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2009/11/24 01:26:20
Subject: Stupid jokes go here..
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Humming Great Unclean One of Nurgle
Georgia,just outside Atlanta
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Ok,just for chuckles ( or facepalms),I thought I'd start a stupid joke thread.
So go ahead and post the dumbest joke you've got.
I'll start with this little head shaker I heard at work today
"So,what's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a shepard in Scotland?....
The Rolling stones shout "hey you!..get off of my cloud"..a shepard in Scotland shouts...
"Hey! Mcloud...get off of my ewe!"
Yes,I know it's awful...that's the point 
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"I'll tell you one thing that every good soldier knows! The only thing that counts in the end is power! Naked merciless force!" .-Ursus.
I am Red/Black
Take The Magic Dual Colour Test - Beta today!
<small>Created with Rum and Monkey's Personality Test Generator.</small>I am both selfish and chaotic. I value self-gratification and control; I want to have things my way, preferably now. At best, I'm entertaining and surprising; at worst, I'm hedonistic and violent. |
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2009/11/24 01:31:22
Subject: Stupid jokes go here..
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Revving Ravenwing Biker
Crouching in a chair, drinking tea.
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If a kidneystone can stone a kidney, how many kidneys would a kidneystone stone?
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*Blank stare* |
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2009/11/24 02:05:34
Subject: Stupid jokes go here..
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Preacher of the Emperor
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Q. What's brown and sticky?
A. A Naomi Campbell.
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 1500pts
Gwar! wrote:Debate it all you want, I just report what the rules actually say. It's up to others to tie their panties in a Knot. I stopped caring long ago.
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2009/11/24 02:27:00
Subject: Stupid jokes go here..
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Killer Klaivex
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Joke removed: Ok, maybe that one was in bad taste...
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This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2009/11/24 04:07:50
People are like dice, a certain Frenchman said that. You throw yourself in the direction of your own choosing. People are free because they can do that. Everyone's circumstances are different, but no matter how small the choice, at the very least, you can throw yourself. It's not chance or fate. It's the choice you made. |
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2009/11/24 05:42:18
Subject: Stupid jokes go here..
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Moustache-twirling Princeps
About to eat your Avatar...
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
Get the feth out of my face... feth this joke... there, are you happy now? Was that funny too you, you ungrateful bastard...
To get to the other side...
HAH! I get it!!!
.... hmmm.... this thread needs moar dancing monkeys...
Dance you glorious bastards... DANCE!!! MOAR DANCING!!!
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2009/11/24 05:46:00
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2009/11/24 06:19:14
Subject: Re: Stupid jokes go here..
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Monstrously Massive Big Mutant
An unknown location in the Warp
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When's the best time to bash a muzza?
When he's outta credit!
hahahahahaahahahaha*SMACK*hahahaha...AAAAARGGHH!! 
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2009/11/24 06:22:33
Subject: Stupid jokes go here..
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Blood-Drenched Death Company Marine
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Two Penguins walk into a bar.....
You would think the second one would have ducked.
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2009/11/24 06:23:09
Subject: Stupid jokes go here..
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Monstrously Massive Big Mutant
An unknown location in the Warp
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2009/11/24 06:31:28
Subject: Re: Stupid jokes go here..
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Steady Space Marine Vet Sergeant
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TELL ME IF ANY ARE INAPPROPRIATE ILL PROMTPLY REMOVE THEM
Q: What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his chest
Q: What do a man and a driveway have in common?
A: Lay em' right the first time and they'll stay with you
Guess what I got for my mother for Christmas? An electric broom!" said the wife.
"Why?" said the husband. "So she can get here faster?"
What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
About 30 pounds
Why beer is better then girls
1) You always know if you are the first one to open a beer.
2) A beer never gets jealous if you grab another beer.
3) A beer never gets angry if you show up smelling of beer.
4) The colder a beer, the better.
5) You can always share a beer with your friends.
6) A beer does not get upset if you arrive at 3 a.m.
7) You can choose a beer from the case and, if you change your mind, you can pick another one.
What do anniversaries and toilets have in common?
Men always miss both of them
A woman woke up in the middle of the night and her husband was not in the bed. She heard him in the living room sobbing and weeping like mad.
She asked him, ''Honey, what is wrong?''
He replied, ''Well, remember when you were 15 and I was 19, and you got pregnant, and your father said I either have to marry you or go to jail for having sex with a minor?
Well, this is the day I would have gotten out of prison.''
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2009/11/24 06:32:33
 -to many points to bother to count.
mattyrm wrote:i like the idea of a woman with a lobster claw for a hand touching my nuts. :-)
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2009/11/24 06:47:05
Subject: Stupid jokes go here..
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Incorporating Wet-Blending
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A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Their domestic tranquillity had long been the talk of the town. People would say, "What a peaceful & loving couple"
The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
The Husband replied "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona, and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, "That's once."
"We proceeded a little further and her horse stumbled again. Again my wife quietly said, "That's twice." We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time my wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.
I SHOUTED at her, "What's wrong with you, woman!? Why did you shoot the poor animal like that, are you fething crazy!?" She looked at ME, and quietly said, "That's once."
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Mannahnin wrote:A lot of folks online (and in emails in other parts of life) use pretty mangled English. The idea is that it takes extra effort and time to write properly, and they’d rather save the time. If you can still be understood, what’s the harm? While most of the time a sloppy post CAN be understood, the use of proper grammar, punctuation, and spelling is generally seen as respectable and desirable on most forums. It demonstrates an effort made to be understood, and to make your post an easy and pleasant read. By making this effort, you can often elicit more positive responses from the community, and instantly mark yourself as someone worth talking to.
insaniak wrote: Every time someone threatens violence over the internet as a result of someone's hypothetical actions at the gaming table, the earth shakes infinitisemally in its orbit as millions of eyeballs behind millions of monitors all roll simultaneously.
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2009/11/24 06:53:33
Subject: Stupid jokes go here..
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Steady Space Marine Vet Sergeant
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^ I dont get it?
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-to many points to bother to count.
mattyrm wrote:i like the idea of a woman with a lobster claw for a hand touching my nuts. :-)
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2009/11/24 06:54:15
Subject: Re: Stupid jokes go here..
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Monstrously Massive Big Mutant
An unknown location in the Warp
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garret wrote:TELL ME IF ANY ARE INAPPROPRIATE ILL PROMTPLY REMOVE THEM
Q: What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his chest
Q: What do a man and a driveway have in common?
A: Lay em' right the first time and they'll stay with you
Guess what I got for my mother for Christmas? An electric broom!" said the wife.
"Why?" said the husband. "So she can get here faster?"
What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
About 30 pounds
Why beer is better then girls
1) You always know if you are the first one to open a beer.
2) A beer never gets jealous if you grab another beer.
3) A beer never gets angry if you show up smelling of beer.
4) The colder a beer, the better.
5) You can always share a beer with your friends.
6) A beer does not get upset if you arrive at 3 a.m.
7) You can choose a beer from the case and, if you change your mind, you can pick another one.
What do anniversaries and toilets have in common?
Men always miss both of them
A woman woke up in the middle of the night and her husband was not in the bed. She heard him in the living room sobbing and weeping like mad.
She asked him, ''Honey, what is wrong?''
He replied, ''Well, remember when you were 15 and I was 19, and you got pregnant, and your father said I either have to marry you or go to jail for having sex with a minor?
Well, this is the day I would have gotten out of prison.''
nice stuff dude 
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2009/11/24 07:00:01
Subject: Stupid jokes go here..
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Incorporating Wet-Blending
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President Obama and Gordon Brown are shown a time machine which can see 100 years into the future. They both decide to test it by asking a question each.
President Obama goes first: "What will the USA be like in 100 years time?"
The machine whirrs and beeps and goes into action and gives him a printout, he reads it out: The country is in good hands under the new President, crime is non-existent, there is no conflict, the economy is healthy. There are no worries"
Gordon Brown thinks "It's not bad this time machine, I'll have a bit of that" so he asks: "What will Britain be like in 100 years time?"
The machine whirrs and beeps and goes into action, and he gets a printout. But he just stares at it. "Come on Gordon" says Obama, "Tell us what it says" "I can't! It's in Arabic!"
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Mannahnin wrote:A lot of folks online (and in emails in other parts of life) use pretty mangled English. The idea is that it takes extra effort and time to write properly, and they’d rather save the time. If you can still be understood, what’s the harm? While most of the time a sloppy post CAN be understood, the use of proper grammar, punctuation, and spelling is generally seen as respectable and desirable on most forums. It demonstrates an effort made to be understood, and to make your post an easy and pleasant read. By making this effort, you can often elicit more positive responses from the community, and instantly mark yourself as someone worth talking to.
insaniak wrote: Every time someone threatens violence over the internet as a result of someone's hypothetical actions at the gaming table, the earth shakes infinitisemally in its orbit as millions of eyeballs behind millions of monitors all roll simultaneously.
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2009/11/24 07:12:44
Subject: Re: Stupid jokes go here..
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Nasty Nob on Warbike with Klaw
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The Aristocrats!
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WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! |
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2009/11/24 09:02:32
Subject: Stupid jokes go here..
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Executing Exarch
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So an Irishman walks out of a bar...
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DR:80+S(GT)G++M++B-I++Pwmhd05#+D+++A+++/sWD-R++T(Ot)DM+
How is it they live in such harmony - the billions of stars - when most men can barely go a minute without declaring war in their minds about someone they know.
- St. Thomas Aquinas
Warhammer 40K:
 Alpha Legion - 15,000 pts For the Emperor!
 WAAAGH! Skullhooka - 14,000 pts
 Biel Tan Strikeforce - 11,000 pts
"The Eldar get no attention because the average male does not like confetti blasters, shimmer shields or sparkle lasers."
-Illeix |
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2009/11/24 09:24:32
Subject: Stupid jokes go here..
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Gore-Soaked Lunatic Witchhunter
Australia (Recently ravaged by the Hive Fleet Ginger Overlord)
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LOL at these so far.
A man is injured in a crash in the countryside and seeks to claim his injury insurance.
Defense Attorney: Sir, you claim you broke your arm as a result of the accident but Officer Jones was the first to arrive at the scene of the crash and reported that you claimed and I quote "I've never felt better in my entire life." He said he detected no satire or sarcasm in this statement of any kind.
Plaintiff: Look mate, if you'll just let me explain. When the officer got there the horse that had run into me was on the ground with a broken spine, and my dog which had been in the passenger seat was a few paces away with a broken leg. The officer walks over to the horse, looks at it, sees it's in pain, pulls out his revolver and shoots it dead. He walks over to my dog, looks at it, sees that it's in pain and shoots it dead. He then walks over to me and asks how I was feeling. Now mate, what the bloody hell would you have said?
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2009/11/24 09:25:20
Smacks wrote:
After the game, pack up all your miniatures, then slap the guy next to you on the ass and say.
"Good game guys, now lets hit the showers" 
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2009/11/24 10:03:23
Subject: Stupid jokes go here..
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Junior Officer with Laspistol
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Knock knock.
Who's there?
The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband is in hospital.
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2009/11/24 10:05:10
Subject: Stupid jokes go here..
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Wrathful Warlord Titan Commander
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Stupid jokes you say eh.....?
Q: Why do women wear make up and perfume?
A: Because they're ugly and they smell!
Q: Why do do elephants paint their balls red?
A: So they can hide in cherry trees [obviously, duh!]
Q: Whats the loudest noise in the jungle?
A: Monkeys eating cherries!
Edit: Spulling Arrgh!
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This message was edited 3 times. Last update was at 2009/11/25 16:43:24
How do you promote your Hobby? - Legoburner "I run some crappy wargaming website " |
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2009/11/24 10:12:20
Subject: Stupid jokes go here..
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Ridin' on a Snotling Pump Wagon
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Two Nuns are hurrying bac to the Nunnery. In order to make better time, they take a short cut down a cobbled alley.
The First Nun says 'I've never come this way before'
The second Nun replies 'Me neither, it must be the cobbles'
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2009/11/24 10:15:18
Subject: Stupid jokes go here..
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Junior Officer with Laspistol
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What's worse than finding a fly in your soup?
The holocaust.
------------------
A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic and it's tearing his family apart.
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2009/11/24 10:15:34
Subject: Stupid jokes go here..
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Sinewy Scourge
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Q: What do you call a dog without his rear legs and iron, erm, testicles?
A: Sparky.
Q: How do you call a dog without legs?
A: You don't call it, you get up and go pick it up yourself.
Q: What's got two legs and bleeds a lot?
A: Half a dog.
And finally, since no thread is complete without the husband/wife joke...
Guy gets home at around 6 in the morning, half-drunk and with kiss marks on his neck. He finds his wife waiting for him with a broom on her hand. He promptly asks,
"So, going to sweep, or going to fly?"
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2009/11/24 10:19:36
Subject: Stupid jokes go here..
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Killer Klaivex
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Aw, all my good jokes are about dead babies, and I know someone on Dakka will get butthurt about them.
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People are like dice, a certain Frenchman said that. You throw yourself in the direction of your own choosing. People are free because they can do that. Everyone's circumstances are different, but no matter how small the choice, at the very least, you can throw yourself. It's not chance or fate. It's the choice you made. |
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2009/11/24 10:19:56
Subject: Stupid jokes go here..
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Ridin' on a Snotling Pump Wagon
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Why did the Pervert cross the road?
He couldn't get his knob out the Chicken.
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2009/11/24 10:27:31
Subject: Stupid jokes go here..
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Killer Klaivex
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Oh, alright, I'll try one of my less disturbing ones...
Q:Whats funnier than a baby in a trash can?
A:One baby in six trash cans.
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People are like dice, a certain Frenchman said that. You throw yourself in the direction of your own choosing. People are free because they can do that. Everyone's circumstances are different, but no matter how small the choice, at the very least, you can throw yourself. It's not chance or fate. It's the choice you made. |
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2009/11/24 10:57:05
Subject: Stupid jokes go here..
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Wrathful Warlord Titan Commander
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Cheese you're a cock, happy now?
Anyway,
Nun is just getting into her bath and there is a knock at the door.
Nun - "who is it?"
Man - "its that Blind man from the village, can i come in?"
Dripping wet she thinks for a minute........Hmmm he's blind, wont hurt. So she opens the door.
Man - "Nice tits sister, now where do you want the Blinds put up?"
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2009/11/24 11:54:19
How do you promote your Hobby? - Legoburner "I run some crappy wargaming website " |
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2009/11/24 10:58:08
Subject: Stupid jokes go here..
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Nasty Nob on Warbike with Klaw
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The Dreadnote wrote:Knock knock.
Who's there?
The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband is in hospital.
Of course, they would not have happened if we hadn't built the hospital right at the end of that drag-racing strip!
The Dreadnote]What's worse than finding a fly in your soup?
The holocaust.
Because then, you have all those corpses, which attract so many flies that it's like a fly buffet!
A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic and it's tearing his family apart.
So what if he decided to run the wood chipper at midnight, it's not his problem that his wife and kids like to sleep in the brush pile!
Punch lines, dude. Punch lines. Really brings 'em home.
(I really need to get a handle on this whole multi-quote thing.
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This message was edited 9 times. Last update was at 2009/11/24 11:04:29
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! |
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2009/11/24 13:55:41
Subject: Stupid jokes go here..
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Fixture of Dakka
Manchester UK
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The Irish Boomerang: never comes back, just keeps singing about how much it wants to.
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 Cheesecat wrote:
I almost always agree with Albatross, I can't see why anyone wouldn't.
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2009/11/24 14:00:38
Subject: Stupid jokes go here..
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Member of the Malleus
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You know what's funny?
Clowns.
You know what's ironic?
What's funnier than spinning a baby on a clothesline at 100Kp/h?
Stopping it with a cricket bat.
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2009/11/24 18:32:49
Subject: Re: Stupid jokes go here..
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Stabbin' Skarboy
San Francisco Bay Area, CA
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So, a baby seal walks into a club...
Ring... Ring...
Hheelloo, iiss tthhhiiss thhee sshhoop iii boouugghht thhee vviibbrrattorr ffrroomm...
Yes.
Ccaann yyoouu tteell mmee hhooww ttoo ttuurrnn tthhee ffeetthhiinngg tthhiinngg ooffff?
What's the difference between erotic and kinky?
Erotic = using a feather
Kinky = using the whole fething chicken
How did Burger King get Diary Queen pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his whopper.
If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get laided off?
A man walks down the road with a sheep under each arm.
He meets another man who asks, "You sheerin' mate?" The first guy replies "Naw, they're all mine"
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I am a damaged individual screaming random obscenities into the internet, sorry if I upset you.
"Dig what you dig. Don't take any fool's madness, just dig what you dig."
-Corey Taylor (Not Saying you're a fool  )
"You guys are nuttier n fruitbats who just sucked a three week old pineapple." -Frazzled |
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2009/11/24 18:51:20
Subject: Stupid jokes go here..
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Fixture of Dakka
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One day at Deathguard HQ, things were going as normal until some clouds started to form and it started to rain really heavily. One of the Plague Marines ran to his CO and said "Sir, it's started to rain and the Rhinos are still out! If we don't hurry, all the grime and disease will be washed off!" The Officer replied "Emergency procedures! Get those Rhinos back in the garage ASAP!" A few minutes later the soaking Plague Marine returned and said "we managed to get all of the Rhinos back inside in time except for one." The CO said "Great, unclean one!" Eh? eh? Bad taste: *edit* I'm probably not going to get away with that one on second thought What was the best thing Kurt Colbain ever released? The safety on the shotgun.
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2009/11/24 18:58:21
Worship me. |
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