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Granted. As the men's room attendant.


I wish for an exciting day at the beach.

Granted. Excitement causes adrenaline rushes. Nothing causes adrenaline rushes like the awakening of Cthulhu while you are there.

I wish for Traditio to learn that he is fallible and that his extraordinarily high standards do not work in reality.

Lupus Mortem wrote:
Granted but they thought you said fishes so you have a lifetime supply of mackerel..

Not a punishment, I would have actually spent a wish on it had someone made me think of it

 Selym wrote:
Granted. Excitement causes adrenaline rushes. Nothing causes adrenaline rushes like the awakening of Cthulhu while you are there.

I wish for Traditio to learn that he is fallible and that his extraordinarily high standards do not work in reality.

Lupus Mortem wrote:
Granted but they thought you said fishes so you have a lifetime supply of mackerel..

Not a punishment, I would have actually spent a wish on it had someone made me think of it

He does. He doesn't care.

(I just watched Aladdin so forgive this...)


NEXT POSTER! I wish for you, to make ME, an allll POWERFULLL GENIE!

Granted. But you will get stuck inside a cramped lamp for most of your infinite existence, and will be bored rigid the whole time. Your short excursions into the world will be only to serve the three wishes of the most banal and petty of the human race, who will never think to free you or give you time off.

I wish for the wishes in this thread to become uncorrupted.

Granted. All of the wishes coming true at one time creates a temporal anomaly and sends civilisation back to the stone age.

I wish to hit my dentist's teeth with a hammer.

Granted. However, being his teeth are the indestructible variation only available to dentists, his teeth remain perfectly intact.

I wish I had something better for lunch than my ham sandwich.

Granted. It is a bacon, jam, egg and cheese baguette (Ha! You didn't specify who would deem it better!). It costs £250,000, and, while delicious, automatically takes this fund out of your most empty bank account, presumably overdrafting you.

I wish for a free pet rock.

Granted, but you hit an orphan while exiting your driveway and spend the comiccon weekend in jail.

I wish for the nearby Wildfires to be contained.

Granted. They are temporarily contained, become insulated, and start melting the surface of the earth. The result is far worse than the start.

I wish for Mars to be terraformed.

Granted. It is terraformed by a hostile alien race and used as a staging area for their invasion of earth.



I wish for a new pair of boots.

Granted. They were made in size 40,000,000, and are considered by the government to be a high-value property, for which you must be charged tax.

I wish for a wish to be true but not corrupted.

Granted. Your wish for a tax bill has been granted and requires payment in the standard 14 working days.

I wish that I had a unlimited pot of nulin oil.

I'm sorry, your request for <: Cannot Identify = Nulin :> has been denied, due to <: Not In Stock :>. You have been compensated with <: Vendor Out Of Change :>. We apologise for the <: Inconvenience :>.

I wish the above vending machine would actually give what was asked of it.

Granted, but it's now your job to stock and maintain the vending machine.

I wish to own a Cow

Granted but it's one small wheel of Laughing Cow cheese.

I want a 20 year old female personal barista on duty in my house 24/7.

Granted. She is a kardashian

Your service is alot slower than planned.

I wish my space marines would base coat themselves while I sleep in the correct colours.

Granted. You do sleep in the correct colours, and your Marines base themselves in salmon pink. And even do the detailwork in deep purple.

The paint wasn't thinnned though.

I wish that GW would figure out how to make a balanced 40k game.

Granted. They fill the box with as much money as possible and balance it on a scales. When a new obscene dollar amount is reached, it is considered perfectly balanced.

I wish to get likeable new neighbors.

Granted. They're likable. Too likable. Slaanesh-worshipping likable *shudder*

I wish for a new Chaos God.

Granted. It makes Slannesh look like a mormon and you are embarassed to use its miniatures in public.

I wish the trash pile next door would be carted away.

Granted. They cart it away and drop it off in your front yard.

I wish I did not have to BBQ outside when it is so hot and it was a nice 75 degrees celsius.

Granted. You can't BBQ because your wish has caused instant worldwide famine and we're all going to die. Thanks dude.

I wish my wife's annoying friend from college that's visiting came with a mute button.

Granted. He does. But this causes your wife so much psychological distress (how would you like to know that you and everyone around you is pretty much just a fictional character in someone else's computer?) that she becomes institutionalised.

I wish to know if any of this is even real. (Take "this" to refer to reality itself, not the above granted wish)

Granted. You wanted to know. You now know. Your head explodes.

I wish for an 8'×6' mirror.

Granted. But it only reflects Orks. It reflects Orks very well, but nothing else. The floor? No. Walls? No. People? Also no.

I wish to be a living paradox.

Granted. Your now living forver alone on a plane of existence only you can live on.

I wish I had a bigger phone screen.

Granted, but now it is too big to fit in a pocket, bag, car, house... Basically, it's bigger than whatever you try to put it in, but can still be used with your thumbs as normal. Paradoxically.

I wish to be a living paradox.

Better than some IRL options, but not quite a paradox. So I thank you, but have wished again

jhe90 wrote:Granted. Your now living forver alone on a plane of existence only you can live on.

Granted. You are a politician.

I wish for a new truck.

Granted. However... I, as a politician, was elected on a promise to make trucks more easily accessible. I achieved this. By upping road tax and fuel prices, and creating new legislation that specifically bans anything with more than five wheels. Thus thousands of trucks are now littering industrial parks utterly unguarded. The trucks are more easily accessible to you, and you manage to find the keys for one. But the sad fact is that driving it will be expensive, you still have to pay for the upped costs of your other vehicle, and road use of the truck is now an arrestable offence.

I wish for voters to like me.

Granted. You are the butt of every joke when you blow the re-election un-opposed.

I wish for a cobweb machine.