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What do you call an arab flying a plane?

^ Very few on this forum thought of that answer

A man goes to a supermarket, picks out a couple of microwave meals and goes to the till. The woman at the till says to him 'Are you single?', Sarcastically he replies 'yeah, oh how could you tell', she responds, 'because your fething ugly'.

What's got an arm and a leg and bleeds?

Half a baby.

A man is driving along when he spots a teen-ager tied to a tree naked the man leaves his car and asks the boy what happened to him the boy replies i offered to give a woman a lift home then her husband jumped out of the bushes then he took my clothes and car then tied me to this tree. the man unzips his flies and then says well your day is'nt any better is it.

What's worse than a dead baby on a plate?

An empty plate!

[deleted due to excessive use of expletives]

Chuck Norris has been dead for 10 years. The Grim Reaper has just been to scared to tell him.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a mars bar?

About 500 calories.

This is funny, cause it's true.
At rifle club the other day, I was reloading my rifle. It is a bolt action .22 LR. the bolt got stuck, and wouldn't go down. I push it harder, and it finally goes down.
Something you need to know. The trigger could be hit by a breeze a mile away, and go off. Somehow, my finger hit the trigger, and I shot the ceiling. Acoording to the coach,
Epic Fail.

Chuck Norris and Two cowboys are sitting around a campfire. The youngest cowboy says, "Last week, a mammoth bull gored 10 men on the range, but I stepped in and wrestled it to the ground with nothing but my bare hands."
Not wanting to be outdone, the second cowboy says, "That's nothing. Two days ago, I was attacked by a 10-foot rattler, but I caught it in mid-strike and ripped off its head with my teeth."
Chuck just sat there quietly, slowly stirring the coals with his penis.

That's the only good Chuck Norris joke I've heard in a very long time, sorry if it's already been said.

Golden Eyed Scout wrote:This is funny, cause it's true.
At rifle club the other day, I was reloading my rifle. It is a bolt action .22 LR. the bolt got stuck, and wouldn't go down. I push it harder, and it finally goes down.
Something you need to know. The trigger could be hit by a breeze a mile away, and go off. Somehow, my finger hit the trigger, and I shot the ceiling. Acoording to the coach,
Epic Fail.

I'm surprised you weren't looking into the barrel as well. Rules of gun safety say to always point a jammed weapon away from people or down at the ground so you don't, you know, shoot anyone on accident.

Did You Know?: Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight. Why? Because the Dark is afraid of him.

halonachos wrote:

Golden Eyed Scout wrote:This is funny, cause it's true.
At rifle club the other day, I was reloading my rifle. It is a bolt action .22 LR. the bolt got stuck, and wouldn't go down. I push it harder, and it finally goes down.
Something you need to know. The trigger could be hit by a breeze a mile away, and go off. Somehow, my finger hit the trigger, and I shot the ceiling. Acoording to the coach,
Epic Fail.

I'm surprised you weren't looking into the barrel as well. Rules of gun safety say to always point a jammed weapon away from people or down at the ground so you don't, you know, shoot anyone on accident.

I thought it was jammed so I told the teacher, he checked it out, said it wasn't, that I just have to use more force on it. WTF?

Still, was there a bullet in the camber? If so, the gun must always be aimed towards the target or at the ground. Your coach sounds rather idiotic.

OT:
What's worse than 10 babies in a trash can...1 baby in 10 trash cans.

halonachos wrote:Still, was there a bullet in the camber? If so, the gun must always be aimed towards the target or at the ground. Your coach sounds rather idiotic.

OT:
What's worse than 10 babies in a trash can...1 baby in 10 trash cans.

No, I removed said bullet just in case, and put in another one.

On Topic.

Whats the difference between a dead body and a Mustang?

I never dumped a Mustang into a river.

What's a foot long, blue, and makes women scream in the morning?

Crib death.

A tribe of cannibals capture three guys and tell them "We're going to kill you, eat you, and use your skin for boats. But, we're at least going to let you choose how you die." The first guy thinks a bit, and then says "Shoot me, that's quick." So they shoot him, eat him, and use his skin for a boat. The second guy opts for decapitation, and the same thing happens. The third guy thinks about it for a while, and then says with a grin "I would like to be forked." The cannibals have no idea what he's talking about, so he says "I'll show you" and takes a fork, stabbing himself full of holes. As he bleeds out, his last words were "HA! There goes your boat!"

What's blue and yellow and sits on the bottom of a pool?
A baby with the floaties slashed.

What's red and yellow and floats?
Floaties with the baby slashed.

What's Green and yellow and sit's on the bottom of a pool?
The first baby three weeks later.

What get's redder and redder and smaller and smaller?
A baby on a belt sander.

How many babie''s does it take to paint a shed?
Depends how hard you throw them.

What's bubbly and goes round in circles?
A baby in the microwave.

What similarities are there between Michael Jackson and a X Box 360?
Both plastic, both turned on by small children and both make for red rings.

I could go on but I won't...

What's two feet long and keeps c**ts warm?






A Man U scarf.

wife says: "I want some breast enlargment"
Husband: "you're kidding!, try this"(hands wife some toilet paper)
Wife: "what am I supposed to do with that? "
husband: "simple, just rub it between your tits"
wife: "how the hell is that supposed to work?"
husband: "you've been doin it for years with your arse, look how much that's grown!"

goffnob deffsmakka wrote:

Did this incident actually happen? ( or similar? )

normally people dont make things out of the blues.

And again...I feel dirty for laughing about all those dead baby jokes.

Hey Anung, you're always bitching about the USK, got anything on them joke-wise?

Greebynog wrote:What's two feet long and keeps c**ts warm?






A Man U scarf.

What animal has a c**t in the middle of it's back?






A police horse



(just a joke no insult intended to police etc)

Cheese Elemental wrote:Hey Anung, you're always bitching about the USK, got anything on them joke-wise?

Oooh love the colorful language used in that post!

Cheese Elemental wrote:Hey Anung, you're always bitching about the USK, got anything on them joke-wise?

No, not really. There's not really any joke about it; the main problem is that Germany is just way to sensitive when it comes to the topic.

I know a few jokes about our minister of family and youth, but they only work in German.

Why won't they work in English?
Why are you keeping a secret?
Is the rest of Germany in on it?
NAZI CONSPIRACY!

What do you call a white guy on the sun?
Roasted marshmallow.
What do you call a white guy on the moon?
An astronaut.

I feel that this thread needs images.