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Ahtman wrote:

Necroshea wrote:

Ahtman wrote:It seems like the common factor in all his failed relationships was him. Might have been a nice guy but I don't think he would be someone to take serious advice on relationships with the opposite sex, long term or not.

So you're saying that it's entirely impossible for him to find 2 women that were unable to handle a marriage that they proposed?

I misread that he had been divorced three times. Still, the only common factor of his previous relationships given is him.

X+N=Divorce
Y+N=Divorce

Agreed.

Someone who has been divorced is not usually the best person to take marriage advice from, as the statistics show us that they arent' more likely to get it right the second time.
http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview?id=363986
Those who are divorced once are as or more likely to get divorced from their second marriage as those getting married for the first time.

Notable and possibly related to this gentleman in the refferenced narrative is that cohabitations before marriage with the expressed intention of marriage have roughly the same success rate as other marriages, while cohabiations-before-marriage (possibly his situation) without the expressed intent of marriage ("just seemed like the next step..." sydrome) have a much higher divorce rate than the general marriage pool.

http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1209784,00.html

Interesting that these kind of conversations tend to focus on narratives about marriages that don't work rather than marriages that do.

Ahtman wrote:

Cannerus_The_Unbearable wrote:Marriage isn't tangible. It means something if you want it to, or doesn't if you're so inclined. Subjectivity ftw.

The license is tangible.

Ha, I was referring to the whole commitment argument above. The legal ramifications are certainly objective

Frazz asked what my view was.

My view is that...Marriage is pretty awesome. Polonius is only against marriage because he's jealous that he will never find a woman as awesome as mine.

whitedragon wrote:Frazz asked what my view was.

My view is that...Marriage is pretty awesome. Polonius is only against marriage because he's jealous that he will never find a woman as awesome as mine.

I keep forgetting to scan the pic of the wife in wedding dress and sunglasses pumping gas before the wedding. Thats probably about the same time, in another part of town, Frazzled's getaway van broke down and all the relatives caught up with him and made him go to the church, even those his new ID and ticket to Matamoros said "Pablo Sanchez."

whitedragon wrote:Frazz asked what my view was.

My view is that...Marriage is pretty awesome. Polonius is only against marriage because he's jealous that he will never find a woman as awesome as mine.

There's more truth to that than you'd think. I'm not so much against marriage as I'm against marriage to the women I've dated (with one notable exception).

Well, women can be scary to some people. I can talk to a girl for hours on end, hell I've been talking to a girl for hours on end recently and we have a lot in common... but I'm waiting for her to give some kind of signal because I don't want to feel like I am forcing myself upon someone, it also doesn't help that its my first time courting someone but I have been told that this is common for some people. It also doesn't help that she's in the Coast Guard and is underway as of yesterday.

Obrek wrote:Marriage involving love is a relatively new concept.

Sure, cars are also a relatively new concept, but if you were walk up to a Toyota Camry and ask "is this bizarre contraption the 'horseless carriage' I've been told about?" people would think you very silly.

Live in the times you're in, and here marriage is a couple looking for public recognition of their desire to live together the rest of their lives.

Marriage cannot be about commitment. These are the definitions of commit:
1.
to give in trust or charge; consign.
2.
to consign for preservation: to commit ideas to writing; to commit a poem to memory.
3.
to pledge (oneself) to a position on an issue or question; express (one's intention, feeling, etc.): Asked if he was a candidate, he refused to commit himself.
4.
to bind or obligate, as by pledge or assurance; pledge: to commit oneself to a promise; to be committed to a course of action.
5.
to entrust, especially for safekeeping; commend: to commit one's soul to God.

As long as divorce exists, none of these apply to marriage. You are not preserving, pledging, obligated, or entrusted to anything.

The commitment that matters above all else is the commitment between the couple. It doesn't matter that they 'can' get out of the arrangement, what they're saying is that they have no intention to get out, they plan on being with each other for the rest of their lives.

And you might respond 'well they're just saying they're committing to each other, anyone can do that' and well, you're right, anyone can do that. And some people don't get it, and probably are going to fail to stay together, but that's their business. What matters is you and your partner committing to each other, and doing whatever you can to make it work.

The OP made me chuckle. I hope one day if I try hard enough I can grow to be a bitter old man set in his ways who fears the new generation he doesn't understand. I spend the majority of my time playing video games and playing with toy soldiers, I make above median wage for my location, and I have a girlfriend. Not really sure what Mr. Bennett would have me do other than maybe go to his church and start praising his god. I guess I could always flagellate myself for wanting to have hobbies beyond populating the Fatherland also. That might be good.

I have numerous reasons why I'm not married at 27:

- I have zero concern for how the church/society looks upon me or any union with a female I may wish to have.

- I can not see any sort of benefit, financial or otherwise, in doing so. When I can have a healthy relationship that lasts years on end, why do I need someone to approve it?

- While I believe that a permanent union of two people is necessary to raise a healthy child and I believe in the concept of the 'wholesome nuclear family', I don't intend on having children. There's too many people out there already, and this is a horrible time and place to bring one I would actually care about into.

- I only intend on getting married once. I'm not even religious, but if you promise 'till death do us part' then there's no takebacks. Just how I am.

- I've already loaded that gun, cocked it back, and almost pulled the trigger. Thankfully her mom talked me out of it about two weeks before the ceremony. That's one kindness I will never manage to repay.

Furthermore:

- "Where are all the decent single men?" I'm guessing they're not single anymore and with the decent not-single-anymore women. Based upon the things my female friends have said, this is what I seem to observe.

What they say they want:


What they actually go for:


And realistically, they probably don't even end up with as nice a toolbag.

<further badly worded rant proactively retracted>

Must... resist... PUN!

daedalus wrote:I have zero concern for how the church/society looks upon me or any union with a female I may wish to have.

Marriage and religion are not mutually inclusive. You don't have to be religious to care about someone enough to want to publicly declare you are willing to make some sacrifices to be exclusive to one another.

daedalus wrote: When I can have a healthy relationship that lasts years on end, why do I need someone to approve it?

It doesn't have to be about getting others approval. It is about having the intestinal fortitude to stand up in front of your friends, family, and community and saying you are making a lifestyle choice to share your life with another human being. It is about what you are willing to do, not what others approve or disapprove of.

Hey, I was just putting it in the terms of the OP.