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Cheese Elemental wrote:Why won't they work in English?
Why are you keeping a secret?
Is the rest of Germany in on it?
NAZI CONSPIRACY!

*ehem...dude, I know you're joking and I have actually no problems with Nazi jokes but you should try to seperate Nazi Germany from Germany in the last 60 years.
Those jokes are mostly just some puns and they just work if you understand the language, but you're not missing out on much.


So, let's get back to joking, shall we?

What's different between porcupines and Porches?
Porcupines have pricks on the outside.

Baseball is unrealistic. A guy with four balls can't walk.

what's the difference between Congress and the Mafia?

The Mafia's organized.

Says the masochist to the sadist: "Torture me!"
The sadist answers: "No!"

What's the difference between a rich girl and a poor girl?

A rich girl has a canopy over her bed and a poor girl has a can o' pee under her bed.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Two monks in the Himalayas were going on a pilgrimage.
The younger monk noticed there was no food for the journey and stated his concerns to his master, an older monk.
The older monk said, "Worry not, for Buddah shall provide."
Several days into the journey, the pangs of hunger were overwhelming the younger monk, and he spoke of his despair to the master.
"Worry not, for Buddah shall provide," came back the calm answer.
Another day on the trail brought the monks to the body of a frozen Yak.
"Praise Buddah!," rejoiced the young monk as he set upon the carcass.
Upon sating his hunger he noticed that his master had not yet eaten.
"Master, you should not hold back so, for has not Buddah provided sustanence for us in our trial?", asked the puzzled monk
"Worry not, for Buddah shall provide", came back the answer.
After a couple of hours past the Yak carvass the young monk fell violently ill, vomiting all over the trail.
At this point the master brandished his chopsticks and stated, "It is as I said. Buddah has provided you with a cold lunch and has rewarded my patience with a hot one!"

What's brown and sticky? A stick!

Images allowed?

How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends on how hard you throw them.

This ones kind of sick so be warned.

Whats the difference between oral and anal on a dead baby?
None, you get deepthroat either way.

Whats the difference between a trampoline and a baby?
You take your boots off to jump on a trampoline.

Whats the difference between a truck ful of babies and a truck full of bowling balls?
You can't unload bowling balls with a pitchfork.

Whats worse than 5 babies in one dumpster?
1 baby in 5 dumpsters.

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?
Nail its other hand to the floor.

What do you call a baby with no legs and no arms in the pacific ocean?
Fethed.

Whats gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.

How do you get 100 babies in a bucket?
With a Blender

How do you get them out?
With Tortilla chips!

What's white and red and hangs from a telephone wire?
A baby shot through a snowblower.

What is better than a dead baby?
The revoked child-support.




Automatically Appended Next Post:
Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork?
So you can tell which ones are still alive.


What's worse than a having sex with a dead baby?
Having sex with a dead baby filled with razor blades.

What's worse than a dead baby in a trashcan lid?
A trashcan lid in a dead baby.

Why did the dead baby cross the road?
It was chained to a bumper

What do vegetarian ogres eat?
Cabbage patch kids.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a felt tip marker?
You don't get second looks when you're writing with a felt tip marker!

What is red and creeps up your leg?
A homesick abortion.

What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw

What does a blind, deaf, quadriplegic baby can get for Christmas ?
Cancer.

What is the definition of revenge?
A baby with a dog in its mouth.

What's white and bobs up and down in a baby's crib ?
A Pedophiles ass.

What's worse than smoking pot with a baby?
Making a bong out of it

What's got four wheels, smokes and squeals?
A bus load of babies on fire.

What's pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
A baby with forks in its eyes.

When is the best time to bury that baby you killed?
When it starts talking to you again.

Why is there always hot water at childbirth?
In case of a stillbirth, soup.

What's grosser than gross?
A garbage can full of dead babies.

What's grosser than that?
The one at the bottom is still alive.

What's grosser than that?
He has to eat his way to freedom.

What's grosser than that?
He goes back for more.

What has 4 legs and one arm?
A Doberman in a children's playground!

What's harder to do than nailing a baby to a tree?
Nailing it to a dead puppy.

How do you get a baby to run faster?
Chase it with the lawn mower.

What's more fun than a barrel of dead babies?
Sticking pins in their eyes.

How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.

If a tree falls on a baby in the forest, and no one is
around to hear it, is it still hilarious?

What's sicker than driving over a baby?
Skidding.

How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby.

Why did the toddler drop it's lollipop?
It was hit by a truck.

Oh man am I going to hell....

Threadromancy, in my Dakka?

Golden Eyed Scout was the Necromancer.

Ratbarf wrote:Golden Eyed Scout was the Necromancer.

Totally worth it.
Want to make that evening meeting your girlfriend/boyfriends parents end fast? Just ask this: "So what do you guys think about chains?"

How do you piss off Lady Gaga? Poker face!