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At my local youth group there's a girl I've started a friendship with. Just friendship, not girlfriend/boyfriend stuff. However, she has a boyfriend who is overprotective and thinks I'm muscling in on his girl. The girl has no intererest in *that* sort of relationship and neither do I, but the b-friend thinks I'm after his girl, despite my explaining otherwise. Last time we got into a minor scuffle. Not a good career move, I'm now quite unpopular as this kid is pretty much the epitome of cool to the other teens around here. To make it worse I beat him pretty badly (Tae Kwon Do FTW!) and so now he's more pissed off than before, because, well, I'm sorta skinny and he's sorta big so it's humiliating. Not to sound like the goody-two shoes, but I would have avoided the fight if possible, but it wasn't possible. He threw the first punch, and I was in the backstage area of the stage in the gym, so nowhere to run except into the wall...or through him.

Any advice? I've mentioned this to his parents and the leaders but the leadership is pretty weak and his parents can't handle him too well.

Start hitting on the boyfriend.

Have you tried talking it over with him now that you've pulverized him? People are kinda like Orks, in my experiance. As long as you can krump em, yous da boss.

Get a new female friend, this can only end sadly or badly. Blunt but I tell you because I don't want to see you hurt bro..

sexiest_hero wrote:Get a new female friend, this can only end sadly or badly. Blunt but I tell you because I don't want to see you hurt bro..

Agreed friendships with girls who have boyfriends often end badly in my experience, save yourself the pain.

Cheesecat wrote:

sexiest_hero wrote:Get a new female friend, this can only end sadly or badly. Blunt but I tell you because I don't want to see you hurt bro..

Agreed friendships with girls who have boyfriends often end badly in my experience, save yourself the pain.

Not all the time, I am still friends with a girl I dated and as far as I know, her current boyfriend has no problems with me. Of course, everyone knows we are firmly in the "friends" region, so that might have a part of that.

Also, make sure that SHE tells him that she is not interested in you that way. I had a friend in High School who was dating a marine, and he was getting really defensive around me (The photo album said "Can't touch this!", how was I supposed to resist saying "But I wanna!"?), but she sat down and explained to him that I had no interest in her and she had no interest in me, and then he started to act politer. Of course, if he doesn't beleive her, I would recommend saying that she should find a different boy friend....

Ok, be completely honest with yourself: do you REALLY not want to get with this girl?

I mean, REALLY?

REALLY?

I'll give you a hint: Yes you do.

With that in mind, it's not all that fair to this guy. Realize the stress you're causing him, even if nothing will come of it, realize that he has to go through his day wondering what you're doing with his girl.

People (especially young people) tend to think only in terms of physical intimacy. If you're not getting with this girl, then all is well, right? Not so much. There's also emotional intimacy. If this girl gets something from you that she doesn't get from her boyfriend, that legitimately makes him feel insecure and insufficient. He's probably not directly aware of this, so he just feels negative and blames you.

If you have to be friends with this girl, do it in a group setting. You don't need to be alone with her, going to movies with her, whatever. Not that you said you did this specifically, but if it's not clear, you shouldn't be doing it.

Phryxis wrote:Ok, be completely honest with yourself: do you REALLY not want to get with this girl?

I mean, REALLY?

REALLY?

I'll give you a hint: Yes you do.

With that in mind, it's not all that fair to this guy. Realize the stress you're causing him, even if nothing will come of it, realize that he has to go through his day wondering what you're doing with his girl.

People (especially young people) tend to think only in terms of physical intimacy. If you're not getting with this girl, then all is well, right? Not so much. There's also emotional intimacy. If this girl gets something from you that she doesn't get from her boyfriend, that legitimately makes him feel insecure and insufficient. He's probably not directly aware of this, so he just feels negative and blames you.

If you have to be friends with this girl, do it in a group setting. You don't need to be alone with her, going to movies with her, whatever. Not that you said you did this specifically, but if it's not clear, you shouldn't be doing it.

That was my mistake with the girl I mentioned earlier in the thread. I honestly think you should hang out with single girls instead there will probably be less drama.

Come on man...you live in Texas....
Everyone from Texas knows that once you beat the piss out of someone...you buy them a beer and they become your best friend...

That's Australia Vorlon, and the beer comes first.

Shag his missus and beat him up again. Your the alpha male now mate, i suggest you start acting like it. To impress her i recommend destroying a large tree by humping it until it uproots itself and then masturbating with one foot on her prostrate former lovers back after you have kicked his teeth in. Im telling you, she will be putty in your hands.

The fact that this is happening at a youth club suggests the OP is a minor so a bit of decorum would not go amiss

So the beer buying will also be out


Anyway moving swiftly on...

If he continues to behave this way the guy will eventually become tiresome to the girl anyway (if she has any sense) .

Wear a bullet proof vest

Emperors Faithful wrote:That's Australia Vorlon, and the beer comes first.

And During and after

But, back on topic, get her to explain it to him; also explain what he is doing if she doesn't already know.
If it doesn't work distance yourself from the idiot. Sounds like a sterotype anyway

n0t_u wrote:

Emperors Faithful wrote:That's Australia Vorlon, and the beer comes first.

And During and after

Course, mate. Goes without saying, dunnit?





Moral of the thread kiddies? Don't feth with drunk 'roos. Or Tai Kwan Do "Just Friends", YMMV.

In my opinion you have no responsibility to anyone other than yourself. The only reason I would have suggested not hanging out with this girl is if you thought the guy was gonna kick your arse over it. In that instance it's just not worth it to be 'friends' with some daft bird who doesn't have the sense to let her boyfriend know he's being a tool. There is the possibility that she might be enjoying having two blokes fight over her - believe it or not, there are some stupid girls who like that sort of thing.

But you beat his arse, so that's not a major concern.

To a certain degree, might makes right but it's a tricky road to go down. If another fella is getting too close to your missus (in your opinion) and reasoning with the guy hasn't worked, then kicking his head in is a course of action some might take. However if his bird is not a total dumb bitch, she probably thinks her man is a prize arsehole - not only did he resort to violence, but he got twatted into the bargain. What a hero!

Do what you want, although it's worth remembering that you are just kids really. We're not talking about serious long-term relationships here, and if you like her just go for it. It's her decision after all, and it's not your fault he can't keep his girl. Look at how he acted. It's not your responsibility to keep them together.


And you do fancy her, IMO.

sexiest_hero wrote:

Get a new female friend, this can only end sadly or badly. Blunt but I tell you because I don't want to see you hurt bro..

As good of advice as it may be, I'm not going to end a friendship because some a##hole is being a overprotective jerk. How exactly would you propose to do that anyway? Just ignore the girl? She's not shy in any way but is very inward and reflective, and would definitely be upset. On top of it every other kid there would see it as a sign of weakness--this has been the meat of the gossip for two weeks now, and it would take about five seconds (literally) for word to spread I was backing off. Since I've already made myself unpopular to about half the kids because I beat up their best buddy, it would not work to now run off. These are some very nice kids but I'm still fairly new to the group and many of them only know enough of the situation to come to the conclusion I started a fight with this guy over his g-friend.

Slarg232 wrote:

Also, make sure that SHE tells him that she is not interested in you that way. I had a friend in High School who was dating a marine, and he was getting really defensive around me (The photo album said "Can't touch this!", how was I supposed to resist saying "But I wanna!"?), but she sat down and explained to him that I had no interest in her and she had no interest in me, and then he started to act politer. Of course, if he doesn't beleive her, I would recommend saying that she should find a different boy friend..../quote]

I've asked the girl to explain how she feels to the b-friend but even that has no effect. She mentioned last week that his behavior is getting on her nerves, maybe there's some hope? She's ditched a couple of boys over the past year (they were good at looking cool, acting cool, then looking dumb, acting dumb, and she's smart enough to lose 'em) so maybe she'll lose this guy....

Slarg232 wrote:

Have you tried talking it over with him now that you've pulverized him? People are kinda like Orks, in my experiance. As long as you can krump em, yous da boss.

Hehe....well, I didn't exactly pulverize him...to go into a bit of detail he punched me in the mouth and then shouldered (bulldozed?) me into the backstage prop, and then I kicked him in the stomach. He was winded but would have been up in a minute or so, and if I had tried to talk no doubt I would have gotten loud "Shut UP"'s. The leaders were over there before anything else happened anyway. But I'm definitely trying that next time (if there is a next time!)

Phryxis wrote:

Ok, be completely honest with yourself: do you REALLY not want to get with this girl?

I mean, REALLY?

REALLY?

I'll give you a hint: Yes you do.

With that in mind, it's not all that fair to this guy. Realize the stress you're causing him, even if nothing will come of it, realize that he has to go through his day wondering what you're doing with his girl.

People (especially young people) tend to think only in terms of physical intimacy. If you're not getting with this girl, then all is well, right? Not so much. There's also emotional intimacy. If this girl gets something from you that she doesn't get from her boyfriend, that legitimately makes him feel insecure and insufficient. He's probably not directly aware of this, so he just feels negative and blames you.

If you have to be friends with this girl, do it in a group setting. You don't need to be alone with her, going to movies with her, whatever. Not that you said you did this specifically, but if it's not clear, you shouldn't be doing it.

The thought had crossed my mind. However we don't know each other quite that well yet. I get the feeling though--from the way she has been looking at me (at least according to the couple of kids who don't hate me) that she is thinking strange (no, sorry, normal!) thoughts....

Things tensed a couple of times with her b-friend, she yelled at him pretty good after the fight (and she doesn't talk much!) so maybe she'll ditch this guy soon....and since pretty every other boy in the group except me is taken except me...

The friendship has been in a group setting for the most part, I've actually deliberately tried to avoid being with her alone. The one time I was alone with her is when he hit me....so I guess I wasn't alone after all!

Cheesecat wrote:

I honestly think you should hang out with single girls instead there will probably be less drama.

Not very many of those around here unfortunately....and no offense to them, but those that are single are single for a reason...

Vorlon wrote:

Come on man...you live in Texas....
Everyone from Texas knows that once you beat the piss out of someone...you buy them a beer and they become your best friend.../quote]

Sure, just send me your ID so I can legally get some

mattyrm wrote:

Err.....never mind that...let's move on!

A Very Wise Man (woman? Wrote:

The fact that this is happening at a youth club suggests the OP is a minor so a bit of decorum would not go amiss

So the beer buying will also be out


Anyway moving swiftly on...

If he continues to behave this way the guy will eventually become tiresome to the girl anyway (if she has any sense) .

Yes, I am a minor...your powers of perception are most....disturbing...

That's what I'm hoping, that the girl will have enough of this guy and move on. Here's to that...wait, that's right, it's the other site that has beer-drinking smilies....

The thought had crossed my mind. However we don't know each other quite that well yet. I get the feeling though--from the way she has been looking at me (at least according to the couple of kids who don't hate me) that she is thinking strange (no, sorry, normal!) thoughts....

The story seems to have changed. In the OP, you and this girl were just friends. Now you're thinking maybe she likes you, you know you like her, and you're hoping she ditches this guy so you can grab her up.

Be honest with yourself... You're taking this dude's girlfriend. You're calling the guy a jerk for getting upset that you're taking his girlfriend. How fair is that to him?

You're also (it sounds like) coming into a new situation, and you're making this your first noteworthy social interaction. You're going to be the guy that showed up and stole somebody's girl. Don't get so hung up on your own perspective that you start rationalizing that away. If you show up and steal somebody's girl, that makes you "the guy who showed up and stole somebody's girl." It doesn't matter what you were feeling inside, or what a nice guy you think you are, you're still that guy.

Also, honestly, look at this girl. She's hanging out with a guy that fought her boyfriend. How much respect does that show him? She clearly is needy and likes being fought over her. You're going to steal this girl from her boyfriend, and now you've got her on your hands to deal with, and in short order she'll be looking for drama to make you prove that you like her.

Look, dude, I know how it is. You're somewhere between 15-18 (I assume). It's virtually impossible to convince your brain that you're not basing 99% of your decision making on wanting to get girls naked, but, again, let me assure you, its at least that much, probably more.

Here's a thought experiment. Have this conversation with your own brain. Tell your brain that no matter what else happens, no matter what other decisions you make, you're NOT going to get with this girl. Tell your brain that, and see how the conversation goes.

You: Ok, brain, I'm not going to get with this girl, period.
Brain: Oh, sure, but what if her boyfriend is a TOTAL jerk, and it's only fair that...
You: No, brain, not going to get with her. At all.
Brain: Right, that's cool, but I mean, what if...

You get the idea. If your brain immediately starts trying to remind you of hypothetical dramas that could play out and result in you getting naked with this girl, congrats, you're exactly the same as every other 15-18 year old male ever.

So, here's my advice: ignore what I'm saying, steal the girl, wear a condom, deal with her drama for a couple months, deal with the drama you created with all the other kids, realize she's a psycho hosebeast, break up with her, date one of her friends, wear a condom, deal with the drama of that, but make sure to prep hard for your SATs (or similar standardized test), because high school is stupid and doesn't matter, and you just want to have all options open for when you go to college, and the real mayhem starts.

So, to recap:

1) You're at fault here.
2) But it doesn't matter, because you're a kid and high school doesn't matter.
3) Fully use the 1% of your brain that's not focused on boobs to think about getting into a good college.

Phryxis has it completely right. Seriously dude, back down.
If you're in high school the drama will completely play out in 3 weeks when person X gets with person Y at a party no-one really enjoyed, but they'll pretend they did.

Remember the Dakka code: If you can't find that guy, you are that guy. Don't be that guy for the sake of an attention seeker.

Phryxis wrote:

The thought had crossed my mind. However we don't know each other quite that well yet. I get the feeling though--from the way she has been looking at me (at least according to the couple of kids who don't hate me) that she is thinking strange (no, sorry, normal!) thoughts....

The story seems to have changed. In the OP, you and this girl were just friends. Now you're thinking maybe she likes you, you know you like her, and you're hoping she ditches this guy so you can grab her up.

Be honest with yourself... You're taking this dude's girlfriend. You're calling the guy a jerk for getting upset that you're taking his girlfriend. How fair is that to him?

You're also (it sounds like) coming into a new situation, and you're making this your first noteworthy social interaction. You're going to be the guy that showed up and stole somebody's girl. Don't get so hung up on your own perspective that you start rationalizing that away. If you show up and steal somebody's girl, that makes you "the guy who showed up and stole somebody's girl." It doesn't matter what you were feeling inside, or what a nice guy you think you are, you're still that guy.

Also, honestly, look at this girl. She's hanging out with a guy that fought her boyfriend. How much respect does that show him? She clearly is needy and likes being fought over her. You're going to steal this girl from her boyfriend, and now you've got her on your hands to deal with, and in short order she'll be looking for drama to make you prove that you like her.

Look, dude, I know how it is. You're somewhere between 15-18 (I assume). It's virtually impossible to convince your brain that you're not basing 99% of your decision making on wanting to get girls naked, but, again, let me assure you, its at least that much, probably more.

Here's a thought experiment. Have this conversation with your own brain. Tell your brain that no matter what else happens, no matter what other decisions you make, you're NOT going to get with this girl. Tell your brain that, and see how the conversation goes.

You: Ok, brain, I'm not going to get with this girl, period.
Brain: Oh, sure, but what if her boyfriend is a TOTAL jerk, and it's only fair that...
You: No, brain, not going to get with her. At all.
Brain: Right, that's cool, but I mean, what if...

You get the idea. If your brain immediately starts trying to remind you of hypothetical dramas that could play out and result in you getting naked with this girl, congrats, you're exactly the same as every other 15-18 year old male ever.

So, here's my advice: ignore what I'm saying, steal the girl, wear a condom, deal with her drama for a couple months, deal with the drama you created with all the other kids, realize she's a psycho hosebeast, break up with her, date one of her friends, wear a condom, deal with the drama of that, but make sure to prep hard for your SATs (or similar standardized test), because high school is stupid and doesn't matter, and you just want to have all options open for when you go to college, and the real mayhem starts.

So, to recap:

1) You're at fault here.
2) But it doesn't matter, because you're a kid and high school doesn't matter.
3) Fully use the 1% of your brain that's not focused on boobs to think about getting into a good college.

Apparently I didn't explain myself very well.

I showed up a couple of months back. Became friends (just friends!) with the girl. B-friend got pissed. We got in fight. G-friend is being slowly driven away from the b-friend because of his attitude.

How is this in any way my fault?

The g-friend, according to my buds, is looking at me that way. I've never in any way approached her or looked at her or talked to her in a way that suggested I was trying to steal her.

IMO what the b-friend is showing is that he is a fraud. If he really cared about his girlfriend he wouldn't be an ass, and could accept that she could be friends with someone else and his g-friend at the same time.

My comment about possibly liking the girl was 90% joke. I'm a bit young to be running off with a girl (low teens). Beats me why her b-friend is dating at his age anyway.

Will try and finish my thoughts later, for now got to go.

The girl should smack him over the head for not trusting her.

That's it, the guy's a douche if he think's his relationship is that weak.

Get away, nobody likes getting humbled in front of the lady. He might get mad and get a gun knife or lots of friends. I've lost some good friends over stuff like this. One guy dead, the other in jail, and the lady free to do it again.

Now if you really want to be friends with her, Get yourself a GF and everybody can hang out.

you may not like her but she may like you. You may be rich handsome or funny. You may have some quality, the BF lacks and his GF loves. No man would let his girl hang out with Justin temberlake (SP) and no chick would let her man hang out in the Playboy mansion.

Be honest with yourself, would you let your girl hang out with a 9 or 10 guy, when you are only a 6 or 7?

No, what ya do is, muscle in, stake your claim. Take her as your own, mark your territory, piss on her leg dammit!

I don't think it's possible to 'steal' someone's girl, unless a girl wants to be 'stolen'.

Albatross wrote:I don't think it's possible to 'steal' someone's girl, unless a girl wants to be 'stolen'.

Too true. And in the OP's case I think this girl wants to be stolen.

Lord of Kaith you really should just back off because Phryxis is dead on. Even if you don't have an interest in dating this girl she obviously has an interest in you and your presence is causing turmoil in her relationship. If she is unhappy with the guy she is dating she should be the one to end things not use you as a catalyst for destroying her relationship.

Back off, dude. Just back off.

Phryxis wrote:

The thought had crossed my mind. However we don't know each other quite that well yet. I get the feeling though--from the way she has been looking at me (at least according to the couple of kids who don't hate me) that she is thinking strange (no, sorry, normal!) thoughts....

The story seems to have changed. In the OP, you and this girl were just friends. Now you're thinking maybe she likes you, you know you like her, and you're hoping she ditches this guy so you can grab her up.

Be honest with yourself... You're taking this dude's girlfriend. You're calling the guy a jerk for getting upset that you're taking his girlfriend. How fair is that to him?

You're also (it sounds like) coming into a new situation, and you're making this your first noteworthy social interaction. You're going to be the guy that showed up and stole somebody's girl. Don't get so hung up on your own perspective that you start rationalizing that away. If you show up and steal somebody's girl, that makes you "the guy who showed up and stole somebody's girl." It doesn't matter what you were feeling inside, or what a nice guy you think you are, you're still that guy.

Also, honestly, look at this girl. She's hanging out with a guy that fought her boyfriend. How much respect does that show him? She clearly is needy and likes being fought over her. You're going to steal this girl from her boyfriend, and now you've got her on your hands to deal with, and in short order she'll be looking for drama to make you prove that you like her.

Look, dude, I know how it is. You're somewhere between 15-18 (I assume). It's virtually impossible to convince your brain that you're not basing 99% of your decision making on wanting to get girls naked, but, again, let me assure you, its at least that much, probably more.

Here's a thought experiment. Have this conversation with your own brain. Tell your brain that no matter what else happens, no matter what other decisions you make, you're NOT going to get with this girl. Tell your brain that, and see how the conversation goes.

You: Ok, brain, I'm not going to get with this girl, period.
Brain: Oh, sure, but what if her boyfriend is a TOTAL jerk, and it's only fair that...
You: No, brain, not going to get with her. At all.
Brain: Right, that's cool, but I mean, what if...

You get the idea. If your brain immediately starts trying to remind you of hypothetical dramas that could play out and result in you getting naked with this girl, congrats, you're exactly the same as every other 15-18 year old male ever.

So, here's my advice: ignore what I'm saying, steal the girl, wear a condom, deal with her drama for a couple months, deal with the drama you created with all the other kids, realize she's a psycho hosebeast, break up with her, date one of her friends, wear a condom, deal with the drama of that, but make sure to prep hard for your SATs (or similar standardized test), because high school is stupid and doesn't matter, and you just want to have all options open for when you go to college, and the real mayhem starts.

So, to recap:

1) You're at fault here.
2) But it doesn't matter, because you're a kid and high school doesn't matter.
3) Fully use the 1% of your brain that's not focused on boobs to think about getting into a good college.

Personally I think it's more sexually stimulating when the girl takes the pill, instead of slipping a condom on my winky dink.

Always put extra armor on the leman russ!

sexiest_hero wrote:Always put extra armor on the leman russ!

If done correct birth control pills give the girl a 0.3% chance of getting pregnant during sexual intercourse, I would rather leave the rubber glove home so i can get a more realistic experience.

(I also like how a primarch is so bad that his name has now become a slang term for penis )

Became friends (just friends!) with the girl.

Because you're not "just friends." I explained this, but it's probably a concept that is impossible for a high school aged dude to understand (I certainly wouldn't have). There is such a thing as "emotional intimacy." It's actually the majority of an adult relationship. It's things like making your significant other feel cared about, attractive, interesting, supported, secure, etc.

Kids in high school tend to view everything in (very specific) physical terms. Did they kiss? Ok, with tongue? Oh, ok... Etc. By all this logic, if you don't touch her naughty places, it's ALL GOOD! But it's not all good. If she's spending time with you, going to you for emotional intimacy, then you're not "just friends." You're doing something that's supposed to be between her and her guy.

I know you don't believe that, and you think I'm making up crappy rules, and I'm full of gak, but let me assure you, that IS actually how it works. Even though you don't want it to work that way, and even though you probably don't even have experiences to correlate to it working that way, it really, really, REALLY does work that way.

If he really cared about his girlfriend he wouldn't be an ass

False. He will be an ass because he's a high school kid and he doesn't know any better how to deal with his feelings. This girl is jerking him around, and you're (very) willingly enabling her.

Please stop blaming this guy. You're fabricating reasons how he's the bad guy, when in reality you came along and started stealing his girl's affections. He got angry, physical, and tried to stop it. Now this girl has eyes for you. Stop bullshitting yourself. If the problem is just that this guy is a jealous jerkface, then why does his girl now like you? Just coincidence? If the problem is him, she'd just stop liking him, and that's that. But that's not that. She now ALSO likes you. Not coincidence.

What really happened, is that you made a move, won her affection, and then he just tried to play catch up (too late) to get her back.

Please also note how this story is fueling your own emotional needs. You get to feel attractive, because this girl likes you. You get to feel dominant, cause you stole a girl and kicked a dude in the stomach. That's big time stuff for any male under 30 years of age. You're addicted to that, and you're not willing to accept any reality/suggestion that takes it away. You want me to tell you that the other guy is a dick, you're a heroic, suffering victim of his buffoonery, and it's probably totally ok, probably even your duty, to touch this girl in all of her naughty places.

Only it's not. If you want to be a REAL suffering hero, you'll cut the girl off, go apologize to the guy and promise him not to angle in on his girl. That would suck, wouldn't it? That's because being a hero is hard.

New rule: If you end up getting to do whatever you wanted to do in the first place, you're probably not being a hero.

Personally I think it's more sexually stimulating when the girl takes the pill, instead of slipping a condom on my winky dink.

That's for college. Or, hell, tell the girl to ask her parents to get on the pill. That should clear up any issues with being able to see her ever again.

DarkTraveler777 wrote:Back off, dude. Just back off.

"Relax, don't do it, when you want to come..."
____

Cheesecat wrote:Personally I think it's more sexually stimulating when the girl takes the pill, instead of slipping a condom on my winky dink.

"I don't wear a raincoat when I take a shower."

Seriously, are neither of you guys are pr0n-pro enough to give the girl a facial when you finish?