You get a small pile of plastic and a note saying "Sad isn't it? So little for so much?

I insert my brain.

You recieve a Hive Mind.

I insert a red whippy measuring stick.

You get sprayed with Blood, courtesy of the Blood God.

I insert my head (still attached).

You receive the Crown of Command.

I insert empty sprues.

you receive the sprues from 1000 restic models.

I insert a random person named Fred.

You get a random person named Barney.

I pour all of my paint pots into the vending machine.

You get Nuln Oil.

I insert a litterbox.

You get a bedpan.

I insert Barney Stinson.

You get some WhiteCastle.

I insert the 23rd hour of every day into the vending machine.

You get the news.

I insert nothing.

The Vending Machine rejects your nothing like so many a crinkled Dollar bills.

I insert the stuff I stole, and run away.

You get a tattoo of foghorn leghorn on your ass.

I insert my dignity.

you receive a fortune cookie strip that reads: "Don't worry now, it'll be over soon."

I insert "twitch plays pokemon"

You get the Ultrasmurfs movie.

I insert a Rhino.

You get a hungry jaguar named Philip

i insert snurl

You recieve a lifetime 75% discount off of GW models and games. And a fish-slap.

I insert an unreasonable RAW player.

you receive a restraining order and a bonus taser

I insert a scatter dice

You receive a clear plastic large blast template.

I insert a bolter shell casing.

You get an empty box.

I insert a Happy Meal Toy.

You receive a lego. you step on it.

I insert a fish slap. By way of jamming my arm into the machine, and slapping a fish around, then releasing the fish, and bringing my arm back out.

Your arm is now a large fish, and you proceed to slap yourself uncontrollably.

I insert snurl as well, hoping to get that discount.

You get him back, and get fined 10% of his value. Or a nickle, which ever is less.

I insert a bucket of empty double sided tape dispensers.

you receive a "That was Easy" button

I insert the wish that 40k be made a good game on a prayer strip

You get Warhammer Visions Magazine.

I insert some old Squats.

You get the game The Lost Vikings.

I insert $2, and expect to get some damn food this time. Seriously, what's up with this vending machine?

You get a 30,000 year old twinkie.

I insert a bottle cap.

You recieve a bag O' bases.

I insert a bottle of liquid greenstuff.

You get a bottle of solid blue stuff.

Eating my twinkie, I insert another $2 to hopefully get a drink.

Your crunchy twinky is joined by an ancient bottle of mountain dew.

I insert even more mountain dew.

You get a bottle of Diet Double Dew.

I insert some ork teef.

You receive a Dok to put them in.
I insert a razor.

You get a Razorback.

I insert Slannesh.

You receive a something that would get me banned if I mentioned it.

I insert one of every kind of hat know to man,

You get a copy of Team Fortress 2

I insert this Thread.

You get the "Corrupt a wish" thread.

I insert an ork disguised as a guardsman.

You get a dead body disguised as an ork.

I insert this...thing.

You receive a Khorne Juggernaut Kit.

I insert a rabbit.

You receive a top hat.

I insert a parachute.

You recieve a falling parachutist without his parachute. On your head.

I insert a banana.

You get a Banana Phone, and it's ringing.

I insert a meme.

You receive khaldor draigo.

I insert you as punishment for not inserting anything.

You receive a servitor.
I insert a basketball.

I say, In a monotone voice "sire, it would appear the machine spirit is angered by the cOlour orange"
I trip into the machine.

You get flashbacks of the eye of terror for the rest of your life.
I insert a 20 sided dice.

You receive a 3 sided coin marked heads, tails, and llama.

I insert a Khador Juggernaut.

You receive a looted stompa.
I insert dashed hopes and broken dreams.

You the sisters of battle codex.

Insert a basket of oranges. SCREW THE MACHINE SPIRIT!

You get a Slayer Army complete with a Goblin Hewer.
I insert a sandbag.

You get a sack of potatoes.

I insert some fries.

You get a chopstick.

I insert sea monkeys.

You get Fishmen. And a warning from GW not to talk about them.
I insert a tar pit.

The machine spits out some suspicious looking black fluid on you.

I insert a broken pair of headphones.

you receive broken ear phones.
i insert my servitor-self again, having been uneefected by the eye of terror.

You get a toy robot of yourself.

I stick my head in the vending machine and scream until I can't scream anymore. I insert my frustrations.

you receive a wife.
i insert myself one more time, hoping to become a daemon prince.

A fine demon prince miniature pops out of the machine. But you are not there to pick it up. The next customer walks away with it.

I insert all of my dried out citadel paints.

You receive hardware store paint chips.

I insert a Nebelwerfer.

Edit: I am bad at spelling.

You get an Empire Von Hellstrom rocket battery.
I insert a Tiger tank.

You get an ornery Chinese prostitute.

I insert a used taco.

Frazzled pops out, holds a wiener dog to your head, and demands all your Queso!

I insert Frazzled.

You receive a horde of weinys

I insert my usless tutor whom never actually teaches us anything

You get Matt Ward.
I insert a slinky.

You get some stairs.

I insert a reference so obscure, that only the grayest of neckbeards can understand it.

You recive a first printing of Chainmail.

I insert Cthulhu.

you receive tentacle related adult only graphical content

I insert a lightsaber

You receive a laser pointer LOS finder.
I insert some Zoats.

You get some goats on a boat looking for oats.

I insert MA LAZOR, BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

You get a small flashlight shaped like a heavy bolter.
I insert all the extra command bits.

You get molten plastic sprayed in your face.

I insert a chibi cow-thulu.

A tentacle emerges from the machine and drags you in, followed by nasty slurping noises.

I insert some aspirin.

A hammer comes flying out of the machine and hits you on the head giving you a killer headache. Bet you wish you hadn't got rid of that aspirin huh?

I put in a beer.

 snurl wrote:
You get a small flashlight shaped like a heavy bolter.

Awesome!


You get a dwarf.

I insert all my used voodoo dolls.

You receive a voodoo doll of yourself that has a permanently erect, um... Thing.
One more try, I jump in. I WILL NOT BE SERVITOR ALL MY LIFE.

You get yourself back in the reject coin slot.

I insert the Kremlin.

You receive the female gremlin from the second movie and a chastity belt two sizes two small for you.
I shout NOOO! Dramatically and shoot myself in the head. My body falls into the machine.

You are spat back out in a bucket of bloody body parts, alongside a CD compilation of dramatic deaths music through out the ages.

I insert a large pail of milk curds and a medium sized strawberry, alnogside a bottle of the finest mead.

You get an Arachnarok Spider.

I insert an Earthshaker Cannon.

The planet begins to shake. You are thrown off it forcefully.

I insert a wet dog.

You get a bucket of skunk spray.

I insert a starved honey badger.

You receive a unit of Bestigors.

I insert a set of Adeptus Mechanicus figures.

You get a STC on how to construct said figures.

I insert a bungee cord, and an owl.

You get a Gundam.

I insert Overpowered units.

VENDING MACHINE sent out GYRADOS! GYRADOS used NERD RAGE! Critical hit! It was more or less effective! OVERPOWERED UNITS used BROKEN! Critical hit to the feels! COOL KID rage quit the game! You just lost the game! You receive 320 poke-yen! You black out and wake up in front of a Pokecenter missing your wallet, your pokemon, and your pants.

I put in a pair of jeans. Wonder where those came from.

you get a pantless slaanesh marine.

I insert a normal vending machine.

The vending machine is rejected by the superior vending machine. It flies and hits you in the body. On it is a note, "Get that gak outta here."

I insert all the figures that have been broken between 1999 and 2009.

You get a tube of glue.
I insert anything but a one.

You get everything. literally everything. except the thing you were hoping for.

I vomit into the vending machine.

You get sucked in, and vomited out.

I insert a bucket of water, and soap to clean it.

You receive dirty feelings.
I insert a non sequitur.

You receive the comics page of the newspaper but its mysteriously blank wher the comic titled "Non Sequiter" should be.

I put in a pack of candy cigarettes

You get a box of cuban cigars. These are illegal, and you are arrested!

I insert a police officer

You get a dead body.

I insert a monkey's left leg.

You receive a rabbit's ear.

I insert the Emperor...don't ask how I got him, it was a lot of work.

You get Jesus.

I insert chicken fired rice.

You get duck sauce.
I insert a bone.

A little blue pill pops out.

I insert an empty base.

You get the invisible Bilbo miniature.
I insert an organ gun.

You get an organ grinder.

I insert Excalibur.

You get a white cane

I insert this ( ) ork

You receive GW's hate/nerd-rage e-mail. A lot of it.

I put in a Deadzone Core set

You get Bombas Ova Da Sulfa Rivva.

I insert Jervis.

you receive a random table to determine your force and roll on it. this leads to more random tables and continues ad infinitum. finally, ancient and insane you get to the end. you get a 2000pt SM tank list.

I insert a large plastic man-wand.

You get an inflatable hoe.

I insert broken bathroom tiles.

You get the Emperors golden potty

I insert CAKE!

You get a LIE!
I insert a Thunderhawk.

You get an A-10 Thunderbolt 2 A.K.A. the "Warthog".

I insert the GAU-8 Avenger 30mm Canon from your plane.

An ork jumps out of the machine and demands MOAR DAKKA like what you just put in.

I insert some dental floss.

You get a tiny bikini.

I insert a giant mallet.

You get a mustachioed italian plumber, wearing a cap bearing his initials.

I insert the dakka-requesting ork.

You get Ghazkull.

I insert a Blood Knight.

You get the Black Knight from Monty Pythons Holy Grail

I insert minecraft

You get a Realm of Battle made from Lego.

I insert a Trollhammer Torpedo.

You hear an explosion, and get a set of Troll Teeth, big enough to swallow a man as a souvenir.

I insert an orphan.

You get Charles Dickens.

I insert Charles Dickens. (and hope I don't get him back minus the "ens")

You get Dahl's Chickens.

I insert a Tau Manta.

You get a points sink.

I insert Catachans.

You get Marbo.

I insert a hand grenade.

You get a pineapple.

I insert a 300 year old chair.

You get a 321 year old man wanting his chair back

I insert a live hippo

You get a dead cactus.

I insert a small mustached man.

You get a tall mustached man who was forced into the small ones shadow.

I insert all the bases that were belong to me.

You get


I insert the meaning of life.

You get shot.

I insert Thor's hammer, with hand still attached.

You get struck by lightning

I insert the hand and not the hammer.

You get the Hand of Nagash.
I insert the Eye of Vecna.

you get the reproductive system of vecna.
I am dead, but some one kicks me into the machine.

You are REVIVED! As a chaos spawn.

I insert the newly formed chaos spawn.

You get a Cadre Fireblade.

I insert a Great Knarloc.

You get a drunk T-Rex.

I insert a frog.

you get a sip of some qui gon jinn

i insert the Battlestar Galactica into your atmosphere -sosayweall
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7da3iwxMUjU

You get a fanboy in a uniform.

I take all the men out of Canada and put them in the machine.

NinjAed

A horde of angry Canadian housewives storms out of the machine demanding their husbands back EH?!

I put in a can of Coke-Cola, hoping to get a Starcraft Ghost's Canister Rifle that shoots Coke cans

Edit: uh crap now what happens?

You get kiran rodgers.
I jump out and Insert you're toy train.
Chaos spawn = cool!

You get your grandfather's childhood.

I insert the dreams of an (illegally) insane god.

You get a (drunk) Avatar of Destruction.

I insert the severed head of Cornell Sanders.

You get McDonald's Chicken Fingers.

I insert a Baneblade.

You get Bane filled with blades
I insert a "horrible donkey" longcoat

You get the vest off an aging overweight male stripper.

I insert a delicious chocolate chip cookie.

You get a chocolate-chip squig
I insert a bionic head

You get bone 'ead upgrades.

I insert a monkey that bares a SHOCKING resemblance to Winston Churchhill

You get a orangutan that looks like FDR
I insert a very large toad

You get a bald bull

I insert the orangutan

There is a whirring followed by a wet sqelsch. Then a bottle of orange soda pops out.

I insert a pencil.

You get an empty pen.

I insert a dollar and press D7. Like a sane human being.

You get a Cthulhu to the face.

I insert a rotting carcass.

You get food poisoning.

I insert a copy of Timesplitters 1.

You get Timesplitters 5 the Prequel.

I insert the entire country (land and everything) of next person who posts.

You get an out of order sign.

I insert the Blues Brothers.

you receive sweet jazz.
I insert my arm/claw.

You receive a Power Fist.

I insert St. Patrick..

You receive a Power Fist.

I insert St. Patrick..

yoe get b***s***.
I insert a powerfist that I just found... somewhere...

You get a powder fish.

I insert Raging Heroes.

You get the cast of reservoir dogs

I insert my cthulhu face!

You get the Littlest Shoggoth.

I insert a pumpkin.

you get 3.1415926
I insert a badger tided to a hedgehog (or is it the other way around?)

You get Gors tied to Ungors, or the other way round.

I insert D&D 3.5.

You get 3.5 dragons, and they're angry.

I insert a time traveling Blue Box.

The sold out sign flashes on the display.

I press the keypad typing in 622-1701. If "D7" didn't spit out a battlecruiser lets see what these numbers do

You receive a Mega Paint set, but its been in the machine so long its all dried up.
I insert a Screaming Skull Catapult.

I grab it before it goes in and eat it.
I insert a teddy bear. Limb by limb.

You get a bear, who wants to do the same to you
I insert all the FW model makers

You get a monkey with 22.597 pounds of resin superglued to it.

I insert a dead cow.

You get an obese clown.
I insert a ticking doomsday device.

You get a a bundle of Dynamite with a clock strapped too it.

I insert my insecurities.

you receive a wooly mammoth. why I s it a wooly mammoth?
I insert the dead bear... most of it anyway.

You get a necron lord riding zombie bear cavalry.

Edit: I insert my forgetfulness

You receive a Book of Grudges.
I insert reality TV.

You get a vat of bile
I insert a pair of steampunked up goggles

You get Von Holstrum's Speculum.

I insert a box of dice.

You get a box of dice, on the box is a sticker which says "Totally fair and unbiased dice "

I insert the gum stuck on the bottom of my shoe.

You get gum that only sticks to the top of your shoe.

I insert my bearded dragon "Norris"

You get ground "Chuck"

I put in a collection of Dawn of War RTS games

You get a collection of Boreal memes on DvD.

I insert Brighthammer 40k.

You get evil tau (relatively speaking)
I insert nonsensical, biased fluff

The vending machine screams out "WAAAAAAAAAAAARD!"

I insert a golden dollar on a string.

Internal scissor cut your silly string.

I insert my hate of the world.

you get a hug
I insert Bill Gates

You get Gates of Anteres.
I insert a Ripperjack.

You get Jack the Ripper.

I insert nothing.

You get a bag of fine Citadel invisibility dust.

I insert a Hochland Long Rifle.

You get a lascannon

I insert a chain-knife (like a chain sword, but smaller)

you receive blood.
i insert a dismembered puppy.

You get frankenpuppy.

I insert All the monies.

you receive... a roll on he boon table. i failed mine.
i insert bob's dice.

You get a brick....HOUSE! Yeah she's mighty, mighty, just lettin' it all hang out! Go Disco Funk

I put a calculator and a slide rule in. Lets see who wins!

You get a homicidal slide rule robot.

I insert my left foot.

You lose your left foot
I insert your right foot

I get my right foot back and a new left foot made from flesh of several of your vital organs.

I insert you in a mad panicked attempt to save your life.

You get a cyclonic torpedo head... which immediately detonated destroying us both
I insert my lack of a warp signature

The inquisition pops out and steals you away.

I insert my huge ass warp signature.

You get Bobesh, the new god of chaos.

I insert an iron warrior

You get a hunk of iron slag
I insert the new Warhammer 40,000: Conquest

You get a cash cow.
I unplug the machine and run away.

The cord grabs you by the ankle and inserts you spitting out a crunchy frog chocolate.
(Never trust an obvious warp conduit.)

I insert Snurl as a crunchy frog chocolate.

You get a wizard trading card.
I insert Stephan Hawking.

You get a speak and spell

In a desire for crunchy frog chocolates, inserts an actual frog.

You get a Dalek.

I insert Schrödinger's cat (he is angry)

<edit> gosh/darn too slow, see prior.

You get a joke book.
I insert a lord of change.

You get a million hobos begging for change.

I insert the plot for warhammer 40k.

You get plot holes. So many plot holes.
I insert an actual XV9 hazard close support suit

You get Nerves of Steel.

I insert Space Hulk.

You get the incredible Hulk .... IN SPAAAACE!!!!!!!!!!!

I insert John Cleese, Michael Palin and a Norwegian Blue Parrot.

You get a very funny sketch
I insert Nerves of Steel.

You get space marine implants.

I insert an octopus

You get an extra-raunchy hentai.

I insert a live chicken with a collar made of asparagus.

Your receive sweet and sour 'pork' balls.

I insert a copy of Warhammer Visions.

You get wallpaper.
I insert a Nun with a ruler.

You receive a repentis

I insert ult chan.

You get 4chan.
I insert a box of chocolates.

You get whacked
I insert space marine implants

You get silicone implants for humans.

I insert Whack-A-Mole.

You get an indignant gopher.

I insert a crisis suit

You get a riptide.

I insert surprise buttsex.

You get fulgrum

I insert my self, I wish to fuse with the vending machine and become a half man- half snack food super being.

You get stuck in the dispenser slot and have to be rescued by the fire department. You wind up on an episode of Tosh.0

I insert Fulgrim

You get a scheduled 10:30am surprise buttsex.

I insert my ability to read.

You get dyslexia

I insert tosh.o

You get angry feminists.

I insert dyslexia.

You received a book on the functions of the appendix.

I insert cultist chan.

You get Charlie Chan.
I insert the figures that no one will ever buy, the ones that have been in the shop since it opened back in '87.

You get a thank you card signed 'From a better place, the Potato sack Catachans'

I put in a small star. Hopefully I don't get a White Dwarf magazine.

You get a D-list movie star for your amateur movies.

I insert a unfinished roller coaster from Roller Coaster Tycoon for the PC.

You get the plastic Dwarf Command kit.
I insert a bright shiny thing.

You get the shining.

I I insert a vagina.

You get a Jabberwock.


I insert an official Citadel paint water cup.

You get a real mini gun that is primarily designed to kill flies.

Insert Snurl.

You get an un-ending tide of Snurls.

I insert a piggy.

You get a hammer.

I insert the next person who posts.

You get shot and stabbed, repeatedly.
I insert a spent pulse charge pack

You receive a used grenade.
I use the wabbajack on the machine and yell "shelgorath!"

Another Wabbajack pops out of the machine and turns you into a sweet roll, which is immediately carried off and eaten by the Dovakiin.

I insert a piece of cheese.

You get a cheese board
I insert some legos. On fire

You get Dwarven Forge Lava Caverns.

I insert a flyer stand.

You get a manta and a very flat flying stand
I insert an EPIC ADVENTURE possibly involving hats

You get Adventure Time, now with interactive headgear.
I insert a needle file.

You get a Needler!

I insert Psy and all his backup dancers.

You get Harlequins.
I insert a hunk of bologna.

You receive Russian military experiments, have fun with that.
The dovahkin explodes and I come out, a chaos spawn again.
I insert all 17 daedric artefacts.

You get malal.

I run from Malal, as he targets all chaos based life forms around, fleeing from him, I hurl some rocks, they fly into a slot on the machine.

You hit the jackpot, and win 1000 clams!

The cops are chasing me, so I insert the evidence.

You get a fully stocked and staffed CSI lab, court, and jail with the evidence you tossed into the vending machine. Thankfully they aren't registered as a valid lab / court / or jail.

I insert a policeman.

You recieve a MachEte. You know what must be done. I insert hounds of loken.

You recieve a Legion of One.

I insert a sweetroll.

You get the falmer lord that was transformed so long ago bye he wabbajack. He is PISSED.

I insert a halo brute.

You get a Hello Kitty.

I insert Lego.

You get MegaBloks

I insert the corrupt a wish thread.

You get a brass oil lamp.

I insert a horse made of diamonds. BECAUSE I"M RICH.

You get a song about how you cannot afford ford ford ford a diamond hor(s)e hor(s)e hor(s)e hor(s)e.

I insert a tied up vampire, head first.

You get a Nightwing Marine.

I insert a brown paper bag.

You recieve lunch money, and a bully.

I insert a flying croissant.

You get a potato gun.
I insert antibiotics.

You get antivirals.

I insert a puppy.

You get a pissed off dog owner.

I insert the best of humanity.

You recieve thenoobbomb.

I insert autocorrect.

Your get at orangutan purple.
I insert a fluff argument

You get references to rouge trader

I insert 3 player chess

You get a Rubik's Cube.
I insert my cat.

You get arrested by the ASPCA
I insert cthulhu

You get Old Man Henderson

I insert a priest, rabbi, and Charlie Sheen.

You get some kind of joke.

I insert old black & white Astroboy reruns.

You receive a Iron Man comic. And inspiration for a new Assault Marine kitbash

I put in a tank of compressed oxygen

You get a whoopie cushion

I insert a lime

You get kumquat marmalade.

I insert a pound of MSG.

You get an ounce of Chinese food
I insert a top hat and goggles

you receive the monopoly man in a fighter jet.
I insert half of a my little pony. the rest of it is dead, as it should be.

You get recalled hamburger.
I insert =][=

You get >0<

I insert foam, glue, and sand

You get a formless pleasure demon.

I insert Russia.

You get a miniature of Putin riding barechested on a polar bear, much like this. I insert the miniature of Putin riding a bear.

You get a Kislev Boyar.

I insert a pointy stick.

you receive a limited edition, new in box, GW exclusive brand harry potter wand (WARNING: NO BOX)
I insert a popsicle stick and a ripper swarm. as well as a drawing.

You get NOTHING!

I insert the YMDC section.

You get a telephone.

I insert A BLACK HOLE!

You get a really bad sci-fi flick...every...single...time

I put in a bar stool

You get a broken beer bottle with blood on it.

I insert the next person who posts.

You get an error mesage: MANIAC DETECTED PLEASE STAND BACK AT LEAST 500 FEET IMEDIATELEY.

I insert Guardsman Bob.

You get a garden variety hog.
I insert a hovertank

You get sammuel, master of the raven wing.

I insert a cookie, I will befriend the machine. -:-)

The bag of Friendship gets stuck on a rung. You get nothing this time.

I insert some free advice.

You get useless knowledge
I insert tvtropes.org

You get a giant, hopping dildo.
I insert Doritos.

You get crack cocaine, but not the good kind.

I insert Cheetos

You get Mountain Dew.

I insert a Cthulu statue.

You a get a grumpy cultist.

I insert a mirror

You get dark(or is it light?) thepowerfulwill
I insert the U.S. Military budget for 2013*. All in 1 ¥ pieces. It's going to take a while.





*Approximately $672,900,000,000 or 69,301,971,000,000 Japanese Yen

The vending machine sprouts legs, and arms. It spits out a baseball bat, whacks you over the head with it, and runs away laughing. "I'm finally rich! No more random gak, I'm rich!"

I insert Dova Bear.

You get a sweet roll with a soul!

I insert Dr. Horrible

You get a very funny song
I whack the machine with a crowbar until it falls down and then insert it into another machine.

(Bob, you made me last really loudly )

You get the Borg. The machine has been assimilated.
I insert a bottle cap.

You get Pure Water and gain 20 health.

I insert some Nuka-Cola.

You get irradiated.

I insert the head of the headless horseman!

You get a hollow to sleep in.
I insert the american political system

You get an "Out of Order" message.

I insert the rest of the ice cream.

You get a bucket of mud.

I insert the US economy.

You get $17. Someone comments on how gangsta it is.

I insert Wubs. Wubwubwub.

You get a visit from the police for annoying your neighbors.

I insert 5 Emprah dollars

You get a bill from the bank for $32 and an overdraft fee of $3546.97.

I insert Fort Knox.