never been a thing

Granted, Fortnite was released instead and has all it’s current annoying-ness and Team Fortress’s.

I wish I had a magic wallet that generated $100 in cash every midnight that CANNOT be saved for future use in any way.

Granted. You lose it down a storm drain.

I wish there was a clown in my storm drain.

Granted. It scares you every time you walk past.

I wish to live eternally.

Granted. It cost you your limbs.

I wish to be paid at work even if I take a nap

Granted. You are paid as long as nobody knows. Unfortunately for you, you didn't notice the new CCTV camera.

I wish I had a driving license.

Granted, you now have a license for driving a flock of pterodactyls across Atlantis on foot. Penalty for any of them flying is keel hauling down the length of the USS Enterprise aircraft carrier.

I wish I had a pet wyvern.

Granted. You got miniaturized Wyvern as a pet. It drives closely behind you, honks on people and often shoots them with the Stormshard mortar.

I wish I could read other's minds.

Granted. The filth you read soon drives you to insanity.

I wish my truck was clean.

Granted. It was requisitioned by the government who maintains it in pristine condition.

I wish my soul was clean

Granted. You haunt a car wash.

I wish to get a big pumpkin.

Granted. You receive the great pumpkin from the Treehouse of Horror XIX... and he instantly kills you.

I wish that christmas articles would only be sold in December.

Granted. Corporate store owners now can't afford their 6th holiday house in the Bahamas.

I wish Christmas didn't exist at all.

Granted. It's been replaced by Christmonth - a 30 day long religious mass with mandatory attedence for a minimum of 6 hours a day.

I wish I could rewrite the entire horus heresy plotline

Granted. The majority of 40k fans now hate you.

I wish I wasn't poor.

Granted. You are absolutle bottom tier middle class. You can't afford anything, but you aren't poor.

I wish for exploding pumpkins.

Granted, but they explode before you receive them

I wish for immortality

Granted, you even get eternal youth (21ish) and indestructibility included! Unfortunately you fall in a hole and are promptly buried. Over the next several thousand years you are slowly forced deeper and deeper until you enter the mantle, and eventually the core.

I wish for $1.97 USD.

Granted. You received 82,749.68 Iranian Rials instead.

I wish I won the national beauty contest.

Granted. Your stunning beauty launches a look a like contest that you secretly enter... You place 6th.

I wish I had all the toys.

Granted. They fall from the sky, crushing you beneath their bulk.

I wish our electric utility wasn't bankrupt

Granted. It never existed at all. You live in the stone age.

I wish to enjoy the weekend.

Granted. An aunt with 6 loud children came to visit from all of a sudden.

I wish I had my own house.

Granted. Its 1500 sqmm (30mmx50mm).

I wish for some ice cream.

Granted, it’s old boot leather flavored and causes your body chemistry to permanently and irreversibly change in such a way squirrels are now aggressively “amorous” towards you.

I wish for helgrenze to be free of the attention of squirrels.

Granted. Helgreneze now attracts coyotes is the same way.

I wish I had a permanent 99% discount coupon for grocery shopping.

Granted. You live in venezuela and inflation rate is only going to grow.

I wish for a visit in Budapest.

Granted. You visited Budapest and tried the original Hungarian Goulash, but subsequently, you spent several days in the hospital with severe mouth burns. Too much paprika.

I wish to own an island.

Granted. You now own
Hans Island.... Though neither Canada nor Denmark recognize your claim. But hey.. free whisky and schnapps.

I wish I had some free whisky.

Granted. A huge barrel of whiskey falls off a truck in front of you on the freeway.

I wish i was 34 again.

Granted. You are 34 again, but everybody close to you is twice as old as they were before.

I wish to have my own brand of beer.

Granted, but you've developed an allergy to alcohol. Even the smell of its starts vomiting.

I wish to be at the beach

Granted. It's the beach of Okinawa, April 1945.

I wish I was the greatest artist that ever lived.

Granted. You also suffer from multiple Psychological diseases.

I wish for cheaper catfood.

Granted. You have a mousetrap and you know how to use it.

I wish for utopia.

Granted, you fall in a giant meat grinder killing you and setting off a bizarre chain of events that lead to an ursine utopia.

I wish for an avian utopia to replace the ursine utopia.

Granted, but its a Capitalist Utopia in which the machines of Avian glory and dominance is greased with the blood and sweat of the human permanently indentured slave class.

I wish for an infinite budget

Granted, but you can only spend it on things approved by 541 people that do not share your interests and have their own stuff they want you to spend it on.

I wish my hot tub was working correctly.

Granted, it works correctly now, but the tap and drain are blocked so you have to fill and empty it by using a bucket.

I wish to live in a socialist paradise.

Granted. You live in it for 1 day before soviet tanks crush it.

I wish for a good Salami.

Granted. For an artisanal Salami you get a donkey, a shot gun and a meat grinder.

I wish for something useful to do.

Granted you are now a pillar in a school basement.

I wish for an attack monkey.

Granted, but it only responds to Mandarin and attacks you when you try it.

I wish for a Cure.

Granted. You receive a cure for an illness you don't suffer with.

I wish to be a woman.

Granted. You become Harvey Weinstein's wife

I wish for a complete set of magic books

Granted, you can't read them and everytime you try to sell them they start screeching to the point the potential buyer drops dead.

I wish to be the cat in ChargerIIC's profile picture.

Granted. You become the Emperor-cat, and it's minutes before you get killed by the Horus-cat.

I wish Zimbabwe was still Rhodesia.

Granted. The Rhodesians are now out looking for you, angry over your interference.

I wish for a hug

Granted, i do it personally after survival week of militia training. (it's dirty and stinks)

I wish for for better french language capabilities.

Granted. You now speak fluently french, but only when you have a fake mustache on, beret on your head and baguette sticking out of your bag.

I wish for rain.

Granted. Its acid rain.

I wish to ace any technical interview I take

Granted. The only interview you took is for a deep fryer maintenance in McDonald's.

I wish to be a videogame protagonist.

Granted, you get decried by the media as inciting violence, drug use, human traffiking, etc. Whilest you were in a MLP alike game.

I wish to be owner of the Matterhorn.

Granted. The city makes you park at the top.

I wish to see the Matterhorn.

Granted. You saw it for a second before your plane crashed into it.

I wish to be a villain in a James Bond movie.

Granted, you’re the replacement actor for the big bad of the previous film and are killed in the first five minutes.

I wish I could afford an armorcast warhound titan simply because it’s there.

Granted, but you also need to afford leukemia treatments. Choose one.

I wish to know no fear

Granted. You knew no fear until you got caught in crossfire in the Dropsite Massacre on Isstvan.

I wish to write a book.

Granted. You are chained to a desk in Washington D.C., forced to forever write apologist pieces on how various politicians on trail aren't really guilty of anything really other than loving thier nation too much.

I wish for a live ferret

Granted. It lives in your breifs and attacks you if you try to remove it.

I wish to find the perfect gift for my wife.

Granted. You bought her a nice, expensive handbag but she yells at you because it does not match the color of her phone and car. She clearly stated she wants it in Burgundy color, and you bought a Carmine-colored purse. How could you?

I wish Greta Thunberg was the next US president.

Edit// Unknown? How dare you!

Granted. You drive editorial cartoonists everywhere into a frenzy trying to find photos of this unknown protégé of yours.

I wish for less politics.

Granted. In a whirlwind couple months the world is now split between the Russo-Chinese Eastern Defense Coalition and the Western New Prosperity military-industrial compact formed when Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump fell in love, married and consummated their passion in a live television broadcast. There's no longer any elections or political advertisements to speak of, but the resulting nuclear fireball is probably your fault - and the massive need for eyebleach.

I wish to give the world a Coke (tm)

Granted! *Ahem, just clearing the vomit from my throat after a Trump/Clinton mental image.* You get fries and a Big Mac to complete your combo meal.

I insert a cure for pediatric cancer.

Granted. For every child cured of cancer, two random adults get cancer.

I wish to end world hunger.

Granted, corpse starch is now rationed and freely available, to fullfill the quota Max age is 30.

I wish for a marine doll.

Not Online!!! wrote:
Granted, corpse starch is now rationed and freely available, to fullfill the quota Max age is 30.

I wish for a marine doll.

Granted. But its dedicated to slaanesh and its a portal for daemons.
I want to be grimdark

Granted! And you live on a planet that is about to be Virus bombed in 3, 2, ...

I wish we could wall in Trump.

Granted. You moved to Mexico.

I wish my country was a world superpower.

Granted, you get reintegrated as the industrial complex of a reanimated K.u.K empire. Worshiping the emperor is mandatory. Otoh, your wages rise and the beaurcracy get's competent again, allbeit lazy.

I wish to be said emperor.

Granted. You get assassinated in Sarajevo. Again!

I wish to be a medieval king.

Granted, you do 2 shows a night at the local Medieval Times.

I wish I had a Kite and a Key.

Granted. When combined the bring out the power of captain Neckbeard, who refuses to leave your room or help with the chores.

I wish for a pepperup potion

Granted. Everytime you try to pick it it get teleported across the room.
I want to be unluckiest man alive.

Granted, but unfortunately for you, you are only second.
Despite you being bitten by an alligator, losing car keys in a sewage drain, being robbed in the street, scammed by a street performer, beaten by a local gang, ran over by a bus, learning you are not the biological father of your son, being struck by a lightning, losing your job, being arrested by a mistake, and having your mother-in-law moving in into your flat all within a single week, the truly unluckiest man was struck by a lightning one more time.

I wish to win a singing competition.

You won a singing competition , by singing so badly all other participants and publicum died.

I wish for GW to finally fix the CSM traits.

Granted. They are behind a lootbox storefront that requires a $5 purchase per game and are randomly determined after purchase

I wish to have frontline gaming to paint all my miniatures for free

Granted, they subcontract it out to a couple of 5 year olds.

I wish for an angry monkey.

Granted. You are now haunted by the ghost of Davy Jones who wants to know where his locker is.

I wish for more Life.

Granted. You got a shipment of Life for free. Nobody knows that those supposedly miraculous pills are for, but they contain traces of lead, morphine, clipped toenails, and random deep-sea creatures.

I wish to be a billionaire.

Granted.
It's in the currency of venezuela.


I wish for a Black spray can.

Granted, the solid black spray can is full of neon pink paint laced with highly toxic Zombifying fungus spores.

I wish I had energy.

Granted. You are struck by lightning

I wish to live in Ireland

You live on a tiny island in a shed, with a herd of sheep and nothing else.

I wish for a hearty breakfast.

 Hawky wrote:
You live on a tiny island in a shed, with a herd of sheep and nothing else.

I wish for a hearty breakfast.

It’s poisoned and you die.

I wish for a full-size apocalypse class Titan, with me as the princeps.

Granted. You stand naked in the middle of the town square, as there is no Apocalypse-class Titan.

I wish I had a 1950's Cadillac.

Granted, it’s been sitting outside untouched with the windows down in the upper peninsula of Michigan since 1950. Good luck cleaning the animal nests etc. out without punching through all the rust.

I wish for an armadillo from Amarillo.

Granted. It has leprosy.

I wish for a life-sized working chainfist.

Granted. It's big, heavy, cumbersome and you end up cutting off your own leg with it.

I wish for a working Lasgun.

Granted, it is working, but you don't get ammo, infact your whole squad didn't get laspacks and is about to be swarmed by angry grotz, lead by a red clad one.


I wish for lower taxation.

Not Online!!! wrote:
Granted, it is working, but you don't get ammo, infact your whole squad didn't get laspacks and is about to be swarmed by angry grotz, lead by a red clad one.


I wish for lower taxation.

Granted. Now there is no money for roads, hospitals etc. Due to an accident on a poorly-maintained road, you die without hospital.

I wish for one penny,

Granted. You got one Penny. Unfortunately, she doesn't love you back and soon dumps you.

I wish to speak High Gothic fluently.

Granted, you get latin classes, bad, latin classes.

I wish for a car.

Granted, but Extinction Rebellion finds out and has it reduced to scrap you carbon loving monster

I wish to float like a butterfly and sting like a bee

Granted. Yours SO is not happy about your new rather chaotic walking patterns, as well about your stamina during intimate moments.

I wish for a powerful high-end gaming PC.

Granted. You don't know the password to use it.

I wish for better seats for the concert.

Granted. You are seated next to someone you despise and the band only plays variations of Baby Shark.

I wish for some cookies.

Granted. You are redirected to a different site and your computer fills with cookies.

I wish for a warm winter.

Granted, you were deported to a tiny island in the south pacific.

I wish for an X-ray vision.

Granted, you now see everyone as a walking skeleton and it quickly sends you mad.

I wish to be one of the High Lords of Terra.

Granted. You are pretty, smart and healthy as a person who's ancestors married their cousins since M.36 can be.

I wish to be a living skeleton.

Granted.

Having no flesh, tendons etc. to hold you together, you fall apart where you stand.

I wish I could time travel.

Granted. You travel to the past and marry a lovely young lady. Hardly you know she will become your own mother.

I wish for a bottomless beer keg.

Granted. Unfortunately it's literally bottomless, empty and by sheer accident you stumbled into it... So you are now falling foreveeeeeerrr.... (worst thing though is that you are still thirsty).

I wish for some sunny days again (can`t stand the grey in grey atm).

Granted. All of a sudden, you get teleported to Mercury. Enjoy your sunny day!

I wish for snow.

The snow is all yellow, and there’s so much of it that you are trapped and have to eat your way out.

I wish that there was an 8th ed Angry Marine Codex.

Granted: It's a supplement and so Op that IH pale in comparison and is therefore banned everywhere. Further it is so rage inducing for your opponent that you will be assaulted as soon as you put it on the table.

I wish for Coffee.

Granted. You went to Starbucks and bought an awful coffee for 47EUR, and they even misspelled your name.

I wish for a truckload of coins.

Granted. The coins turn out to be tokens for a long expired arcade and are not even worth the metal they were made of.

I wish for a snowy holiday.

Granted! Happy Easter Blizzard!

I wish to fool all of the people some of the time.

Granted, you can fool them into thinking that you can tie your shoes.

I wish I didn’t have to go to work today.

Granted. You are already there.

I wish for some inspiration.

Granted. It was Pol Pot who inspired you.

I wish I had a license to kill.

Granted. You get one, but only for yourself.

I wish for a shovel.

Granted, it’s encased in the center of a cube of concrete 4 meters on a side.

I wish I would quit injuring myself.

Granted! You now habitually fishslap yourself, but softly, leaving no injury.

I wish I could get a bottle Pappy Van Winkle 25-year old bourbon.

Granted. It's empty.

I wish for a nice Ham on Rye from Katz's Deli.

Granted. You had to go on a date with the ugliest woman you know to get it.

I wish I was Ork Warboss.

Granted. You got krumped by ghazkull and are now the lowest of his personal retinue filled with warbosses that krump you 24/7

I wish for better train connections.

Granted, they’re all welded together to ensure the connections don’t break.

I wish I could get a good night’s sleep.

Granted. It will last 8 hours. You'll be awake for one century for each hour you did sleep.

I wish to instantly know what the best Christmas Gift would be for any given person

Granted. You know the deepest desires of any person you look at and you stop talking to half of your friends because of that.

I wish I was the most attractive man.

You get crushed to death under the million-strong pile of women.

I wish to do well in all my exams.

Granted, but due to a bit of morning drinking, they were Military Entrance Processing exams. Welcome to the world of General Infantry.

I wish to be brilliant

Granted. You became a brilliant and some golddigger bimbo wears you on her ring. And you have to listen to her talks all day.

I wish I was the best marksman in the world.

Granted. You are the best marksman, correction, were. You just got rolled over by a tank and then shelled because your enemy got paranoid about you.

I wish for more independence in my work.

Granted. Your company is now an open source foundation that no longer pays its 'volunteers'

I wish for a fishing boat

Granted. It can be found off the coast of Long Island and is named The Orca. Some assembly required.

I wish the weather would change.

 helgrenze wrote:
Granted. It can be found off the coast of Long Island and is named The Orca. Some assembly required.

I wish the weather would change.

Granted! You now have a sixteen year old Scandinavian girl hounding you.

I wish political discussions were permitted again on dakka dakka.

Granted. Antifa gets its own forum section and they are untouchable.

I wish I had unlimited access to bananas.

Granted. You are also never going to eat anything else anymore and going to live 500 years.


I wish for less tarifs.

Granted. Internet usage taxes just became all the rage.

I wish I could finish this manuscript

Granted! You're immediately sued for copyright infringement by a 35 year old living in his mom's basement who self-published pretty much the exact same thing 4 years ago.

I wish I could talk with my dog and vice-a-versa.

Granted. Your dog won't resist walking with you only when you are dressed in skimpy women's clothes and army boots.

I wish to be a witness to this event.

Granted, the dog yells out al, your most embarrassing secrets.

I wish cancer didn’t exist.

Granted! Ebola, being the opportunistic virus that it is, seizes the opportunity to grab the spotlight and mutates into an even more horrific, Nurgle-esque disease without a cure or effective treatment.

I wish I had Wolverine's regenerative powers.

Granted, they recognize your genetic make up as cancerous and rapidly “fix” it. Within minutes you are a Wolverine clone and “you” as a unique person are effectively dead.

I wish I could summon an endless army of attack monkeys that are loyal only to me.

 ChaoticMind wrote:
Granted, they recognize your genetic make up as cancerous and rapidly “fix” it. Within minutes you are a Wolverine clone and “you” as a unique person are effectively dead.

I wish I could summon an endless army of attack monkeys that are loyal only to me.

having no loyalty to each other your monkeys begin to squabble and fighting breaks out, killing all of your monkeys and leaving you wondering how to dispose of an army if corpses.

I wish for more 'me' time.

Granted. You fall into a well and no one comes to rescue you.

I wish for more fog

Granted, you take a vacation in Zürich, and only Zürich. The service is unpolite and attrocious, everything is expensuve due to beeing in switzerland Zürich and you only see the sun excactly 5 minutes.


I wish for a breadbasket.

Granted. To get it, you need to defeat an angry Frenchman who guards it.

I wish I wasn't ill anymore.

Granted. You died.

I wish for faster delivery of my ordered models.

Granted. They are missing parts.

I wish for better tv choices.

Granted. You are offered the best TVs on the market. They only show repeats of the three worst shows in television history.

I wish someone the Grammy's were less predictable.

Granted. The random citizen caning is thrilling.

I wish my shipping boxes were a half-inch wider.

Granted, due to the insanity of the shipping cost rules they now cost twice as much to ship.

I wish I could tell customers off without getting fired.

Granted. you are the owner of your own company, however due to negative customer feedback from one "Karen " your company goes bankrupt due to image problems.


I wish for a stop to this bloody blizzard.

Granted. It ends when god lifts up your town and holds it upside town for five seconds to prove how thick and frozen last night's snow really was.

I wish work had a recess period.

Granted. However, in order to get the same amount of work done per day, your working hours extend by the length of the break.

I wish for a DVD of Mine All Mine (I threw mine into the portal over in the “Vendong Machine” thread)

Granted. It's a bootleg rip that looks like it was recorded from a CRT tv with a fake iPhone and the dialog is in Bantu.

I wish the snow we got would last a couple more days.

Granted. A huge blizzard comes, and it snows heavily for a whole week. Texas and New Mexico schools called for show holidays too.

I wish we got at least some snow this winter.

Granted. A huge blizzard comes, and it snows heavily for a whole week.

I wish for s13 of Doctor Who to be some good

Granted. It's so good that everything else brings no joy to you (and of course the season is shortened to two episodes).

I wish for some Vitamin D pills due to the bad weather all around.

Granted. Sadly they are also tainted with chemicals that make you go bald.


I wish for self chopping wood.

Granted. The 'self' it wants to chop is you.

I wish it would snow a bit.

Granted. It snowz a bit, then starts dropping dvds of Mine All Mine everywhere in a bizzarre display of extreme weather.

I wish for non-addictive nicotene.

Granted. You wish for it so long until you get lung cancer and die.

I wish I could see further.

Granted. The lights come on.

I wish to be able to quit smoking.

Granted, enjoy your complimentary heavy metal yodeling and square dancing (to heavy metal yodeling) addiction.

I wish to exchange my soul for cheese.

Granted. Instead of a soul, you now have a spray can of cheese that tastes great on crackers, but doesn't last long.

I wish for more alcohol.

Granted. However, it's methanol not ethanol.

I wish for more thyme.

Granted! It's too much though and overpowers the subtleties of all your other spices.

I wish for an end to detrimental mental health issues in humanity.

Granted. But now every ones brain simply explodes suddenly at random (which funnily nobody seems to bother due to your wish as well).


I wish to conquer my fears.

Granted, you conquered your ex wife. You now also have an restraining order for her. Mission accomplished

I wish for Snow.

Granted. Snow is a 400 pound polar bear with a serial killer attitude

I wish for my brain to be explosion proof

Granted, you are a test subject for the US military complex. They attempt to make people explosion proof and you got a prototype serum injected. sadly the test is an absolute failure as it does not work on the rest of your body.


I wish for Ceramite white to not be so abysmal.

Granted. It is less abyssmal, but now smells awful.

I wish to continue.

 snurl wrote:
Granted. It is less abyssmal, but now smells awful.

I wish to continue.

Granted.... To be Continued.

I wish I could Tom Sawyer painting my house.

Granted! Your house's paint job is as fictitious as Twain's character.

I wish I could eat pizza without the negative effects on my health.

Granted, you also do not get sustenance, taste it, or get a sense of fullness from eating it.

I wish there was a moose running rampant through the store I work at.

Granted. However, the moose is only there for you. I hope you are fast and smart lad.


I wish for less cat hair everywhere.

Granted, but you are now weakened by the presence of a cat, any cat. Exposure for more than thirty minutes will kill you

I wish for a promotion at work

Granted. You are "promoted". What did you expect that really, your "promotion" comes with new tasks, making you in essence the footwipe of the higher ups and the booman for the lower ones. Also your pay not nearly inncreases as much as it should've for all the gak you now have to put up.

I wish for selfpainting miniatures.

Granted. They ooze Nuln Oil constantly as a self-painting technique.

I wish for a multi-thousand dollars a week income without any work

Granted! But you have multi-, multi-, multi-thousand dollar a week expenses...all on nearly-constant tanning bed sessions at Rodeo Drive's most expensive tanning salon, and you also now look like Trump's pruny, oranger sibling.

I wish I owned Bond's Astin Martin.

Granted. It is in post Skyfall condition.


I wish house painting was easier.

Granted, but only because you are now contractually obligated to help any DIYer within a ten mile radius of your home with their painting products

I wish I had a home office to work from instead of my bedroom

Granted. You do now have a fully equipped home office with all luxuries and tech you could imagine... but no longer a bedroom.

I wish for a time machine to skip ahead 6 to 8 weeks.

Granted. It's the 15th of April 2020 and many things happened. You look and smell like a homeless man, as you stood all the time frozen in place, your girlfriend left you, your dog died of hunger, and you got eviction notice for not paying the rent.

I wish for nuclear winter.

Granted: You wish for a nuclear winter whilest you patrol a post nuclear winter Mojave.



I wish for a Party.

Granted. You attend a Communist Party victory party in your city.

I wish to know the Coca-Cola recipe.

It was you. You made the wish. Little did you know that would set of a series of apocalyptic events in which the last surviving city is watched over our Emperor Trump and his consort Bill Clinton.

I wish I had a thousand square foot apartment

Granted! It's 5' x 5' base, the rest is vertical.

I wish I had a glass of '62 Graham's Port and a wedge of Stilton with some Carr's crackers on a plate next to me at my desk as I write this.

Granted, it’s all been sitting out for the past three years.

I wish I could fly!

Granted. You jumped off a roof, to learn you can effectively fly only downwards, and the controls aren't very effective either.

I wish my wife bought me any miniature I wish for.

Granted, easily since she started sleeping with the smelliest member of your local play meta. You just wish she'd stop loudly comparing you unfavorbly to them.

I wish I owned a private beach to unleash my children on

Granted. It's on Bikini atoll.

I wish I lived in Ancient Greece.

Granted, you are the pleasure slave of a spartan.

I wish for an actual working dishwasher.

Granted. You enslaved your own disabled grandmother.

I wish my wife had a bigger bust.

Granted, but it leaks pus constantly

I wish I had a boat

Granted. It's also cursed and has a captain that only transports you if you give him 2 obuluses.

I wish for selfchopping wood.

Granted! The self-chopping wood is so efficient it doesn't stop until the logs are reduced to sawdust.

I wish Adepticon wasn't cancelled this year.

Granted. It became a massive vector for Coronavirus, leading to a massive lawsuit that closed down several games manufactuers including Games Workshop, Privateer Press, and O'Reilly.

I wish to shoot rays of joy from my fingers

Granted, they cause paralytic joy via brain tumors.

I wish I could afford all the codexes to do an all the Eldar factions soup list.

Granted! But you've got no money left to purchase a single mini.

I wish nano-technology would terminate the Coronavirus with extreme prejudice.

Granted. It does so by removing the root problem: The presence of biological matter for it to infest.

I wish to Shake Hands With Danger

Granted. You get to shake hands with Austin Powers... Danger is his middle name.... It's oddly sticky.

I wish a lifetime supply of snack cakes.

Granted. You get one snack cake and choke to death on it.

I wish for more shrimp.

granted, it's from vietnam, full off chemical agents and has mutated into shrimpzilla. It's still a shrimp tho so bon appetité.

I wish for rain so i don't have to wash my car.

Granted, it’s a rain of burning thermite. The car is now so full of holes it’s only good for the scrap yard.

I wish the grocery store I work at had monkeys that flung poo at anyone wearing their mask improperly.

Granted. You are promoted to the newly created position of Monkey Wrangler and have to clean up after them.

I wish for some Haagen Dazs.

Granted! You get their new, and not so popular flavor, Corona Viral Spiral.

I wish I had a private Island to chill on during this gakfest.

Granted, you only get electricity and running water while you are taking calls for walmart.com's customer escalation phone queue.

I wish for a free 1500 sq foot house

Granted. It is constructed from 100 3'x5' rooms that are attached in such a way as to make a maze with random vertical and horizontal connections between segments. It also changes configuration at random intervals.

I wish I for a new car.

Granted! It's a Fiat Panda and it's full of clowns.

I wish I had some smoked salmon to go with the bagels we have in the house.

Granted. There was a new smoked salmon shop to be opened in your area, but it got burned down.

I wish the new SM models were a bit more reasonable.

Granted, now the moaning restarts that SM don't feel like SM.

I wish for free 40k rulebooks of decent quality.

Granted: https://www.warhammer-community.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Lw4o3USx1R8sU7cQ.pdf ,
You still have to pay for Matched Play Point values



I wish the CA state Coronavirus guidelines would mention gaming shops and their play centers explicitly instead of leaving us guessing.

Granted. The governments blame gamers for spreading coronavirus, and shops are closed forever.

I wish for a new job, that is not gakky.

(I assume by gakky, you meant to say tacky)

Granted, but this new job is as a top general of the USSR during the great purge, and Stalin doesn't like you.

I wish I could find my lost socks.

Granted. You have a brief glimpse of them caught between a dragon’s teeth as he opens his mouth to devour you.

I wish for a Life-size wooden duck and a year’s supply of free pie.

Granted. We transported the duck immediately underneath and the pie straight to your bowels - for simplicity's sake.

I wish my apartment had three more rooms and an extra story

Granted, but those three rooms are large expanses of radioactive wasteland, that can kill a cockroach instantly, that are technically rooms because they have walls and a ceiling, and the new story of your home happens to be infested by bats who also happen to have rabies, and they like to bite.

I wish 40k was a cheap, balanced, game that had no real world biases or influences.

Granted. And then you woke up.

I wish I was a woman.

Granted, but you are the last one on Earth. Prepare to receive a LOT of unsolicited mail, emails, phone calls, sudden visitors, and pictures.

I wish I had more storage for my minis

Granted but your new storage is a bag/shelf/display case of mini devouring

I wish those ants in my yard would pack up and go to a different continent.

Granted. They are now an invasive species, singlehandidly destroying whole forrests and partially responsible for accelerated climate change.

I wish for more steam credit

Granted, but you get so much your on national news and suddenly everyone is begging you for it and you got hackers trying to take it.

I wish the weather where I lived (Midwest corn state) wasn't unpredictable (ie having a snowstorm one day and the next being hot enough to grill steak on the sidewalk, in March)

Granted. Welcome to year-round fire season. Its always dry, hot and smoking

I wish for a real piece of blackstone

Granted! It's still floating around space where Cadia used to be. Go get it, we'll wait.

I wish a Valve Index magically appeared on my desk.

Granted, but all it can do is give an interactive safety presentation on the dangers of the number three.

I wish to know everything

Granted. You spend the rest of your life paralyzed by the knowledge that everything you believed previously was either slightly or massively incorrect.

I wish for the freedom of the sparrow

Granted. Being unsure whether you meant you wished for the sparrow's freedom or to have its own freedom for yourself, both occur and you have the ability to fly. Following the sparrow on a whim, you both fly almost immediately into the front grill of an 18-wheeler.

I wish for steak and chips for dinner tonight.

Granted, enjoy your rat steak and banana chips.

I wish to own a creepy doll.

Congratulations! You now own a creepy doll! wait, did it just move?

I wish I had the will to paint my army

 ChaoticMind wrote:
Granted, enjoy your rat steak and banana chips.

Sorry, I thought the idea was to ruin it - that actually sounds kinda nice.

Misclicking ork - granted, you now have the will to paint your army! ...which you promptly drain, having suddenly also gained the will to deep-clean and redecorate your home top to bottom over the course of 2 weeks.

(channeling DB's Oolong) I wish for a pair of used panties.

Granted, they also have lice.

I wish I could come up with good jokes.

Granted. You come up with the second deadliest joke ever.... and die within seconds.

I wish my plumbing issues would fix themselves.

Granted, you no longer get water. No leaks, no issues!

I wish I could type faster

Granted, but its only on Mandrin Character keyboards

I wish to have some peace and quiet in my home

Granted, you now have eternal peace in your home because your dead, and you got buried under the floorboard.

I wish paintbrushes would always have a sharp, but soft point.

Granted - somehow, your brushes are simultaneously sassily sarcastic yet still sensitively supportive.

I wish more people knew what the word alliteration means.

Granted, garbage guttural groans coming from concerned cornered mouths...
Is how everyone speaks now.

I wish Pepsi was more popular.

Granted. It becomes so popular that it sells out. It is now only sold at auction for millions of dollars a can/bottle.

I wish i had some good bourbon.

Granted.


In case you couldn't tell - they're non-alcoholic.

I wish I had a frozen dacquiri right about now!

Granted, it's frozen solid and you attempt to get it out of the glass, but the frozen cocktail falls into some crevice never to be seen again.

I wish I could have a pet goldfish

Granted - it's Bob, the killer goldfish, from Earthworm Jim. Without any sidekicks he's no threat, but he's really insulting and mean and his words are hurtful.

I wish more people would post in this thread.

Granted, by the time you post a corrupted wish, you find that 16 other people beat you to it.

I wish I didn't keep forgetting to do the wishing part.

Granted. You always remember the "wish" part, and even the Granted.... But you forget the corruption.

I wish it would rain down, down on me.

Granted, you didn't specify what kind of rain it is, so I hope you like a slow, painful death from battery acid.

I wish GW would put all weapon options in one kit (ie 4 schorchas in a deff dread kit)

Granted. That's one kit costing £300/$450 that contains all weapons options for all units, from ALL Codexes. Oh, but of course they're no longer with the models that can take them. Amputee Deff Dreads, anyone?

I wish this sinus pain would go away.

(yeah, allergy season in full swing) Granted, you now have pain so bad a serial killer would consider it inhumane to inflict across every part of your body except your sinuses.

Misclicking Ork's wish was devoured by the box of squigs he got sent. His wounds will heal in time, but the embarrassment will last a while longer.

I wish some nice girl would talk to me.

 Misclicking ork wrote:
(yeah, allergy season in full swing) Granted, you now have pain so bad a serial killer would consider it inhumane to inflict across every part of your body except your sinuses.

You're meant to be an Ork, not a Drukhari.

Helgrenze - granted. She doesn't really want to, though - she's a prosecuting attorney. And boy, does she look DISGUSTED at all that evidence of those things you did. Did I mention your mother's attending the trial too?

I wish for bear arms!

Granted, but you get captured by the government and tested to make bear super soldiers, after which you are "disposed of".
(oh, and super ready, painboyz exist)
I wish Indomitus didn't cost so much on Ebay.

Granted. The Indomitus box is now banned from selling worldwide, and all unopened boxes are to be thrown into a volcano.

I wish I was the fastest sprinter in the world.

Granted, due to beeing so fast you turn into a curiosity and then victim of the government as they cut you open to find your secret of speed.

I wish for more hours in a day.

Granted. This happens by the way of the Earth suddenly, rapidly falling out of orbit from the Sun. We go hurtling off out of the solar system and it takes only a matter of weeks for the planet to freeze over, killing most life as we know it, humans included.
All because you couldn't sort out your own damn sleeping pattern. Well done, you.

I wish work wasn't so busy.

Granted. You are teleported into the Subsaharan Africa, right next to a group of lions. I hope you won't mind being so busy with survival.

I wish for an unlimited supply of Coca Cola.

Granted. Due to a math error, a Coca Cola pipeline replaces your water line. You now have infinite Coke, but no water for washing and such.

I wish my army was painted.

Granted! House paiii- nah, too easy. It’s painted to a crazy good standard! You now owe $2,347,692.37 or your firstborn’s beloved pet cat to the painter.

I wish I hadn’t agreed to the tedium of building a ghost ark for my friend.

Granted, you instead agreed to build a life-sized replica of the third war of armageddon, the whole thing, the whole planet, hive cities included.

I wish people would respond to my emails faster.

Granted, but its in Scottish Gaelic

I wish for the sky to quit raining ash

Granted, now what rains down is hot and toasty, and great for making rock sculptures, but it’s lava.

I wish GW would take their time between editions.

Granted. All current editions are invalidated, and we move back to the 2nd edition. All models and armies that came out in between then also invalidated.

I wish dinosaurs lived.

Granted. ...they did! Past tense. Nothing changes, easy wish.

I wish the writing team and studio behind the 90's Batman animated series got back together for a new run.

Granted. HBO's Sexy Action Time with Captain Donald Trump and Colonel Hillary Clinton should have some nice Dialog scenes if nothing else.

I wish that workplaces were required to provide naptimes in the middle of the day

Granted.... For employees working more than 35 hours per week. Also, you are now scheduled 5 6.75 hour days per week.

I wish my 'Toy Soldiers(tm)' came with lasers in their weapons.

Granted, you are killed by one of those lasers, and the authorities are still trying to find out what killed you.

I wish that I could tell at a glance what something on a miniature was.

Granted. You spend a whole life studying what the something on a miniature is. At age of 97, you realize your life was pointless and die a broken man.

I wish for nuclear winter.

Granted, in the nuclear explosions needed to start nuclear winter, you, and many others are killed in one of the atomic blasts, and after all is said and exploded, billions are dead, all because you wanted it to snow a little.

I wish I didn't keep getting distracted by, well, anything.

Granted. You are in a toilet when the wish kicks in. You were thinking about bowel movements and now you can't think about anything else. Ever. You get a nice job as a 4Chan server admin though.

I wish for the entire RiffTrax libary for free

Granted, it's so funny you die from cardiac arrest caused by laughing for 20 minutes straight (it once happened to a Scandinavian guy, look it up).

I wish I always knew exactly how much my paints needed thinning.

Granted. You now are the master thinner, but you forgot how personal hygiene works.

I wish to have a T'au wife.

Granted, you get purged by the inquisition, don't what else you'd expect xenophile.

I wish I would stop having random sharp pains in my shoulder every once in a while.

Granted. We've removed them (the shoulders)

I wish for jump forward to next year.

Granted! It's done with an Astartes jump pack. You are wearing your power ar-? (*CRUNCH*) ...ooooooh, *OUCH*, that's gonna leave a stain.

I wish I had the reflexes of a Striking Scorpion.

Granted, but at some point, you find yourself in a fistfight near a cliff and he swings, and you sidestep, off the cliff and onto the rocks below.

I wish I had a better hobby knife.

Granted. You switch a rusty table knife, which you use for a hobby knife, for a new table knife. Still bad, but slightly better.

I wish 1960's Rock 'n Roll was popular again.