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The following text is made up of notes from the diary of a Chaos Space Marine in the Black Legion.
Dreaded Diary,
Day 1, week 1
1 Arrived at new camp on planet Ythcolgar.
2 Started to feel pain in left arm. No idea why.
3 Hung piece of paper on brother Ardius’ backpack reading “Purge me!” and had a good (and sinister) laugh with the rest of the lads.
4 Brother Behemon painted the coolest ever winged skull on his shoulderplate today, and was brutally butchered by the guv’ (Estragor, Exalted Champion of Chaos) for being a Night Lords sympathizer.
Day 2, week 1
4 Pain in arm growing. Went to Chaos sorcerer, who told me three words: “Extremis Unconfortablis Mutatis.” I’m visiting brother Arzhar tomorrow, to ask about mutation symptoms. (Arzhar has already got an ostrich-leg and a bat’s nose.)
5 The Guv’ didn’t like the “purge me” joke, and as punishment I spent three hours writing “You’re dead!” back to front on the front of my squad’s Rhino, in preparation for next week’s big cityfight.
6 Attended brother Behemon’s funeral today. The way sergeant Sargoth placed his blooded skull atop that burning mound of bones really stirred some emotions, but we all forgot our sadness and frustration by getting leglessly drunk on boozed-up blood afterwards.
Day 3, week 1
7 Awoke with a terrible hangover from last night, and hung on my bed I found a picture of me making out with a daemonette. This, of course, led to quite a few “HOWs”, “WHYs” and “WHENs”
8 Arzhar (who by the way has been gifted an additional ostrich leg by his patron) told me to expect a hideous mutation of my left arm. Although I have yet to read about the pros and cons of mutation, I’m hoping for either a whip-like tentacle or a massive crab’s claw!
9 Found a scorched skull on the gound and hung it in my belt, but was then given a thorough lesson from sarge about martial honour, and how one shall only display battle-trophies that one-self has won. Frankly I couldn’t care less what he and the Blood God thinks.
Day 4, week 1
10 Today we sacked an undefended city on the planet Urnium. Found a convenience store selling cereal-boxes called “Corn-chaos.” (a fitting name, I might add). The guv, however, took the cereal’s title as an insult mocking his patron, Khorne, and burned the shop personally. Fortunately I managed to grab the latest issue of “Universe at War” before the magasine-rack was consumed by the flames.
11 Got into a fight with brother Octavius over which of the two destroyed legions landed on Istvaan V first. He claimed it was the (fragment missing), but surely it was the colossal landing crafts of the (fragment missing) legion which first touched the ground?
12 Played Death-poker with the lads before going to bed. The only casualty was brother Magnon, who bought it in the fourth round. Won myself a neat little master-crafted beauty of a bolt-pistol, and a bottle of some blue liquid. (Note: The bottle was labeled: “Do not add anything”)
Day 5, week 1
13 Today, the guv beheaded brother Raphaelus for having tattooed a certain rune on his forehead. But Raphaelus died with a smile on the face of his severed head, having had great fun tricking the entire company into believing that he had been given the Mark of Khorne.
14 Pain in arm growing, the sorcerer told me to expect a mutation any day. I still find it hard to believe that I have particularly pleased one of the powers, except for perhaps amusing Slaanny by symbolically eating that Eldar’s waystone in a battle a few weeks ago. (That stone was hard as rock, by the way, and it really messed up my teeth. And I was hoping for fangs and all!
15 Attended “Pint-night” with the rest of the squad. In lack of boozed-up blood, drank the blue liquid I won at the poker-game. The liquid turned out stronger and fiercer than an irritated Bloodthirster, and sent me running to the latrine, screaming like a Horror. Before I reaching it, I had already vomited half my interiours all over the newly-polished Land Raider. (Note: Formed the vomit into looking like an evil face, and the tank commander was impressed when he saw it the next day.)
Day 6, week 1
16 Last night I had a long vision of Tzeentch, telling me how mad he was at me. I spent all night running from his minions in the psychic realm. How I earned the wrath of Tzeentchie-boy (that old trickster is beyond me.
17 Was told at the mess that the blue liquid I had drunk last night was infact an antidote to Nurgle’s Rot, and was lifted up by a group of Plague-marines and carried across the courtyard, being praised and honoured by the foul men. Never before have I drunk and thereby destroyed the nemesis of an entire squad of marines. (Note: My new nikcname is “Doom-drinker,” apparently.)
Day 7, week 1
18 Awoke with left arm fully mutated! A beautiful tentacle-thingy, slimy and gross. Had great fun coiling it around brother Xarnon’s throat and almost strangling him. Went to Arzhar’s tent with a bunch of posessees, and had a “Who’s got the most hideous body-part”-competition. (Brother Igmarius won, sporting a toe with a fly’s head and little legs of it’s own.)
19 Got tickets for tomorrow’s Emperor’s Children gig on the planet Harthras IV. (Note: Bus leaves at 4.00)
20 Went to Chaos sorcerer in hope of finding out which god has gifted me with the tentacle. After two hours of the sorceror looking at the arm and taking down notes, came the following answer: “It is probably either Khorne, Tzeentch, Nurgle or Slaanesh.” (No big suprises there)
...
I think that's fro mthe same guy who wrote the Orkons, the Ork Guard and the Ork Marines. He posts in Heresy Online. Also, there's A LOT more in that diary, you don't even have half of it. It's hilarious.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2011/07/30 05:49:05
"Later, we found this really neat piece of armour in the junkyard, and brother Halus put it on at once. Of course, no-one told him that what he had just put on was a suit of armour from the Thousand Sons legion. And we quickly discovered that it was still occupied by it's original wearer, when the armour ran off with Halus screaming to get out."
Henners91 wrote:"Later, we found this really neat piece of armour in the junkyard, and brother Halus put it on at once. Of course, no-one told him that what he had just put on was a suit of armour from the Thousand Sons legion. And we quickly discovered that it was still occupied by it's original wearer, when the armour ran off with Halus screaming to get out."
Made me lol
rubric marine: "I want you inside me."
Ask yourself: have you rated a gallery image today?
There once was this Black and White Space Marine on a Black and White Bike, and after discovering the space marine commander doesn't have a daughter, was furious and decided to try and marry three other leaders' daughters: the IG captain's, the commissar's, and the inquisitor's. worried, each of the leaders build fortresses out of different materials, the captain's out of concrete, the commissar's out of guardsmen, and the inquisitor's out of... nothing, he just gathered a bunch of sisters for a tea party.
So the Black and White Space Marine approaches the commissar's person-fort first and booms,
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter!"
"No!" says the commissar.
" If you don't, I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your fort down!"
"GO KILL A GROT; THAT'S THE ONLY THING GOOD ENOUGH FOR YA!"
So the BAWSM blew his person-fort down, and forced his daughter to marry him.
Next the BAWSM approaches the captain's concrete bunker and booms,
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter!"
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?" asked the captain.
The BAWSM get angry, smashes the bunker, then forces the daughter into marriage.
Next the BAWSM approaches the inquisitor's tea party and gets shot to bits by the sisters.
"By holy and spiritual order of the God-emperor himself, I hereby execute you for heretic acts such as humiliating your armor's machine spirit by painting it a wholly different color, murdering two servant of the imperium, and marriage, an action against the codex astartes." said the inquisitor. Thank the gods that's over.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2011/08/04 20:53:11
Apparently the Imperium is ill-equipped for a siege. Therefore I have proposed the development of siege guns, siege tanks, siege rockets, siege armor, siege planes, siege ships, siege wagons, siege bikes, siege boots, siege dogs, siege cats(for the siege rodents), siege eating utensils, siege horses, siege rations, and siege babies. Oh, and siege-spouses, especially of the female variant.
For Emperor and Imperium!!!! None shall stand against the Crusade of the Righteous!!! Kanluwen wrote: "I like the Tau. I just don't like people misconstruing things to say that it means that they're somehow a huge galactic threat. They're not. They're a threat to the Imperium of Man like sharks are a threat to the US Army."
"Pain is temporary, honor is forever" Emperor of Mankind:
"The day I have a sit-down with a pansy elf, magic mushroom, or commie frog is the day I put a bolt shell in my head."
in your name it shall be done" My YouTube channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/2SSSR2
Viersche wrote:
Abadabadoobaddon wrote:
the Emperor might be the greatest psyker that ever lived, but he doesn't have the specialized training that a Grey Knight has. Also he doesn't have a Grey Knight's unshakable faith in the Emperor.
The Emperor doesn't have a GKs unshakable faith in the Emperor which is....basically himself?
Ronin wrote:
"Brother Coa (and the OP Tadashi) is like, the biggest IoM fanboy I can think of here. It's like he IS from the Imperium, sent back in time and across dimensions."
As long as there is 40k players that also likes My Little Pony, there will be videos like this.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders are definitely Angels of Death. Not...
This message was edited 3 times. Last update was at 2011/08/27 10:03:59
idolator wrote:That Nob is carrying a big honking gun that happens to have two barrels. You could call it a twin-linked shoota if you want, you could also call it Susan.
idolator wrote:That Nob is carrying a big honking gun that happens to have two barrels. You could call it a twin-linked shoota if you want, you could also call it Susan.
Hey which page is that kharn joke on, you know the one with the traitor guardsman from the red rivers. Has someone even psted that?
Apparently the Imperium is ill-equipped for a siege. Therefore I have proposed the development of siege guns, siege tanks, siege rockets, siege armor, siege planes, siege ships, siege wagons, siege bikes, siege boots, siege dogs, siege cats(for the siege rodents), siege eating utensils, siege horses, siege rations, and siege babies. Oh, and siege-spouses, especially of the female variant.
Now that I see the pic of Commissar Khârn, I remember the stories of the traitor guardsman talking about what a great guy Khârn is once you get to know him, including a story on how he got that hat.
Gratuitous amounts of copy+paste inbound
"As I always say, Khârn the Betrayer was pretty fun to be around, and contrary to popular belief he actually had a sense of humor as well. Probably the best example was in the middle of the campaign during a sweeping of an Imperial Guard command post, with Khorne Berserkers and our Red Rivers company marching directly into the defensive fire. The closer we got, the more apparent it became that the only thing holding the Guardsmen together was a grizzled looking Commissar in full uniform, one gun turned on us and another firing on any of his men who looked like running.
Khârn was at the tip of the assault, and so he got to the Commissar first, plucking the screaming officer up by the neck and holding him over his head.
Then, out of nowhere one of the other berserkers grabs the Commissar's legs and roars "MAKE A WISH!". Well, as you can imagine everyone on both sides forgets about the fight, and watches Khârn and this other Khorne-worshiping marine just start pulling on this Commissar at both ends, the old man screaming out oaths and curses like you wouldn't believe! You could almost hear the sound of flesh tearing and bone snapping over the cheering.
Then, Khârn just let go. Totally not expecting it and pulling with all his might, the Khorne Berserker just falls backwards and starts tumbling with the near dead Commissar into a damaged hellhound, his armor grating off it and sparking!
Well, after the explosion we all turned back to Khârn, who had managed to keep a hold of the Commissar's fancy hat. Ol' Khârn put it on, and damned if it wasn't the funniest thing any of us had ever seen... till he turned to us and bellowed "I'M THE NEW COMMISSAR" at us.
They tell me five thousand traitor guardsmen died that day before someone could take that hat off him.
What a kidder!"
Waiting for my shill money from Spiral Arm Studios
ahhh yes, Captain Leonides, Castellan of FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Self-proclaimed evil Cat-person. Dues Ex Felines
Cato Sicarius, after force feeding Captain Ventris a copy of the Codex Astartes for having the audacity to play Deathwatch, chokes to death on his own D-baggery after finding Calgar assembling his new Eldar army.
Waiting for my shill money from Spiral Arm Studios
Shayden wrote:
SabrX wrote:This thread needs more Angry Marines...
Hows this?
If i am not mistaken, he is standing over the broken corpse of a Pretty Marine. as you know, Angry Marines have Preferred Enemy: Everything. but you might not have known that they also have Preferred Enemyx2: Pretty Marines which allows them to reroll their failed rerolls untill they hit.
Self-proclaimed evil Cat-person. Dues Ex Felines
Cato Sicarius, after force feeding Captain Ventris a copy of the Codex Astartes for having the audacity to play Deathwatch, chokes to death on his own D-baggery after finding Calgar assembling his new Eldar army.
If i am not mistaken, he is standing over the broken corpse of a Pretty Marine. as you know, Angry Marines have Preferred Enemy: Everything. but you might not have known that they also have Preferred Enemyx2: Pretty Marines which allows them to reroll their failed rerolls untill they hit.
SpessMehrenD3R9 wrote:I'll go retrieve more if anyone wants them
Yes, please do.
Automatically Appended Next Post:
Shayden wrote:
SabrX wrote:This thread needs more Angry Marines...
Hows this?
Somebody get to work on an angry marine dreadnought so angry that the occupant bursts outs of the from with all of the life support still attached. make sure the occupant is rage-red and has a face that looks like he's taking a very serious dump.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2011/08/09 03:16:12
Apparently the Imperium is ill-equipped for a siege. Therefore I have proposed the development of siege guns, siege tanks, siege rockets, siege armor, siege planes, siege ships, siege wagons, siege bikes, siege boots, siege dogs, siege cats(for the siege rodents), siege eating utensils, siege horses, siege rations, and siege babies. Oh, and siege-spouses, especially of the female variant.
Wish granted. This one's a personal favorite of mine.
"I've been fairly insistent to you readers out there that Khârn the Betrayer was a pretty fun guy to be around. I know he gets a bad rap for the whole 'slaughtering his own allies' thing, but unless you've been there after a battle with him you don't really appreciate how much he strives to please his chaos god.
It was after one of our many conflicts that the Red Rivers Infantry were preparing to march on to our next destination. Never mind that it was half the planet away, we as traitor guard didn't get transport vehicles. So as you can imagine when someone declared they'd found an Imperial Drop-ship in working condition everyone clamored and fought to get a free ride to our next engagement.
Knowing full well I was too far away to get on the ship, I stayed with some of my fellow traitors at the battlefield. I'd seen Khârn after the battle, and as soon as we'd gotten our marching orders he was picking up corpses and putting them down elsewhere. This took an hour before he was satisfied, and seeing an audience he happily led us up onto a hill as the drop-ship flew a pass over the top of us, probably to gloat. Proudly, Khârn gestured to the battlefield, and then waved up at the drop-ship with his other hand. I peered down the hill, and realized he'd arranged the bodies to make out words, so many killed to form:
On your drop ship hull
I planted a melta bomb
Blood for the Blood God
It was at that point the drop-ship erupted in a violent plume, and crashed down on top of the haiku. Roaring in a cheer, we lifted Khârn up together and made to carry him to the next battlefield as a sign of our appreciation and devotion to his art.
We got about five paces before our spines liquefied, but Khârn didn't hold it against us for trying.
Seriously, what a guy."
And in regards to the Angry Marine dreadnought, this is the closest thing I've found. Still formidable in its own right.
For Emperor and Imperium!!!! 
"Pain is temporary, honor is forever" 
in your name it shall be done" 
