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Granted, then he acidentaly sits on you

I wish for more grimdark!

Granted, you are thrown in a dark dungeon with a rather big serial killer and rapist named Bubba, from your perspective things are about to get rather Grim and Dark.

I wish women did not have that certain Time of Month

Granted - men have it instead.

I wish we would stay clear of the topic further.

Granted we move onto something even more inappropriate.

I wish I was one of my race's heroes.

Granted. And you get a Yandere girlfriend too.

I wish Ghost Radar was more reliable.

Granted - but still nor reliable enough.

I wish I was the only one with a yandere girlfriend.

Gladly Granted. But every time you even glance at another woman, you find her head on your desk the next day.

I wish for awesomesauce.

Granted - but you're allergic.

I wish we had money and prestigious families to avoid the consequences of women mysteriously getting beheaded and men getting hung on trees around us.

(Guess who's hanging the men? )

Granted, now we have men getting beheaded and women being hung.

I wish for more coffee for all!

Granted, but it's cheap and tastes like gak.

I wish to be one of my race's heroes, with no strings attached.

Granted, but the only way to be a hero is through death.

I wish for cake.

Granted - it has earwax icing.

I wish I could live at Avalon, the utopia of the King.

Granted, but then you are given psych meds and told you are delusional.

I wish for some quality Irish Creamer

Granted - but you slip on a banana peel and spill it before you can so much as taste it.

I wish I could live at Avalon forever, even if I can't go back to the Living World.

Granted, the psych meds fail. You are in your own little world.

I wish for an idea for a wish.

Granted, you wish to be Tadashi's Yandere girlfriend.

I wish to be safe from the retribution to follow...

Granted you are safe from Tadashi's retribution not mine.

I wish Grey Templar was turned into a hot chick and became Tadashi's lover.
(Sorry Tadashi, tried to make it as good as I could for you)

Granted, you're both Tandashi's girlfriends.

I wish for the next wish to involve food.

Granted, it will be about pie.

I wish a moldly pie was thrown at the following posters face.

Granted. It misses me by at least a metre. Next time, throw a tad more accurately, and you may actually hit something.

I wish making games wasn't so hard.

Granted. It's not so hard, it's just that all games are extremely bad and unenjoyable.

I wish for pie. Tasty edible pie.

Granted. The pie plate has a giant spring attached. It splatters into your face as you set it down onto the table, without noticing the spring.

I wish for a force field to protect me.

Granted - but it blocks the outside air, and eventually you suffocate and die.

I wish I could gas Wardragoon, Grey Templar, and p_gray99.

Granted. You work at the Avalon New Jersey Sunoco service plaza and fill all of their cars with gas when they stop by on vacation with their hot Yandere girlfriends.

I wish I could get to New Jersey more often.

Granted - you could, but don't have the opportunity to do so.

I wish me and my girlfriend locked those three in a gas chamber then filled it with hydrogen cyanide.

Granted. The police discover the homicide, and while you try to play "hide the fugitive" with your girlfriend, the fuzz plays Bonnie and Clyde with both of you - ending in a tragic one way shootout that lasts fifteen minutes and is carried out with extreme prejudice. The picture of the newspaper your dead bodies shamefully appear in depicts an Oldsmobile that looks like a battered piece of Swiss cheese. Your parents lament for the rest of their lives, and your siblings begin a violent and sadistic family feud that lasts until your genetics are removed from the gene pool.

I wish that my FLGS would participate in the WWDDC.

Granted. Your FLGS participates in the WWDDC. (World Wide Dirty Dancing Contest) Your failure there is legendary.

I wish that New Jersey was more like it used to be.

Granted. New Jersey is now populated by the Native American tribes of old.
I wish New Phyrexia existed within this realm.

Granted - its quickly 'liberated' by the USA.

I wish we had money and prestigious family to avoid the consequences of the homicide.

Granted. The CIA slowly gains wind of it, and start searching for you, your yandere girlfriend, and your family.
I wish my professors didn't assign reading over the weekend.