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Granted! Now quit hitting yourself.

I wish sweet, Georgia peaches were in season all year round.

Granted ... But now they are bland and tasteless as forced to grow out of season and in conditions there not meant to.

I wish that brussel sprouts where banished from thr universe.

Granted but everything you eat tastes like them


I wish IG infantry were stronger

Granted. IG infantry are given +1 strength, but the trade off (you know GW likes balance) is that they get -1 toughness and -1 BS.


I wish for a tender, juicy steak.

Granted. The juice is cyanide.

I wish for a solid kilogram of miscellaneous Mechanicus bits.

Granted but they are all hot pink

I wish for a hotshot lasgun

Granted! Unfortunately, it uses some dodgy physics, and spawns a black hole due to this.

I wish for a Mark Of Slaanesh.

Granted! Unfortunately your crab claw hands make it impossible to function in life and you succumb to starvation and disease as you can't put on your clothes, pay your heating bill or drive your car. Hygiene and going to the bathroom...forget about it.

I wish Big Foot would just come walking into my local Panera for a sandwich, soup and a Coke.

Granted. Unfortunately, his legendary stench makes the experience rather unenjoyable.
Plus, his credit card is declined and he promptly flies into a rage and rampages through the place.



I wish my neighbor's rooster wouldn't begin crowing quite so early.

Granted. Now he crows all night long.

I wish to find more mummies.

Granted, You find over 12000 of them and are promptly arrested for grave robbing. After which you suffer a curse layed uppon you by every mummy you found.

I wish for the return of the Emperor to his former Glory.

Granted. He's still false.



I wish for a spectacular sunset this evening.

Granted. The sunset is actually another star speeding towards earth or, more specifically, your house which get smashed to oblivion (along with most of America).

I wish for Cheese and Onion crisps to go back to being green and Salt and Vinegar being blue

Granted. But person deciding colours is colour blind.

I wish to find a sunken tresure gallion loaded with gold.

Granted! Unfortunately it lies on the bottom of the ocean under the wreck of a Cold War era Soviet nuclear sub that sank due to a "nuclear incident". Said incident has caused contamination of the galleon and it's treasure, but don't worry, the half-life of the sub's leaked fission material is only 16 million years.

I wish I could get the hang of snowboarding.

Granted. You fall off like a pro.

I wish for a new display case.

Granted, it's home to a very angry, but still adorable, tarantula.

I wish for a pet tarantula.

Granted, You get an aggrasive pet venomous funnel-web tarantula. On the first night it escapes and is still hidding somewhere in your house.

I wish for a proper conclusion to the X-files.

Granted! Seen the guy in the White House lately? That's a fething alien if ever I saw one and only the existence of millions of mind-controlled alien hybrids could explain why anyone would have voted for him.

I wish I had a full time assistant to handle all the monotonous duties in my life.

Granted. But they cost millions of dollars and your bankrupt, then you lose them massively in debt.

I wish I had a a 200 foot yacht with crew.

Granted. But they cost millions of dollars and you're bankrupt, then you lose it, being massively in debt.



I wish for a new riding lawnmower.

Granted but it randomly sucks people up as sacrifices to khorne



I wish warhammer was a cheaper hobby

Granted. It's almost free. GW goes out of business due to not making any money.

I wish for more Mechanicus bits, I used up all my good ones on three guys.

Granted. Those 3 guys fell and shattered. You can now reuse those bits.

I wish for GW store in Prague.

Granted. But the staff fell to chaos and now you have to serve krone to enter, fight a real life blood thrister in single combat to be allowed in.

I wish that all my models would be primed and ready to paint.

Granted. They are. But you havn't done anything else for weeks.

I wish no missiles had been fired today.

Granted. Bombs have been dropped instead.

I wish for new headphones.

Granted. They cost about £1 and have a strange quality that means whatever you say comes out in a high-pitched 8 year old Minecrafter voice.

I wish for some money

Granted. It turns out yo be counterfeit.


I wish people would be more kind to one another.

Granted. People now invade each others and your personal space for public displays of affection. Whether they want to, OR NOT!

I wish for the meat in my dinner to be less though.