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Granted. It makes people so uncomfortable, in fact, that it is ban hammered from every place where you post it, and causes friends and family to disassociate with you entirely.



I wish for a tame and cuddly pet honey badger.

Granted! Your new pet, however, doesn't provide you with the warmth and companionship you seek because, well, honey badger don't care.

I wish Katz's Deli was right next door to my house. Mmmm...Pastrami on rye.
https://locu.com/places/katzs-delicatessen-new-york-us/

Granted. But your home is a cardboard refrigerator box in the alley.


I wish for an enormous flagpole and a 40foot X 20 foot American flag to fly in my front yard.

Granted! A hurricane strength wind gets the flag flapping and it bitch slaps your home into the next state.

I wish my cardboard box next to Katz's had cable. BTW, best. box. ever!

Granted you got cable, a tv but the power is intermitant and it only plays 50 shades of grey movie.

I wish I had a most excellent and perfect mug of tea.

Granted. Perfect in every way. Then you spill the whole thing.

I wish to see the hedgerow country.

Granted! Bocage it is! Unfortunately, unlike WWII tankers, your vehicle doesn't have a plow to get through the hedgerows and you become entangled and ensnared after an ill-advised attempt to turn around on a narrow, sunken French road. They find your car and your carcass years later after the flora and fauna have had their way with you. But think of what a wonderfully personal, intimate and unique hedgerow experience you'll have!

I wish I could be down in Cuba with my best friend right now, instead of having my schedule full of other stuff which prohibited my taking the trip.

Granted... but I think The Godfather Part 2 may be a factual account of your trip, among your other activities.

I wish to take a hiking trip up in a nice mountain range (Rockies, Andes, Alps?)

Granted! You encounter SCP-1529 on your hike.

I wish my lips weren't so chapped.

Granted. You go hiking in the Rockies. You get lost slip on a ledge fall down a landslide and get your arm stuck under a big rock. You attempt to sever your trapped limb with a pocket knife, but your blood attracts the illusive land shark of the Sierra Nevada. This legendary creature rips you to shreds as you scream in agony.

I wish for so much blood.

Granted. You became a woman and you constantly menstruate. Also you bleed from your nose almost every day and hemophilia isn't helping you very much.

I wish for magical shoes that allow me to run three times faster than normal.

You receive said shoes, they're too small.

I wish for nothing.

Granted! Life in a vacuum for all eternity.

I wish I had some Skippy Extra Crunchy Peanut Butter right now...I'm Jonesing for a PBJ.

Granted! You don't have enough to make a proper sandwich, and feel incomplete.

I wish for a Star Trek replicator and the means to power it.

Granted. But you end up unable to operate it correctly and get beamed into a alternate reality where mankind is devolved savages, boob armour, and cruel dark ledar overlords.

I wish my bus was faster

Got Ninja'd.

Granted the buses a now allowed to travel at 100 km/h through the city. This results in a mass increase in traffic accident fatalities as a 33,000 pound bus with unstrapped people inside going 100 km/h through a crowded city is not very safe for those in and around said bus. You find this out the hard way a in a particulery gruesome accident you a flung through the bus windshield and end up as a splatter of human salsa on the side of a building.

I wish for old fashion DVD and record stores to return again in my city.

Granted. They promptly close up, due to online competition.

I wish for another cold beer.

Granted. You are served another cold beer. Since you are now well past the limited you drunkenly decide to walk to your car anyway. After fiddling with the keys you manage to drive away. After swirfing off the road your car lands upside down in a ditch. In the hospital you are diagnosed with terminal liver cancer.

I wish for GW to produce a plastic thunderhawk and alien terrain kits.

Granted, they are limited runs and promptly sell out.

I wish I had a debit card that could never be declined.

Granted. An ATM eats it, and it's never returned.

I wish for the Kharadron prices to be lower.

Granted. They are now made of old bubbley fine cast recyled 12 times and cast in a moulds that's 10,000 past needing remastering.

I wish I had my fw heresey charecter model.

Granted! It is the little known character "Spud", whose job it is to polish the Golden Throne on a daily basis. He can best be described as a cross between Danny DeVito and Snurl's avatar.

I wish monkeys didn't fling poo at the zoos.

Granted. Now they only fling poo at you.

I wish to find an easter egg.

Granted.


I wish for new models for the Imperial Guardsmen.

Granted! Now they all are modeled to look like Liberace's back-up singers.

I wish everyone would stop squatting on My hill.

Granted. It is now my hill.



I wish 8th edition makes Thousand Sons awesome and fun to use again.

Granted. Thousand sons are now awesome, but Tau have been boosted even more into ridiculousness and all your usual opponents play them.

I wish for fried bacon.

Granted. Fried bacon crunchy and grilled to perfection. The last bit of cholesterol before a fatal heart attack.

I wish for fantastic weather tomorrow.

Granted . It is if your a Alaskan who loves being frozen hunting ice creatures.

Its cold as balls and then some so sibierians and Alaskans laugh at you.

I wish I had a warm log fore to keep me warm.

Granted. You get only one log of wood for your fire. Now you will discover that a weeklong blizzard has started and that you are snowed-in in a log cabin, located in the permafrost, miles away from civilization, with no way of communication. Starvation or frostbite anyone.

I wish for a magic functional lava lamp with real lava.