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I think there was a series of cheapies called "The Librarian" or something to that effect.

 Easy E wrote:
I think there was a series of cheapies called "The Librarian" or something to that effect.

Indeed, which spawned another, even cheaper TV series itself:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Librarian_(franchise)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Librarians_(2014_TV_series)

The first movie is not even bad, it's an enjoyable-enough dollar store Indiana Jones-alike, which is good enough for pulp adventure, but all the others and the series are absolutely atrocious

The Adam Project is on Netflix. Krull and Hawk the Slayer used to be available on YouTube, although I haven’t checked to see if they still are.

Absolutely adored the Mario movie. Definitely not a piece of challenging cinema but just kind of a pure, straightforward adventure made with a ton of love and attention to detail much like the games its adapting.

Legend of Seven Golden Vampires

Hammer goes Kung Fu! And rather than being Charlie Chan or Fu Manchu, it’s a collab with a Hong Kong film studio. No yellow face, dodgy prosthetics (well, there are dodgy prosthetics, but not the sort you might expect from the era) or put on accents.

Despite being a horror fan, and indeed a Hammer fan this one has somehow not been on my radar before.

It’s really rather good. Peter Cushing is our lead, back once again as Van Helsing. But he’s about the only person I’m familiar with.

It’s a perfectly jolly bit of Hammer Hokum. The Kung Fu scenes had a Hong Kong team seeing to them, so that bit holds up nicely, but it doesn’t quite gel together quite right.

It’s certainly a bold experiment, particularly when you consider Hammer could well have taken an “oh sod it” approach to cashing in on the martial arts craze. That definitely gets it extra points in my book.

Worth a watch if you’ve got Prime in the U.K.

Fright Night (1985)

One from the Vaults. As in my DVD collection as I couldn’t find it streaming for free on my services.

Cracking bit of 80’s Vampire silliness. And a precursor to The Lost Boys, predating it by 2 years.

On balance, I’d say Lost Boys did it better, but only because Fright Night first lifted us up and away from Hammer style movies, without pooping over that legacy. Indeed I’d argue it’s the first important step toward Buffy, and all that followed (not you Twilight, you can sod off with your creepy tale of a 70 year old bloke pursuing a teenage girl).

Definitely, definitely, definitely give this one a watch.

Next up on the slate? Despite my aversion to Colin Farrel, it’s the remake of this.

The remake is one of the few films I didn’t mind Colin Farrel. The role plays to his…er, strengths?

The remake also has the always excellent David Tennant and Anton Yelchin in its favour.

The Pope's Exorcist

Not a movie I'd typically go to watch in the cinema, but my friend was visiting and her parents gave her the night off from mothering, so we went with what was available.

Having seen the trailers, I was most concerned about Russel Crowe's accent (succinctly summed up, I think, by me as "Itsa me, Russel, I'm the pope's fuuckhin exorcist innit?")

As it happens, I needn't have been too concerned, a decent percentage takes place in either Spanish, Italian or Latin, and the-a speaking-a English with-a the-a Italian accent-a isn't all that egregious.

Amazingly, it's based on a true story. In reality though it's like saying my life is based on JRR Tolkien's because we share a birthday, the connection is tenuous at best. Certainly the third act strains any credibility that anything even remotely like that ever happened, unless everyone concerned was hallucinating heavily because of the gas that apparently gathers in the main location's lower levels.

By and large, it's the third act that lets the film down. Crowe's Father Amort is a pleasant blend of eccentric, comic and competent, the various supporting players inhabit their role well enough (and the kid is believably creepy, important in a possession movie.) It would have been creepier and more affecting if they'd kept things a little more low key during the finale, but as it stands it moves almost into action movie territory. Consequently one is left with the impression of having watched something like Indiana Jones' goth cousin for 90 minutes.

I'm knocking off some points for the very blatant scene at the end clumsily setting up potential sequels, but all things considered I was entertained, and if this does indeed spawn sequels, I'll probably happily watch those too.

Fright Night - 2011

OK this is far, far better than I expected. Despite Colin Farrell once again demonstrating all the charm and charisma of crumbly polystyrene blown on to your lawn, which next door’s cat has helpfully also pooped on when it wasn’t feeling terribly well at all.

The themes and beats of the original are all there, just done differently. But I wouldn’t say better. It is nice to see it’s not a lazy, shot for shot remake, it it just doesn’t have the same charm as the original. But, being a gent of a certain vintage that’s quite possibly my Rose Tinteds, as I love my 80’s and 90’s horror as that’s what I cut my teeth on.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
...

And yeah. Relic Hunter. A show slightly ruined by my having seen the sidekick in underrated, underknown comedy “Preaching to the Perverted”.

I love that show! Well, I enjoy it. It's got a good theme, I like the characters, and it's a show made for, run by and kept alive by MULTIPLE-TIME GRAMMY WINNING ARTIST Tia Carrere, and there's not a thing wrong with that. It also had an episode feturing Steven Gätjen (German private TV host, occasional about-films-talker and holswe of boring opinions on film) as the caricature of a film director just because he happened to be close to the set when they did it. Which was a weird thing to behold.

As for adventure films - err.... Firewalker? Cannon Quartermain films? Not sure if it quite qualifies with what you have in mind, but Deep Rising will work nicely I'm sure. Krull will always be fun, becuase it's a film made for, run by and kept alive (well, until her demise) by MULTIPLE-TIME GRAMMY WINNING ARTIST Tia Carrere. At least the Sorbo Krull.

Funny, I just recently looked into Hawk the Slayer. That I should watch some day, it's one of the classics.


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 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
Fright Night - 2011

OK this is far, far better than I expected. Despite Colin Farrell once again demonstrating all the charm and charisma of crumbly polystyrene blown on to your lawn, which next door’s cat has helpfully also pooped on when it wasn’t feeling terribly well at all.

The themes and beats of the original are all there, just done differently. But I wouldn’t say better. It is nice to see it’s not a lazy, shot for shot remake, it it just doesn’t have the same charm as the original. But, being a gent of a certain vintage that’s quite possibly my Rose Tinteds, as I love my 80’s and 90’s horror as that’s what I cut my teeth on.

Oh yeah, I've seen that. I like the original Fright Night and heard bad things about the teenagers' dialogue beforehand, but when I watched it it was rather un-annoying. Not horrible, and on the other hand not quite as pointless as other remakes ('memer Robocop?).

Me and the good lady watched ‘Plane’ over the weekend. It was surprisingly entertaining (for a dumb action movie)

I certainly got that familiar 90s vibe from the plot and the antics (noble men forced to do battle with homicidal militant separatists in order to save ‘innocents’) and that alone, for me, is a win these days!

Please don’t conflate “Kull” with “Krull”.

They both rule, but one "By this Axe..... I rule" and the other does not.

Saw John Wick 4. It's excellent, but almost numbing in the length and amount of action. I don't think any of the sequels top the first except MAYBE the second, but I did like this a lot more than the 3rd.

 BobtheInquisitor wrote:
Please don’t conflate “Kull” with “Krull”.

Oops, I've been outed as a n00f. Yeah, I only saw the Sorbo one to be honest. Another thing to catch up on.

Ant Man & The Wasp: Quantumania

One of the benefits of watching a film you know has had a relatively poor critical reception is that it's easier to have your expectations surpassed, and that's more or less where I've landed with Quantumania.

80% of this movie is bang average MCU. Nothing immensely moving or affecting, no great revelations or seismic shifts, just decently entertaining action blockbuster fare.

The one thing that elevates this is Jonathan Majors' Kang, who we finally get to see at something approaching full power and peak villainy, unlike his turn in Loki. If, as is looking increasingly likely at time of writing, he is recast, either as a consequence of his actions or simply the current climate, it will be a loss to the MCU. I almost hope he's guilty of what he's been accused of, because if we lost him to simple PR damage mitigation it will be a real shame.

But, on the flip side, we have the returning Corey Stoll as MODOK. How the feth did this gak get into the final cut? I mean, I don't blame Stoll, he's done enough good work that I know him to be a decent actor, but everything about this character feels shoe-horned in, ill-conceived and dreadfully executed. I.. words fail me for how obnoxious it is. Patton Oswalt's take is better.

The VFX have been a point of criticism and it would therefore be remiss of me to mention it. Taking MODOK aside, which would be enough to warrant substantial criticism by itself, the other big failing is too many scenes look like an actor stood in front of projection on a screen. It's subtle, but it's just poor enough to register, from my limited understanding of the technical elements, I'd say it's a slight flaw in the lighting of the real world elements that just doesn't match up to the environment they're supposed to occupy.

Special praise should go to production design though, the innovation and imagination on show, especially for the various denizens of the Quantum Realm, is great. The pallette is really vivid as well, anyone watching this on a decent HDR set is going to be treated to an array of vivid colours with every energy blast, forcefield or anything else that could conceivably glow, at times it was just pleasant to look at.

So if you've stayed away because of the negativity, I'd say take a chance, as long as you go in with an open mind and brace yourself for fething MODOK.

Deadpool 2

Can't stand DP comics, but this was legit funny.

Gross. Tasteless. Obvious sometimes and painfully obscure references other times. But yeah. Funny.

Ernest Goes to Camp


This was my favorite Ernest movie when I was a child. It has the most heart of the big three, but it now feels a bit slow and uneven compared to Goes to Jail and Scared Stupid. On the plus side, it has all the 80’s slobs-vs-snobs hijinks you could ever want, a surprisingly menacing villain, and a big action finale with thematic payoff. In the negative side, it has some uncomfortable “is this appropriation?” moments that are only made murkier by the presence of Iron Eyes Cody. Also, the two chefs ride the line between annoying funny and just annoying.

Double Trouble

Burly men! Beefy Mullets! MacGuffins! Absolutely No Acting Talent On Display Anywhere!

Starring Peter Paul and David Paul, apparently AKA the Barbarian Brothers. Two beefy burlcakes. Of such legendary acting talent, their characters in this film are called…erm…Peter and David. One is a Naughty Robber. The other is a Goody Two Shoes.

The Goody Two Shoes really enjoys his work outs. Like…really really really “pass the tissues” enjoys his workouts.

However….it also stars Roddy McDowall, James Doohan, Bill Mumy and David Carradine. Given the evident low budget and Straight to Video, I assume each of them had a bill to pay. Probably a window cleaner. Or a game of Truth or Dare took a nasty turn.

It’s billed as a comedy. And it’s certainly laughable. But in entirely the wrong way. The only hint a scene is meant to be comedic is some (very quiet, somewhat muffled) waaaaaaaacky music playing over it. It’s certainly not the laughter of the audience.




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A Fish Called Wanda

Cleese! Palin! Curtis! Klein!

An absolutely magnificent film. Funny as you like, with absurd moments without just becoming Stupid. Just get it watched!

Crazy to think just how successful it was. $188,000,000 in 1988 is no small beans. Roughly $500,000,000 adjusted for inflation, of a $7,000,000 budget.


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Piranha (1978)

Roger Corman takes a stab at Jaws. Directed by Joe Dante.

It’s…..a Roger Corman produced movie, so let that set your expectations.

However, it is rather fun. The effects are surprisingly good, and whilst this should have been a massive steaming pile, it definitely has its charms.

Happy slice of cheap cash-in hokum nonsense, that knows full well what it is, and doesn’t pretend otherwise,

Surprisingly good.

the Kings Man

I have quite the soft spot for the first film as a breath of fresh air from the failing and flailing Bond franchise at the time, the second one not so much but it had it's moments

This one is very League of Extraordinary Gentlemen in the plausible slightly tweaked history genre with some Sherlock in the mix, the use of domestics as eyes and ears in a pre-tech age was very Baker Street irregulars, some nice set pieces with a brutal gut punch about half way in, well worth a go, would make a decent telly show spin off as the timeline advances, 7/10

My take on the same film?

1. If you didn’t enjoy the original, do yourself a service and move on to the next film. This isn’t going to change your opinion. Fare thee well good human, and let not our taste in movies come between us.

2. Prequels have a heavy, negative rep. And not without justification. But this movie pulls it off. It has all the elements of its predecessors that I enjoyed, and it doesn’t mess with the established background at all, but enhances it.

Evil Dead Rise

Easily one of the top 5 Evil Dead films ever. Genuinely scary and disturbing.

See it.

Jurassic World:- Dominion

An enjoyable romp but easily the weakest film in the franchise.
While it was nice to see the characters from the two trilogies meet up, the 'Park' trio and their giant locust sub-plot were pretty superfluous, and how the heck did the world get covered in dinosaurs?

Life... ah... finds a way...

M3GAN

I’ve seen a lot of Toys Gone Evil movies. Every Child’s Play (not the series, yet), Dolls, Puppet Master, Demonic Toys, Pupper Master, Dead Silence and so on and so forth.

This is up there among the best. I knew only the basic premise going into it, and greatly enjoyed this.

Effects are fantastic, and it’s just well above average in everything that counts. Though not as Horror oriented as I expected. It’s kind of a low key thriller rather than something that might’ve been a Video Nasty.

Definitely well worth checking out if you get the chance.


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Child’s Play (2019)

OK I’d genuinely forgotten this existed.

And it’s OK, I guess. It and M3GAN share distinct similarities, but this one plays more as a dark comedy in places, but straight horror in others. Whilst some bits are good fun, the whole of the thing just isn’t quite the full shilling. And boy does it take its time to get going.

Which is a shame, as there’s definite unrealised potential here.

Where it’s black comedy, it’s almost “Are You Afraid of the Dark” with knobs on. And it definitely has inspiration from ET and Gremlins. Oh, and there’s a voice clip from Robocop. The kills are quite inventive, but I do wish they’d settled on either being a black comedy, or a straight horror film. It trying to do both, at the expense of being neither.

Mark Hamill does he best, but there’s just not the menace of the original Chucky here.

Overall, whilst I don’t regret watching it, it’s definitely one of those films so close to brilliance, it’s going to annoy the piss out of me that it’s actually quite ropey.

 Kid_Kyoto wrote:
Evil Dead Rise

Easily one of the top 5 Evil Dead films ever. Genuinely scary and disturbing.

See it.

I hear very good things about this one.

But aren't there just 5 ED films?

 Sigur wrote:

 Kid_Kyoto wrote:
Evil Dead Rise

Easily one of the top 5 Evil Dead films ever. Genuinely scary and disturbing.

See it.

I hear very good things about this one.

But aren't there just 5 ED films?

Indeed. And this is one of them.

Much more straight up horror Ala ED1 than horror comedy Ala Army of Darkness and the Evil Dead series. No laughing here.

Three Thousand Years of Longing

Idris Elba and Tilda Swansen as a Djinn and a literature professor, as he tries to get her to make 3 wishes and she points out how that never ends well.

Doesn't quite stick the landing but some amazing visuals and fun history.

That might be tonight’s viewing pleasure! I can imagine those two being really fun in their roles.

Then I’ll follow it with Wishmaster, because that is also fun. Awful. But fun.