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Granted. They send a postcard.

I wish to know the exact location of all of my bits.

Granted. They are all dancing in 70's Retro Music Club to disco, hundreds of kilometers from the place they were supposed to be.

I wish to own a cooking servitor, that actually cooks tasty meals.

//Ninja'd

Granted. There tasty to a grox and they eat anything so it can vary from steak to deep fried leather boot.

I hope it picks food you can eat.

...

I wish the rain would be less wet and slightly warner.

Granted. Volcano erupts and now it rains lava.

I wish for dioptric glasses with in-built auspex.

Granted! Unfortunately your nation's security forces now view you as a threat and send you to Guantanamo Bay for a nice, long vacation.


I wish I had the power to make individuals of my choosing disappear.

Granted. You are now called "Josif Vasillievich Stalin"

I wish for a rocket-propelled car.

Granted. Each rocket is good for one trip only, and costs a ton of money to replace.

I wish for a cure for apathy.

Gran...nah, I don't care.

I wish I could get a guest starring spot on 'Elementary'.

Granted. You are written in as a corpse. However in editing you only scene gets cut and your name is removed from the credits.

I wish to master the art of knife throwing.

Granted. You are the master of the world, but you end up in prison, because EU had banned knife throwing and knives in genreal.

I wish for inflatable practise target.

granted,,, its inflated with VX nerve gas, Sarin and clorine and you die painfully when you burst it.

i wish i had a full cup of tea as i not wanna walk to kitchen.

Granted. A full cup of piping hot tea magically appears in your hands. Naturally, this startles you causing you to immediately spill it all on your lap.


My lawn is looking a bit yellow. I wish for rain.

Granted. It is still raining here. Thanks.

I wish the rain would stop for a reasonable amount of days.

Granted. Is stopped raining, but because weather does not know the meaning of "reasonable amount", in started again a day later.

I wish to be more popular.

Granted! Your distinct body odor is like a love pheromone for male cockroaches and your scent draws them to you from hundreds of miles around. You're the most popular belle of a rather gnarly ball.

I wish for my medical check-up to go well today.

Granted. It goes great until a rampaging nuclear mutant trex charges out the warp, bites your doctor in half and you have to pay for a new check up and find a new doctor.

Lastly you now have super powers from the t rex to hear peoples farts from 1000 miles away.

I wish to have a website.

Granted. It is a constant battle to keep spammers, hackers, and other undesirables from destroying it outright.

I wish to play some more pool soon.

Granted. You joined a billiards tournament. You played as best as you could, but it was not enough to beat a blind guy with Parkinson's, who played against you.

I wish that DoW III wasn't such a piece of gak.

Granted. It wasn't. But you still don't like it.


I wish to go cliff diving.

Granted! Cliff would now appreciate your not jumping from heights on to his head.

I wish someone in Kim Jong Un's inner circle would just do the world a favor and...

Granted. Mu-Shu pork for everyone!

I wish for a better rifle.

Granted! Now off to Pyongyang you go to do the right thing.

I wish I was down in Cuba smoking a fine cigar and enjoying a Mojito on the beach.

Granted. The beach is the Bay of Pigs, and it is April 17, 1961.




I wish to step into the cage at the UFC and take a shot at the title.

Granted! Unfortunately, that is the only shot you get as, at the sound of the starting bell, your opponent takes two steps towards you and delivers a spinning roundhouse kick that sends your teeth into the third row. Good night, sweet prince.


I wish every elephant and rhino in Africa had a sniper drone assigned to them in order to protect them from fething poachers.

Granted. The OS running them was designed by cyberdine system's and is a modified version of skynet.

Rhino's are fine. Until thr nuclear war starts.

I wish I felt better more quickly.

Granted. During bedroom romantic intercourse it takes only few seconds before you feel better.

I wish for evening thunderstorm.

Granted! Unfortunately the thunderstorm is in your pants from the chili and bean dip you ate at lunch.

I wish I was in New Orleans on Bourbon Street right now with the newly single Scarlett Johansson on my arm and a Hurricane in my hand!

Granted. But the hurricane in your hand is not the only one in town. You get swept away by wind and water.

I wish to watch a good movie.

Granted. Ita good if you like watching Paris Hilton try at act in a serious movie about dams, aliens invading Canada, and Donald trump declared the leader for life of mankind.

I wish the Moon Romans would hurry up and deliver my new toga.

Granted. It doesn't fit.

I wish to avoid my wife's cousin.