The valentines dinner thread got me thinking that I have never been on a "traditional" date in my life. I think it's a lot less common for younger people in Europe anyway- my friends these days who aren't in relationships seem to have to tolerate it, so it seems to be a late twenties onwards thing. Up til I was about 25 I mostly just got inebriated in the same location as girls I liked after I'd chatted them up during the day or whatever. Seemed to usually work out fairly well for me.

My current girlfriend is the exception- I met her on an online forum for grad students attached to a webcomic! She's german, so I would likely not have met her outside of that.

To be honest, much as that sounds like a disaster, it's worked out really well. Meeting via text only at first meant we've a good understanding of each other's sense of humour and so on. Luckily, when we finally, after a few years of online correspondence, met in person, there was mutual attraction. After a couple of years doing the long distance thing I took the plunge and moved to Germany.

There you go, lads, Fora- good for your love life!

(Another thing: How common is this whole "The guy pays!" thing? Jesus, I've never done that in my life. Feels a bit like prostitution! My girlfriend and I usually split the bill down the middle, or the one that travelled doesn't pay, or something like that. Overall we don't and never have worried about money in that way though! Definitely self selecting, but none of the girls I ever went out with expected me to pay for stuff.)

So, what's your story? Traditional "dating", met through work, the dreaded online dating thingy?

High-school sweethearts. Been together/dating for 9 years, married in October.

Online dating is how I met my fiance. Before her, I had met some chicks at Meetup.com events doing stuff I was interested in (hiking, wine tasting). I figured anyone I met there would at least have 1 common hobby. Being one of 3 dudes (and obviously the most handsome) in a group of 20 at the wine tasting events was most excellent.

When I was dating, I'd never ask a chick out and expect her to pay; however, I'd also never turn down her offer to split the check.

I met my current fiancée while hanging out with a mutual friend. I think traditional dating is still very much alive and well here in the States, though it's not the only way people get together, of course.

I never pay for my date's meal, ticket, etc., a resolution I began while I was an undergrad and have stuck to ever since. Chivalry's dead. Like you, I either split the bill down the middle, or some other form of going Dutch. It's ruffled feathers once or twice, but no big loss since I never planned on being anyone's meal ticket anyway. Most of the people I've dated were grad/law/dental/medical school types and didn't expect a free ride, so it never really blew up in my face the way I often imagined it could.

Met at a pool party. She cheated by wearing a swimsuit. Former triathletes rest easy on the eyes in swimsuits.

Remember kids, wear the pants in the relationship. Make them propose to YOU.

But again she cheated. She was wearing a belly dancer outfit at the time (and a real one-those are expensive). Cheater.

3,000 years later and we're still married. We're going to start bike lessons in the summer, as prep for the big USA bike tour we take when GC graduates in three years. The threat to her that we may show up at her future dorm in non matching bullet bike and Harley Hog is completely...real.

College, started as feth buddies. Over 5 years together now.

 Soladrin wrote:
College, started as feth buddies. Over 5 years together now.

Still a better love story than twilight!

Met my girl at band camp. 5 years and going strong plus she's studying to be a pharmacist so I get to let her make bank while I relax

 kronk wrote:

 Soladrin wrote:
College, started as feth buddies. Over 5 years together now.

Still a better love story than twilight!

That isn't a very high bar.

I was with a friend of mine and he went over to a friend of his to play Warhammer 40k (2nd Edition), oddly enough. The friend's friend's sister was visiting at the time and we just hit it off.

Met the wife at an Open University study week.

I say met, she was attracted to me I just didn't read any of the signals and was a bit of a spazz ( oh you are touching my leg? maybe you need some more room.)

Luckily, fellow students intervened on last night disco (whooo!) and set me straight.

She has been stuck with me for 10 years now.

Originally she came over to me at a freshers party back in College in 2004. After that we had some ups and downs, split up and saw each other the odd day in a year. We then got back together January 2006 and have been together ever since. We bought our first house together and moved in last year after renting for 3 years. Will probably propose sometime soon, the prospect of trying to arrange a wedding involving our 2 families (Split over 5 countries) is going to be extremely fun........

Met my wife when I was 11 years old.

She lived down the street from my aunt and uncle and was (and still is) my cousin's best friend. When I was 11, my cousin brought her to a pool party at a relative's house. Three years after that, my dad got a job in Las Vegas and we sold our house in Virginia. My dad went to start his new job in Vegas during the middle of the school year so my mom, little brother, and I moved in with that my uncle so we could finish the school year and leave for Vegas in the summer. We "dated" during this time (as much as two eighth graders can date each other) and after I moved we still kept in touch, considering she was such a close family friend. We would see each other once a year or so when we would come home to Virginia to visit family, and while we were seeing other people throughout high school, there was always a "thing" between the two of us.

After high school, my parents moved back to Virginia and I stayed in Vegas by myself until I moved back to Virginia when I was 20. My wife was seeing someone else but I never stopped trying to court her. She wanted to be with me but thought it would just be "too easy" and we would end up getting married and settling down. I explained to her that was the entire point! I saw other people in the meantime but when I started getting serious with another woman she finally decided to give me a shot. She moved in with me and a 6 months later I asked her to marry me and a year after that, in 2007, we got married.

Now we have two daughters, a 2 year old and a soon to be 5 year old, and I still couldn't be happier that I married my best and longest friend!

Met my wife through a mutual friend, who set us up thinking we'd work out. Turns out we did. It also turns out that we both secretly hated the mutual friend and were only associating with her because we each kind of had to. (She was married to my best friend, and was my wife's co-worker.)

Five years and one kid later, and I couldn't be happier!

Side note, as an answer to the second question - pretty common. My wife has always made WAAAY more money than me, but I've still tried to pay for our dates whenever possible.

My girlfriend introduced us. Took her to the restaurant I worked at for lunch as a birthday present. My wife turned to her as I left the table and said "you just messed up, that is MINE!"

Much later I realized she was either going to marry me and make me a very happy man for eternity, or kill me slowly for missing the opportunity. The ol' "cake or Death" question. I got it right!

The Wife is the sister of one of the guys in my gaming group. We also worked at the same company for a bit. Well, sort of; sister companies, I worked part time for the retail branch while she worked for the wholesale distributor side. Same building for part of the time, so we’d run into each other in the break room. Eventually I asked her out on a real date. She’s big on equality, so insisted on splitting the checks, but I payed for her when I could, and probably on the first date. Date was at Tai Pan, an Asian restaurant in Clifton Park NY, followed by coffee at Uncommon Grounds in Saratoga Springs, and ice cream at the Ben & Jerry’s scoop shop. It was a drizzly August day, so we ended up kissing goodbye* in the rain before parting ways.

We dated for around 3 years before I proposed to her (on new year’s eve day) Got married in 2000 (easy to remember anniversary FTW!) Must be doing something right because we are still together ~14 married years later.

* Little know fact: The Wife can’t hold her kisses. Years later, after breaking away from a kiss she staggered into a corner and slumped to the ground. The whole “weak in the knees” thing has a basis in reality. She has since learned to hold on tightly until she is capable of standing on her own. We still laugh about it (and I try to replicate it) today.

Met the missus when she worked in my local for a bit. 7 years on and married with two boys. She had definitely seen me at my worst over the course of drinking sessions in there so fortunately nothing shocks her anymore.

I met mine at a party. We have tons of mutual friends, but never really talked/hung out until that particular night. We really hit it off, and I've been stuck with her ever sense I suppose we didn't do "traditional" dating; I'd make dinner after she would come over, and we would watch Netflix/play video games. I think we were "seeing" each other for about two months before we had an official "date night", haha.

3rd grade, liked here from the start. Bumped in to her 8 years after we graduated high school. Walked up to her and told her she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen and asked her out to lunch. Been together ever since.

Stockholm syndrome - I eventually released her from my love dungeon only to find that she didn't want to leave.

I had to build a dungeon extension so she could her own one, too; and a shared one of course.

Met though OkCupid. I spotted her profile, messaged, she replied. Met for a date starting with cake and drink at Patisserie Valerie and then an afternoon at the British museum. Second date started with cake again before going to the UCL zoology museum and later the Huntarian Museum of Surgeons to look at pickled foetuses and tumours in jars. After that we met again and decided we'd be gf/bf and have been together six months.

She was dating a friend of mine, and left his ass when confronted by my sheer masculine awesomeness.

I make better money so I pay for most things, but not everything. Plus I make her cook - I convinced her she's better at it. I'm mostly just too lazy.

I have yet to have a girlfirend :(

We spontaneously got each other Valentine cards at school. Have now been together for 27 years, married for 17, with 2 kids.

Ain't love grand.

I met my wife in year 10 we lost contact after we both left that school after are GCSEs . we bumped into each other on a bus and rekindled are friendship became BF/GF shortly afterwards sated like that for a few years Got married on May the 4th last year (yeah were both geeks)

thebarnet wrote:
...Got married on May the 4th last year (yeah were both geeks)

I'm 100% okay with that marriage date

I'd say my technically 'last' girlfriend I met at a party.

The girl I brought with me introduced us, then that night she gave me her number and we dated when I left that other girl lol. I've been single since December now, I'm gonna chalk it up to a super rough winter, the club scene has been absolutely dead. Summer's coming, and I'm going to be out of control in a few months.

I haven't met the one I want to marry yet. I'll know it when it happens, I've been keeping an eye out.

Met her at uni. She gave me a choice: Leave her and get with the hottest girl on campus or stay with her. I chose stay, (being an angel of a boyfriend now husband) and asked her to marry me four years later. I chose just when she was getting bored and surprised her. (tried and proven method)

Met my girlfriend of 5 years at a party. She was a coworker of my best friend at that time and he had gotten her hooked on some music I had dug up, so he invited her out to a house party. She was a complete dork and hugged the wall most of the night. I managed to get a few words out of her and thought she was cute but unavailable. After a couple of months she was single and tricked me into coming over and replacing a PC power supply (she admitted she had done it before, afterwards).

Best part of that "first date" was reaching under a desk to pull cables and hearing her giggle. As I turn my head to ask her what she's laughing at, I notice the two identical rubber dongs inches from my face that she then referred to as the Twin Towers. It's been a lot to live up to...

We met at college. We lived in the same dorm.

She claims the first day we met, it was at a hall program and someone said make a new friend, so I turned to her and said "Hi, I'm Dan"

I claim the first time I met her was at the hall front desk (friend worked there so we hung out there all the time) and I said hi, and she blew me off.

It took a year before we started hanging out, then she started dating some idiot, then a few months later they broke up and I swooped in for the kill. We have been dating for almost 2 years now.

In response to who pays for dates, she may pay, but she uses my money. But we are basically married and we just pool up our cash anyways.

I met my wife when I was 19(?). She was a flatmate of a friend of mine (who is definitely no longer my friend due to later 'financial irregularities'/thefts). I was really drunk and she thought that I was a dick.

The following year we ended up flatmates due to our mutual friendship with my ex friend and one thing lead to another....

We have been together now for 16 years (and have been married for 6) and we a 3 year old son.

The moral of the story is: don't discount obnoxious drunk people.

Xbox.com

She thought I was a decent sort, we exchanged messages back and forth, spoke on MSN everyday for about a year. We both thought that there was something there and wanted to see if it was real . She said that she would be in Boston for a convention and I booked flights to see her. She was going to give me a lift from the airport. The flight was late and I was in rush a rush to meet her that I almost walked past her. We hugged each other and neither of us could let go. We spent a week together and we knew exactly what we had. Leaving her at the airport was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. When I got home and we talked again we both knew that I was moving over to her for good.

After months of visa paperwork, a medical, and an interview and here we are married almost 18 months and we couldn't be happier



As far as the date thing; my wife and I now share a bank account, so we both pay

I met my Wife through Match.com.
We went on a date to a coffee shop, (I paid, I'm old fashioned like that)
We've been together for about 8 years, married for 4, and we've got a 5 week old daughter.

We met at work. (Not all workplace relationships are doomed)

We've been together 13 years, married for 7. As far as money and the man always pays, we've always kept our finances separate and simply keep track of each expenditure and go back and forth catching up to the other.

This has worked really well for us. People never believe us when we tell them we've yet to fight about anything.

It doesn't hurt that she's a giant nerd like me who likes all the same shows/movies etc. and was cool with dedicating one of our living rooms into a war room.

By staying in on a Friday night.

My flatmate and his girlfriend were going out and I was in the lounge watching Firefly. The girlfriend walks in and says, "My friend likes that."

Now married to said friend. We have two kids.

 Flashman wrote:
By staying in on a Friday night.

My flatmate and his girlfriend were going out and I was in the lounge watching Firefly. The girlfriend walks in and says, "My friend likes that."

Now married to said friend. We have two kids.

At least your relationship lasted longer than 'Firefly'

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
I have yet to have a girlfirend :(

So, I am not the only one here .
How old are you though ?

Met wife online, by happen stance. I was deployed, she was about to go into the Army. Was a military forum.

We married some months later, now have 3 kids, and going on 9 years.

Married for just over a year now. Still learning the ropes.

At a pub. Playing pool. Doesn't get much more stereotypical than that. Actually initially was wingmanning a mate into position, but he abandoned his post for another girl. Wham-Bam, here we are 2 years later.

Also, yes. But only because she is putting all her money to other costs for us both, so no jimmies become rustled on my part.

I met my fiance on OKCupid, I saw that she looked at my profile, I looked at hers, messaged her, she responded, and we chatted a bit. I asked her out, and we've been together for almost a year now.

I usually pay on the first few dates, but it's not anything that bothers me.

Yahoo personals. My wife was moving to my area and put up an ad looking for people to hang out with. My girlfriend at the time was a psycho so I was looking elsewhere. We hung out a couple times. First time we kissed, I was hooked. Been together 12+ years. We have our 10th wedding anniversary coming up March 27th. Have a 9 year old son and 8 year old daughter.

I met the present GF at the gym I frequent. I saw her, thought she was cute, and asked her if she wanted to meet up at the attached cafe when we were done with our workouts. She said yes, it went well, and 8 months later we're still together.

Or at least as "together" as two people with extremely demanding schedules can be, though it does help that she lives down the hall.

Met her in high school, she was the lesbian friend-of-a-friend who thought exactly the same way I did. We were just friends for a couple months, growing really close really quickly. I fell for her first and over time she began to express a similar amount of interest in me. She took me to NYCC this year and that turned into our first date, two days later she told me that she wanted a relationship. It's been fething AMAZE-BALLS ever since.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
I have yet to have a girlfirend :(

Ditto.

Mainly through lack of trying though. I wasn't looking for a relationship as I was (and still am) focussed on finishing my education first due to the amount of emotional and financial investment one would bring, which I don't really want to deal with right now. Friends, family, games and God are enough for me (at least for now ).

I met my ex on plenty of fish - she messaged me first. We went on a few dates and made it official. Lasted 3.5 years.

I was an Orc hunter, she was a Tauren druid swimming in the Dalaran sewers...

Met current wife via World of Warcraft. We had been guildmates for a year or so and raided together. Started talking one morning and 2 weeks later she came out to meet me and ended up staying! 4 and a half years later we're still together.

Ironically my first marriage ended when my then wife decided she wanted to hook up with half the Horde on our server...

Met through mutual friends. Over a few years went through "friends but absolutely no way we're right for each other"-> FWBs -> "well, I guess we're dating now?" -> "has it really been four years already?". Still haven't really had a conventional romantic date yet, and still have separate checks if we go out somewhere.

Plywood_Slayer wrote:
I was an Orc hunter, she was a Tauren druid swimming in the Dalaran sewers...

Met current wife via World of Warcraft. We had been guildmates for a year or so and raided together. Started talking one morning and 2 weeks later she came out to meet me and ended up staying! 4 and a half years later we're still together.

Ironically my first marriage ended when my then wife decided she wanted to hook up with half the Horde on our server...

My first GF dumped me and hooked up with my Guild master.

Met my current GF on the train to work, out of habit we ended up on the same train each morning and would chat. She asked me out and now we're living together.

All these happy couples... Blegh; makes me sick to my stomach.

When life finally gives me some lemons, you lot will be my first throwing targets.

*mutter mutter 'why should they be happy?' mutter mutter*

I'm quite suprised that so many people met their significant other online.

I met my current ex at work. I was actually with my ex-fiancee at the time, and we were work colleagues and friends for a few months, then I became single and she pretty much told me within a couple of days that she had a massive crush on me, so we started seeing in each other. Unfortunately, she turned out to be fething insane, so now I'm single. Pretty much loving it.

I sat next to her in Economics two semesters ago in college. We talked a little bit, but never saw each other outside of school. Also had another Econ course the following semester. Out of the blue, I decided to get to know her better and then things took off from there. It'll be one year together at the end of April.

Met through on-line dating. Proposed a year later to the day. Married a year after that to the day. Only have to remember one anniversary

I've always split bills on dates, in an informal 'I'll get it this time and you get it next time' kind of way.


Related question for the married folks - do you all keep seperate bank accounts? My wife and I rolled all our accounts together, but some friends of ours all still keep their own bank accounts, each contributing some money to mutually cover mortgage, bills etc... and that just blows my mind. Does anyone here do it that way, and if so, can I ask why?

Met at the London Film and Comic Convention. She was dressed as a cyber-goth and me as a steampunk. Made friends with her and a bunch of other people. Two years later, we shared a kiss, and then I took her out to see Phantom of the Opera in London followed by a meal at an expensive restaurant .

 Palindrome wrote:
I'm quite suprised that so many people met their significant other online.

It gives some of us hope...

I first saw my wife when we were 13. She walked into my 9th grade science class and I was blown away. We went on one date in high school and due to miscommunication I wound up dating her best friend through 2 years of High School. She joined the Army NG while still in school I went active duty right after graduation. Almost 3 years later while I was stationed in the ROK I got a letter from her. We talked by phone. When I went home on leave we went on 2 dates. I knew I had gotten a second chance at her and was not about to blow it again. I drove from Ft. Bragg one weekend to marry her. That was18 years ago next month. 3 sons. I love her to pieces still.


I paid for all the dates (3 of them).

And we have joint bank accounts, no secrets. It works great for us.

1st met in an online dating/ chat site for those of a specific interest. Met up at a real life meet & greet organised by some online peeps. Got on as friends when we were both on the same side of the fence so to speak. She decided to try the other side of the fence and one thing led to another.

Together 12 years, married for 10.

I met my wife through the web in the mid-90s. At the time I ran a website for Bearded Dragons (quite possibly the only website for Bearded Dragons, at the time the web was a lot smaller) and she contacted me because she was thinking of getting one for her kids. We started emailing each other, and eventually I wound up moving. We didn't get married until until 2006 though.

All these long time relationships are heartwarming to read. Met when you were 11? Met in the third grade? Mindblowing.

 sebster wrote:
Related question for the married folks - do you all keep seperate bank accounts? My wife and I rolled all our accounts together, but some friends of ours all still keep their own bank accounts, each contributing some money to mutually cover mortgage, bills etc... and that just blows my mind. Does anyone here do it that way, and if so, can I ask why?

We both keep separate accounts and we each have our sphere of responsibilities, billwise, that we cover. She pays the mortgage, I pay the electricity\internets\some credit cards, etc. I make more than her now so generally when we go out I cover it. Our accounts are both joint accounts so we could can dip into one in a pinch but in practice this is how we do it. It just kinda growed that way, organically

I met my last GF at college.
We where happy for a few months before her friends broke us up.
About 6 months later we started talking again, then she asked for a 2nd chance.
Things where great fore about a year, then things went down hill, and we broke up.
I still miss her

I'm 14 there's a girl a year younger then me that I know used to like me. I never really did anything about it tough, altoug there was one timeshe fell asleep on my shoulder at a Martial arts competition. I havent seen her in a while tough. Might have to see her again.
Im one of those people almost everyone instantly hates, short fat and I seem to radiate " Piss me off ".
Sigh.
I had a "girl-friend" from grade 3-7, does that count? Lol.

Met through mutual friends 25ish years ago (we're both SF nerds).
Ducked and weaved past/around each other until 2000 or so (we have similar surnames - pronounced the same).
Met up again at a party, hit it off.
6 months or so later, started going out.

(She lived 170-odd km north of me, I could only see her on weekends, so we took our time).
We got married in 2006. Still together.

Interesting thread, the Americans appear to have more unique/ cooler ways of hooking up. Britain, you/ we are boring. Same for you Aussies.

As others are jumping in with their no GF posts, i'll share mine. Had a good few opportunities while in education and in early working life, i either didn't realise they liked me until after, or wasn't interested due to sport. Foolish on every account. Now i feel that the opportunities don't exist any more. I've tried to be social through new hobbies and going to events/ clubs, but to no avail. Gonna have to try the online dating thing. [/End feeling sorry for myself post]

It wasn't my intent to make anyone feel uncomfortable with the thread! Being long term single can suck.

Online dating seems to have worked out fairly well for a lot of my friends, and I think the "stigma" with it grows less every year.

My my other half on-line. Been together for a year now, about to move in together.

 Da Boss wrote:
It wasn't my intent to make anyone feel uncomfortable with the thread! Being long term single can suck.

Online dating seems to have worked out fairly well for a lot of my friends, and I think the "stigma" with it grows less every year.

Being a lonely single, I find it quite inspiring tbh. I doubt anyone else would feel like you or anyone else are rubbing it in

So there I was.. hiding a bush.. waiting. And then I see her, my heart rate quickens as the hunt is about to reach it's peak.

Well, I met her on the internet via Plenty of Fish - she was the only person who could hold a proper conversation. We met up in person a couple of weeks later, walked round a lake, went for a meal and then.. a passionate evening.

We're engaged now and it's been only 18 months.

 sebster wrote:

Related question for the married folks - do you all keep seperate bank accounts? My wife and I rolled all our accounts together, but some friends of ours all still keep their own bank accounts, each contributing some money to mutually cover mortgage, bills etc... and that just blows my mind. Does anyone here do it that way, and if so, can I ask why?

My wife doesn't work so we only have a single bank account, mine. It just happens to function like a joint account.....

 sebster wrote:
Related question for the married folks - do you all keep seperate bank accounts? My wife and I rolled all our accounts together, but some friends of ours all still keep their own bank accounts, each contributing some money to mutually cover mortgage, bills etc... and that just blows my mind. Does anyone here do it that way, and if so, can I ask why?

My wife and I have the one account for us both. It's less hassle than shifting around money every month. The only downside is that she can see if I've bought her any surprises

 Palindrome wrote:

 sebster wrote:

Related question for the married folks - do you all keep seperate bank accounts? My wife and I rolled all our accounts together, but some friends of ours all still keep their own bank accounts, each contributing some money to mutually cover mortgage, bills etc... and that just blows my mind. Does anyone here do it that way, and if so, can I ask why?

My wife doesn't work so we only have a single bank account, mine. It just happens to function like a joint account.....

With my ex wife, we had one account. Never again.

Keep that gak separate.

 Palindrome wrote:

 sebster wrote:

Related question for the married folks - do you all keep seperate bank accounts? My wife and I rolled all our accounts together, but some friends of ours all still keep their own bank accounts, each contributing some money to mutually cover mortgage, bills etc... and that just blows my mind. Does anyone here do it that way, and if so, can I ask why?

My wife doesn't work so we only have a single bank account, mine. It just happens to function like a joint account.....

My wife has been stung before - and I am a discharged bankrupt so we keep separate bank accounts. We divvy up regular bills between us.

 sebster wrote:
Met through on-line dating. Proposed a year later to the day. Married a year after that to the day. Only have to remember one anniversary

I've always split bills on dates, in an informal 'I'll get it this time and you get it next time' kind of way.


Related question for the married folks - do you all keep seperate bank accounts? My wife and I rolled all our accounts together, but some friends of ours all still keep their own bank accounts, each contributing some money to mutually cover mortgage, bills etc... and that just blows my mind. Does anyone here do it that way, and if so, can I ask why?

We have a joint CC, separate CCs, and a CC for kid expenses (we may have had a seprate checking account for them too - all part of the legal stuff with the ex.). The BOY is also on one of those, and has his own as well.
We have a joint checking account and I have my own legacy checking and moneymarket accounts. She writes checks on my account though, often, and with gusto. that reminds me aI have to write one for the Boy who's living large at school. Lucky basterd.
All our savings and investments are joint where permitted by law.
I think we both own the Austin house. Prior to that house she owned it and I was a life tenant. I own my parent's old house in Houston.
The Life insurance has her as the sole surviving beneficiary now. I'm literally worth more dead than allive. Shortly after the wife finding this out I started having "accidents" with the car. Go figure.

 SlaveToDorkness wrote:
My girlfriend introduced us. Took her to the restaurant I worked at for lunch as a birthday present. My wife turned to her as I left the table and said "you just messed up, that is MINE!"

Much later I realized she was either going to marry me and make me a very happy man for eternity, or kill me slowly for missing the opportunity. The ol' "cake or Death" question. I got it right!

Umm, wait, your girlfriend introduced you to your wife?

Met her in high school, she was the lesbian friend-of-a-friend who thought exactly the same way I did. We were just friends for a couple months, growing really close really quickly. I fell for her first and over time she began to express a similar amount of interest in me. She took me to NYCC this year and that turned into our first date, two days later she told me that she wanted a relationship. It's been fething AMAZE-BALLS ever since.

Lesbian? I thought you were a dude?

The last girl I was in a 'relationship' with, I met through OKCupid... never again... 19 year old Finnish exchange student doing an internship at my school turned out to be a 16 year old psychopath from Connecticut attending the local all-girls boarding school down the street from the university campus and left me for a woman in the Navy a week after introducing me to her family (I was 22 or 23 at the time, yeah it was bad). The last girl I 'dated' was a friend that I met through a college roommate and had known for about 5 years... it was complicated, didn't end well, and completely destroyed our friendship.

I've mostly been enjoying being single for the past 6 months or so, though I seem cursed with this thing where I meet someone I know I will likely never see again (or just make eye contact with a cute girl across the bar or on the train or as we pass by on the street, etc.) and instantly fall in love with them and create this persona for them in my head (since I know absolutely nothing about them) etc. etc. etc. it kinda sucks. What sucks more, I think, is that I'm 24 and I can't say I've ever been in what I could call a real relationship, nor can I say that I've ever really been in love with someone who could return the feeling. I guess 24 is still young, I dunno, sometimes it feels like I've missed something.

 Da Boss wrote:
It wasn't my intent to make anyone feel uncomfortable with the thread! Being long term single can suck.

Online dating seems to have worked out fairly well for a lot of my friends, and I think the "stigma" with it grows less every year.

I don't think there's any remaining stigma to it. The younger kids live online. they're pretty much online dating and not knowing it.

 sebster wrote:

Related question for the married folks - do you all keep seperate bank accounts? My wife and I rolled all our accounts together, but some friends of ours all still keep their own bank accounts, each contributing some money to mutually cover mortgage, bills etc... and that just blows my mind. Does anyone here do it that way, and if so, can I ask why?

When we first got married, we had a fairly elaborate bank account system set up. There was a central account, from which all the bills were paid, and our paychecks were directly deposited into. We each had a separate, personal bank account. Every month, via automatic transfer, a personal allowance was moved from the central account to our personal ones, so we had our own spending money. When I quit work and became a full-time dad, I scrapped my side, as I had next to no expenses and it was needlessly complicated. The Wife still has her side set up. She had had a number of friends go through ugly divorces, so wants to have “her” money just in case. Ignoring the fact that as the wage earner, it’s all hers anyway. I think it’s a subconscious, independent, fight the patriarchy thing. I don’t press the point. She’s not as fiscally aware as I’d like, so it helps to have her on a finite allowance, rather then just an open line to the checking account. Not that she couldn’t just charge things to the credit card or central account if she wanted to...

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
I have yet to have a girlfirend :(

So, I am not the only one here .
How old are you though ?

21. :(
Now i have been trying. It just I have yet to work up to courage to ask any girl I like out

 sebster wrote:
Related question for the married folks - do you all keep seperate bank accounts? My wife and I rolled all our accounts together, but some friends of ours all still keep their own bank accounts, each contributing some money to mutually cover mortgage, bills etc... and that just blows my mind. Does anyone here do it that way, and if so, can I ask why?

We merged everything. I joke with her that she has her slush fund, but really it's our secondary account that I have access to also.

I agree -- I don't get it. I don't know how you really build anything together when everything becomes an "I pay this much, you pay this much" conversation. We had a set of friends that handled money the way you describe. And surprise, the marriage didn't last and money was part of the issue. It's probably a solid indicator that you're both not 100% all-in on the marriage.

I would probably share an account with my girlfriend if we married. Though she might feel different, she's pretty cautious and she earns more than I do, by a fair bit. I still feel like having some money that's purely "yours" is good though- allows you more independence.

 Da Boss wrote:
I would probably share an account with my girlfriend if we married. Though she might feel different, she's pretty cautious and she earns more than I do, by a fair bit. I still feel like having some money that's purely "yours" is good though- allows you more independence.

And there are somethings you don’t need to know. If I knew the exact amount The Wife spent on her shoes/clothes/etc. I’d probably have a stroke. And she’s fairly low maintenance as far as women go. Similarly she doesn’t need to know the exact price of the GW minis I bring home. Having personal accounts is guilt free money. All the bills are taken care of, so what you spend your share of the extra on to keep happy doesn’t really mater.

On a related note: Do Not Keep Score! In a healthy relationship, it will all even out in the end. So don’t get hung up on who’s turn it is to pay, favors owed, etc. There are more then enough things two people living together to argue about. So don’t bother with the little tit-for-tat stuff. This, coupled with Listen is probably the best generic relationship advice I can offer.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
I have yet to have a girlfirend :(

So, I am not the only one here .
How old are you though ?

21. :(
Now i have been trying. It just I have yet to work up to courage to ask any girl I like out

It is only once you accept that you are already dead, that you can truly live.

Just for your benefit, I'll go into greater detail in order to hopefully provide you some external support. I hadn't talked to my current GF in close to a semester. I decided to start being more social in general with everyone and I had had interesting conversations with her in the past, so I decided to reach out to her. We didn't have a class together that semester and she rarely ate in the cafeteria so I didn't see her around much. As much as I disliked doing so, I initiated contact with her via Facebook and we ended up chatting a lot over a couple of days before I saw her in person one day.

She had changed her hairstyle and lost some weight since I had last talked to her in person and it suddenly hit me that she was absolutely gorgeous. Luckily she was eating with a friend so she just said "hi" to me and no more. It was a struggle just to reply, my stomach was tied in knots and my mouth had suddenly gone dry.

I saw her again a couple days later eating by herself and forced myself to sit down with her. My stomach was full of butterflies and my nerves were absolutely shot, but I knew that I had to go through with it or I would end up regretting my cowardice. We ended up sitting in the university cafeteria for over an hour just talking and then studied together for several hours. After that we were nearly inseparable and spent time together everyday for the rest of the semester (with the sole exception of one day). About a week after I had first sat down with her I finally asked her out on a date. We've been together since then and this last winter went to the Grand Canyon together.

I will not lie, there have been very, very rough patches at times, but we've finally reached a point in our relationship where I can honestly say that this girl is the love of my life and there is nothing I want more than to one day marry her. It has been an amazing, beautiful, and life changing experience. None of this would have happened if I had not faced my fears and dared to try.

Rejection hurts, but the potential joys of a loving relationship make up for it by a massive margin. Be strong and be confident. It's time to live!

 hotsauceman1 wrote:

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
I have yet to have a girlfirend :(

So, I am not the only one here .
How old are you though ?

21. :(
Now i have been trying. It just I have yet to work up to courage to ask any girl I like out

trexmeyer is right. Just go for it! Set realistic goals and then just ask for the money, bro. What's the worst that could happen? She could say no, or say no and laugh in your face. Big deal. If you don't ask her, you'll never find out.

And if she laughs in your face then you can call her a bitch and move on with your life!

If it makes you feel any better hotsauce, I'm largely in the same boat as you (with some exceptions), its not that I fear rejection, its that I fear blowing my chance. The way I see it (whether its the right way to see it or not is a different matter) is that you will really only ever have one opportunity with any given girl to ask her out. My (irrational) fear is that I won't go about it the right way or my timing will be bad, etc. etc. etc. and these factors will blow whatever chance I might have before I really even have a chance (if you get what I'm saying). The irony is that as a result, I *dont* ask and end up blowing my chance anyway (you miss 100% of the shots you dont take) and perpetually end up wondering.... this is compounded by the fact that on the few instances I do actually take the chance it usually doesn't go my way, which kind of reinforces the whole "you only ever have one chance" thing because I can always point out a point where I can go "if I hadn't done/said that, maybe it would have worked out" kinda deal and yea...

Well there is this girl at my work. Whenever we work we are always playful. Im just worried about it getting awkward if she says no and we work together again.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
Well there is this girl at my work. Whenever we work we are always playful. Im just worried about it getting awkward if she says no and we work together again.

Without risk, there is no success. Do it now before you are exiled to the friendzone.

Yeah, thats another tough spot for me too, most of the girls I meet are in an environment where I don't really want to make things awkward like that or complicate things if it goes south...

Do you ever see this girl outside of work? Like do you get lunch together ever or hit up a bar for drinks after work or anything of the sort?

And the friendzone isn't a real thing, unless what you're trying to say is the girl only sees you as a friend, in which case oh well, not everyone is attracted to everyone.

chaos0xomega wrote:
Yeah, thats another tough spot for me too, most of the girls I meet are in an environment where I don't really want to make things awkward like that or complicate things if it goes south...

Do you ever see this girl outside of work? Like do you get lunch together ever or hit up a bar for drinks after work or anything of the sort?

It's not like you're asking them if they'd like to lick your toes. You just say 'Hey, doing anything after work tonight?' or 'Hey, want to get coffee sometime?'

If they decline, no biggie. Just say, 'okay, no problem.' You don't have to quit your job, you just have to not act like a jerk and everything will be fine.

I'd be inclined to agree with pretre, except my experience has varied. I guess I'm kinda hard to read emotionally, because thats the way it always starts (the 'hey, doing anything later?' schtick), and we usually get pretty close (like friendship wise), and then when I actually try escalating things after a few dates the end result is often "Oh, I thought we were just friends."

I think, based on my experience, that you need to be a bit more straightforward than just that, but your language matters a lot "Hey doing anything after work tonight" is just like... hey lets chill out, whereas "Hey, want to go out for some drinks after work tonight?" is a bit more direct and subtly conveys that its more than a merely 'just friends' kinda deal...

The coffee thing is fine though, its pretty much standard doublespeak for "first date." I dont use it because I actually don't drink coffee, and the one time I DID try it, the girl in question was socially awkward enough not to understand said doublespeak and came back at me with "But, you don't drink coffee...?"

 gorgon wrote:

 sebster wrote:
Related question for the married folks - do you all keep seperate bank accounts? My wife and I rolled all our accounts together, but some friends of ours all still keep their own bank accounts, each contributing some money to mutually cover mortgage, bills etc... and that just blows my mind. Does anyone here do it that way, and if so, can I ask why?

We merged everything. I joke with her that she has her slush fund, but really it's our secondary account that I have access to also.

I agree -- I don't get it. I don't know how you really build anything together when everything becomes an "I pay this much, you pay this much" conversation. We had a set of friends that handled money the way you describe. And surprise, the marriage didn't last and money was part of the issue. It's probably a solid indicator that you're both not 100% all-in on the marriage.

Every relationship is different. My fiance and I want to keep some money seperate, although I figure my paycheck will go right into the joint account, and I'll get an "allowance" out of that. I know her dad was super tight with money, and she does not want to not have her own cash. She also wants to pay her own student loans, even after we're married. We'll see about that, especially if she stops working.

Still, our goal is less "I pay this, and you pay that" and more "we each take some cash out of the joitn account for our own use."

 kronk wrote:

With my ex wife, we had one account. Never again.

Keep that gak separate.

I'm not worried.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
Well there is this girl at my work. Whenever we work we are always playful. Im just worried about it getting awkward if she says no and we work together again.

Pfft, you're making too big a deal out of it. Ask her to lunch. If that works out ask her again.

And by ask I mean
(walking out door, stick head back in and)
"Hey XX, going to [insert lunch place here], want to come along?"

This way, she says no, its no big deal.
If yes but its strcitly coworker its no big deal
If you do a few and then something develops its all good.

What frazzled said.

chaos0xomega wrote:
I'd be inclined to agree with pretre, except my experience has varied. I guess I'm kinda hard to read emotionally, because thats the way it always starts (the 'hey, doing anything later?' schtick), and we usually get pretty close (like friendship wise), and then when I actually try escalating things after a few dates the end result is often "Oh, I thought we were just friends."

I think, based on my experience, that you need to be a bit more straightforward than just that, but your language matters a lot "Hey doing anything after work tonight" is just like... hey lets chill out, whereas "Hey, want to go out for some drinks after work tonight?" is a bit more direct and subtly conveys that its more than a merely 'just friends' kinda deal...

The coffee thing is fine though, its pretty much standard doublespeak for "first date." I dont use it because I actually don't drink coffee, and the one time I DID try it, the girl in question was socially awkward enough not to understand said doublespeak and came back at me with "But, you don't drink coffee...?"

I think that the behavior you have on your 'something after work' is where you differentiate. If you never make a move, sure you'll get friendzoned.

oh oh, I think I am trapped.

When I left for work this morning, my girlfriend mumbled in her sleep "marry me already"

I think IM gonna try. In two weeks when I have more then 5$ to my name

Work. I know they say, "don't gak where you eat," but unless you want to pick up chicks in a bar, or have the game for cold approaches at the supermarket and actually put in the time and effort (I feel like a creeper hanging out at supermarkets...when I'm out for groceries, it's fething business time. Not looking for tail) it's one of the only options.

Also recommend Tinder. Because...easy. But not for finding "girlfriend" material. Last "friend" I met on Tinder ended up having a pill problem, on top of a drinking problem, on top of an abuse problem, on top of daddy issues. But she had skills like a crazy girl, so there's that...

Tinder is like a bar... the girls you find there probably aren't girlfriend material...

I wish I could spit game and do the cold approaches at supermarkets, etc. though...

sparkywtf wrote:
oh oh, I think I am trapped.

When I left for work this morning, my girlfriend mumbled in her sleep "marry me already"

Why do you think she was talking to you?

 Frazzled wrote:

sparkywtf wrote:
oh oh, I think I am trapped.

When I left for work this morning, my girlfriend mumbled in her sleep "marry me already"

Why do you think she was talking to you?

Yeah, she could just as easily have been muttering to Nathan Fillion.

I know I would.

 NuggzTheNinja wrote:
Work. I know they say, "don't gak where you eat," but unless you want to pick up chicks in a bar, or have the game for cold approaches at the supermarket and actually put in the time and effort (I feel like a creeper hanging out at supermarkets...when I'm out for groceries, it's fething business time. Not looking for tail) it's one of the only options.

Also recommend Tinder. Because...easy. But not for finding "girlfriend" material. Last "friend" I met on Tinder ended up having a pill problem, on top of a drinking problem, on top of an abuse problem, on top of daddy issues. But she had skills like a crazy girl, so there's that...

One of the only two other forums I frequent is the Misc section of Bodybuilding.com. Seriously, don't go there. I'm just bringing it up because it is full of 18-30 year old males seeking an easy score. They swear by Tinder.

So unless you are only after ONSs or FBWs stay away from Tinder.

Mines a bit funny. My brothers car was broken down and needed a ride to a date. My wifes room mate need a ride as well because she didn't have a car. So we meet up and just kinda laughed about how poor and sad our ridees where. So while my brother and this chick hooked up, we just hung out that night watching movies at her house. The rest is history.

Met mine when I was 13. Been together ever since, (im almost 20 now) and been living together for 2 years. The day we met we became friends and after a while we just ended up dating I guess. havent spent more than 2 weeks without seeing her haha. Marriage and babies soon...

And to the joint account part, we have "seperate accounts" but I deal with all the money. I pay all the bills etc and then her money comes in for anything else we feel like. But her account may as well be mine.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
I have yet to have a girlfirend :(

So, I am not the only one here .
How old are you though ?

21. :(
Now i have been trying. It just I have yet to work up to courage to ask any girl I like out

Bah, n00b ! I am 26 .


See, you are not that bad . I will soon enter Pope-level .

Maybe we need a "how to get a date" thread, since we've got so many foreveralone.jpgs.

Was going to start chatting up this cute girl in my economics class but she hasn't been attending class for a while, I hope she hasn't dropped out. feth!

Bro, you waited too long... been there myself. There was a girl in one of my classes that I was diggin pretty hard, we did the whole eye contact flirting thing from opposite ends of the lecture hall and everything, the day that I finally decided I would actually *try* talking to her she apparently dropped the class because i never saw her again.

Out of curiosity, did anyone here ever get anywhere with a cosplay girl that they met at a con? All the ones I've encountered seem to be a bit... off...

chaos0xomega wrote:
And if she laughs in your face then you can call her a bitch and move on with your life!

If it makes you feel any better hotsauce, I'm largely in the same boat as you (with some exceptions), its not that I fear rejection, its that I fear blowing my chance. The way I see it (whether its the right way to see it or not is a different matter) is that you will really only ever have one opportunity with any given girl to ask her out. My (irrational) fear is that I won't go about it the right way or my timing will be bad, etc. etc. etc. and these factors will blow whatever chance I might have before I really even have a chance (if you get what I'm saying). The irony is that as a result, I *dont* ask and end up blowing my chance anyway (you miss 100% of the shots you dont take) and perpetually end up wondering.... this is compounded by the fact that on the few instances I do actually take the chance it usually doesn't go my way, which kind of reinforces the whole "you only ever have one chance" thing because I can always point out a point where I can go "if I hadn't done/said that, maybe it would have worked out" kinda deal and yea...

I think both of you are working against yourselves by making it out to be a much bigger deal than it really is. You're digging your own hole. A related point is that also need to remember that when you try and it doesn't work out.

And that's all the dating advice I'm giving today.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 Palindrome wrote:

 kronk wrote:

With my ex wife, we had one account. Never again.

Keep that gak separate.

I'm not worried.

Yeah, me neither.

 Frazzled wrote:

 Da Boss wrote:
Online dating seems to have worked out fairly well for a lot of my friends, and I think the "stigma" with it grows less every year.

I don't think there's any remaining stigma to it. The younger kids live online. they're pretty much online dating and not knowing it.

Indeed. When I was younger, though, there definitely was one, to the point I'd answer the question in the OP obliquely to avoid the usual "but what if they're a weirdo" discussion. Because you really know a lot more about someone when you pick them up in a bar, I guess. Anyways the times sure have changed on that, I too was surprised by just how many OKcupid/etc people there were on here.

I think both of you are working against yourselves by making it out to be a much bigger deal than it really is. You're digging your own hole. A related point is that also need to remember that when you try and it doesn't work out.

And that's all the dating advice I'm giving today.

I agree, but when you're like me and basically fall in love with total strangers on an almost daily basis, it is kind of a pretty big deal when you're 'in the moment'.

As for online social stigma, it seems that the girls on Tinder still feel it considering how many profiles I saw that only had the words "I'm lying about how we met" written on them.

 sebster wrote:
Related question for the married folks - do you all keep seperate bank accounts? My wife and I rolled all our accounts together, but some friends of ours all still keep their own bank accounts, each contributing some money to mutually cover mortgage, bills etc... and that just blows my mind. Does anyone here do it that way, and if so, can I ask why?

I had intended to do so when we first got married, but trying to juggle so many bank accounts was just too much of a hassle. Now, we have a joint checking that our paychecks go into and bills come out of and a joint savings, for well, savings. I have a CD of money that my grandfather left me when he passed away in 2006 that I keep as a nest egg; only I have access to it because it is gifted to me but we would (and have) used it for emergencies. We have separate accounts with a different institution where we keep a college fund for both of our girls that is in my wife's name and she maintains it. If need be, that money would also be used for a dire financial emergency should one arise.

When it comes to spending money on personal stuff (video games, models, stuff for my car and the like for me and trips to Target, clothes, and scrapbooking supplies for her), we agreed to a monthly "allowance" to make sure we don't over spend. I personally use a credit card with a $300 limit (it is the first one I ever got and I have never requested a limit increase) for my monthly spending.

I know a lot of people have their reasons for keeping money separated but, as stupid as this may sound to some people, I know my wife and I will always be together. I know it sounds sappy but her and I both believe it.

 Nevelon wrote:
On a related note: Do Not Keep Score! In a healthy relationship, it will all even out in the end. So don’t get hung up on who’s turn it is to pay, favors owed, etc. There are more then enough things two people living together to argue about. So don’t bother with the little tit-for-tat stuff. This, coupled with Listen is probably the best generic relationship advice I can offer.

That is excellent advice. I received similar advice from the pastor that married my wife and I. What he told us was couples think they fight about three things: money, children, and sex. What they are actually fighting about is the inability to communicate with each other. Always be open and honest with each other and listen when your partner is doing the same.

 Ouze wrote:
All these long time relationships are heartwarming to read. Met when you were 11? Met in the third grade? Mindblowing.

Yeah, I get that a lot when I tell people how long I've known my wife. Even I think it's crazy sometimes, especially considering I moved clear across the country for years only to come back (which I didn't really want to do) and end up being with her. Life is funny like that I guess.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 Ouze wrote:

 Frazzled wrote:

 Da Boss wrote:
Online dating seems to have worked out fairly well for a lot of my friends, and I think the "stigma" with it grows less every year.

I don't think there's any remaining stigma to it. The younger kids live online. they're pretty much online dating and not knowing it.

Indeed. When I was younger, though, there definitely was one, to the point I'd answer the question in the OP obliquely to avoid the usual "but what if they're a weirdo" discussion. Because you really know a lot more about someone when you pick them up in a bar, I guess. Anyways the times sure have changed on that, I too was surprised by just how many OKcupid/etc people there were on here.

I agree. When I was in my early 20s I met a girl via LiveJournal (anyone remember that?) that turned out to live close to me. We decided to meet up one day and we ended up dating for over a year. The old school guys at my work would always ask me how I met her and when I told them over the internet they would think I was some sort of weirdo who couldn't hook up with girls "the old fashioned way."

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:

 hotsauceman1 wrote:

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
I have yet to have a girlfirend :(

So, I am not the only one here .
How old are you though ?

21. :(
Now i have been trying. It just I have yet to work up to courage to ask any girl I like out

Bah, n00b ! I am 26 .
See, you are not that bad . I will soon enter Pope-level .

32, never been kissed.

If I ever come off as abrasive on the forums, now you know why.

Hmm, I'm tempted to say we should run an experiment and have some of you older gents that have been forever single post pics of yourself so we can all be surprised that you're actually decent looking guys, etc. and perhaps give you an ego boost and perhaps some style advice...

but this is dakka, so i don't expect that to happen...


If it makes you feel any better, I have a friend (whom I have a fairly large crush on) who I think is absolutely drop dead gorgeous and is also an absolute nerd/geek/dork, etc. and cosplays Black Widow (Marvel comics character) like its nobodies business... She's 28, a virgin, never been kissed, never been in a relationship, etc. She is extremely fun to hang out with, has a great personality, etc. but when it comes to dating environment and/or guy/girl interactions, she is COMPLETELY socially awkward and clueless to the point that its actually painful to even try making a move on her (or watch someone try making a move).

The point is, its not just guys that have these issues, its... extremely sexy gorgeous nerdy girls too...

Personally, I blame ugly duck syndrome.

It's my experience that attractive women with little dating experience aren't just awkward, they're pushing guys away.

Nature abhors a vacuum. You put a pretty girl in a situation, and guys are gonna seek her out. Socially awkward means she has wacky mishaps. If she's staying single, its either out of choice or out of dysfunction.

chaos0xomega wrote:
Bro, you waited too long... been there myself. There was a girl in one of my classes that I was diggin pretty hard, we did the whole eye contact flirting thing from opposite ends of the lecture hall and everything, the day that I finally decided I would actually *try* talking to her she apparently dropped the class because i never saw her again.

Out of curiosity, did anyone here ever get anywhere with a cosplay girl that they met at a con? All the ones I've encountered seem to be a bit... off...

Aye. Varying levels with varying women over varying conventions.

Trust me, its just extreme social awkwardness (call it dysfunction if you will, pretty much two sides of the same coin as far as I'm concerned), many have tried, none have succeeded (and it gets better because when the guy gives up and gets involved with someone else, she usually ends up pretty much head over heels for the dude once its too late).

chaos0xomega wrote:

I think both of you are working against yourselves by making it out to be a much bigger deal than it really is. You're digging your own hole. A related point is that also need to remember that when you try and it doesn't work out.

And that's all the dating advice I'm giving today.

I agree, but when you're like me and basically fall in love with total strangers on an almost daily basis, it is kind of a pretty big deal when you're 'in the moment'.

I don't think I'm breaking my pledge to rebut this and say that it changes nothing from my earlier advice. You're still creating your own problem and building mountains out of molehills. Creating grand fantasies out of thin air about other people you don't know is setting yourself up for failure and probably not the healthiest behavior. So just stop doing it.

You see a girl you want to talk to, you talk to her. If she reciprocates, great. If not, you ask the next girl. Repeat as necessary. That's what it is and all it is. You've built things up *far* too much.



Automatically Appended Next Post:

 Polonius wrote:
It's my experience that attractive women with little dating experience aren't just awkward, they're pushing guys away.

Nature abhors a vacuum. You put a pretty girl in a situation, and guys are gonna seek her out. Socially awkward means she has wacky mishaps. If she's staying single, its either out of choice or out of dysfunction.

My first question was whether she's even straight.

Preaching to the choir gorgon, I already know this, and am *trying* to work on it, but emotional response isn't something you can just turn on or off.

As for straightness, I've wondered the same... she has (IMO) an unhealthy obsession with Scarlett Johansen, so I haven't ruled it out, but she claims to be into dudes and to want a boyfriend etc, so maybe she isn't but she hasn't yet realized it (if thats even possible)? Theres also the whole thing where she pretty much obsesses over guys that try to date her after they give up and get involved with someone else, so maybe not... dunno.

Everyone has an unhealthy obsession with ScarJo; I'd be worried if they didn't.

chaos0xomega wrote:
Hmm, I'm tempted to say we should run an experiment and have some of you older gents that have been forever single post pics of yourself so we can all be surprised that you're actually decent looking guys, etc. and perhaps give you an ego boost and perhaps some style advice...

but this is dakka, so i don't expect that to happen...


If it makes you feel any better, I have a friend (whom I have a fairly large crush on) who I think is absolutely drop dead gorgeous and is also an absolute nerd/geek/dork, etc. and cosplays Black Widow (Marvel comics character) like its nobodies business... She's 28, a virgin, never been kissed, never been in a relationship, etc. She is extremely fun to hang out with, has a great personality, etc. but when it comes to dating environment and/or guy/girl interactions, she is COMPLETELY socially awkward and clueless to the point that its actually painful to even try making a move on her (or watch someone try making a move).

The point is, its not just guys that have these issues, its... extremely sexy gorgeous nerdy girls too...

Personally, I blame ugly duck syndrome.

Does she have unreasonably high standards for men?

 Avatar 720 wrote:
Everyone has an unhealthy obsession with ScarJo; I'd be worried if they didn't.

Jennifer Lawrence fits nicely into that slot as well.

With that, the chances of this thread summoning Whembly have increase a thousandfold.

 Avatar 720 wrote:
Everyone has an unhealthy obsession with ScarJo; I'd be worried if they didn't.

Strewth.

I don't have an unhealthy obsession with ScarJo... should I be worried?

And as for her taste/standards in men, I dunno? She finds the usual celebrity males attractive I guess, she never really discusses dudes we know in person in that context... looking at her tumblr... its 98% pictures of women (more fuel for the lesbian thing), and more than half of those are of ScarJo and/or Black Widow comic panels...

 lord_blackfang wrote:

32, never been kissed.

If I ever come off as abrasive on the forums, now you know why.

You can't just say that and stop there.

Life story, if you would be so kind.

chaos0xomega wrote:
I don't have an unhealthy obsession with ScarJo... should I be worried?

Yes.

And as for her taste/standards in men, I dunno? She finds the usual celebrity males attractive I guess, she never really discusses dudes we know in person in that context... looking at her tumblr... its 98% pictures of women (more fuel for the lesbian thing), and more than half of those are of ScarJo and/or Black Widow comic panels...

She could be bi/pansexual.

I can personally confirm that bisexuality gets you double the amount of rejections as heterosexuality.

 lord_blackfang wrote:
32, never been kissed.

Arrrrh, you win !
Never been kissed either. I mean, never on the lips. The normal greetings kiss on the cheek, I had.

chaos0xomega wrote:
Hmm, I'm tempted to say we should run an experiment and have some of you older gents that have been forever single post pics of yourself so we can all be surprised that you're actually decent looking guys, etc. and perhaps give you an ego boost and perhaps some style advice...

I am so not posting any pictures of me on the internet ! I use this pseudonym on various places, and I do not want to give that information to any stalker.
(I have already been stalked after trolling some racist forum quite a long time ago, lesson learned ).
I have no problem with sharing pictures by PM, though, but I do not think anyone would be interested enough.

chaos0xomega wrote:
Hmm, I'm tempted to say we should run an experiment and have some of you older gents that have been forever single post pics of yourself so we can all be surprised that you're actually decent looking guys, etc. and perhaps give you an ego boost and perhaps some style advice...

This is my pullin' face:


And my "tired and bored out of my skull face"


Bae caught me diggin. Still love her doe.

 NuggzTheNinja wrote:

 lord_blackfang wrote:

32, never been kissed.

If I ever come off as abrasive on the forums, now you know why.

You can't just say that and stop there.

Life story, if you would be so kind.

Grew up in what was pretty much a Serbian ghetto, smartest kid in school but a head shorter than kids 3 years younger, obviously I got the joy of life bullied out of me in short order. My elementary school didn't even know how to nominate me for a scholarship because I was their only student ever to qualify for one. My choleric mother told me every day that I'll never amount to anything after something unrelated pissed her off at work or on her way home. Got into the most elite high school in the country regardless, finished with top grades, then burned out and dropped out of college. I work for less than minimum wage and live with my parents.

I didn't even want to date in high school, I already decided when I enrolled that I'd focus solely on my studies until I was 18. It didn't help that I had pretty much raised myself on classic literature, so I had an overly romanticized view of love and sex. By the time I got over that it was already too late, my self esteem was gone. Women could always smell the loser on me, so eventually I just stopped trying. The few who took the time to get to know me all agree that I'm absolutely the most amazing guy they would never date.

There you have it, Dakka. Don't let your kids grow up to be me.

 Avatar 720 wrote:
Everyone has an unhealthy obsession with ScarJo; I'd be worried if they didn't.

I don't. I think she's brilliant as Black Widow and pretty attractive too boot, but good looking women aren't exactly uncommon and ScarJo has no assets that stand above your average pretty girl. She gets bonus points for being a redhead though. Redheads and brunettes are the best (and I say this as a blonde Scandinavian).

I was kissless much longer than most of my friends, but I also didn't pursue a single girl after my freshmen year of high school until meeting my current GF. Are you guys trying to find a girl and striking out? You know you can't get to first base if you never step up to the plate. Not that I think getting kissed or losing your virginity should be the goal when going after girls, but it is going to end being part of a relationship eventually. Good luck to all of you.

 lord_blackfang wrote:

32, never been kissed..

That's harsh but not insurmountable. I won't even begin to judge but my friend was 31 and was in the same situation (possibly worse due to nasty unrequited infatuations that really badly fethed him up in his teens, I was there and saw the utter carnage it wrought) he also had unfulfilled familial expectation, he is a really intelligent guy but just couldn't hack education so he wasted his time at school and university but he managed to get a girfriend when he was 31 via WoW and is now a happy 'normal' 5 years later and is still happilly attached to the with the same woman. He has also managed to claw himself a decent career through hard work and a bit of luck once he got his act together.

Never give up hope. If you do all is lost.

Oh my...

 lord_blackfang wrote:


I didn't even want to date in high school, I already decided when I enrolled that I'd focus solely on my studies until I was 18. It didn't help that I had pretty much raised myself on classic literature, so I had an overly romanticized view of love and sex. By the time I got over that it was already too late, my self esteem was gone. Women could always smell the loser on me, so eventually I just stopped trying. The few who took the time to get to know me all agree that I'm absolutely the most amazing guy they would never date.

There you have it, Dakka. Don't let your kids grow up to be me.

The part I left in sounds a lot like me. I had very romanticized view of both and also had the whole "sex before marriage is a sin" nonsense drilled into my head by my parents who had conceived me out of wedlock. Gotta love hypocrisy. Between that and reading horror stories of American girls cheating, seeing divorce rate statistics, and just hearing general horror stories of rampant promiscuity killed any interest I had in meeting women. Fact is there isn't such a thing as perfect love or a perfect relationship. Any relationship is going to take work and there will be give and take. Don't think of it as compromising though, it's more like collaboration in order to make it work for both of you. Don't ever compromise your personal moral values. Once you meet the right girl and she realizes who you are, she will love you for it.

 trexmeyer wrote:

 Avatar 720 wrote:
Everyone has an unhealthy obsession with ScarJo; I'd be worried if they didn't.

I don't. I think she's brilliant as Black Widow and pretty attractive too boot, but good looking women aren't exactly uncommon and ScarJo has no assets that stand above your average pretty girl. She gets bonus points for being a redhead though. Redheads and brunettes are the best (and I say this as a blonde Scandinavian).

I was kissless much longer than most of my friends, but I also didn't pursue a single girl after my freshmen year of high school until meeting my current GF. Are you guys trying to find a girl and striking out? You know you can't get to first base if you never step up to the plate. Not that I think getting kissed or losing your virginity should be the goal when going after girls, but it is going to end being part of a relationship eventually. Good luck to all of you.

In all honesty I've never cared at all for hair or skin colour (unless it's discoloured in which case they might want to go to the doctor) I'm more interested in body shape and a nice face.

Oh, oh, I just remembered an anecdote that illustrates the depths of my loathsomeness.

A girl at work chatted me up last week, and from the stuff she knew about me it was obvious that she was an online stalker. How awesome is that for a lonely guy? Well, it took her 10 minutes of actual conversation to decide I'm not worth bothering with after all. She won't even look in my direction now.

Skin color is pretty irrelevant to me as well, with the sole exception being extremely overdone tans. They just don't look right on a lot of people. I just very rarely find blonde girls attractive, even if I know intellectually that they are good looking. A pretty face and anything other than fat or deathly skinny is good in my book.


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 lord_blackfang wrote:
Oh, oh, I just remembered an anecdote that illustrates the depths of my loathsomeness.

A girl at work chatted me up last week, and from the stuff she knew about me it was obvious that she was an online stalker. How awesome is that for a lonely guy? Well, it took her 10 minutes of actual conversation to decide I'm not worth bothering with after all. She won't even look in my direction now.

That hurts and stings. I'm sorry mate.

 lord_blackfang wrote:
Oh, oh, I just remembered an anecdote that illustrates the depths of my loathsomeness.

A girl at work chatted me up last week, and from the stuff she knew about me it was obvious that she was an online stalker. How awesome is that for a lonely guy? Well, it took her 10 minutes of actual conversation to decide I'm not worth bothering with after all. She won't even look in my direction now.

Get a grip mate. At this stage it sounds to me like you are your own worst enemy. If you think that you are worthless then you will act that way. I know that sounds like horrible pop psychology but it is a simple truth.

Far be it for a random guy on the internet to give you advice but it sounds to me as though you could do with a complete change of scenery.

Think mine will almost certainly be one of the worst here, she was one of my students..



(although I should make it clear, as you can't joke about this kind of stuff these days, she was the same age as me).

 Pacific wrote:
Think mine will almost certainly be one of the worst here, she was one of my students...

Paedo! (noise of waving pitchforks)

 Ouze wrote:
We both keep separate accounts and we each have our sphere of responsibilities, billwise, that we cover. She pays the mortgage, I pay the electricity\internets\some credit cards, etc. I make more than her now so generally when we go out I cover it. Our accounts are both joint accounts so we could can dip into one in a pinch but in practice this is how we do it. It just kinda growed that way, organically

Ah, that makes sense. Something that just ended up that way, not as a deliberate design.


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 Dreadclaw69 wrote:
My wife and I have the one account for us both. It's less hassle than shifting around money every month. The only downside is that she can see if I've bought her any surprises

We both take $50 cash each week, to spend on what we like. She mostly saves hers, or spends it on the baby (even though I keep telling her baby stuff should come out of joint money). I spend mine on nerd stuff, sandwiches when I forget to take my lunch to work (most days) and surprises for the wife when I want to surprise her/I screwed up.


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 kronk wrote:
With my ex wife, we had one account. Never again.

Keep that gak separate.

Really? Because of the problems it caused during the break up, or because it caused problems during the relationship?


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 Frazzled wrote:
We have a joint CC, separate CCs, and a CC for kid expenses (we may have had a seprate checking account for them too - all part of the legal stuff with the ex.).

Why the seperate credit cards if you don't mind me asking? My wife and I both have cards linked to a single account, as that way you're only paying one set of fees (and that's normally zero as our combined monthly spend ticks us up to zero fees).

I think we both own the Austin house. Prior to that house she owned it and I was a life tenant. I own my parent's old house in Houston.

I don't know how it works over there, but here the state government hits you up for a stupid amount whenever you transfer ownership of a house, even just to add your partner's name to the title. It would cost about $20,000 to add me to the title of the house she owned before we met. So that stays in her name, but fortunately the law will treat it as a common asset in the event of divorce or death, so it's all good.


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 Nevelon wrote:
Ignoring the fact that as the wage earner, it’s all hers anyway. I think it’s a subconscious, independent, fight the patriarchy thing. I don’t press the point. She’s not as fiscally aware as I’d like, so it helps to have her on a finite allowance, rather then just an open line to the checking account. Not that she couldn’t just charge things to the credit card or central account if she wanted to...

Sounds familiar. My wife insisted on keeping one old savings account for a savings/just in case account, and I explained to her until I was blue in the face that when we have a mortgage offset account with a free redraw facility, then all she wanted was to take $3,000 and make sure that money didn't earn us an interest credit, while all our other money. After trying to get that across to her for maybe a fortnight, I eventually figured that the $170 odd in interest it cost a year was worth giving up if it really made her happy


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 gorgon wrote:
We merged everything. I joke with her that she has her slush fund, but really it's our secondary account that I have access to also.

I agree -- I don't get it. I don't know how you really build anything together when everything becomes an "I pay this much, you pay this much" conversation. We had a set of friends that handled money the way you describe. And surprise, the marriage didn't last and money was part of the issue. It's probably a solid indicator that you're both not 100% all-in on the marriage.

That was my original take on it, but a few people have given some really good answers in this thread, and have shown that coming from different viewpoints and with different conditions in their lives, seperate accounts can make sense for people who are fully committed to their marriages.


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 ScootyPuffJunior wrote:
I know a lot of people have their reasons for keeping money separated but, as stupid as this may sound to some people, I know my wife and I will always be together. I know it sounds sappy but her and I both believe it.

Once my wife and I were engaged, we set up a system where my pay went straight in to the mortgage offset on her house, with a small bit siphoned off to cover the cash shortfall between what the tenant paid in my house and the interest.

This was, in one sense, a huge risk on my part, because we weren't married and if we'd seperated I probably would have lost all that money, as it was on the offset attached to her place. But, like you, it never felt like a risk because I just never had any doubt we were going to stay together. Sounds sappy, yeah but it is what it is.

I've often wondered if she'd have been happy to throw her pay into my mortgage while keeping her's interest only. Might have to ask her that tonight...


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chaos0xomega wrote:
Preaching to the choir gorgon, I already know this, and am *trying* to work on it, but emotional response isn't something you can just turn on or off.

As for straightness, I've wondered the same... she has (IMO) an unhealthy obsession with Scarlett Johansen, so I haven't ruled it out, but she claims to be into dudes and to want a boyfriend etc, so maybe she isn't but she hasn't yet realized it (if thats even possible)? Theres also the whole thing where she pretty much obsesses over guys that try to date her after they give up and get involved with someone else, so maybe not... dunno.

Gorgon is giving really good advice. Idolising women is just as unhealthy as demeaning them. Just look at them as people, and talk to them and take them as they are.

I mean, I know that's easier said that done because there's a whole brain load of chemicals making us think crazy things when we're young and single and looking at a pretty girl, but it's basically how you have to do it. And yeah, it can take a lot of learning experiences to get half good at it.

 Palindrome wrote:
If you think that you are worthless then you will act that way.

Well, getting a sense of self-worth is easier said than done. I know.

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:

 Palindrome wrote:
If you think that you are worthless then you will act that way.

Well, getting a sense of self-worth is easier said than done. I know.

It's easier then meeting whatever unrealistic standards you currently have set for yourself.

 sebster wrote:

 Dreadclaw69 wrote:
My wife and I have the one account for us both. It's less hassle than shifting around money every month. The only downside is that she can see if I've bought her any surprises

We both take $50 cash each week, to spend on what we like. She mostly saves hers, or spends it on the baby (even though I keep telling her baby stuff should come out of joint money). I spend mine on nerd stuff, sandwiches when I forget to take my lunch to work (most days) and surprises for the wife when I want to surprise her/I screwed up.

We aren't huge spenders so we usually get little things for ourselves when the urge arises - usually something Xbox related (we each have our own consoles). I'm forbidden by my wife from buying her stuff if I screw up

Now I think about it I sorta have a separate account from my wife. But it is back in Ireland. And I have to show up in person to withdraw the cash. It's only open because it stops us having to convert money when we visit, and I should be getting back pay from a prior employer.

my last relationship was a woman i work with
i basically just got bored one night at home, so i struck up a conversation on facebook to pass the time
hit it off pretty well, and started spending some time together on our days off (we worked different shifts, so we rarely ran into each other at work)
after about half a year or so, it became apparent we were better as just friends, so dialed things down
still get along and hang out from time to time, but we've both moved on

 Pacific wrote:
Think mine will almost certainly be one of the worst here, she was one of my students..



(although I should make it clear, as you can't joke about this kind of stuff these days, she was the same age as me).

When I was a TA the temptation to hook up with some of my older students was quite high. Of course it bears mentioning that I started my TA position at 24, and my "older students" were all over 20.

My future wife moved into the same apartment complex that my girlfriend and I were in. I would never talk to her for 2 reasons.

First: My girlfriend was a jealous, psychotic whore. I am actually being quite polite about this ... I can assure you, as would her twin brother if he were here.

Second: I saw my future wife getting groceries out of her car whilst I was smoking a cigarette outside one day. I can actually remember my thoughts.
"I can never talk to that woman ... EVER!" It all had to do with the simple fact that I wanted to use her like a plastic feth doll. I have never cheated on any woman in my life, and recognizing and eliminating primal urges like that by never talking to her is the key. Needless to say my GF turned out to be a lying, cheating type and I put her ass out of my house.

Off topic but I feel it should be said. For those of you that have a hard time talking to women or asking them out for fear of rejection, I know all about that as I fall into that category, I have the simplest solution for you. See a woman you like and want to go out with, ask her this question: So when are you going to take me out to eat?

Typically I have gotten 3 different responses.
1st: Why should I pay? This is good. She is not saying no and is actually open to the idea of going out with you. You respond with something like this: Fine ... I guess I will pay, where are we going?

2nd: I don't know. When do you want to go out to eat? Again, this is good. You have just scored a date and she is VERY keen to the idea as she wants to spend money to get to know you better. My suggestion, pay for the meal regardless ... otherwise you look like a chump.

3rd: Not going to happen. Not the response you are looking for but now you know that she has already made up her mind that you never had a shot anyways ... no need to buy her drinks all night to find that out.

I hope this helps someone because it helped me out in my younger days of whoring.

 lord_blackfang wrote:

 NuggzTheNinja wrote:

 lord_blackfang wrote:

32, never been kissed.

If I ever come off as abrasive on the forums, now you know why.

You can't just say that and stop there.

Life story, if you would be so kind.

Grew up in what was pretty much a Serbian ghetto, smartest kid in school but a head shorter than kids 3 years younger, obviously I got the joy of life bullied out of me in short order. My elementary school didn't even know how to nominate me for a scholarship because I was their only student ever to qualify for one. My choleric mother told me every day that I'll never amount to anything after something unrelated pissed her off at work or on her way home. Got into the most elite high school in the country regardless, finished with top grades, then burned out and dropped out of college. I work for less than minimum wage and live with my parents.

I didn't even want to date in high school, I already decided when I enrolled that I'd focus solely on my studies until I was 18. It didn't help that I had pretty much raised myself on classic literature, so I had an overly romanticized view of love and sex. By the time I got over that it was already too late, my self esteem was gone. Women could always smell the loser on me, so eventually I just stopped trying. The few who took the time to get to know me all agree that I'm absolutely the most amazing guy they would never date.

There you have it, Dakka. Don't let your kids grow up to be me.

Don';t be down on yourself blackfang there is always hope. There a type of women I call project managers and they sound tailor made for you, I should know in my messy drug addicted days I had quite a few interested in me, looking bacxk now I have no idea why . So find a nice women who wants to 'fix ' you up and bam instant relationship*.

*these relationships may not end well and can be controlling.

Also as someone who has had a few substamce issues, if you unnhappy about yourself chang something. Exersize is usually the best way to start positive change. Just a 15 minute walk in the sun every 2nd day will help change your outlook. I hope you can change your outlook.

Hey, chaps. I've started a thread so we can share our dating 'best practice': http://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts/list/0/582154.page#6582680

Get involved!

 Polonius wrote:
It's easier then meeting whatever unrealistic standards you currently have set for yourself.

Not sure. I mean, for meeting the standard I at least know what I should do. How do you work on raising your self-worth if not by trying to improve yourself ?

Bullockist wrote:
Also as someone who has had a few substamce issues, if you unnhappy about yourself chang something. Exersize is usually the best way to start positive change. Just a 15 minute walk in the sun every 2nd day will help change your outlook.

I tried doing push-ups every morning. It did help with body image, but still has all the rest to work on. And when I reached about 40 push-up a day, my wrist started hurting, so I stopped, out of fear I might damage something. Did not start again after the pain went away, but it was okay.
I also do 15 minutes biking uphill everyday, but usually under a gray sky rather than the sun, that is how I go to work .

I guess we should take that conversation to the other thread now. Answer me there .

Last serious girlfriend and I met in High School. Turned out I was being used as a shoulder to cry on, so we split, really violently. It was fun. It was an emotional roller coaster. I was so carefree and relaxed in between spurts of confusion and anxiety about what could have been, and what was. I wish I could hold onto that feeling.

We started talking recently, and it made me happy, but I just don't care at this point, being thirteen miles away from home and surrounded by Japanese women who don't speak enough english to whine about things.

I have never had a girlfriend. I had a couple chances in high school that I blew because I was too stupid and was thinking of other things, video games and warhammer ect. Every girl I have asked out has been a rejection and now i'm too scared to even ask. Online dating has been a disaster, tried four sites and all messages remain unanswered.

I do not let it get to me. I have a great family and will never leave them. I have a good steady job and about to buy a house. Just keep on keeping on.

 Avatar 720 wrote:

chaos0xomega wrote:
Hmm, I'm tempted to say we should run an experiment and have some of you older gents that have been forever single post pics of yourself so we can all be surprised that you're actually decent looking guys, etc. and perhaps give you an ego boost and perhaps some style advice...

This is my pullin' face:

Spoiler:

And my "tired and bored out of my skull face"

Spoiler:

Bae caught me diggin. Still love her doe.

Spoiler:

I wasn't being serious, lol, but for what its worth, I'm sure you could be quite the heartbreaker if you tried.

Grew up in what was pretty much a Serbian ghetto, smartest kid in school but a head shorter than kids 3 years younger, obviously I got the joy of life bullied out of me in short order. My elementary school didn't even know how to nominate me for a scholarship because I was their only student ever to qualify for one. My choleric mother told me every day that I'll never amount to anything after something unrelated pissed her off at work or on her way home. Got into the most elite high school in the country regardless, finished with top grades,

That sucks dude, I could see why you might have anxiety around women, but props to you for overcoming all tha....

then burned out and dropped out of college. I work for less than minimum wage and live with my parents.

Neeeevermind....

I didn't even want to date in high school, I already decided when I enrolled that I'd focus solely on my studies until I was 18. It didn't help that I had pretty much raised myself on classic literature, so I had an overly romanticized view of love and sex. By the time I got over that it was already too late, my self esteem was gone. Women could always smell the loser on me, so eventually I just stopped trying. The few who took the time to get to know me all agree that I'm absolutely the most amazing guy they would never date.

Boy that sounds familiar (the not dating til 18 and the overly romantacized view of things, etc. the rest not so much). Get yourself back into school, try to finish your degree, move out of your parents place, get a haricut, learn to dress like a proper gentleman and break some hearts. As for your self-esteem, don't let someones rejection of you dictate your view of yourself, women don't smell the loser on you (or anyone else) they smell the lack of self-confidence.

Are you guys trying to find a girl and striking out? You know you can't get to first base if you never step up to the plate. Not that I think getting kissed or losing your virginity should be the goal when going after girls, but it is going to end being part of a relationship eventually. Good luck to all of you.

Cant speak for anyone else, but I'm not really looking, I'm more waiting to find someone who can capture my interest enough that I feel motivated to do something about it, there have been one or two in the past, it didn't work out, since then not so much... my general attitude is that I (for the most part) enjoy the freedom of being single/not having the commitment and responsibility of a relationship, etc, so if I'm going to give all that up, it better be someone worth giving it up for.

A girl at work chatted me up last week, and from the stuff she knew about me it was obvious that she was an online stalker. How awesome is that for a lonely guy? Well, it took her 10 minutes of actual conversation to decide I'm not worth bothering with after all. She won't even look in my direction now.

You just sound like the most depressingly awkward man on earth... I'm willing to bet you are actually a decent looking guy, just not very well adjusted socially, its something you can improve if you make the effort to... I was in the same boat, fortunately I made some great friends in college and got involved with ROTC (Reserve Officers Training Corps, basically military officer training while you're in college) and between those two things I got into shape, came out of my shell, learned to be comfortable in social settings/interactions, learned to dress, etc. I actually do manage to turn heads (of both men and women, nothing is more of an ego-boost to me than a gay guy trying to make a pass at me lol), I think I could do pretty well for myself if I could get over that one anxiety I have (of messing up).

Get a grip mate. At this stage it sounds to me like you are your own worst enemy. If you think that you are worthless then you will act that way. I know that sounds like horrible pop psychology but it is a simple truth.

Far be it for a random guy on the internet to give you advice but it sounds to me as though you could do with a complete change of scenery.

Agreed.

Gorgon is giving really good advice. Idolising women is just as unhealthy as demeaning them. Just look at them as people, and talk to them and take them as they are.

I agree, still not something I can turn on/off at will (though I have got way way way better at it, I think in part due to a series of pretty bad heartbreaks in rapid succession...

Typically I have gotten 3 different responses.
1st: Why should I pay? This is good. She is not saying no and is actually open to the idea of going out with you. You respond with something like this: Fine ... I guess I will pay, where are we going?

2nd: I don't know. When do you want to go out to eat? Again, this is good. You have just scored a date and she is VERY keen to the idea as she wants to spend money to get to know you better. My suggestion, pay for the meal regardless ... otherwise you look like a chump.

3rd: Not going to happen. Not the response you are looking for but now you know that she has already made up her mind that you never had a shot anyways ... no need to buy her drinks all night to find that out.

Interesting strategy... I think I'm going to modify it a bit, but I like the concept.

Don';t be down on yourself blackfang there is always hope. There a type of women I call project managers and they sound tailor made for you, I should know in my messy drug addicted days I had quite a few interested in me, looking bacxk now I have no idea why . So find a nice women who wants to 'fix ' you up and bam instant relationship*.

This... although you might need to start snorting/injecting/smoking stuff... and get lots of tattoos and/or piercings... maybe get arrested for a couple minor offenses... it would help if you were in a band or had a fast car too...

Also as someone who has had a few substamce issues, if you unnhappy about yourself chang something. Exersize is usually the best way to start positive change. Just a 15 minute walk in the sun every 2nd day will help change your outlook. I hope you can change your outlook.

THIS!!! Working out did SO much for my self-confidence. At first you'll be impatient, not seeing any results, you might feel timid going to the gym, thinking you're wasting your time and you're just a weakling... after a couple weeks you'll notice that exercises that were giving you trouble before have become a bit easier, you'll feel more confident and comfortable, you'll start increasing reps/adding weight... you'll notice your mental acuity increasing slightly from improved bloodflow, etc. about 4-6 weeks in other people will probably start noticing (assuming you're following healthy dietary habits, etc.) that you're looking in better shape, about 8-12 weeks in you'll start noticing the physical changes in yourself, loss of fat, increased muscle mass, improved posture, you'll notice your shirts fit tighter and your pants are looser around the waist, and it only gets better from there. Your confidence will improve greatly, you'll get more attention, and you'll be more comfortable receiving that attention, etc.

 Da Boss wrote:
So, what's your story? Traditional "dating", met through work, the dreaded online dating thingy?

We worked together on an archaeological project. She was a student, this was my very first project as an engineer, and well... these kind of things happen, right ?

Let's dig deeper.
Since, I'm an engineer, I would (normally) know next to nothing when it comes to things like history, archaeology and so on... if it weren't for historical wargaming.

After all, when you're into historicals, reading things about history isn't worse than reading things about the 40k lore. Reality vs fiction, that's the only difference. Which means Agustina de Arago actually had bigger balls than Yarrick.

I digress. I basically got the job thanks to wargaming, since I wasn't the best in my field, but was the only one to have both the geeky technical knowledge and basic understanding of roman history and archaeology.

We were working on coastal sites, on the border of the Adriatic Sea. Sea, sun and hot french and italian students fellow co-workers.
Did I forget to mention I was the only guy in the team ? My collegues seemed like the geek that actually knew something about the things they're in, valued their work, didn't need a translator to understand their discussions and seemed to share their passion of history.

After all, remembering there were several Scipios isn't harder than remembering Slaneesh's favorite number. Well, I'm not sure it would be have turned out so well if I only played WHFB or 40k. Women are strange creatures that don't always seem to really understand the true beauty that lies in a Nurgle or Skaven army.

Long story short, historicals got me a job, and the opportunity to get laid win the heart of a beautiful, beautiful girl.

Worked at a bar where my GF was also working, we ended up hooking up one night after work and that led to being regular feth buddies. After about a month I asked if she wanted to go out, didn't get an answer for about a week until one morning she said yes. I was like yes what? to which she said yes you idiot, I'll be your girlfriend. Been together over a year now.

Lured in by the D and stayed for the personality.

 Palindrome wrote:
I'm quite suprised that so many people met their significant other online.

I was also thinking this. I tried the online scene for about six months, and nothing good came from it. Honestly, I have about 5-6 other friends that tried online dating, and only one of them actually came out with a happy, healthy relationship. Glad some people had better luck than us!

You know, if I wasn't such a prude during my my online dating phase, I would have been having one heck of a time.

I didn't necessarily have bad luck online, just didn't really know what I was looking for in a girl at the time.

My wife was a good friend of mine through School. We kept in contact when we went to college and during our last year of college decided to be more than friends.....the rest they say is history!

Scary to think we have known each other for 17 years! Thats over half my life time

My now wife was dating a friend of mine. That is how we first met. Then we worked at the same place too.

I left for college and she did too.

About three years later we ended up working at the same place again. After I scooped a promotion and some awards from her she hated me for about year. She got over it thanks to my winning personality.

Then, one Valentine's Day we both found ourselves sans relationship. We decided to go get some pizza and go out to commisserate. After that, she started chasing off all my other prospects. Not long after we started dating "fur reelz".

A decade and a half later and we are still married.