Your tea has been laced with cyanide. I destroy the New-U machine and claim the hill. My hill.

I tunnel under the hill and hollow it out, and rebuild it in a safe location. Then I stuff the cavity with dynamite and blow it to smithereens.
My hill.

Anonymous launches an attack on you. My hill.

After finding another New-U station, and traveling great distances for a long time just to get back to the place, I storm the hill and place sentry turrets all around it. My hill.

I wait till the sentry turrets despawn and just snipe you in the head. I then camp next to the new-u machine and snipe you until you run out of money. My hill.

The last respawn was a hologram of myself, while I sneaked behind you and sliced your spine through with my sword. "0".
My hill.

 Dr. Temujin wrote:
The last respawn was a hologram of myself, while I sneaked behind you and sliced your spine through with my sword. "0".
My hill.

You get booted from the server for cheating. Zero can't use turrets
My hill.

Drop a Mako Tank (mass effect) from orbit on top of you and securing the hill. My hill.

(am I doing this right? Lol)

I yank the plug on your videogame tank and it dissipates. Then I re-infest the hill with pumpkins.
My hill.

I gas the place with herbicide. My hill.

I see your herbicide and raise you Agent Orange.

My hill.

I go with VX Nerve Gas - my hill.

I bring you before an international tribunal for the indiscriminate use of nerve gas. You are convicted of crimes against humanity, while you spout accusations of being "victimized by multinational imperialists" and "still being the president of the hill."

My hill.

Power armored US Air Cavalry deep strike from orbit, extract me, and we're evacuated by air. I go to the US and continue my weapons development while the US bombs the hill. Our hill.

Turns out the hill is on the Pumpkinahannock tribal grounds. I boot you off my ancient ancestral lands and build a casino on it. (with crazy slots tuesdays!)
My hill.

I pull off an Ocean's Eleven-esque heist and steal all the money from your casino. With no profits, the casino is forced to shut down and sell the casino to me, which I buy using the money I stole.

My hill.

threw the powers of cthulhu i drive you mad causing you to throw yourself off the roof of the Casino.

cthulhu's hill.

Draigo pops out of the Warp and kicks Cthulhu's butt. Our hill.

 Tadashi wrote:
Draigo pops out of the Warp and kicks Cthulhu's butt. Our hill.

Draigo was in fact Cthulu in disguise, who in turn was me in disguise (what a twist!). My hill.

The real Draigo arrives and throws you into the Warp where you turn into spawn. Our hill.

 Tadashi wrote:
The real Draigo arrives and throws you into the Warp where you turn into spawn. Our hill.

That was in fact a decoy, as part of an elaborate plot by Alpharius. Who is disguised as the hill.
Alpharius's hill.

The Ultramarines arrive and lance the hill. Our hill.

 Tadashi wrote:
The Ultramarines arrive and lance the hill. Our hill.

The hill was relocated to another planet in an attempt to out-plot Alpharius.
Only some sort of Tactical Genius could have...CREEEED!

Creed's hill. I get to have a part of it for telling him about Alpharius's plan in the first place.
Also, shield generators and anti-ship defenses everywhere.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

Diz 'ere 'ill belongz ta da Orkz!

Fungicide. My hill.

I reanimate all the dead orks and throw another very slow waaaaugh with ork-zombies.
My hill.

Tzeentch sneezes and all the zombies turn to dust. Then a passersby comes and claims the hill. His hill. Just as planned...

 Tadashi wrote:
Tzeentch sneezes and all the zombies turn to dust. Then a passersby comes and claims the hill. His hill. Just as planned...

The passerby inhales the zombie dust and becomes a zombie.
Zombies can't own property. No one's hill.
I change my name to Nemo, which means "No one" in Greek.
The hill therefore legally becomes mine. I shotgun that zombie squatter through the head (wearing a gas mask, of course) and enlist the CDC to get rid of the zombie dust.
Just as planned.

It's raining Nurglings! And they spread their love (corrosive gases) throughout the area, giggling and laughing. Then, I emerge, a Plague-Champion of Nurgle (and a very tough objective holder), to claim...
My Hill.

 Dr. Temujin wrote:
It's raining Nurglings! And they spread their love (corrosive gases) throughout the area, giggling and laughing. Then, I emerge, a Plague-Champion of Nurgle (and a very tough objective holder), to claim...
My Hill.

I sic my team of crack-elite-Order-Malleus-lawyers on your demonic ass! They not only successfully sue you for everything you have, but they also send you back into the warp.
Still legally my hill.

Requisitioned by the Grey Knights on order of the Ordo Malleus. Our hill.

 Tadashi wrote:
Requisitioned by the Grey Knights on order of the Ordo Malleus. Our hill.

I use the money I got from Dr. Temujin's court case to build another hill. And its twice as large as the original!
My new hill (also legally mine.)

You get charged with embezzlement by the Imperial Administration and get sentenced to a Penal Legion. The hill is then seized by the Imperial Administration. Our hill.

 Tadashi wrote:
You get charged with embezzlement by the Imperial Administration and get sentenced to a Penal Legion. The hill is then seized by the Imperial Administration. Our hill.

I use voodoo to get out of the Penal Legion. I become a pirate, and amass enough wealth to make 100 hills on each planet in the galaxy.
The over abundance of hills makes the hill that every one is fighting over completely worthless.
No one wins.
Just as planned

After a cataclysmic storm, all false hills are swept away and the one true hill stands proud and firm. And there is one mean pumpkin headed killer scarecrow on top of it.
My hill.

I rally a murder of crows using anti-scarecrow rhetoric and use them to destroy the pumpkin-headed killer scarecrow.

My hill.

Godzilla rises from the depth of the ocean and sits on the hill. Birds piss it off so he uses atomic breath on the crows.

Our hill. (mostly godzillas)

I summon Athiestzilla to challenge Godzilla. After a week of nonstop fighting, Athiestzilla emerges victorious.

Athiestzilla's hill.

But then, every one of Godzilla's allied/enemy monsters get pissed off, and proceed to beat the snot out of this pretender monster. They are controlled via mind control devices the size of coconuts lodged in their ears, with me at the helm.
My hill.

Some of the devices fall out during the ruckus and the monsters discover you are trying to control them. They catch you and carry you off to Monster Island where you are torn into strips of bacon and fed to young monsters.
I prepare my hill for the next onslaught.

You prepare your hill by surrounding it with pumpkin soldiers. The smell of delicious pumpkin attracts a plague of squigs, who devour every piece of pumpkin. I, king of the squigs, mark myself atop the hill.

My hill

A group of skunks go up the hill. And stay there.
Skunks hill.

Flamethrowers and gas masks solve the problem. My hill.

Your gas masks were WWII surplus with asbestos filters. You die from lung cancer and I reclaim my hill. Eventually.

I hook him up to an iron lung. You never get your hill back.
However, as he is effectively hospitalized, I become the (temporary) keeper of the hill.
My Hill (well, his, but you get the point!)

I drop 10 insane hell brute dreadnoughts onto the hill using drop pods. They kill everything and eventually eschother until just one really pissed off dreadnought is left standing...

It's Castiel! I put him into a dreadnought so he could reclaim his hill.

His hill. (screw the hill I own a island )

A Navy Seal Team ordered by me snipes the Dreadnought.
My Hill.
Also, the same Navy Seal Team goes to your island via plane and drops off a crate full of monkeys. And they proceed to fling poo at you.

A Navy Walrus team commanded by me eliminates your Navy Seal team.

My hill.

I send a team of highly trained polar bears (natural predator of the walrus) to attack and eat your team at my command. I then use genetically enhanced orca (another natural predator of the walrus) with biotic wings to patrol the skies and survey the land and drop monkeys with bombs implanted in their butts. (they screwed up my island!)

My hill.

General consensus seems to be that I should have the hill.

My hill.

General Consensus is shot for treason.
My hill.

Wait.. Am I dead? Shot for treason?! UNACCPTABLE!
When my heart stops a series of bomb detonate under the hill leaving almost nothing behind. ( you go boom )

Castiels blown to hell hill. Lol

I contract an Earth Mover company to create a new hill. My Hill.

I use a Javelin launcher to destroy you and the earth mover.

My hill.

The earth mover cracked open my crypt. I claw my way out of the hole and devour your brains as you attempt to reload your launcher. Then I reanimate your corpse and use it to patrol the perimiter of my haunted hill.

I look on and laugh at these mortals,the poppa bear is here, my hill.

Pulls out a hunting rifle and shoots you dead. My hill.

I blow you up using an M-80 cleverly disguised as a garden gnome.

My hill.

Glasses you from orbit with a CCS-class Battlecruiser's plasma turrets. My hill.

At the helm of the Planet Killer, I destroy your Battlecruiser and reclaim...
My Hill.

I use a ship from the Golden Age of Technology to destroy not just the Planet Killer, but your entire fleet. My hill.

My hill.

I pop up from under the ground and drag Castiel kicking and screaming into an underground grave.
MY hill.

Yay, I've created a thread that's now over 10 pages long! I'm awesome! So therefore my hill. Now to get another 300 pages and I can be better than the creater of "Beat this unit!"

i take the mind of Roberto the homicidal robot and place it inside a Titan with a massive stabbing knife and allow it to go crazy on the hill.
my hill.

An Inquisitor who owes me a few favors comes to PURGE the Titan for technoheresy of Artificial Intelligence.
My Hill.

My Necrons gauss the inquisitor to death. My hill.

I switch on a big electromagnet. MY hill.

Yuri uses a Psychic Dominator to take the hill, but then I nuke him to hell. My radioactive hill.

MY Necrons blast all resistance off the hill. Oh, and are impervious to radiation, it seems. I walk up with my radiation suit to claim...
My Hill.

I'm the emperor, and I come back to life and roflstomp you off my hill.

Radiation? I'm the emperor, gosh darn it!

I give the Emperor poisoned cake. My hill.

I activate a fast acting poison gas in the general hill area, then descend to the hill by airship.
My hill.

I ignite the airship gases, and make an elaborate underground maze and bunker inside the hill, my hill.

I deploy Stealth Fighters armed with bunker busters. My hill.

I blast them out of the air using an electromagnetic pulse, then encase the hill with a coating of razor sharp obsidian.

A B-52 drops a MOAB over the hill. My hill.

While you look for somewhere to land your B52, I take posession of my hill.

You get overrun by Paladin Tanks with Commanche support. My hill.

My hidden Jagdtigers and Flakpanzers saw you coming. My hill.

They are destroyed by an A-10 strike. My hill.

My battery of Hydra Flak Tanks shoot down your A-10s. My Hill.

My squadron of Leman Russ Vanquishers snipe your Hydras.

My hill.

Another A-10 strike destroys your tanks. My hill.

Rising gas prices permanently ground your A-10 planes. I ride my pet dinosaur to the top of the hill.
My hill.

Congress authorizes wartime spending, allowing B-52s to carpet bomb the hill. My hill.

Because of said wartime spending, I sic my F-35s on your B-52s, and use their air support to claim...
My Hill.

I do an investigative report on the enormous cost to the taxpayer that your F-35 program is incurring and publish it. A fierce debate over the military budget erupts and the streets fill with protestors. Eventually your political allies are voted out of office when the opposing party's campaign platform promises smarter spending and they begin their term with military cutbacks that phase the F-35s out of the air force. Without air support you flee from my army of attack hedgehogs. I parachute down and plant my flag into the hill.

My hill

Nicely done.
But, then again, that's what backdoor lobbying is for. They convince congress and the people that hedgehogs are an invasive species, and must be dealt with extreme prejudice. They air-drop specialized K-9 dogs to kill hedgehogs.
My Hill.

I spray the hill with Dog-B-Gone. My hill.

Nuclear strike. My hill.

Radiation-resistant Tyranids, controlled by moi, take...
My Hill.

Exterminatus! My hill.

Sparkly vampires converge on the hill from all directions.
No one wants it now.

I stake all the sparkly vampires. Then I spray the hill with napalm (just to get all the sparklies cleansed).
My Hill.

Look there! You missed a spot. My hill.

As a Warhammer Vampire, I arrive with an undead army and kill everything including the sparkling wannabe vampires. My hill.

As a Warhammer Vampire Hunter, I arrive with an army of Vampire-hating zealots and kill everything.

My hill.

I rise from the grave and lead your own dead against you. My hill.

I ride into battle on the back of a giant tortoise.

My hill.

I use blood magic to kill the tortoise. My hill.

I ride into battle on the back of an angry Khornate turtle that's immune to all magic.

My hill.

I unleash a sustained artillery barrage from multiple Earthshaker emplacements. My hill.

Deep striking tortoises teleport next to your artillery and destroy it. Again, I ride triumphantly to the hill on the back of my magnificent tortoise steed.

My hill.

Gyrocopter squadrons clear the hill in minutes with steam cannons, making gallons of delicious turtle soup. My hill.

I teleport the hill into my battle barge. My hill.

I teleport an elite force of Terminator Tortoises into your battle barge and capture it.


My Battle Barge with a hill inside.

What you don't realise is that they're actually mine-turtles.

My hill, now in outerspace.

SPACE TORTOISES!!!
(internet cookie to whoever gets the reference)
My Hill in space.

Blood Raven allies steal- *AHEM* recover the hill.
My hill.

In space, no one can hear you scream. My hill. (soon to burn up on re-entry.

Tortoises in space suits recover the hill before it can burn up on re-entry and place it in the hold of a Galapagos Tortoise-Class battlecruiser.

My hill.

A team of Warp Spiders warpo-es into your ship and steals the dirt from the hill. They warp back to my supreme Craftworld.

My hill.

An entire armada of Aldebra Giant Tortoise-class megacruisers annihilate your craftworld. Using the twisted wraithbone, I construct a new hill on a nearby world.

My hill.

I retcon your hill using terribad policies and make a new, expensive hill out of tar and the hopes and dreams of children.

My hill

Santa puts you on the naughty list. My hill.

I invade Sana's grotto, put him to death and claim all the presents for myself. My hill, now with presents.

Specialized winter warfare tortoises paradrop into Santa Grotto and gun you down.

My hill with presents and a grotto.

Except mineturtles. While strapping them into their winter gear they explode, killing all of the tortoises and you.

My hill.

EOD tortoises defuse all the mineturtles while tortoise commandos repel in through your window and shoot you up.

My hill.

The SPCA discover your policies and disband/ pamper all of your turtles and tortoises. They are removed from battle by a better caetaker.

Because the naughty list is no longer meaningful, I send pumpkin-headed Grey Knights to purge-retake the hill

My hill.

I hold a mirror in front of the Grey Knights. They see their reflections and freak out, realizing that they now know about themselves and kill themselves so that the existence of the Grey Knights is kept a secret.

I plant a garden of squigs and soon the hill is alive with them with me as their leader.

My hill.

Your squigs turn out to be voracious jack o lanterns.
You never saw them coming for you.
My hill.

I spray your jack 'o lanterns with a time serum. They quickly rot away due to time being accelerated for them.
My Hill.

I rupture your time serum hose, opening a hole in time to post #3. I push p_gray99 and liquidjoshi off the hill, talk to the hill and make friends with it. Then I convince the hill to grow an arm and punch you from the hill.

My hill.

I offer the hill a lucrative contract to pose for picture postcards. The hill agrees, shakes you off, and my hill is off to Hollywood.

A fleet of IG Valkyries knocks out your escorts and an Inquisitor brainwashes the hill to my service. He converts himself into a program and downloads himself into DakkaDakka as a forum moderator.

But then the hill becomes self-aware and completely destroys the Dakka website, and then the internet as a whole. The world falls into chaos, countries collapse, families are torn apart, and the world trembles at the complete anarchy.
All is peaceful. Humans are reduced to hunter-gatherer societies once more. Then, my great-great-great-great-great-great-great ancestor remembers through genetic memory about the hill fight, and he/she claims the biggest hill in the world.
My Hill. With a very elaborate, complicated process.

Hundreds of years later, my ancestor once again takes part in a Spanish expedition. This time, he hears about these old-natives on this hill. Mistaking it for El Dorado, the expedition shoots the fight out of your ancestor's tribe. However, due to a growth in humanitarianism, not all of your ancestors die and are merely shipped back to Spain/ Scotland/ Germany to be high-class merchants with cool stuff.
My hill, with good business relations.

Pirates capture your merchant vessels and force thier crews to divulge the location of so much wealth. They mount an expedition as privateers and plunder the hill. The view there is so nice they decide to build a pirate stronghold there.

I find the hill, discarded by the pirates thousands of years later.

My hill.

During the 54th Millenium (so many years have passed) a Mechanicum explorator fleet lands on the hill and searches for relics. Yojiro is flattened by an overweight servitor with a servo-arm and is frozen in statis as a relic of his time.

My hill, complete with defence lasers, mechanicus stuff, and skitarii

The orks (who have destroyed all opposition by then and have been spreading to other galaxies to destroy the civilizations found there for the past 10 thousand years) attack the hill. The first wave die under defense laser fire, the second wave are cut down by skitarii bullets. The third wave slaughters the defenders in a chaotic scrum (orks, just can't beat em).
They also happen to be MY orks. As my waaaagh celebrates, I mount your head on my boss pole and am master of the hill.
My hill.

My head congratulates you, then spends the next 20 years fighting battles from atop the pole. When your orks realize that my head CAN fight and my head is higher than yours, I duel you from the top of your boss pole. The orks laugh as you swing your weapon at the pole, which is mounted unfortunately on your back. Blindly, you flail. My Tech-head lol's, and shoots you through the top of your head with a one-shot sleep serum. You fall into a really nice sleep. I dial Johnny's Pizza Service on accident- then I call some more Mechanicus. They land, deliver the pizza for Johnny, and herd all of the orks into a ship. From there, they are delivered to a space hulk nearby. No one is around.

My hill, sorta. My head is due for upgrades.

While you are all fighting, Necrons on this Tomb World (who woke up at a VERY late start) begin to awake from the commotion. Then, I, the Presiding Overlord of said Tomb World, lead my forces up onto the surface. Withering gauss fire vaporizes Techpriest and Ork alike, and I claim...
My hill, as well as the entire planet.

However, the entire planet happened to be a bomb rigged by the tau a few thousand years ago, and I blow it up and create a hill on its moon. My hill.

That's no moon... It's a space station. My Space Station.

Wow, so many places here have been rigged by the tau. My hill on a different planet while that space station blows up.

After being rebuilt from scratch by the Mechanicum, I use my logic engines to thwart the attempts of the water and fire caste on your side to convince you, in fact, that the hill you created was copyrighted by the intelligence given to the previous hill by a Dr. Temujin, and your hill is blasted to dust and your tau are forced to work on repairing the space station for Yojiro, and I of course take stewardship until Yojiro is informed.

My hill, mostly

Of course, since that hill was originally mine via the copyright information, it's really...
My Hill.

Your copyright expires. I wake up from my nice sleep and get back onto the hill with my orks.

My hill (and my orks)

You realize that the hill has been reconstructed and still has sentience. As you ponder the dirt fists that are socking your vehicles, my logic engine servitors and retinue come down and refresh the copyright, with just a 'few' changes. the HILL IS ALIVE. it eats you. nonomnom.

My hill. And my copyright. MwAHAHAHAH!

The adeptus mechanicus comes, reprograms hill, and a fortress is built, guarded by massive amounts of armor and auto defense mechinisims.

My hill, and the copyright too

^ what. I am Mechanicus and had exact same defences previously.

My superior authority and bosses allows me to use you as an aide. (by the way, welcome to Dakka!) i host a talk show called 'Meet flamero' and while I do that flamero's previous defences are upgraded to be mine. Copyrighted yet again.

Adeptus Mechanicus Hill. Also mine.

I tempt the hill with a tasty snack. It shrugs off your defenses and comes after the treat. While it munches I reclaim my hill. Again.

The dark eldar arrive, kill you, kill the hill and give the dead hill to me. My hill.

The Deathwatch arrive and kill you all. The Emperor's Hill.

The Mechanicus responds with the same routine, but this time it begins with an orbital bombardment of cyclonic torpedoes.
After kiling most sentient life, the Mechanicus deploys (for the 4th time, eh). I take the hill's remains into statis and give it to Trazyn for safekeeping. Have fun.

My hill, safely hidden away.

I take off my Trazyn mask and sneak back to my space fleet, which is still sticky from being vomited out by the hill. I place the hill's remains inside my safekeeping vault aboard my orkish flagship.

My hill,

The Imperial Navy searches everywhere for the hill, but gets tired. Just as they are about to give up, the hill is found A massive battle is fought, and many die. The hill is removed from the ork ship, built into a massive super-frigate, and soars the galaxy

A ship, Now mine.

I call upon my Warp-Spider allies yet again. This time, they bring a Farseer and Wraithguard. They warp into your super-frigate and Wraithcannon/Shred/MindWar everything to death. Then, I give the hill anaesthesia, shred it, and reassemble it into the Tau capital world, T'au. All the phases of expansion are filled with Tau, Eldar, and Mechanicus forces. Defence on T'au is doubled, and 3 different fleets take up positions around the planet.

CRUSADE! My hill.

WAAAAGH!!!

My hill

Navy barrages the planet and the surrounding fleets to oblivion, then takes control, setting up stations and fleets all over the system.

My Hill(And the tau empire crumbles with the destruction of their planet earlier)

The entire system is requisitioned by the Ordo Xenos. My hill.

lol. I love my Warp Spiders and Wraithguard.

A cadre of Farseers causes a freak Warp Storm that isolates the station with the hill. I re-educate the surviving Tau, leave them for a thousand years with their tech, and hey they evolved again. Spinny Warp Storm doodoolootdoo bumbumbum.

My hill.

CRUSADE! My hill.

( into a Warp Storm?)

(the Emperor snuffed out the Warp Storm)

(ah, I see. Carry on) My noob Tau tarpit you for a while until the Warp Spiders can get off the couch. Then they spend 1000 years wearing away your Crusade until you go away and fight the Tyranids.

My hill (finally)

Until the Imperial Navy comes with a contingent of guard and takes over.

My Hill.

Requisitioned by the Ordo Xenos (again). My hill.

I spray the hill with a large economy size can of RAID and kill all the bugs. My hill.

My Wraithgurad stand up, lol around for a bit because ev'ryone is dead or in the Poison Control Center, then destroy every Poison Control Center, hospital, or clinic on the planet.
My hill.

It just so happens that a virus infects the Wraithguard, destroying their wraithbone armor at an alarming rate. And the only cure lay in the hospitals they had destroyed in the first place.
I walk up in a rad suit to claim...
My Hill.

At the top of the hill, you find a mysterious box. It is a puzzle. When you open it, I gate in froma warphole and drag you kicking and screaming to a painful death. Then I emerge on my hill.

I replant their spirit stones in more Wraithguard, burn the planet from orbit, then land on it and reclaim the hill. Any opposition is Wraithcannoned, and all of the ground within 20 miles (or kilometers if easier to understand) is wiped from the Wraithcannons. Wraithman's Cleaning Service.

My hill.

I blast your wraithguard to bits with cannons that have a 21 mile range (or kilometers if easier to understand). I set up camp upon the hill and toast marshmellows over a campfire.

Ghostbuster tortoises banish the spirits in your Wraithguard back to the infinity circuit. I place the souls of fallen tortoise warriors in the now empty suits.

My hill with Wraithtortoises.

CRUSADE!

My hill.

I am still upon the hill, toasting marshmellows.

Still my hill

Nice exploding marshmallows you have there. Or at least, had there. My hill.

I claim the hill in the name of Tortoisetopia.

My hill.

I make tortoise soup.

My hill

I pull your Tortoise-Fetish out of the ground and chuck it into a pit full of very friendly Carnifexes. I lead my forces up the hill, relocate CuddlySquig to a neighboring hill with the same benefits, and sit proudly astride my completely free Carnifex with power lance held aloft!


My hill. there is an oligarchy for government between neighbor hill and original hill.

People become unhappy, rebel, and lose, but leave the hills both weak. I take them both in one swift move.

My hill(s) I defend the hills by surrounding them with land mines, and planting nuclear missiles under them, activated by anybody who feels like the hills will be taken.

lol okay. I nuke yo nukes. And since when were there other people? I thought it was just Carnifexes, Orks, and Wraithguard?

All that aside, Everything is detonated, everyone at ground zero dies, and everyone else is purged for mutations by Orbital Strikes. I drop some Wraithguard down, and send a Wraithlord to clean up. The hill is rebuilt, but it is saturated with land mines full of fecal matter, incindiery grenades, and spammy defence lasers.

Unfortunately, the wraithlord steps on one such mine, the entire hill blows up and all the wraithbone creatures are sent into space. Then I make a hill and claim it. My hill.

I become best friends with the friendly carnifexes (cuddlefexes) and we ascend the hill to have a party. One of the cuddlefexes sits on p_gray99 by mistake.

My hill.

I create a temporal disturbance and travel back in time and claim the hill before Cuddlysquiq befriends the cuddlefexes

My Hill

By using a time machine, you end up in the Soviet timeline of Yuri's Revenge. You are then attacked and overwhelmed by Soviet forces. The hill now belongs to the glorious Soviet state.

But not you, the Soviet Commander campaigns against you and kills you. RA3 timetravel takes place and the Soviets change. Empire of Rising Sun is in existence. Then suddenly, Wraithguard and Wraithlords.

My hill.

Fulgrim and the Emperor's Children arrive. Their hill.

Aww.... Wait, then it isn't your hill?

Cool. I ally with the Rising Sun folks using Farseers and manipulation, then kick that pretty-boy's butt. Tsunami tanks, submarines, Chopper VX, Tengu's WHEE!

My hill.

CRUSADE!

My hill.

The great pumpkin rises from the hill and slaughters everything. My hill, on Halloween.

Desolators arrive and bathe the place in radiation. My hill.

I thrive on your radiation. Naked witches come to dance on the hill for Halloween and they erect a fence around it so Tadashi cannot watch.
My hill.

I call in a few favors from the Ordo Hereticus, and the Witch Hunters come in to purge you. My hill.

 Tadashi wrote:
CRUSADE!

My hill.

The Emprah sees you as a traitor! You have killed future Terrans! And an EMPEROR!

How dare you!

Good thing you were taken heretic!

Radical Inquisitor lands with some Farseers and Wraithlords to reinforce wards around snurl's fence. Traps are set, mines are placed,
and I buy some evil pumpkins from snurl to place on the hill

Snurl's hill, still.

CRUSADE!

I have no idea what you meant, so, my hill.

COUNTERATTACK! Wraithlords Wraithguard Farseers Warlocks. And any remaining Rising Sun folks as well.

I meant you landed on Earth during RA3 era (no heretics as of yet) and killed off a bunch of the most Imperialistic ones. :(

Oh, and my hill.

Red Alert 3 is a joke. I fire the GDI Ion Cannon on the hill, then send in Zone Troopers to mop up. My hill.

My witches return and hex your zone troopers. They force you to walk barefooted through a gauntlet of mousetraps over and over again, then make you bob for pirahnas.
My hill again, until midnight.

And thanks for the backup decio!

I send in the Marked of Kane. My hill.

The marked of Khane are infatuated with my witches and together they toss you into a nearby windmill and set it on fire. Your screams echo into the dawn as I return to my hidden grave, under my hill.

Its KANE, you idiot. Kane, as in the leader of the Brotherhood of Nod. They're cyborgs, and so are devoid of emotion. Your witches are murdered by Nod Fate Squads. My hill.

^ Misunderstanding purposefully has brought the demise of your marked! HAHA! But doesn't amount to much now. Also, a violent response. Hm.

(lol backup was given 'cause I temporarily felt that Tadashi was a heretic. Still is. Still Slaanesh. And I DO know that RA3 was a joke, but it was clearly in the 20th or 21st Century; therefore the Imperium would have existed after that in this case.)

So uh, these Warp Spiders, you see... kinda kill your Fate Squads. Kinda. As in trap them in the spike-nets and spin them 'round and 'round. (and stumped; I keep relying on Wraithguards and Farseers, must creatively think of something else as this is a fun thread)

More Fate Squads come and kill the witches. Cyborgs re-initialize command protocols. My hill.

The Borg infiltrate and assimilate your cyborgs and ambush your fate squads. They assimilate the hill as well, and use you for spare parts. Then they blast off into space and leave the hill vacant in peace and quiet in the predawn mists of a new day.

I call down the Light of Divine Retribution and dissolve the borg and all my enemies on the hill. My hill.

Since the Borg left and you are part of the assimilated hill, you have just retributed yourself.
Good show!

Eh, not really. I got purified by the Light of Divine Retribution as opposed to getting dissolved.

I send out my Warp Spider assassins to finish off the freakin Kane fanboys once and for all! Gah! I get a cadre of Farseers over to Tadashi and Mind War heem.

My Poseidon agents emerge from the Atlantic, boltguns and Juggernaut suits ready. They smash your Command & Conquer games and replace them with huge boxes full of really delicious-tasting tofu. But you are dead though. Hm.

(eh, probably going to get killed off of the hill by 'purity' or some other gak)

My hill. Pppphhhhhhh..........

Destroying my physical form activates a fail-safe that summons the Chariot of God which proceeds to lay waste your vile armies. I am resurrected as a side-effect of the summoning, and I proceed to call down the Army of Heaven which promptly delivers divine retribution. By the Twelfth Hour, all my enemies have been reduced to white ash, as the battlefield falls silent. My hill.

Oh, that kind of Light of Retribution. Oops, thought it was some kind of Nod superweapon. I call the dude down in the fiery pits (no, not anyone's armpits thank you very much lol) and say," Hey, the Army of Heaven is blowing stuff up in the world! 'Tis outta balance. Come up topside and screw things up please."
While the DEEMIN gets his butt off of his super shiny throne, I take back my tofu. And I stick the spirit stones of any Farseers left into Wraithlord frames, and I give them Spiritcandy for predicting the taking of the hill through religious 'purity.'

At 1 AM, I stretch out my legs, and I run to the Infinity Circuits while DEEMIN DEVIL THE EVIL kicks things.

My hill, by extension.

The Army of Heaven regroups, then counter-attacks with unfeeling Golems serving as shock and assault troops. Obelisks are deployed to drain the life-force of non-Human/non-Angelic power users, allowing us to utterly obliterate your forces. My hill.

I camp in the Webway and plan from there. Nice use of golems. I like it. I talk to Trazyn and borrow some of his expendable Necron warriors to kill the opposition in exchange for some detritus from the DEEMIN war. Gauss flayers, tesla shots, and tachyon arrows rip through your forces. And a monolith appears to teleport some reinforcements in.

My hill.

The Army of Heaven retreats, but while the Golems buy time, I open a link to Akasha and forcibly summon legendary heroes from past, present, and future. In exchange for me granting them a new life in this world, they fight for me with their Noble Phantasms. Led by the three Kings - Alexander, Gilgamesh, and Arthur - they completely defeat your forces with Gilgamesh using Trazyn's head on a stick as a victory trophy.

Trazyn, as always, takes over some other Lord's host back on Solemnace. Seeing the effectiveness of using godly beings, I call upon the C'tan shards to fight your Noble Phantasms. My C'tan easily curbstomp the kings and their forces, then disable any leygates, shrines, and holy relics before calling down more Necron Warriors.

My hill.

I hire a couple of plumbers who, with the help of some magic mushrooms, stomp all the necrons and bowl them down with Goomba-Tortise shells.
My hill.

The Intergalactic SPESS Police arrive and arrest your plumbers for use of illegal drugs, Cronslaughter, and trespassing on private property.

My hill.

But then the SPESS police are found guilty of TAX EVASION. The SPESS IRS comes to repossess all of their SPESS ships and their SPESS HQs.
My hill.

But then INDRICK BOREALE comes. INDRICK BOREALE tells tge SOESS IRS that they have FEHLED the EMPRA and disbands them, taking all your power.

My hill.

My Necron Gentlemen Club arrive and shame Boreale into submission like sirs.

My hill.

Nuclear Missile Launched. My Hill.

The C'Tan of my Gentlemen Club arrives and warps the hill into a plant-titan. It eats Tadashi's keyboard.

My hill.

Phase Shields holding. Activating Rift Generator. My Hill.

lolwut did you do? If your keyboard broke the hill, and you are not, in fact, using your phone to post, then my C'Tan lols and teleports to the hill and gives you a Mactini after removing the keyboard from this dimension. Spiffy!

My C'tan shard of the Well-mannered Necrons triwls his cane and you are stuck in a pit full of raging CoD children.

My hill.

I activate Quincy: Vollstandig to escape and counterattack with Blut Arterie-empowered Heilig Pfeil. My hill.

Uh, oh. It's German. I don't know what an Artery for Blood will do for you, but hey whatever. ACK, Bleach!

HERESY! A Drop Pod lands on you. DIE.

My hill.

I avoid a direct hit using Hirenkyaku, and counter the shockwave and enemy fire with Blut Vene. I counter-attack with more Heilig Pfeil (even without Blut Arterie, Heilig Pfeil used while Quincy: Vollstandig is active are significantly more powerful than normal Heilig Pfeil). My hill.

I just nuke your ass until you're dead.
My hill

I escaped back to Vandenreich. Then I come back and turn you into a pin cushion with Heilig Pfeil. My hill.

I lure you away with a piece of bacon tied to a fishing rod.

My hill.

I walk up with my 10,000 warlord titans I've been building while you lot argued over the hill. There is only one little space left on the planet not filled by warlord titans, and that space is the hill, which I am standing on. And I also happen to have plenty of orbital defense lasers above me. My hill.

I seize control of the Orbital Defense Matrix and use it destroy your ground forces. My hill.

I teleport up to the defense matrix, retake it, and then kill you before teleporting down and calling in the next batch of titans. My hill.

ASAT Missiles swarm the Orbital Defense Matrix, allowing a nuclear strike to finish the job. My hill.

Alright, now you've got a nuclear hill. Enjoy standing on it. I hear cancer's not particularly pleasant, but oh well. Your hill.

Mutant ants rise from the nuclear fallout of the hill, I arm them with guns, give them training and religion (with myself as their one and only deity) and take the hill with unrelenting force.

My hill (which I control from a nice distance)

My mutant ant-eaters arrive and eat the ants, forever breaking their religion by breaking their deity in half.
My Hill.

Anteaters! Yay!
I rub their furry backs and kiss their snouts. They rub their heads against me, tickle me with their tentacles (being mutants and whatnot) and cuddle down for more pats, becoming my friends. After giving this place a nice hose down to get rid of the radiation, I turn it into a petting zoo.

My hill.

I visit the petting zoo and sponsor it. I add some giant pandas and three-headed cobras. Needs more sponsors for more stuff... aquarium? The hill is turned into a little-kid's petting zoo. You wouldn't dare do anything to children would you?

still CuddlySquig's hill.

Oh, I take my Guardsmen cadets on a field trip there. Fun!


+Awesome. I have been king for the past 24 hours. Ascendancy is mine! HAHAHA!+

I add a gift shop

You really think children are going to stop someone like me from hurting children at a petting zoo? Ha ha ha...
Well, you're right. So I have an undead warlock by the name of Richard do it for me. We have a deal going on where he protects me and...
My Hill.

I know, your warlock merely opened a bigger, better zoo nearby. the children are safe.

Anyway, I use the profits from my ascendancy to sue you for damage and stealing customers. I win. Because a Farseer is my lawyer.

You are evicted from the hill (zoo) and are relocated to China.

My hill.

I believe it is still my zoo.

My hill.

I buy your zoo.

My hill.

The cheque bounces.
My hill.

Oops. I use my GentlemanCron C'tan to erase the zoo and you too.

My hill. GentleSir'Tan tips his hat at you

He tips his hat at me, therefore I still exist. I trick you into walking into a big box, seal it and mail you to Kuala Lumpur.
My hill.

As you wait in line at the post office to mail your unfragile package, I reclaim the hill in the name of the great Pumpkin.

I bust out of the box. ( i could do that without powers -_-)
Then, I stuff my socks in your mouth and sprint like hell for a phone booth. I dial up my Sandwich Goons and Gentlesir'Tan, and soon enough, I am teleported away as monstrous concrete sandwiches demolish the post office.

Gentlesir'Tan and I make snurl believe that CuddlySquig is a fervent pumpkin hater.

While snurl is off fighting, I claim the hill for my Gentlecron Club.

I defeat Snurl and trash the Gentlecron club with my mob of hysterical prohibitionists.

My hill

I return from China, and from Ireland, leading my masses of football hooligan fans, point at you and tell them "He thinks your team sucks!" They then charge and beat the tobacco juice out of the prohibitionists and drive you off...
My Hill.

The pumpkin seeds take root in the blood soaked ground. Soon. Not yet, but soon, I'll be back.

I lead a horde of pumpkin-eating mongooses into the area and wait for the seeds to take root...
My hill.

I unleash the poachers of mongooses against you! I plant some evil potatoes when the deed is done.

My hill.

I unleash my poachers of the poachers of mongooses to defeat your poachers of mongooses, then release more of the mongooses which not only eat pumpkins but also potatoes.

My hill.

But wait, wouldn't the mongooses become evil?

So, I arrive on top of a Leman Russ Demolisher with some accompanying Chimeras. Out comes the poachers of poachers of poachers of mongooses, they are of the Ordo Poachus and delight in poaching things. Like eggs and mongooses. I replant nice potatoes

My hill.

Pumpkin vines erupt from the hilltop, ensnareing you and your poachers and their tanks as well; then pulling them back down beneath the soil. Then the potatoes are purged as a Ponderous Pumpkin perches precariously on the point of the peak.

You get an Alliteration award. It grants a 5+ invul save from bad grammar.

I come back and plant potatoes as allies. Then I go off and do homework. Face the potatoes and pumpkins Dakkanauts!

snurl's hill

I have a really late thanksgiving and invite all my friends. We feats on turkey, stuffing, mashed potato and pumpkin pie.

My hill.

I poison the food. My hill.

I didn't eat any. My hill.

Yeah, but Alpharius did. My hill.

Yes, but I'm not Alpharius.

Or am I?

My hill.

I shoot you in the tender areas with a splinter rifle.

My hill.

(and CuddlySquig, wouldn't that be an early Thanksgiving? Sounds delicious )

Splinter rifle? That the best you got? I walk up to you in my ancient incubus warsuit and cut you down with three well-placed swipes of my demiklaves, before walking up to

My hill.

(splinter rifle would bring the most agony while allowing him to live, no?)

Anyway, I sit up in Second Chance mode, drink some Reincarnation Potions and return as Emile from Halo Reach. I stab you in the back while you aren't looking with my kukri and call down the Spartans.

My hill. (haaah, put Xbox 360 and Halo Reach/4 on my wishlist, then proceeded to watch 2 hours worth of Spartans (Halo and original men) on Youtube.

While you are busy playing video games I whack you offside the head with a rune-encrusted warhammer.
My hill.

Decio wrote:(splinter rifle would bring the most agony while allowing him to live, no?)

No. Chances are it would kill him, and it wouldn't be as agonising as almost any of the haemonculi's little tricks.

@ snurl: I walk up to you, snap the rusty old warhammer and stab you. My hill.

 Decio wrote:
I
(and CuddlySquig, wouldn't that be an early Thanksgiving? Sounds delicious )

In Canada, Thanksgiving is in October.

I shoot you. You lose the hill for bringing a knife to a gunfight.

My hill.

I charge up the hill on top a bear firing a ak-47 at all of you my hill

I charge up the hill on top of a tortoise firing an AK-74 at you.

My hill.

I flip the tortise upside down while firing an AK47 at you. Then I make turtle soup. My hill.

Nuclear missiles launched. My hill.

It's a dud! Meanwhile I ride my pet starfish up the hill, mowing down opposition with my supersoaker.

My hill.

Only one warhead was a dud - the rest were live nukes. My hill.

I call upon the third Red Army my hill

I send up the Thirteenth Orange army and take back my hill.

 Lord General Cheese wrote:
I call upon the third Red Army my hill

HEY! That's MY Third Red Army!
And I reinforce them with several Tank Divisions.
The People's Red Hill.

I install myself as leader of the people.

My hill.

I lead a bloody coup and install myself as military dictator of the people.

My hill.

I attack the hill with the might of the 12th roman legion Rome's hill

I crush Romes forces with my Huns

My hill

I bring the 99th rifle company and take the hill building a trench net work to defend the hill including heavy MG positions My heavily fortified hill

I bring in the Death Korps of Krieg. After a short siege, all resistance from the hill is crushed and I move in.

My heavily fortified hill, now with Death Korps.

I bring in my Ork Kommandos infiltrate the hill claim it and orkify it my heavily defended Orky hill

Catachan Devils infiltrate your orky hill from within. My hill.

Horned devils infiltrate your Catachans from within their minds, driving them into madness and suicide.
My hill.

Warp storm hits the hill. Guardsmen run up and plant the Catachan flag.
My hill.

I uninstall your Guardsmen and clean the outlet plugs.
I then reboot the hill and my Gentlecrons into the Matrix.

My hill.

EMP bombing. My hill.

Invincible anime knights intercept the bombs and hurl them back at you using spiral energy. Then they imprison you in front of a TV that only shows old Astroboy reruns.
My hill.

My Orks loot your anime knights my hill

Suddenly...DROP BEAR ORBITAL STRIKE!
My hill.

All of the Suden Soviet Zeppliens Bombard the hill with exploding bears my hill

Much to your embarrassment, however, you discover that the hill was not in fact in the Sudan. Still my hill.

I bring in an alliance of Hannibal, Miyamoto Musashi, Leonidas, Queen Boudicca, Napoleon, Gaius Marius, Salladin, Leif Ericson, Genghis Khan, Kubla Khan, Geiseric, Alaric, Alexander the Great, Alfred the Great and George Patton, riding atop a flight of robotic dragons that shoot lasers from their eyes. After they desolate the hilltop of opposition, we all claim the hill.

My hill.

I ride into battle on the back of a unicorn duel weilding MG-42s.

My hill.

^ lol.

300 Halo Spartans arrive and shoot the unicorn down.

(someone had better make the 300 reference and make it epic)


My hill.

I send in the Immortals. My hill.

^Yay!

I crash a cruiser into the Immortals.

The hill particles become one with the ship's hull.

My hill.

I send up Velociraptors armed with RPGs mounted on Great White Sharks to take back my hill.

Commencing neutron bombardment. My hill.

The shroud is activated. Suddenly, vampires, vampires everywhere. Their hill.

Solar System Array (one million computer-controlled mirrors in space aligned to the degree of a millimeter capable of reflecting enough sunlight to destroy a fleet and inflict significant damage to an asteroid fortress) activated. My hill.

Hah! The joke's on you, the Shroud is a gas designed to completely block sunlight, or at least render it harmless (which is why the area is swarming with the bloodsuckers). You have to dissipate it first.
...well, unless the sunlight is being generated from under the shroud; it only works if the light is coming from above, like from space.

Solar System Array activation deferred until after Asteroid Drop Operation completed. My hill.