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Dupe post.

 BigWaaagh wrote:
Granted! Your house is now completely re-"modelled" with leftover WH40K/AOS bits and supported entirely by a framework of plastic sprues. Construction is actually sound but neighborhood kids, who frequent your local GW, find out about your home improvement efforts and begin clipping off bits at night for their own models...this does not end well as the ensuing structural collapse leaves you pinned in your bed with 247 Bloodletter swords and other assorted pointy bits skewering your person.

I wish this wasn't the last day of this year's Adepticon!

Granted. Adepticon 2017 now lasts forever. No new items will be made never again as a result. This will plunge the market for miniatures and wargames and all things related into a deep stagnation.

I wish to be the King in Yellow. For I am most worthy of his heritage.

Granted. You never really get to do anything, because the Crawling Chaos steals your job and credit all the time.



I wish to know what that burning smell is.

Its your entire tau and ad mech armies.

All that's left is a single unburnt sister dialogus and a pyrovore.
Guess who did it.

...

I wish the package I'm waiting for will arrive

Granted. It looks like it's been through a blender. Rushing it wasn't the best course, after all.

I wish that I lived closer to my LGS.

Granted. You move and its great for a few weeks.

Then it moves and nearest new flgs is 200 miles away, seperated by rampaging rad mutants attacking roads, bands of mad max raiders and deathclaws roaming between you and there.

Lastly they opened the new store in a town soley inhabited by hardcore creationists, tea party republicans, who all worship George bush as a god.

I wish verdai would move to this town.

Granted. People start disappearing, weird lights appear in the sky, and random nuclear explosions are weekly occurrences. You're all doomed.

I wish the Ordinatus rules were balanced.

Granted. GW balances the rules by giving all units the same rules as the Ordinatus, making 40k the most monotome and boring game ever.

I wish for an ice cold tankard of apple cider.

Granted, it's cold as ice... because it's been frozen into ice. Meanwhile, you were just finishing your last game at the champion's table at Adepticon... and you won! Everybody rushes over to congratulate you. A couple guys try to do the classic "dump a keg of Gatorade on the coach" gag... but it was frozen. You are knocked out when the cylindrical apple-flavored chunk of ice hits you and consequently suffer a concussion.

I wish that I had the time and skill to become a good rumormonger, limited mostly to just tabletop games though.

Granted. Your technique is perfect, and you become a master of teasing. Unfortunately, for no reason at all, everybody believes you were a fraud.

I wish I was less paranoid.

Granted.

A unidentified black drone follows you forever.

...

I wish I had magical powers.

Granted. It's Lovecraftian magic. Enjoy your negative SAN score.

I wish for charisma level 10/10.

Granted. Your score is 10/10 for a while, until a jealous rival douses your face with acid.

I wish for some good leftovers.

Granted. You have some good leftovers. Unfortunatly they are good leftovers if you are a follower of Nurgle or at least a Plague Marine and enjoy rotten pestilent moldy sludge with unidentifiable savoury bits.

I wish to have the mind of Sherlock Holmes, the handsomeness of Dorian Gray and the raw sexual charisma of James Bond.

Granted. Half the population wants you, and half the population wants you dead. Unfortunately, the latter half includes several Russian billionaires. Your bloated body washes up on a beach a month after you get your powers.

I wish for a stack of KR Multicases for my Mechanicus.

Granted they all arrive. But they carry a awful curse. Every time you use them more of your tau models magicaly gain boobs even the battle suits and flies.

Enjoy. They also gain pin up style armour.

I wish 32mm bases would fit in my gw model cases better than they do.

Granted! Unfortunately this "better fit" happens only when the bases are broken off of your models.

I wish my passport wasn't about to expire as I hate the paperwork and unnecessary waiting.

Granted. You get detained at the border. Turns out those exporation dates have a use, after all.

I wish for the Mortal Engines movie to be fantastic and come out this year.

Granted. But the studio keeps it in turnaround for years.

I wish for relevant social pop culture commentary.

Granted. It is on written paper and sent by mail. Unfortunately it will be wrongly delivered to a notorious local gangster who mistakes it for a coded message, stating that you are threatening his live. Better get moving!

I wish that good times are here to stay.

Granted but thr good times are a as a gong farmer in the middle ages. And your job will never end.

The good thing, they give you a unlimited supply of ale, get a hut, and a wife called Helga with a beard.

...

I wish I had a flying car, and knew how to fly it, that also worked .

Granted. You get shot down by the military, due to them mistaking your flying car for a hostile aircraft.

I wish for a proper sequel to Total Annihilation.

Granted! It has graphics created by 6 year olds with crayons.

I wish telemarketers would have to actually buy their own crap that they shill over the phone.

Granted. They become fanboys (and girls) of their products and shill them even more relentlessly in an annoying, almost cult like fashion.


I wish for a well made, epic-length Horus heresy movie.

Granted. Sadly no theater would play a 36 hour long movie since it eats to much into the profits. They do play all the crappy Adam Sandler, Uwe Boll and summer gakky schlock movies instead.

I wish twitter would just melt down and disappear.

Granted twitter shuts down but it also precludes a net crash and by the end thr only search engine left was bing, and transform the internet with thr ugliest design mankind could imagine.

I wish that my floating mega sky palace was completed and operational..

Granted. It is made entirely out of soap, and held up by a single support. Enjoy.

I wish that creating eBay listings was less time consuming.

Granted, there is now an option of "24 hr auction, starting bid $0 and $0.01 minimum increment" that is selected by default if you don't finish a listing within 1 minute.

I wish to be more competent with time management.

Granted. You become a most competent time manager. People would praise you for it, where it not that you are now terrible in managing everything else in life.

I wish I could predict the trajectory of falling shrubbery.

Granted- the good news is it's pretty easy to predict falls and parabolic trajectories (though you may have to ignore drag in the latter) with some pretty straightforward physics. Shrubberies are no exception tho the laws of physics iirc. The bad news is it's not terribly easy to do the math on the fly, and given substantial distances traveled and initial velocities, you may only be able to use a shrubbery just once. After that it'll be a little more compost-y.

I wish to sit back and watch korbenn launch/drop shurbberies, preferably not from the spot where any given shrubbery is expected to land.