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A Catachan colonel was being briefed on a covert mission.
The general informed him of the extensive AA coverage and radar sweeps. "Your Valkyries will have to fly 200 feet to avoid detection and you'll jump half a click from the target."
The colonel shook his head. "The Valkyries will have to fly at 100 feet."
Confused, the general said, "At 100 feet the gravchutes may not have time to kick in."
I don't remember who asked for it but I FOUND IT!!!
Spoiler:
"My Lord, I bring news." Typhus Marburg paused in his study of the situation map of the dreary little planet his forces were engaged in ravaging. "Yes?" "Lord. Starships have appeared in the outer system and are on course for a landing. They have been identified as elements of the Flesh Tearers." "Yeah? Tell them to sod off and find their own world. Tell 'em we got here first." "Sire, you misunderstand. They are here to defend this world!" "What! Why? It's a sorry state of affairs when the followers of Chaos start to defend the weakling Imperium from each other!" "Um, Lord... the Flesh Tearers are a loyalist chapter." "They are? With a name like that! Are you sure they're not one of ours?" "Positive, My Lord." "Have you been able to call for any assistance?" "The Astropaths have contacted other forces nearby. Unfortunately this has also alerted other loyalist forces in the sector and they are also headed our way." "Bugger. So who gets here first then?" "The Alpha Legion, sire." "It never rains, it only pours, hey?" "Umm..." "What!" "The Alpha Legion is one of ours." "It is?!" "Yes." "I'm confused. You're telling me that a mob called the 'Flesh Tearers' isn't one of ours but a mob called the - what was it again..." "The Alpha Legion, sire." "Right... a mob called the Alpha Legion is one of ours." "That is correct, sire." "So who else is showing up to this barney then?" "The Blood Drinkers." "One of ours?" "One of theirs." "OK." "The Iron Warriors." "One of theirs?" "No. One of ours." "Go figure." "The Dark Angels." "Now I've heard of them. Followers of Slaanesh aren't they?" "No, I think you're thinking of The Fallen, sire. The Dark Angels are Loyalists too." "Bugger. So who else then?" "The Emperor's Children." "Oh, that one's too easy. They're obviously loyalists with a name like that." "Um, not exactly my Lord." "Really?" "Yes, Lord. They're one of ours too."
"This is silly. All the really evil sounding names are being used by weakling loyalists while it seems as though the forces of chaos have got the naff monikers. Are there any more of these I should know about?" "A few, Lord." "OK then, spell it out for me, starting with Loyalists that sound like traitors and then moving onto traitors that sound like Loyalists." "I will attempt to do so, Lord. OK - the Loyalists that sound like traitors... the Marauders, Rampagers, Destroyers and Storm Lords (all White Scar second foundings in point of fact)." "I like the sound of the Storm Lords. You sure they aren't one of ours?" "Quite sure. Then there's the Blood Drinkers and the Flesh Tearers - both of which are Loyalist second founding of the Blood Angels." "With names like that I'd always assumed they were more bone headed followers of the blood god." "Not so far, My Lord. Then there's the Red Talons..." "I thought they were renegade pirates." "No Lord, that's the Red Corsairs." "Oh. OK. Continue." "The Brazen Claws are loyalists too." "Good name for a Khornate force though isn't it?" "Yes Lord. Then there's the Black Guard (not to be confused with the Black Legion which IS one of ours), the Revilers, and the Raptors." "Hold on a minute! The Raptors? They're definitely ours. Hell we've got a small unit of them attached to our forces haven't we?" "My Lord, those are the troops known as Raptors but there is also a loyalist legion with the same name." "Must get a bit confusing for the loyalists then?" "I imagine so, My Lord. There are also the Doom Eagles, the Silver Skulls, and the Iron Hands (not to be mistaken for the Iron Warriors, who are ours)." "Bloody hell. Is that it?" "There are also some lesser known chapters that also seem to cause occasional confusion." "Such as..." "The Doomfarers are one that our forces have occasionally encountered." "Oh yeah. Those yoyos. So what about the Chaos forces that sound like loyalists then..."
"Well as mentioned earlier there are The Emperor's Children, The Iron Warriors, the Thousand Sons, the Lunar Wolves (who changed their name to the Sons of Horus and then to the Black Legion)..." "Well at least they're easily IDed as one of ours now. The Black Legion eh? Now that's a proper name. Just positively oozes evil from every pore." "Yes, Lord. To continue, there are also the Word Bearers, and the Alpha Legion." "The Word Bearers? What kind of silly name is that for a Chaos Legion?" "They used to be missionaries sire" "We you'd think that once they switched to our side they'd change their name to something a little more in keeping with being evil mad men. I mean come on 'The Word Bearers'? It's a silly name." "Yes my Lord" "You know, I think the forces of Chaos should have proper Chaos names. There's no room for mistakes when you're called something like 'The World Eaters' or 'The Death Guard'..." "Actually Lord, both those chapters had those names when they were loyalists." "You're kidding." "No, My Lord."
"Yeesh. I would have thought names like that would be a bit scary for the average imperial citizen. I mean "Yay we're being rescued by the World Eaters" just doesn't sound credible while "Aargh! Flee! It's the World Eaters" seems much more likely." "Yes, My Lord. I believe the latter is more likely these days anyway." "Makes no bloody sense at all." "Yes, My Lord." "Kill 'em all and let the Chaos Gods sort 'em out I say." "Sounds like a completely reasonable approach to me, My Lord."
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2011/11/08 01:21:37
Im tempted to play it through my headset when i play SPEEHSS MAHREEN.
Inquisitor_Syphonious wrote:All I can say is... thank you vodo40k...
Zweischneid wrote:No way man. A Space Marine in itself is scary. But a Marine WITHOUT helmet wears at least 3-times as much plot-armour as a Marine with helmet. And heaven forbid if the Marine would also happen to have an intimidating looking, vertical scar. Then you're surly boned. Those guys are the worst. Not a chance I'd say.
The Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike wanted a new wife, so he flew to a new planet with 3 bases on it.
A Guard base, an Ecclisiarchy base, and an Inquisitorial base.
The Black and White space Marine on the Black and white Bike goes to the guard base, and yells "Commander, I am the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and white bike, give me your daughter!" To which a small voice replied "No!" The Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike got angry, and killed them all.
He drove to the Ecclisiarch base, and called out "I am the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike, priests, give me a Sororitas!" And a priest called out "There are none here!" The Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike got angry, and killed them all.
Finally, he rode his bike to the Inquisition base, and yelled "I am the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike, inquisitor, give me your daughter!"
The Marine was then taken into custody and killed by the inquisition. The end.
Waiting for my shill money from Spiral Arm Studios
That just goes to proove that GW is coming out with Codex: MLP in 2013
Self-proclaimed evil Cat-person. Dues Ex Felines
Cato Sicarius, after force feeding Captain Ventris a copy of the Codex Astartes for having the audacity to play Deathwatch, chokes to death on his own D-baggery after finding Calgar assembling his new Eldar army.
500 points of Biel Tan Mech-dar 
250 points of Dark Angels 
