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Granted. You are a carpenter and you can see through lots of walls before the drywall and insulation go up.

I wish to be able to reach the loft without a ladder.

Granted. Your now freakishly long limbs turn you into a social outcast.

I wish for bacon.

Granted. Crispy salty bacon! All the bacon you can eat. All the bacon to turn you into a ham-beast. All the bacon to give you a massive coronary as your arteries clog up with cholesterol. All the bacon to end you.

I wish for sausage.

Granted. Your country has been invaded by Germany (again) and sausages are now only food you can consume.

I wish that vegetable wasn't so awful.

Granted. Vegtables are great.

They are now the only food source. They get very boring.
So so boring and you wish for other foods but the wish goes will not give you such..



I wish that I had a warmer fleece tonight.

Granted. You get a warmer fleece blanket, perfect for you to snuggle into at night. A couple of days later your dehydrated and mummified corpse is found by the police.

I wish for more financial efficiency.

Granted. You are spot on to the cent with all transactions, always comparison shopping and hunting for the best deal. You clip coupons daily. Obsession happens. You forget what you were trying to save money for.

I wish to find an easier way to trim my lawn.

Granted You rig up a contraption involving a couple of lawn mowers, four hedge trimmers and a motor bike.
I trims your lawn quick and easy until you find out that duct tape and chicken wire are the best materials to fasten sharp implements and machinery. It takes the county coroner three full days to piece your corps together. A empty case of beer found at the scene causes pe0ple to mock you long after you are death.

I wish to be impervious to all damage.

Granted.

Its all transferred to a time in your future.
However then you feel all the pain of injuries in one go.

I wish it was more summery.

Granted. It is more summery in Florida (trust me.)

You however are still in England.



I wish to own an orangutan sanctuary.

Granted. But you have no orangutans.

I wish the skunks would bugger off.

Granted. They are all driven off when the troop of chimpanzees inexplicably moves into your yard.




I wish for a 6 foot X 4 foot gaming table designed and built by sculptor Kris Kuksi.

Granted! The table is beautifully sculpted...out of orange Play-Doh.


I wish college education was mandatory and free for all people.

Granted but standards drop so low most people have a degree in kardashian studies.

You are slowly driven mad as Kim kardashian is elected president and the USA has first Whitehouse riality show.

Washington turns in grave so fast he forms a singularity that creates a black hole and destroys planet.

.

I wish I had a truely unlimited credit card I never needed to pay off.

Granted. It only works in North Korea. Hope you enjoy praying to a picture of a fat dude with a nuke fetish.

I wish for a meeting with an Eldar.

Granted! Unfortunately you are dressed as an Imperial Guardsman with an empty Lasgun at the time of your encounter.


I wish there would have been more ISIS members in the cave system we fethed up with the MOAB.

Granted. They were all in there. Now aa new target/scapegoat is needed.

I wish Trump and Kim Jong would settle it with dueling pistols.

Granted. Unfortunately, Trump wins. Turns out he's a bigger threat to the USA than Kim Jong is.



I wish for my cheeks to not be swollen.

Granted. Now your hands are totally swollen up so you cannot paint and have a beautiful warlord commission go to someone else.

I wish the shower was warner....

Granted! The shower is the perfect warm and toasty temperature you desire, with the duration of 1 second.

I wish I had a pet Platypus.

Granted, It stings you with its poison spur.

I wish for a long hard...

A long hard spell of labour in a communist gulag alone where your other long hard thing has no other company bar a robotic guard, a pet goldfish and a fee shipping crates of vodka.

I wish I had a larger supply of space marine arms for assult and vanguard marines.

Granted, they're all highly warped resin.

I wish for my own car.

Granted. Its a rusty pickup truck that needs jumping to start every time, has impossible to remove Trump, Bush and palin bumper stickers with a few creatures who live in the cab.

Oh and it also only seems to happy holding space marines. Any other amry causes or to break down.


I wish my car would fix itself.

Granted. Your car is infected with Necrodermis. Enjoy!

I wish for a TARDIS.

Granted. Its full of daleks.

I wish for a self-mowing lawn.

Granted! But it's idea of when it should mow itself is vastly different from yours. Typically, it's only after it's grown to 2 feet and the mowing invariably occurs at 3am.

I wish I grow an Avocado Tree in my yard. Guacamole...nom, nom.

Granted. The rabbits are well fed.

I wish to start another walnut tree.

Granted. The tree dries up after several days, because you planted it in the middle of Sahara.
(I hope I got the meaning right)

I wish for unbreakable drinking glasses.

Granted. They are made of an unbreakable polymer plastic that gives all drinks a weird chemical taste. Those are the carcinogens.

I wish to know where the hell my reinforcements are staying!