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That would seem to be the question, and I am seeking your advice Dakka...

Currently, I'm not a particularly appealing situation. Homeless, working one day a week, and as a result I am permanently skint. Thankfully, I have a cadre of extremely good friends with warm flats, and comfy sofas so for the past, erm...month now I think, I've been absolutely hunky dorey in terms of shelter and foods.

But just last week, I was at a particular persons house for a few days, until things kind of blew up in my face. I'll spare all the details, suffice to say things changed incredibly quickly, when the girl decided that I had been spreading rumours about her, claiming I'd been sleeping with her, and slagging off her Mum to all who would listen. Suffice to say, I am not one to bite the hand that feeds me, so I am somewhat innocent of all accusations. Especially as the stupid cow named names, all of whom are also friends of mine. Armed with said names, I made a few phonecalls the next day, and got all the information I needed to very much confirm she was telling massive porky pies (though exactly why is anyone's guess!).

Now this is not the first time she has been malicious in the rumour department. You name it, she's claimed it, and to my knowledge, even committed perjury at a rape trial (no joke!) and got the guy off, despite being the only witness not to back up the girl making the claim... She is even starting to meddle in a friends relationship, quoting mystery texts claiming one of them is being unfaithful.

So I have a plan to out her for the vicious little gobshite she is, and that would involve Mr Jeremy Kyle. For those who haven't heard his name, think a bargain basement Jerry Springer, known for provoking the proles in the UK. You see, having done absolutely nothing wrong, I am going to apply to the show for a polygraph test, that I might simultaneously clear my name (not that anyone but her Mum actually believes her!) and more importantly, drop her right bang in the brown stuff. Some support me, others say I might be being a tad harsh.

What do you reckon Dakka?

No way!
Hell no.
Don't do it.

But why? Strikes me that a good old fashioned but not entirely literal Tarring and Feathering is precisely what this numbnuts needs to finally learn her lesson.

You only live once. Go for it!

I think da boss was sarcastic

Da Boss wrote:No way!
Hell no.
Don't do it.

No good can come from this. Best just to steer clear of her. She sounds nutty. Nutty people do nutty things and have a penchant to get nuttier with time.

See that? That's wisdom. Never corner a crazy person.

Crazy person shouldn't pick a fight with someone smarter than them....and she's not crazy, just attention addicted. I'm merely going to give her an overdose.

Do it and tell us when it will be aired, if you get on the show.


Good Luck.

Your either a gak magnet or you aren't.

A gak magnet focuses on all the gakky things in their life..

And if you aren't you ignore crap that doesn't matter and everything's aces..

your choice..

I voted no..

Do it!

Make sure to post details of when it will be on, I could do with a good laugh.

Alternatively if your mates do think you have been giving her one then just start a rumour that it was like throwing a sausage up an alley way and it stunk like a fishmongers bins

Thankfully pretty much everyone in town knows she's a gobshite and treats her claims appropriately.

And as for her bedroom prowess, I have it on very good authority it's like humping a sack of spuds...

Sounds like a psycho. she obviously needs attention negative or not, I'd say don't give her the satisfaction of being in the public eye. Put her on your ignore list for life.

If you really need to get back at her do something fun like rub vasalene all over her toilet seat so she falls off every time she has to pee.

Do it, I say.

Were I able to, I would make the trip to England just to catch that live

shoulder angel said: DO IT!
shoulder devil said: DO IT!

give her that overdose, and like overs said post it on here. It will be hilarious

Hmm. I shall consult with my compadres, see if they fancy coming on with me, give that little trollop both barrels...

Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:Thankfully pretty much everyone in town knows she's a gobshite and treats her claims appropriately.

And as for her bedroom prowess, I have it on very good authority it's like humping a sack of spuds...

So you want to make a blood enemy of her BF, who I believe is a mate of yours? Thats what you're going to do. This could end very badly dude. You don't need additional fun in your life. You need to get a better job so you have a proper residence.

Seriously, you don't need this kind of drama.

She no have boyfriend.

Suffice to say she is a woman of less than scrupulous morals...

I predict unforeseen consequences.

You say all your friends know thats she talking out of a hole in her head- thats all that really matters. I would ignore her, and take the moral high ground.

If you desperately feel the need to exact revenge, why not draft up a fake letter from the show, detailing time and place and accusations. Then circulate and gather your 'witnesses' and let her find out, rather than telling her, how many favour you.
She'll be distraught at how her 'friends' abandoned her, and gakking it about appearing on national T.V without a leg to stand on.

Also- perjury is a criminal offense (as you are undoubtedly aware), if you have information, you should report it. Rape isn't funny.

Already has been reported. Trouble is lack of evidence. But considering one of the other witness pulled the guy off his victim after hearing her screams, we know she was bullshitting on the stand...

I'm with the crazy old texan. Drama is never worth it. If she's already discredited locally, just pack up and walk away, if you have the option. I'm sorry you're homeless btw, hope that gets sorted out for you soon.

Still, you seem set on doing it.

False alibi by any chance?

I dunno man. I honestly wouldn't have sought counsel if I had made my mind up.

Starting to think this might not be such a great idea.

I'm with Fraz here. You say she is a drama queen then think of putting her on the Tellie. You will be on her home turf and if she is good enough to convince a jury then she's probably good enough to turn this on you.

Think about how she could come at you for this, think about your own skeletons that you think she doesn't know about but might suprise you with,

Tsung Tzu advises one to start a battle only after victory is assured.

You'll be on her turf and playing her game, be VVEEERRRRYY CAREFUL.

Edit spelling

No Skeletons in my closet thankfully, Not that I'm an especially good boy, just that my friends know my secrets.

You could always call her when she's out of town on a trip and tell her that her house burned down or something.

CadianXV wrote:I predict unforeseen consequences.

Imediatly Thought of Half-Life When heard "Unforeseen Consequences" (google it, you'll see what I mean)

I sez do it. It'll be gaks and giggles.

Do it

Do it

DO IT
DO IT
DO IT
DO IT
DO IT
DO IT
DO IT
DO ITDO ITDO ITDO ITDO ITDO ITDO ITDO IT!

It will be total lolz no matter what happens.

Any chance you get paid to be on that show? or a least a free meal?


Either way Do it!

I say do it.

This bitch doesn't that scary. If she was a good liar people would actually believe her; no one does. Hell, the jury may not have, it's their duty to find the defendant not guilty if they're less than certain, not to declare what's most probable.

But one thing you may want to consider is getting some help; is there anyone else who's been lied about/to by her? Just turning into a he-said-she-said may not have the quite the punch you're looking for.

Also, make sure to shoehorn some of your comedy routine into the show, that's how you make it big.

@Clthomps - You get paid in awesome. It is the single greatest TV show of all time. He's even going to America to make the same show over there. I fething LOVE Jezza!

"WHY DON'T YOU PUT SOMETHING ON THE END OF IT!!!1!!"

Brilliant.

@Mad Doc Grotsnik - I'm torn. I love the show, and it would be sweet to air her dirty linen in public so you can show her up for the bunny-boiling bitch that she sounds like. But on the other hand, I would urge caution on your part. If all your mates are onside, then what do you give a feth? Demand their loyalty and make sure they know which side their bread is buttered, then get them all to shun the bitch.

This is coming off fairly aggressive on my part, which is unlike me - but that perjury in the rape case thing really made my blood boil.


My solution? Pay a smackhead £10 to lick her face.