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Like the title says!

1 - The new codex will reveal that the Fallen are really the loyal Dark Angels, the DA are in fact traitors.
2 - Cypher is the real Lion El'Johnson
3 - The Ravenwing are gone, but the Ironwing is back!
4 - There's a new order beyond the Deathwing, the Secretwing, they are dark and mysterious and have access to Eliminator Armor and Power Claymores
5 - In accordance with #1, many people assumed the starter set with Chaos and DA had two armies, in fact it has one army and one allied force.
6 - The rumored new Chaos Codex? This is it!
7 - Robed DA are -1 T against flamer weapons
8 - DA not only get preferred enemy against Space Wolves, but against any army with Space or Wolf in the title. GW will FAQ whether or not Eldar are considered Space Elfs for the purpose of this rule.
9 - DA get a new special rule 'Furious Stand' which gives them +1S and +1I on turns when they don't move.
10 - The dark secret of the Dark Angels will finally be reviled, y'see this one time Johnson and the Emperor were in Tijuana doing Jello shots and the Emp passed out. Next thing he knows it's morning and he's in a hotel bed with Johnson naked. And that's why to this day they are known as the Unforgiven.

11. Dark Angels become all emo and stuff and cut them selves(the name "dark angels" sound like a username of one those 2006 emo deviantart users)

12. TDA is now a 5+/2++
13. Combi weapons now can only fire the bolter once.
14. To counter flaming robes, you can upgrade your robes to be asbestos lined for 4ppm.
15. Storm Shields only work on attacks to your front arc. And only in CC.

1 - The new codex will reveal that the Fallen are really the loyal Dark Angels, the DA are in fact traitors.

lol, Codex: Dark Angels, written by M. Night Shyamalan.

Also, I am reliably informed that they are "dark" because of their mood (possibly due to their inability to become Ultramarines).

16. They too have Slain M'kar around the time the Ultramarine novel takes place
17.Dark Angels may now take lascannons for 5 pts
18. Dark Angels now have a special grenade known as the 'Pokeball', it may remove one fallen from game.
19. New Dark Angels battlecry will be "Gotta Catch Em all!!"
20. They now recruit from Cadia, Calth, Catachan, as well as any other planet whos name starts with a Ca
21. They now revere Draigo as their god
22.All weapons will have 1 higher strength

23. They will finally acknowledge Roboute Guilliman as their Spiritual Liege and-

Dheneb wrote:
Also, I am reliably informed that they are "dark" because of their mood (possibly due to their inability to become Ultramarines).

Bah, beaten to the Ultramarines joke.

all Dark angels can fly. every model, tanks can fly also!

23. Plasma on everything. New type of Plasma Fist which works as a power fist at initiative.

24. Plasma reactors in vehicles allows them to move flat out as if they were on a road. If they come into contact with terrain you may make a Plasma Smash Attack. Roll for dangerous terrain first, if it passes you get the chance. On a 4+ the vehicle moves the rest of the distance as if it were a skimmer. Place a large blast marker where the vehicle stops and resolve it as a s7 ap2 attack on every enemy model. This attack does not scatter as the Plasma Jets under the vehicle slow its descent.

25. Plasma Field. 6" Aura 4+ cover save, however all attacks made by a plasma based enemy weapon are dissipated in the field and thus are ignored. Even to units behind the bearer of the field as the blast fades into nothing as it passes through.

26. Plasma Hammer. Thunder Hammer with a built in Combi-Plasmagun.

27. All of the uniques are named Alpharius for some reason.

28. New Stormdark flyer with Secretstrike missiles.

29. New Double Land Raiders are built by stacking two normal LRs one atop the other.

30. Battle Brothers with Tyranids.

31. The Imperium of Man point out the vast number of other chapters who have had part of their number lost to chaos and tell the Dark Angels to stop being whiny little girls about it.

32. The Dark Angels will take the Tau under their protection as they were chosen by the Emperor to be mankinds protector due to their lack of warp-- oh wait, somebody already made that rumour up about Ultramarines.

33. They decide to paint their armour blue and yellow to become proper space marines - sincerely, Matt "spiritual liege" Ward
34. Also, they do nasty stuff to GKs and cover themselves in their blood to avoid chaos taint

35 - I can confirm the Secret Wing and their Eliminator Armour get Plasma Fists, and Plasma hammers. Eliminator Armour is 5+/2++ and Secret Wing have 3 wounds.

36 - Secret Wing have many special rules such as 'Mysterious Strike', 'Enigma Attack' and 'Secret Weapon'. The Codex does not explain what any of these are, to get those rules you must buy the double secret super decoder ring for $53.45, available from GW's website.

37 - When battling Eldar both players roll a die. If both come up 6 then the battle is canceled. Both players must leave the room and turn off the lights for a half hour. Then they return and clean up the table. The Codex does not explain why.

38 - A new special character Secret Grand Master Pythagoras is described as the hidden master of the Dark Angles.

Kid_Kyoto wrote:

37 - When battling Eldar both players roll a die. If both come up 6 then the battle is canceled. Both players must leave the room and turn off the lights for a half hour. Then they return and clean up the table. The Codex does not explain why.

That's the best one so far

New Psychic power. Brood, Which increase the strengh and wounds of all models but remove leadership by 5 points

There is no Dark Angels. Each and every Dark Angel went traitor and are the chosen. In reality, the ones people believe are loyalists aee actually Alpha Legionaires that wanted to be loyal, but the Emperor wanted equal numbers on each side of the Heresy so made them dress as DA.

Deadshot wrote:There is no Dark Angels. Each and every Dark Angel went traitor and are the chosen. In reality, the ones people believe are loyalists aee actually Alpha Legionaires that wanted to be loyal, but the Emperor wanted equal numbers on each side of the Heresy so made them dress as DA.

Correlary: The Alpha Legionnaires are those who rejected chaos in order to follow Robuote Guilleman, their spiritual liege. Their cowardice in rejecting Chaos mingled with the blue paint they tried to apply to their armor: thus Dark Angels Green.

39: It is revealed what a Dark Angel wears under his robes. Spoiler: its called a Power Johnson

40: The Watchers in the Dark are a new Elite choice. They cost 50 points apiece. You get to attach them to enemy units and they force the enemy to reroll one dice of your choice a turn due to the annoyance of having a little midget follow them around.

41: A new successor chapter of the DAs is added in the form of a special character. They're called the Dork Angels and their Chapter Master's name is Napolion Dynameat. He makes Tactical squads a Heavy Support choice and Dreadnoughts a Troops choice(because the Dork Angels are constantly getting beat up and put in Dreadnoughts by the cool kids)

42: Azrael finally puts his damn helmet on.

Grey Templar wrote:Azrael finally puts his damn helmet on

Lol. Maybe but if Ward gets his hands on the book, odds are he'll lose it on some planet. Some Tau will find it on a bench.in the park and take it home for his son.

43 - 3 words for you... Thunder Lion Cavalry

44. The chapter troops decide to begin referring to their primarch by a different surname in light of new historic material discovered which reveals his namesake to be a nineteenth century homosexual poet. They begin substituting Richie for Johnson after a twentieth century heterosexual musician. The captaincy have not condemned these practices but aren't exactly dancing on the ceiling.

I see what you did there

45: Black Templars are merged with the Dark Angels in one book. Mat Ward then goes on to kill two armies with one codex.

Grey Templar wrote:42: Azrael finally puts his damn helmet on.

Roll 3d6 every time he attempts to move on a 9 or more he falls over due to the weight.

helgrenze wrote:

Grey Templar wrote:42: Azrael finally puts his damn helmet on.

Roll 3d6 every time he attempts to move on a 9 or more he falls over due to the weight.

He may also only turn 90 degrees per turn, and shoot, assault and run in his front 90 degree arc. He also has the Slow and Purposeful USR while wearing his helmet.

liquidjoshi wrote:45: Black Templars are merged with the Dark Angels in one book. Mat Ward then goes on to kill two armies with one codex.

Codex Black Dark Templar Angels!

Frankly I never saw why we needed a Medieval Monk chapter and a Medieval Knight Chapter.

Well actually I never saw why we need more than marine codex anyway...

46: All marine codexs are merged. Only the ultramarines are supported in this new book with ICs, etc.

47-DAs get a new land raider variant called the Land Raider Lion'El. The Lion'El sacrifices its crew transport space for a massive plasma cannon known as 'the Johnson'. the Johnson has a bulbous head and thick veined shaft with two throbbing spheres below it. during a battle the Johnson's power builds and builds until it is finally unleashed in a power climax of white hot power!

The Land Raider Lion'El and the Johnson may only be sold to players aged 18+.

Ehhhh

48: The Lion'El comes with its very own black bar

49. We discover that the chapter's origins go back tens of thousands of years further- to the darkest ages of humanity as they crept to the stars; during his "punk" phase, the Emperor's fascination with a particular wrestler turned actor was the inspiration for several of the iconic names embedded within the Dark Angels- namely the name of their Fortress Monastery (The Rock) and the name of their Primarch (named after Dwayne Johnson) .