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korbenn wrote:Granted. You get only one log of wood for your fire. Now you will discover that a weeklong blizzard has started and that you are snowed-in in a log cabin, located in the permafrost, miles away from civilization, with no way of communication. Starvation or frostbite anyone.

I wish for a magic functional lava lamp with real lava.

Granted, it's magic so the glass doesn't melt, but it likes to erupt from time to time.

I wish playing Minecraft wasn't given such a bad stigma by annoying 8-12 YOs.

Verviedi wrote:Granted! You encounter SCP-1529 on your hike.

I wish my lips weren't so chapped.

Really terrifying, that read. I wrote one once, SCP-2011, but it's not something with a scare factor like the one you linked.

Well done, I remember that WTFing me out. I wrote SCP-2027. I'm proud that I met the site's standards.

Granted. Instead, it's given a stigma by quantity of invading immature 4chan users.

I wish for a suit of (purple, white, and gold, obviously) power armor.

Granted, but it's made out of polystyrene that degrades after a day or two. Enjoy!

I wish for a pretty unicorn that loves me

Granted however the unicorn loves you by stabbing you with its horn, lovingly and eats all your chips and drinks your best.

I wish I had a friendly squid to help me leant html.

Granted. Everytime you make a mistake (typo included) it slaps you with it's tentacles and soaks you in ink.

I wish for self-hammering nails.

Granted. One self hammers through your hand when you make a mistake and you drop a box on floor that self hammer your girlfriends best dress to the floor.

I wish CCS did not use hex colours.

Granted. Improved CCS code now uses it's own unique color scheme, where each shade has it's own 128bit long code...
And you need to remember them all.

I wish for better TV signal.

Granted. You get a single channel with perfect signal.
Unfortunately, it is the MLP all day, every day channel.



I wish I didn't have to travel so far to go to Professional Bull Riding events.

Granted. Its hosted in your home and thousands are queing to use your toilet and you got thousands of of drinks to make.

Its very hard work.

I wish the Easter bunny was a puffin.

Granted. He's caught in a "sky-fishing" accident and consumed raw, to the horror of children the world over.

I wish that there was less deforestation in the world.

Granted. One less tree per forest is removed.

I wish to remember all of the rules.

Granted. You remember all the rules even the ones who become old and obsolete. Over time it becomes harder and harder for you to distinguish between the relevant ones and the obsolete ones. You are now in an asylum, constantly confused and muttering rules to yourself and never getting anything done.

I wish for the darkness to come.

Granted. Unexpected power surge blew all light bulbs in the entire neighbourhood.

I wish all the knives in my kitchen weren't so dull.

Granted. All knives immediately beginning undergoing nuclear fission, as they are sharpened to a degree that splits atoms in the blade. The world vanishes in an atomic fireball.


I wish for GLaDOS to narrate my life.

Granted! Enjoy your new home at the South Pole.

I wish Santa was real.

Granted. Santa is now real. His flying sled, workshop and magical power to deliver presents in a single night are not. So Santa would have died from overwork if he didnt freeze to dead in the middle of the North pole with a bunch of Elves we trew in as a free bonus with your wish. Christmas is ruined forever.

I wish for a nice spit roasted Easter bunny.

Granted.

Your then caught and hunted by many vengeful parents whom you destroyed the waster bunny for millions of children including Donald Trump.

I wish I had some excellent steak and chips.

Granted. A dog makes off with it before you can get a bite.

I wish to find another cat.

Granted! It's a Cat Of Ulthor, and it quite likes you... better buy some more food bowls.

I wish for my life to be narrated by GLaDOS, because my edit to the last post failed.

Granted. Even Glados struggles to make your life sound epic and resigns in a month.

I wish to have all the forge world 30k characters.

Granted. They are cheap knock-offs for which you paid far too much. The cheap, brittle resin deteriorates inside of a month.


I wish for a brand new custom made saddle.

Granted! It is for a gerbil.

I wish to see a gerbil rodeo with CL as one of the riding competitors.

Granted. All of the gerbils are livestock-sized. I do quite well in the bulldogging and gerbil roping competitions. However, things go horribly wrong
In the saddle bronc competition, where I am bucked off and gnawed upon by a 1200 pound gerbil before the clowns can save me.
How is this corrupted?
You are temporarily plagued by a guilty conscience.


I wish for a speedy recovery from my gerbil rodeo injuries.

Granted. But you are doomed to repeat your performance forever.

I wish to organize all of my stuff.

Granted. But you forget how its is organised so you lose everything again and have to go through every box even to start again.

Back to square one..

I wish that squid where more cute.

Granted. It's so cute that it becomes impossible to hurt in self-defense, when it inevitably tries to kill you.

I wish for a Culture combat drone to be my friend.

Granted. Then it becomes posseive, kills all your family and friends being only you and the drone.

I wish the moon nazis and moon comunists would stop arguing already.

Granted. They settle the matter by mutual assert destruction by means of blowing up the moon itself with them on it.
The result of this explosion not only causes debris to rain down to Earth, resulting in massive destruction, but also without the moons gravity affecting the tides massive tidal waves wipe out all coastal regions.

I wish some better quality paints.

Granted you get the finest paints ever made but openeing them alone requires a chanting budist monk, a fragment of the true cross and a stirrer from tutenkamuns tomb.

If not got these things they simply just make models melt into puddles of plastic that refuse to be removed, glow brightly and smell like axe deodorant.

I wish I had a GEOM model.

Granted. It has over ten thousand tiny parts and no instructions other than some cryptic messages written in Mandarin.

I wish I liked AOS.