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chaos0xomega wrote:
I'd be inclined to agree with pretre, except my experience has varied. I guess I'm kinda hard to read emotionally, because thats the way it always starts (the 'hey, doing anything later?' schtick), and we usually get pretty close (like friendship wise), and then when I actually try escalating things after a few dates the end result is often "Oh, I thought we were just friends."

I think, based on my experience, that you need to be a bit more straightforward than just that, but your language matters a lot "Hey doing anything after work tonight" is just like... hey lets chill out, whereas "Hey, want to go out for some drinks after work tonight?" is a bit more direct and subtly conveys that its more than a merely 'just friends' kinda deal...

The coffee thing is fine though, its pretty much standard doublespeak for "first date." I dont use it because I actually don't drink coffee, and the one time I DID try it, the girl in question was socially awkward enough not to understand said doublespeak and came back at me with "But, you don't drink coffee...?"

I think that the behavior you have on your 'something after work' is where you differentiate. If you never make a move, sure you'll get friendzoned.

oh oh, I think I am trapped.

When I left for work this morning, my girlfriend mumbled in her sleep "marry me already"

I think IM gonna try. In two weeks when I have more then 5$ to my name

Work. I know they say, "don't gak where you eat," but unless you want to pick up chicks in a bar, or have the game for cold approaches at the supermarket and actually put in the time and effort (I feel like a creeper hanging out at supermarkets...when I'm out for groceries, it's fething business time. Not looking for tail) it's one of the only options.

Also recommend Tinder. Because...easy. But not for finding "girlfriend" material. Last "friend" I met on Tinder ended up having a pill problem, on top of a drinking problem, on top of an abuse problem, on top of daddy issues. But she had skills like a crazy girl, so there's that...

Tinder is like a bar... the girls you find there probably aren't girlfriend material...

I wish I could spit game and do the cold approaches at supermarkets, etc. though...

sparkywtf wrote:
oh oh, I think I am trapped.

When I left for work this morning, my girlfriend mumbled in her sleep "marry me already"

Why do you think she was talking to you?

 Frazzled wrote:

sparkywtf wrote:
oh oh, I think I am trapped.

When I left for work this morning, my girlfriend mumbled in her sleep "marry me already"

Why do you think she was talking to you?

Yeah, she could just as easily have been muttering to Nathan Fillion.

I know I would.

 NuggzTheNinja wrote:
Work. I know they say, "don't gak where you eat," but unless you want to pick up chicks in a bar, or have the game for cold approaches at the supermarket and actually put in the time and effort (I feel like a creeper hanging out at supermarkets...when I'm out for groceries, it's fething business time. Not looking for tail) it's one of the only options.

Also recommend Tinder. Because...easy. But not for finding "girlfriend" material. Last "friend" I met on Tinder ended up having a pill problem, on top of a drinking problem, on top of an abuse problem, on top of daddy issues. But she had skills like a crazy girl, so there's that...

One of the only two other forums I frequent is the Misc section of Bodybuilding.com. Seriously, don't go there. I'm just bringing it up because it is full of 18-30 year old males seeking an easy score. They swear by Tinder.

So unless you are only after ONSs or FBWs stay away from Tinder.

Mines a bit funny. My brothers car was broken down and needed a ride to a date. My wifes room mate need a ride as well because she didn't have a car. So we meet up and just kinda laughed about how poor and sad our ridees where. So while my brother and this chick hooked up, we just hung out that night watching movies at her house. The rest is history.

Met mine when I was 13. Been together ever since, (im almost 20 now) and been living together for 2 years. The day we met we became friends and after a while we just ended up dating I guess. havent spent more than 2 weeks without seeing her haha. Marriage and babies soon...

And to the joint account part, we have "seperate accounts" but I deal with all the money. I pay all the bills etc and then her money comes in for anything else we feel like. But her account may as well be mine.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
I have yet to have a girlfirend :(

So, I am not the only one here .
How old are you though ?

21. :(
Now i have been trying. It just I have yet to work up to courage to ask any girl I like out

Bah, n00b ! I am 26 .


See, you are not that bad . I will soon enter Pope-level .

Maybe we need a "how to get a date" thread, since we've got so many foreveralone.jpgs.

Was going to start chatting up this cute girl in my economics class but she hasn't been attending class for a while, I hope she hasn't dropped out. feth!

Bro, you waited too long... been there myself. There was a girl in one of my classes that I was diggin pretty hard, we did the whole eye contact flirting thing from opposite ends of the lecture hall and everything, the day that I finally decided I would actually *try* talking to her she apparently dropped the class because i never saw her again.

Out of curiosity, did anyone here ever get anywhere with a cosplay girl that they met at a con? All the ones I've encountered seem to be a bit... off...

chaos0xomega wrote:
And if she laughs in your face then you can call her a bitch and move on with your life!

If it makes you feel any better hotsauce, I'm largely in the same boat as you (with some exceptions), its not that I fear rejection, its that I fear blowing my chance. The way I see it (whether its the right way to see it or not is a different matter) is that you will really only ever have one opportunity with any given girl to ask her out. My (irrational) fear is that I won't go about it the right way or my timing will be bad, etc. etc. etc. and these factors will blow whatever chance I might have before I really even have a chance (if you get what I'm saying). The irony is that as a result, I *dont* ask and end up blowing my chance anyway (you miss 100% of the shots you dont take) and perpetually end up wondering.... this is compounded by the fact that on the few instances I do actually take the chance it usually doesn't go my way, which kind of reinforces the whole "you only ever have one chance" thing because I can always point out a point where I can go "if I hadn't done/said that, maybe it would have worked out" kinda deal and yea...

I think both of you are working against yourselves by making it out to be a much bigger deal than it really is. You're digging your own hole. A related point is that also need to remember that when you try and it doesn't work out.

And that's all the dating advice I'm giving today.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 Palindrome wrote:

 kronk wrote:

With my ex wife, we had one account. Never again.

Keep that gak separate.

I'm not worried.

Yeah, me neither.

 Frazzled wrote:

 Da Boss wrote:
Online dating seems to have worked out fairly well for a lot of my friends, and I think the "stigma" with it grows less every year.

I don't think there's any remaining stigma to it. The younger kids live online. they're pretty much online dating and not knowing it.

Indeed. When I was younger, though, there definitely was one, to the point I'd answer the question in the OP obliquely to avoid the usual "but what if they're a weirdo" discussion. Because you really know a lot more about someone when you pick them up in a bar, I guess. Anyways the times sure have changed on that, I too was surprised by just how many OKcupid/etc people there were on here.

I think both of you are working against yourselves by making it out to be a much bigger deal than it really is. You're digging your own hole. A related point is that also need to remember that when you try and it doesn't work out.

And that's all the dating advice I'm giving today.

I agree, but when you're like me and basically fall in love with total strangers on an almost daily basis, it is kind of a pretty big deal when you're 'in the moment'.

As for online social stigma, it seems that the girls on Tinder still feel it considering how many profiles I saw that only had the words "I'm lying about how we met" written on them.

 sebster wrote:
Related question for the married folks - do you all keep seperate bank accounts? My wife and I rolled all our accounts together, but some friends of ours all still keep their own bank accounts, each contributing some money to mutually cover mortgage, bills etc... and that just blows my mind. Does anyone here do it that way, and if so, can I ask why?

I had intended to do so when we first got married, but trying to juggle so many bank accounts was just too much of a hassle. Now, we have a joint checking that our paychecks go into and bills come out of and a joint savings, for well, savings. I have a CD of money that my grandfather left me when he passed away in 2006 that I keep as a nest egg; only I have access to it because it is gifted to me but we would (and have) used it for emergencies. We have separate accounts with a different institution where we keep a college fund for both of our girls that is in my wife's name and she maintains it. If need be, that money would also be used for a dire financial emergency should one arise.

When it comes to spending money on personal stuff (video games, models, stuff for my car and the like for me and trips to Target, clothes, and scrapbooking supplies for her), we agreed to a monthly "allowance" to make sure we don't over spend. I personally use a credit card with a $300 limit (it is the first one I ever got and I have never requested a limit increase) for my monthly spending.

I know a lot of people have their reasons for keeping money separated but, as stupid as this may sound to some people, I know my wife and I will always be together. I know it sounds sappy but her and I both believe it.

 Nevelon wrote:
On a related note: Do Not Keep Score! In a healthy relationship, it will all even out in the end. So don’t get hung up on who’s turn it is to pay, favors owed, etc. There are more then enough things two people living together to argue about. So don’t bother with the little tit-for-tat stuff. This, coupled with Listen is probably the best generic relationship advice I can offer.

That is excellent advice. I received similar advice from the pastor that married my wife and I. What he told us was couples think they fight about three things: money, children, and sex. What they are actually fighting about is the inability to communicate with each other. Always be open and honest with each other and listen when your partner is doing the same.

 Ouze wrote:
All these long time relationships are heartwarming to read. Met when you were 11? Met in the third grade? Mindblowing.

Yeah, I get that a lot when I tell people how long I've known my wife. Even I think it's crazy sometimes, especially considering I moved clear across the country for years only to come back (which I didn't really want to do) and end up being with her. Life is funny like that I guess.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 Ouze wrote:

 Frazzled wrote:

 Da Boss wrote:
Online dating seems to have worked out fairly well for a lot of my friends, and I think the "stigma" with it grows less every year.

I don't think there's any remaining stigma to it. The younger kids live online. they're pretty much online dating and not knowing it.

Indeed. When I was younger, though, there definitely was one, to the point I'd answer the question in the OP obliquely to avoid the usual "but what if they're a weirdo" discussion. Because you really know a lot more about someone when you pick them up in a bar, I guess. Anyways the times sure have changed on that, I too was surprised by just how many OKcupid/etc people there were on here.

I agree. When I was in my early 20s I met a girl via LiveJournal (anyone remember that?) that turned out to live close to me. We decided to meet up one day and we ended up dating for over a year. The old school guys at my work would always ask me how I met her and when I told them over the internet they would think I was some sort of weirdo who couldn't hook up with girls "the old fashioned way."

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:

 hotsauceman1 wrote:

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
I have yet to have a girlfirend :(

So, I am not the only one here .
How old are you though ?

21. :(
Now i have been trying. It just I have yet to work up to courage to ask any girl I like out

Bah, n00b ! I am 26 .
See, you are not that bad . I will soon enter Pope-level .

32, never been kissed.

If I ever come off as abrasive on the forums, now you know why.

Hmm, I'm tempted to say we should run an experiment and have some of you older gents that have been forever single post pics of yourself so we can all be surprised that you're actually decent looking guys, etc. and perhaps give you an ego boost and perhaps some style advice...

but this is dakka, so i don't expect that to happen...


If it makes you feel any better, I have a friend (whom I have a fairly large crush on) who I think is absolutely drop dead gorgeous and is also an absolute nerd/geek/dork, etc. and cosplays Black Widow (Marvel comics character) like its nobodies business... She's 28, a virgin, never been kissed, never been in a relationship, etc. She is extremely fun to hang out with, has a great personality, etc. but when it comes to dating environment and/or guy/girl interactions, she is COMPLETELY socially awkward and clueless to the point that its actually painful to even try making a move on her (or watch someone try making a move).

The point is, its not just guys that have these issues, its... extremely sexy gorgeous nerdy girls too...

Personally, I blame ugly duck syndrome.

It's my experience that attractive women with little dating experience aren't just awkward, they're pushing guys away.

Nature abhors a vacuum. You put a pretty girl in a situation, and guys are gonna seek her out. Socially awkward means she has wacky mishaps. If she's staying single, its either out of choice or out of dysfunction.

chaos0xomega wrote:
Bro, you waited too long... been there myself. There was a girl in one of my classes that I was diggin pretty hard, we did the whole eye contact flirting thing from opposite ends of the lecture hall and everything, the day that I finally decided I would actually *try* talking to her she apparently dropped the class because i never saw her again.

Out of curiosity, did anyone here ever get anywhere with a cosplay girl that they met at a con? All the ones I've encountered seem to be a bit... off...

Aye. Varying levels with varying women over varying conventions.

Trust me, its just extreme social awkwardness (call it dysfunction if you will, pretty much two sides of the same coin as far as I'm concerned), many have tried, none have succeeded (and it gets better because when the guy gives up and gets involved with someone else, she usually ends up pretty much head over heels for the dude once its too late).

chaos0xomega wrote:

I think both of you are working against yourselves by making it out to be a much bigger deal than it really is. You're digging your own hole. A related point is that also need to remember that when you try and it doesn't work out.

And that's all the dating advice I'm giving today.

I agree, but when you're like me and basically fall in love with total strangers on an almost daily basis, it is kind of a pretty big deal when you're 'in the moment'.

I don't think I'm breaking my pledge to rebut this and say that it changes nothing from my earlier advice. You're still creating your own problem and building mountains out of molehills. Creating grand fantasies out of thin air about other people you don't know is setting yourself up for failure and probably not the healthiest behavior. So just stop doing it.

You see a girl you want to talk to, you talk to her. If she reciprocates, great. If not, you ask the next girl. Repeat as necessary. That's what it is and all it is. You've built things up *far* too much.



Automatically Appended Next Post:

 Polonius wrote:
It's my experience that attractive women with little dating experience aren't just awkward, they're pushing guys away.

Nature abhors a vacuum. You put a pretty girl in a situation, and guys are gonna seek her out. Socially awkward means she has wacky mishaps. If she's staying single, its either out of choice or out of dysfunction.

My first question was whether she's even straight.

Preaching to the choir gorgon, I already know this, and am *trying* to work on it, but emotional response isn't something you can just turn on or off.

As for straightness, I've wondered the same... she has (IMO) an unhealthy obsession with Scarlett Johansen, so I haven't ruled it out, but she claims to be into dudes and to want a boyfriend etc, so maybe she isn't but she hasn't yet realized it (if thats even possible)? Theres also the whole thing where she pretty much obsesses over guys that try to date her after they give up and get involved with someone else, so maybe not... dunno.

Everyone has an unhealthy obsession with ScarJo; I'd be worried if they didn't.

chaos0xomega wrote:
Hmm, I'm tempted to say we should run an experiment and have some of you older gents that have been forever single post pics of yourself so we can all be surprised that you're actually decent looking guys, etc. and perhaps give you an ego boost and perhaps some style advice...

but this is dakka, so i don't expect that to happen...


If it makes you feel any better, I have a friend (whom I have a fairly large crush on) who I think is absolutely drop dead gorgeous and is also an absolute nerd/geek/dork, etc. and cosplays Black Widow (Marvel comics character) like its nobodies business... She's 28, a virgin, never been kissed, never been in a relationship, etc. She is extremely fun to hang out with, has a great personality, etc. but when it comes to dating environment and/or guy/girl interactions, she is COMPLETELY socially awkward and clueless to the point that its actually painful to even try making a move on her (or watch someone try making a move).

The point is, its not just guys that have these issues, its... extremely sexy gorgeous nerdy girls too...

Personally, I blame ugly duck syndrome.

Does she have unreasonably high standards for men?

 Avatar 720 wrote:
Everyone has an unhealthy obsession with ScarJo; I'd be worried if they didn't.

Jennifer Lawrence fits nicely into that slot as well.

With that, the chances of this thread summoning Whembly have increase a thousandfold.

 Avatar 720 wrote:
Everyone has an unhealthy obsession with ScarJo; I'd be worried if they didn't.

Strewth.

I don't have an unhealthy obsession with ScarJo... should I be worried?

And as for her taste/standards in men, I dunno? She finds the usual celebrity males attractive I guess, she never really discusses dudes we know in person in that context... looking at her tumblr... its 98% pictures of women (more fuel for the lesbian thing), and more than half of those are of ScarJo and/or Black Widow comic panels...