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Today I was visited three times by Jehovahs Witnesses. Different ones, too! The first - this old fella with a neat hat, and the last, a woman who brings large plastic bags full of little magazines, were known to me, but the other visit was a fifteen year old and his dad. It was creepy.

I'm not bothered chatting on Saturdays if they haven't gotten me out of bed, so the last woman I had to ask...

"You guys are pretty insistent on the end times. Three visits in one day; what, are you guys expecting something soon?"

Reply: "Oh, I hope not!"

...

...

That's odd. I thought their end time was special and magical. She was obviously some sort of heretic.

The first guy told me very matter-of-factly that many people use prayer beads, prayer wheels and ouija boards IN THEIR HOMES!
The second lot, after being told that, 'I've already got that', thankfully excused themselves.
Incidentally, I don't mind taking their little magazines. They're fun-packed - better than the comics page IMO. There's even a magical story about a train with no wheels that flies around Hong Kong because God is so good.

It's like when Jerry Falwell said he needed people to "donate" money or God was going to "call him home".

Let me get this right, you love Jesus and God, and he offered you a chance to come hang out in Heaven and you said no? That don't make no kind of sense.

A few years ago I was reading one of these anotated bibbles that somehow made its way home and I solved why the JWs are so insistent. In that Bibble the writer made somehow the connection that only 12k persons for each of the 12 tribes of Israel were going to make it at the end. So you make the math, Paradise will be fill up at the 144k mark you they are in a hurry to win god points or whatever to be in that number. They are not going to Heaven but to a exclusive club

I´m glad I´m Catholic, our Paradise gets bigger with each cathedral we build. Now you now why Europe is overfilled with churches.

M.

Careful folks! Talk of religion tends to bring out all the crazies on the forums here!

Well.... my POV is that they have the right to say whatever they want as long as I have the right to call them nuts.

M.

I'm glad I'm agnostic and that I get to enjoy my time here on earth as much as possible, without some Deity punishing me for it!

I tired to have a discussion with a Witness the other day...it wasn't as fun as I hoped it would be

There's no reason to torment witnesses.

When I was a kid I'd sneak around the back of my property and let some of the air out of their back tyres... But now I live in town and they come on foot.

Either way, my work involves talking to random people at their homes every day, so I can 'small talk' with any kind of nut. Growing up half in a dairy farming town and half in the middle of the biggest city in Australia helped... I think. You see, I now live in this area where there's kind of a big marijuana industry, and the introduction of tourists and other drugs means some of the places I go to are just totally suss. You just have to bend your outward personality a bit. I got on a bit when I was a teenager so I usually don't have to pretend much.

...So what impresses me about the Johos is that they go to random houses with the exact same line every week, and the same expression, and they'll comfortably get doors closed in their faces. For a lark. They don't get paid, right? It's priceless.

The only thing that upsets me is that paper wastage. There isn't really a nice way to ask them to stop...

Actually, that's it!

HOW TO POLITELY REMOVE WITNESSES

"I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I do take exception to the resources that go into producing these magazines and frankly wouldn't care to endorse your distribution of them. Since I'm not interested in the magazines, you probably aren't interested in calling here. Yes?"

I'm not likely to try this. I like the comix.

We used to hide from them and pretend not to be home.

I havn't had one at my door for years and years now.

Much worse are the cold calling 'surveys' or 'deals' the telemarketers ring with. Now I answer with a 'hello?', count to 3 and if no answer they will be in India and I hang up.

A few years ago I was reading one of these anotated bibbles that somehow made its way home and I solved why the JWs are so insistent. In that Bibble the writer made somehow the connection that only 12k persons for each of the 12 tribes of Israel were going to make it at the end. So you make the math, Paradise will be fill up at the 144k mark you they are in a hurry to win god points or whatever to be in that number. They are not going to Heaven but to a exclusive club

Wouldn't it than be a bad idea to get more people on board?

It´s your average pyramid scheme. The more people you bring in, the higher you get. That´s the reason they are so insistent.

M.

Really guys, just like door to door sales people, you can have a lot of fun with people pandering religion.

My favorite tactic was to listen to what they had to say for ~10 min or so (depending on how long I could stand it) and then launch into a big spiel (borrowing some of their techniques if they used any good ones) trying to convert them to some other religion (Satanism, Wicca, and Voodoo being my favorites). For the most part, they don't like having the tables turned on them.

The other thing you can do, which is right up the same line is to try and sell products (or just random junk in your home) to the religious panderers or try to convert the sales people. This one works on telemarketers too. I once convinced a telemarketing lady to go out and buy a book on hypnotherapy after she called me trying to sell me insurance or something.

Ask them uncomfortable probing personal questions. Sooner or later they'll bail once you make them uneasy enough. Start easy with what they had for lunch and gradually work your way up to what color their underwear is or possibly their favorite sexual position. Seem really interested and don't take no for an answer.

I never, ever had a jehovas witness come to my door. I never understood why people would complain about it. But then my area is pretty hardcore roman catholic plus a few scattered jewish families in the philly burbs. tons if italians and irish folks all over the place. So, I guess they know they're wasting their time in my neighborhood

Necros wrote:I never understood why people would complain about it.

People complain because it's really annoying to be woken up early in the morning (you know, like before noon) on a weekend by people who are trying to slough their belief system on you. If I was looking for a new life philosophy, I wouldn't be asleep...or sitting around playing video games, or whatever else I've chosen to do with my weekend. Same goes for door to door sales people. If I want a product, I'll go to the store or order it online. The only exception to this is kids doing fund raisers for schools and the like.

I find little kids a whole lot more annoying.

"I'm here for the helicopter money"

"..."

"..."

"What? Helicopter?"

Arctik_Firangi wrote:I find little kids a whole lot more annoying.

"I'm here for the helicopter money"

"..."

"..."

"What? Helicopter?"

Grab him by the ankles, turn in big circles.
Take his money.


He got the helicopter, you got the dough. Simple.
Other than that, I have NO idea what youre talking about lol

If someone wakes me up for a trivial reason, they'll get a glare and politely told to bugger off because I'm not interested.
And god help them if that causes my cat to escape, because he's a fiend for tripping people.

Flachzange wrote:

Arctik_Firangi wrote:I find little kids a whole lot more annoying.

"I'm here for the helicopter money"

"..."

"..."

"What? Helicopter?"

Grab him by the ankles, turn in big circles.
Take his money.


He got the helicopter, you got the dough. Simple.
Other than that, I have NO idea what youre talking about lol

The chumplet was collecting donations for the local emergency helicopter service. The kid just stared at me and looked like he was going to cry, wouldn't answer any questions, until his dad got out of a car down the road and explained what was going on. They didn't get any helicopter money, because I needed food.

And as far as I know I've never needed a helicopter.

Arctik_Firangi wrote:Today I was visited three times by Jehovahs Witnesses. Different ones, too! The first - this old fella with a neat hat, and the last, a woman who brings large plastic bags full of little magazines, were known to me, but the other visit was a fifteen year old and his dad. It was creepy.

You're not fooling me.

That's the plot synopsis for "A Christmas Carol."


Eric

what you do is you try to convert them to the worship of the GOD-EMPEROR OF MANKIND, citing the many GW publications as his bible. Substitute GORK and MORK if you like orks, or RAPTOR JESUS if you know what i mean.

Nightmare, wouldn't you feel terrible if you got them hooked on The Hobby? I mean, there's no time to paint a 10K point Eldar army if you're going to make it onto the limited-size Jeebus Boat. It's like sentencing them to be a cast member from Left Behind. They'll be rolling dice with us poor dorks while all their more dedicated buddies are strumming harps and, um singing and not having se...

...er, maybe counter-conversion would be a kindness, actually. Maybe next time I'll see if any of them want to come in for a Black Reach starter game.

Sometimes I feel sad I moved out of New Orleans, if only because they left me alone after agreeing to listen as long as they listen to MY conversion propaganda for Campus Crusader for Cthulhu.

Then I remember the cesspool that is New Orleans(before any hurricanes) and rejoice for leaving.

I had to laugh at the glarng inaccuracys in this thread as to what Jehovah's Witnesses believe

I'm a JW, and your all making me laugh, its most amusing. Please continue

Are JW's the one who let their kids die rather than give them blood transfusions or blood products?
The ones who dont celebrate christmas so once a year rheir kids sit all sad and unhappy as their freinds play with their new toys and for them its just anoher day.
Cruel buggers.

weemonster wrote:Are JW's the one who let their kids die rather than give them blood transfusions or blood products?
The ones who dont celebrate christmas so once a year rheir kids sit all sad and unhappy as their freinds play with their new toys and for them its just anoher day.
Cruel buggers.

lol, keep going, this is priceless!

Why is it that most Religions try to prevent their followers from having any fun whatsoever?

No Alcohol, no ciggies, no rumpy pumpy, no *cups of tea*.....

I just don't get it, especially when it all boils down to a single, and very daft (to my mind) point.

Preacher : You can't do that.
Me : Why not?
Preacher : God says so.
Me : Not to me he didn't.
Preacher : *tcoch* It's in the Bible.
Me : So?
Preacher : The Bible is the word of God.
Me : Says who? Looks more like a book to me.
Preacher : God does.
Me : And how did God tell us this?
Preacher : In the Bible.
Me : So, let me get this straight. This Book you call the Bible is the word of God, because it says it's the word of God, right?
Preacher : And he says so (points to relevant head of church.
Me : On whose authority?
Preacher : God and Jeebus' authority.
Me : Says who?
Preacher : The Bible.
Me : So, not only does the Bible tell us that is God's word, but this bloke over here gets to tell people what to do, because he reckon the Bible says he does, because the Bible tells us it's the word of God?
Preacher : Yes. PRAISE HIM!
Me : Right. Okay. You know, I'm not so sure I believe you. I mean, chances are, it's just a book. You know, something written by man.
Preacher : Yes, the word of God written by man.
Me : AHA! So, you are saying that the Bible is the word of God in written form because some bloke wrote it down and claimed it to be the word of God.
Preacher : Yes!
Me : Pull the other one. It's got bells on.

Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:Why is it that most Religions try to prevent their followers from having any fun whatsoever?

Think about it a while. The reason is is that many things that bring immediate pleasure will cause you or other people long term distress, or at least distract you from something higher than base desires. I mean, really, how many things have you done that give you true fulfillment have been immediately pleasurable. I'm not religious by any means, but this is a philosophy I try to apply every day, particularly in my professional endeavors. A good rule of thumb is that if you're doing something by means of the path of least resistance, you're probably doing it poorly. Of all the reasons I've had problems having faith in the past, this isn't one of them.

You mentioned Alcohol, tobacco, screwing, and tea. Three out of four of these can kill you, at least in excess or without discretion. Are there really religions that forbid tea or am I missing a pop culture reference here?

Painting miniatures....If you get instant gratification from this, then you're a lucky man. For me it takes focus and discipline. This, for me, is exemplary of the same principle.

Do you really enjoy being around obnoxious drunks? I don't. It is all about self control.

Note that I do not want to be a hypocrite. I'm a southern boy, God knows ( no pun intended ) that I've had my issues with dipping tobacco, in fact I'm still on and off with it. There is a reason though, to keep trying to stay away from stuff like that, even if you fail. Because if you shoot for staying away from bad habits, you'll probably at least moderate it. I'd probably be better off if I had some kind of religious motivation to quit.

The beliefs I'm comfortable with teach moderation. I really don't think most people can take a life of total self denial, those who can are, well, monks. It is trite, but probably moderation in all things is really the best policy.

Masturbation. Nature's 5 minute pick me up!

Eating a nice juicy steak.

Spending time with my friends in the pub.

And I believe certain religions do indeed prohibit the drinking of Tea because of the Caffeine it contains, which is technically a narcotic, seeing as it affects your brain....

Not sure if I mentioned it earlier in this thread or not, so I'll cover myself and say it now. I have *no* problem with anyone's personal Faith. However, what I do firmly object to is organised Religion. Soon as you organise it, someone is benefiting at the expense of others. Catholic Church recently listed 7 new Deadly Sins. One of them is obscene wealth.....lets just say it's lucky they didn't add covering up systematic paedophilia and hypocricy or they'd be the thrice damned by now.

post moar about then JW

Wraithwing wrote:

weemonster wrote:Are JW's the one who let their kids die rather than give them blood transfusions or blood products?
The ones who dont celebrate christmas so once a year rheir kids sit all sad and unhappy as their freinds play with their new toys and for them its just anoher day.
Cruel buggers.

lol, keep going, this is priceless!

actually that part is true, though use of blood is now a matter of personal conscience. Add to that no birthdays because the only occasions birthdays are mentioned in the bible is when bad things happen to christians.

The "priceless" bit is the shunning of people who have been DF by their family and friends. My absolute favourite is a drug addict trying his best to recover and no-one will talk to him at the Kingdom Hall because he is DF'ed from his drug days. So he becomes depressed, the only people who speak to him are ex & current users. What a surprise - he falls back. So what do the JW's do - the elders tell him he has to start from scratch all over again. Yes, very Christian. I do believe the bible warns about not being a stumbling block. Never in my life have I meant such a group of supposedly Christians that are so judgmental (also against the bible) and so singularly lacking in compassion to those that stumble and need support instead of judgment. Never have I meet such a group of people who just don't understand what Jesus was about - and BTW, I am not a Christian - just a simple agnostic who has read the bible.

Yes, non JW here - just married into a family of them and dragged into many JW functions and gatherings.